Today's Evil Beet Gossip

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“As a pastor and a former Miss California, I am often asked to interpret what the Word of God has to say on a particular subject,” Rev. Lamarche says. “I am quite confident that God prefers that we human beings stick to speaking for ourselves. And yet there are occasions when God’s Word is used as a weapon, and I feel compelled to speak.

In the past few days, much has been made of the words of Miss California USA, Carrie Prejean. She stated that marriage is between a man and a woman. I write not in response to her opinion, but rather about her comments that followed: that the Bible condones her words. She said, “It’s not about being politically correct, it’s about being biblically correct.” While this sentiment is shared by many who seek to condemn gay people and gay marriage, citing pieces of the Bible to further one’s own prejudice fails to meet the Bible on its own terms.

Most people seeking to condemn gay people point to the Book of Leviticus, where we read that men lying with men is an abomination. However, we rarely hear of other verses found in the book of Leviticus that are equally challenging. For example, Leviticus also tells us that eating shrimp and lobster is an abomination. And that a person should not wear material woven of two kinds of material—an impossible mandate for a pageant contestant!

In Paul’s letter to the community in Corinth we read, ‘For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church….’ And yet these words have not prevented Christian denominations from ordaining women, such as myself. Sadly, the Bible has been used to further prejudice throughout history. We have used it to permit ourselves to enslave people; to conquer and kill; and to denigrate the earth.

The truth is that it is difficult to know for sure the intentions of the biblical authors, but we do know something about God. Those of us who know God through Jesus of Nazareth know that he went to great lengths to express God’s love to people who were labeled as outcasts. He spent time with children, prostitutes, and lepers, all of whom were labeled as outside of the grasp of the Holy. As we continue to seek God’s vision for us as a nation grounded in a love for justice, I pray that we might move closer to the cause of grace.”

The 2003 Miss California, Nicole Lamarche, on the reigning Miss California’s views on same-sex marriage.

Sweeeeet Sixteen!

Miley Cyrus and Dad Billy Ray Cyrus at the UK Premiere of Hannah Montana Pictures Photos

Miley Cyrus squeezes into yet another wildly age-appropriate outfit for the UK premiere of Hannah Montana, which she attended with her boyfriend father.

Celebs: They’re Just Like Us!

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Their clothes split open when they put on weight!

The side of Kate Moss’s Balmain dress ripped last night as she piled into her car after catching a show in London.

Poor Kate! She’s finally starting to weigh what a human being should weigh, but the designers sending her clothes still expect her to fit into their 00 sample sizes.

Wanna Read Salma Hayek’s Emails?

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Of all the email accounts in all of the world, the kids over at 4Chan opted to hack into Salma Hayek’s. Why they couldn’t have done Lindsay Lohan’s is a mystery to me. It would have been way more interesting. But instead, what we have is Salma’s.

Screenshots of the shayek@mac.com email account, released by habitués of the online bulletin board 4chan, appear to be authentic. Breaking into the account was a simple matter of knowing Hayek’s birthday — September 2 — and guessing at her security word (they claim it was the name of her best known movie role) to reset the account’s password. Public-records searches show that the 323-area-code phone number Hayek listed in a sent email belongs to the actress.

The glimpses into Hayek’s life revealed by her inbox are fascinating, even if mundane: The stranger-suckling actress has been invited to America Ferreira’s 25th birthday party. She downloads a bunch of iPhone applications from the iTunes App Store — and she gets spam from Apple, just like the rest of us. As for the perks of being famous, a driver was scheduled to meet her flight arrving in Abu Dhabi. American Express has given her a new Gold card. (What, she doesn’t rate the exclusive black Centurion Card?) Balenciaga and Stella McCartney deliver designer clothes to her apartment. She schedules “Japanese face massages.” And she gets scans of stories about her in the celebrity weeklies.

Screenshots are in the thumbnails below. Prepare to be fascinated.

Susan Boyle Was Just Kidding About Never Being Kissed

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Hey, remember just yesterday when I was all like, “Isn’t it weird that no one believed Britney Spears was a virgin but everyone believes Susan Boyle’s never been kissed?” I’m so prescient, you guys.

In an interview with Extra‘s Terri Seymour that will air tonight, Susan admits that she was totes JK on that one. “It was meant as a joke,” she said. “I’ve got a wicked sense of humor, you know!”

Hmmm. I wonder if she’ll lose some of the fan support because of this. Everyone just LOVES the idea of the tragic woman who’s never been kissed and is FINALLY getting an opportunity at empowerment. We want so very badly to be the ones who give love to the this previously utterly unloved woman. Will we love her less now that the joke’s on us?

Leona Helmsley Can’t Give Her Fortune to Her Dog!!

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Tragedy strikes!!!

Remember how Leona Helmsley willed a TON of her fortune to her little dog, Trouble, and to animal charities?

Well now a judge has decided to give only a tiny portion of the money to Trouble and the animal charities, AND they’re giving millions of dollars to the two grandchildren Leona intentionally left out of her will.

If I leave everything to my little Leo, I expect him to GET THAT MONEY, dammit!

Full story is here.

Phelpsy’s Not Dating Miss California!!!

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Oh, happy day! After Miss California was all like, “Well I miiiight be dating Michael Phelps, but I’m not telling because I’m a douchebag,” Phelpsy himself stepped in to deny the rumors. BAM! BITCH GOES DOWN!

“I’m not dating anybody,” he said Wednesday at the opening of the Omega flagship boutique in NYC. “I’m single. My private life stays private.”

And as for her answer to the gay marriage question?

“That’s the cool thing about America – everybody has their opinion,” he said. “I’m not saying I support her. I’m not saying I don’t support her.” Oh, come on, Phelpsy! You should openly support gay marriage! If someone wants to be legally wed to a size 14 penis, they should be granted that right, regardless of whether they’re man or woman.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump — who owns the Miss Universe organization — is finally weighing in on the controversy. “Miss California has done a wonderful job, that was her belief,” he said. “It wasn’t a bad answer, that was simply her belief.” Trump added that Prejean’s question was “a bit unlucky,” arguing that no matter how she answered the question “she was going to get killed.” Agreed.