… Last night hundreds of die-hard Madonna fans abandoned their Queen of Pop by marching out of London’s Hyde Park during her MDNA concert – some branding it the worst they had ever seen.
Even a sexy striptease on stage left fans cold- one simply stated: ‘When Madonna has concerts in her 50s where she strips herself on stage, you know her career is as dead as myspace.’
OK. No big surprise there. Madonna does a shitty show these days. Are you all that surprised, when her current schtick is all about flashing her tits and showing her ass? Because Poland’s got the right idea (not the wasting their hard-earned money on garbage thing)—if it sucks, don’t stick around for it. And comparing Madonna to MySpace? Ugh. Stroke of brilliance, if you ask me.
And why do they all have creepy mustaches? I don’t know, guys. There are many mysteries in this world, guys, and this happens to be one of the creepier ones.
What I want to talk about, however, is the fact that my personal favorite New Kids on the Block-er used to be this creepy, creepy Danny Wood. He looks like a meth freak that’s been living under a bridge in a desert for six years (which might not be too far from the truth, considering the NKOTB have only been “back” for a few years now as it were) and it frightens me that my former, young, little, innocent self could be superficially infatuated with the Scariest New Kid of All Time. Yeesh.
Who was your favorite New Kid on the Block? You know, Jon Knight isn’t looking so bad these days, I guess. He kind of resembles Adrien Brody, and if you guys have been around here for a minute, you know how I feel about Adrien. Well, anyway, ready, set, go—favorite New Kid back then?
I know lots of you guys are going to say, “Ugh, what the f-ck is up with the silly jumpsuit,” but I’m here to hold up a big “Do Not Enter” sign in front of this photo to deflect all criticism. Because I LOVE THE JUMPSUIT. Oh my God I love it so much. I love the hair, I love the jumpsuit, I love the jumpsuit with the hair … there’s really nothing at all wrong with this entire ensemble, and while some of you are going to think, “Har har, there goes silly bitch Sarah’s scathing sarcasm again,” I’ve gotta tell you something—your radar is off today, folks, because I’m being totally genuine. I love this look and I envy the fact that Miley can pull it off.
Something that actually *does* fill me with a certain level of concern, however? The positively frightening photo that she Tweeted yesterday afternoon, and I’m not going to even ruin it by saying ‘unicorn’:
Honestly, I think our resident unicorn-lover, Emily, would even be put off by this, because damn. That’s just scary.
Let’s stick to the cutesy, flattering, 70′s jumpsuits, shall we, Miley, and leave the horse (right, sorry: unicorn) heads to the mob movies, OK?
Well, it’s Blue Ivy and Beyonce, but you know, whatever, we see that broad every day. Blue Ivy, though, we haven’t really seen all that much of her at all. There have been several paparazzi shots of Beyonce with her baby, but she’s always entirely covered up so that you can’t see her face. Then, of course, there were those photos of Blue that were posted on Tumblr, but that was way back in February.
Today is a brand new day though, and we have a candid shot from somebody who happened to be in the same shop as Beyonce and Blue. That person was kind enough to post the photo on Twitter, and the rest of the internet was kind enough to notice. So what do we think?
Ok, here’s the thing: I’m kind of bad at babies. If it’s really, painfully obvious, I can tell what features a baby shares with its parents, but other than that, I usually just coo at them and hold their little hands. But does this baby the same baby that we originally saw back in February?
Here’s the old baby:
If I’m being completely ridiculous, feel free to call me out on it, but I’m starting to get suspicious. The baby has a different hairline now, different hair texture, a seemingly darker skin tone (but that could just be the quality of the photo), and it looks to me like the eyes might be shaped a little differently too. So please, people with more baby experience than me, are these kinds of changes normal, or are we looking at two different babies?
Here’s what he had to say to RS about being a man and not a boy AT ALL:
“I feel like I carry myself in a more manly way. I don’t carry myself as a boy.”
But don’t worry, guys—before Justin got too far up in his ivory tower, our boy Usher shot him down, calling him a child:
“He’s more mature than the average child — or rather, young man.”
So, there it is, guys. Usher officially shot Biebz down. THE BIEBZ went down in a blaze of children. Which sounds really, really bad, but you know that Usher’s quote probably buried Justin, and he had to go forth and kick another photographer in the shin while crying to Selena that “people just don’t get” him.
And if *that* wasn’t a horrifying enough prospect for you, you need to check out these photos of Octomom at her classy Florida strip gig. This photo, for example:
LOL at the trashy young chick with cornrows hanging on a dude that could be her smutty grandpa (maybe) or her nasty old uncle (definitely) while he’s all like, “Whatevs, girl. I’m just chilling. You know how I do.”
And then you have this one:
Where it’s like, is that even an ass? Or is that some kind of weird, hard, polycarbonate ass-mask that’s made to look like a … well, an ass? Honestly, check it out in this one:
Right? Right? BEEFCAKE.
Then you have the next few, which I’ll gladly just lay down right here for you:
And it’s because I’m into punishing you guys as much as I am into punishing me. OK? Fair enough? Can we all just agree that these photos are downright horrifying?