Today's Evil Beet Gossip

But What Did You Name Your New Daughter, Uma Thurman?

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Let’s put it this way—I hope this little darling never becomes famous enough where we have to create a category for here here on Evil Beet, because I don’t know that I have this many characters available to get the whole thing in there.

Seriously, though, Uma Thurman gave birth back in July, and we’re just now finding out the name of her daughter (and I’m considering it’s because Uma and her man were brainstorming this entire time to create the world’s longest name, ensuring that all of the syllables sound OK together and that no consonant is repeated too much. Even though they failed on that last thing). The child’s name is—are you ready for it?—the child’s name is Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson. But don’t worry if you think it’s a mouthful for you, let alone a poor kid; she casually goes by the nickname ‘Luna’, which I adore, and which I wonder why they didn’t just give up the ghost and name her that. Yeah, it’s in there somewhere, what with that ‘Altalune’ business, but seriously. Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson? That is one long-ass name.

Also, we haven’t talked about Uma Thurman in almost two whole years so yay for that, huh? I mean, so what if the first time has to come on the heels of a really, really … um, unique name?

So This is What Demi Looks Like Today

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The photo I ran with last night’s piece about Demi Moore was from the infamous set where she was in the throes of getting ready to head to rehab, and now we finally have some pictures to compare them to today.

She’s looking so, so much better, but the story still remains the same—she’s still allegedly toeing a very fine line between “I’m just … ugh” and “I’m so not OK,” and her friends and handlers are allegedly just as worried today as they were a month ago, despite the fact that Demi’s looking … well, she’s looking pretty decent, considering all things. She’s even looking better than what she was back in September, and that’s quite an improvement, too.

Thoughts?

Is Demi Moore About to Relapse?

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Uh, sources say ‘yes’.

From Radar Online via People:

“Her friends aren’t convinced she’s all better,” multiple sources close to Demi told People magazine.

Demi’s figure has been consistently wasting away leaving her frail, and leaving her friends with red flags that the nearly 50-year-old is still struggling with the loss of her relationship with Ashton.

In August Demi attended an 80s-themed birthday party for friend and fellow actress Soleil Moon Frye in which one partygoer described her as “guilt, a little more subdued that she’s been in the past.”

The magazine also reveals that Demi wasn’t the only one surprised by Ashton’s quick hookup with Mila — the actor’s friends were equally as shocked.

“I would have never believed Ashton could get serious this fast,” a friend close to Ashton said.

“He was so happy to get out from under the stagnant relationship with Demi that he was overeager to play around and have fun. But it didn’t take long to bring him home again.”

So, apparently Demi‘s going out to birthday shindigs “guilt,” whatever the f-ck that means, ahd she, herself, is about to turn the big 5-0 (and holy crap, can you believe this woman’s fifty years old? … Me either) alone, sad, and without a young whippersnapping penis by her side. I mean, yeah, I could think of a bunch of way more awful things to be at fifty years old, but “dumped by a thirtysomething man-child” isn’t really at the top of that list.

Come on, Demi—snap the f-ck out of this shit. You’re talented, attractive, and you’ve got a lot going for yourself. Don’t spend the rest of your time on this earth lamenting something that someone else didn’t take as seriously as you yourself did, OK? It’s just not worth it.

Kanye West to Kim Kardashian: “Change or My Ass is Bouncing”

Oh my God that title is so, so wrong on so, so many levels.

But yeah, Kanye‘s allegedly fed up with Kim Kardashian‘s shiny, fake, jetsetting ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ lifestyle, and wants things to change if Kim expects Kanye to be sticking around for another season. Kanye claims that he’s responsible for reviving Kim’s “career” after she crash-landed it after her menstrual cycle-long marriage to Kris Humphries, and feels entitled to some gratitude. And normalcy. And anal sex, presumably.

What? Can’t a guy just be honest anymore?

Actual Photos of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson Together

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So these guys are allegedly back together, and all of the photo agencies are throwing terms like “cozying up” and “laughing and chatting” all over the place at some restaurant, and why not? I mean, yeah, just because Kristen Stewart completely ruined many a ‘Twilight’ lovers’ dream by “just making out” with director Rupert Sanders (in public—like a ninth grader on a field trip) there’s no reason that Kristen and Robert shouldn’t be “cozying up” and “laughing and chatting” like nothing happened.

You know … God. I just don’t know how I feel about this guys, but you want to hear one thing I am sure about? I’m pretty sure I’m starting to think this whole thing definitely might have been a stunt to begin with—for the express purpose of the ‘Twilight’ franchise, of course—because I know if someone cheated on *me*, per se, I wouldn’t exactly feel all chatty and humorous and friendly when it came to my first “public” reunion with them. No, even if it were just for the sake of public perception, I’d probably want to be reported all surly and distracted and eye-rolly if I were Robert Pattinson. Something’s just not right about this whole thing, you know? From the way the affair broke to the “statement” Kristen released and even now, to the way that their “reunion” is being reported. Fishy, fishy, fishy.

That being said, I’m still totally going to see ‘Breaking Dawn: Part 2′ in theaters. It’s happening, and you can judge me for it all you want. I don’t even care anymore, OK?

Love It or Leave It: Jennifer Love Hewitt Is Such A Mess

A photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt

Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt and every other woman who exists,

There are clothes that will look very flattering on you. You can find them at various places around the world.

Love,
Emily

P.S. This is not ok:

A photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt

No, I get it though, I do. It can be hard to find really cute clothes if you’re not a very thin woman with an hourglass shape and at a medium height. We all have our own unique problems when it comes to fashion, and I’m not making light of that. I still weep with joy every time I find a pair of jeans that can fit my ass without gaping obscenely at the waist (two times so far this year!). But you know what you do? You adapt, and you move on. You don’t give up and hop in some tragic jumpsuit. You keep fighting, because you’re worth it.

You’re worth it, J. Love. You’re so worth it.

thePMlinks

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Hugh Jackman shows off his “Gangnam Style,” even though I don’t quite know what that is. [Socialite Life]

Sarah Silverman’s dad rips Rabbi a new ass. [TMZ]

Honey Boo Boo does Jimmy Kimmel. [Seriously OMG]

Men freak women out with Taylor Swift lyrics. Too, too funny. [OMGBlog]

Bristol Palin: GONE. [Starpulse]

Justin Timberlake is getting married in Italy on Saturday. [Lainey Gossip]

Heather Clem is the Queen of Celebrity Sex Tapes. [The Superficial]

Katie Holmes is looking for a new man. [Lainey Gossip]

The best shots of Hayden’s boobs. [The Superficial]

Mitt Romney understands that working women need to get home in time to cook dinner. Lucky you. [The Frisky]

The Kardashians are kicked out again and again and again. [Celebslam]

James Bond is bisexual in ‘Skyfall’ because duh, we need trendy Bonds. [IDLYITW]

Why Gwyneth Paltrow is probably a vampire. [Yeeeah]

Jill Zarin’s “death.” [Bossip]

The most stylish celebrities of 2012. [Moe Jackson]

Lana Del Rey‘s nippin’. [Hollywood PQ]

Tom Hanks is tired of boring movies. [Huff Po]

Justin Bieber is spokesperson for Adidas. LOL. [Cele|bitchy]