Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Now Introducing The GOOP Collection!

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “man, I wish Gwyneth Paltrow would design some clothes”? Do you read GOOP newsletter after GOOP newsletter, desperately wishing that you can find affordable, adorable basics envisioned by none other than the GOOP herself? Then I’ll be honest, you’ve got a lot of time on your hands and some weird ideas about what’s important, but my opinion doesn’t matter, because your wish finally came true!

Yes, Gwyneth teamed up with some actual clothing designers to make a limited edition GOOP collection. But it’s only available in the U.S., the clothes are neither affordable or adorable, and let me just go ahead and show you the clothes, all right?

There are only two items right now. The first is a pair of jeans:

To be fair, those look like some nice jeans. They’re $200 though. I guess that’s a reasonable price for a pair of fancy designer jeans, but I really don’t know, I’m a bargain shopper. The weird thing about the pants is that they’re available in sizes 24-32, which is really confusing to me. That has to be a waist measurement, right? It’s obviously not 24-32 in traditional women’s sizes, because I’m sure Gwyneth wouldn’t make pants solely for fatties. But in what world does sizing women’s pants by a waist measurement alone make sense? Did GOOP forget about hips?

Anyway, here’s the second item:

This is where it gets comical. That’s a white t-shirt with black piping on the shoulders and the sides. It is $90. Is this supposed to be a joke? Because I’m pretty sure I could grab one of my boyfriend’s old t-shirts and hot glue some ugly ass cord all over it and have a pretty similar looking shirt. Also, the shirt only comes in one size that “comfortably fits U.S. sizes 0-8.”

Basically, if you’re around Gwyneth Paltrow’s size, live in the U.S., and have about $300 to blow, this incredibly boring outfit could be all yours! Act now while supplies last! Or, you know, run down to the Goodwill and recreate this whole look for less than $10. Or find another outfit that’s actually cute. The choice is yours!

Aww, Justin Bieber Has A Favorite Part of The Female Anatomy!

A photo of Justin Bieber

I know! It’s the heart, isn’t it? Justin Bieber‘s favorite lady body part is the heart! Since he’s such a hopeless romantic, that’s the obvious answer. Or it could be the brain! You can just tell that Justin is the intellectual type, so I’m sure he appreciates that same quality in the opposite sex. Or, wait, he did have that foot fetish

Oh, but he’s just into asses? That’s cool too, I guess. Here’s Justin ever so eloquently explaining his admiration:

“I think I’m a butt guy. I just like butts. I’m attracted to them. Do I have any favourites? Nicki Minaj has got a nice one.”

Great to know, Justin. And just for the sake of comparison, here’s Selena Gomez‘s backside:

A photo of Selena Gomez

It’s cute, I guess, but that’s coming from a girl who doesn’t understand the appeal of butts at all. However, I can obviously tell that she’s no Nicki Minaj, and therefore possibly indicating that Justin is not so into her butt. BREAKUP RUMORS CONFIRMED.

Adele Is Recording New Music!

A photo of Adele

That’s the good news, that Adele is recording new music. The bad news? It’s not for us. The adorable fact that makes the bad news not so painful? She’s recording the music for her baby. Awwwww:

Adele’s kid will own one of the most exclusive albums ever made when he or she is born: a one-off record full of nursery rhymes sung by the diva is being created just for the nipper. Adele has been recording them and playing them back to her bump.

A source said: “She has been playing the rhymes to her belly. It’s so Adele can get her voice as close as possible to the baby so it can hear as many soothing sounds as possible.”

CBeebies would absolutely kill for an album like this. Adele, whose release 21 stands as the best-selling album of the year in the US, announced a week ago that she is expecting her first child with boyfriend Simon Konecki.

The Tottenham-born singer recently revealed that she hopes to have three boys by the time she is 30. Good job the multi-award-winning star is giving herself a few years off work.

A nursery rhymes record will definitely come in handy over the next six years. She and Simon moved to Brighton earlier this year after falling in love with a £2.5million mansion on the seaside, close to the homes of fellow stars Norman Cook aka Fatboy Slim, Zoe Ball, and Peter Andre.

As well as doing up their new pad — including adding a nursery — the singer has been enjoying playing board games.

A source added: “She’s become a bit obsessed with board games. Jenga, Monopoly and Scrabble are her favourites. Her mate recently bought her a charades set too.”

Thankfully, given her condition, it wasn’t Twister.

I’m sure I’ve expressed this same sentiment around a zillion or so times, but could Adele be any more amazing? She always seems like such a wonderful, fun, funny person, and I absolutely can’t wait to see how adorable she’ll be as a mother. And on top of all that, she enjoys playing Jenga and Monopoly. A more perfect person has never existed.

Quotables: Kirstie Alley Sure Knows How to Talk Up A Book

A photo of Kirstie Alley

“I’m not here to one-up another author but you know, I didn’t find it very factual. I lived with a guy for three years who made Christian Grey look like Justin Bieber. [Christian] didn’t even pee on her. He didn’t choke her or try to suffocate her … If it’s S&M you’re looking for, then you will like my book.”

- Kirstie Alley compares her new memoirs, The Art of Men, to the greatest literary masterpiece of the 21st century, 50 Shades of Grey.

Also, WHAT? Is Kirstie saying that she was in one of them dominant/submissive relationships like in 50 Shades of Grey, or is she saying that she was horrifically abused and also peed on? Who was the guy? Didn’t she date William Shatner at some point? Is anyone else considering how genius casting Justin Bieber in the 50 Shades movie would be?

We need answers, and we need them now.

Kanye West Is Great at Buying Presents

A photo of Kanye West

Who’s surprised? Anyone? I didn’t think so.

Here is something that Kanye bought for Kim Kardashian:

Yep, it’s a big ol’ skull made of gold, and it costs around $34,000. That’s, uh, sweet, I guess.

Here are some additional details:

Given his penchant for extravagant spending, it should come as no surprise that Kanye West has recently been showering those closest to him with $34,000 gold skull statues. If nothing else, at least we now know that he’s a practical gift-giver!

For Father’s Day, Kanye got pal Jay-Z a yellow gold skull statue with 1,680 star-cut red topaz gemstones set around the head. Good luck topping that one, Blue Ivy.

Kanye, who didn’t trust ordinary shipping services with such an extraordinary gift, chartered a private jet (he must be really into those) in order to hand deliver the statue to the new father.

Lest girlfriend Kim Kardashian become jealous, he gave her one as well — though Kim’s is adorned with white sapphires and reportedly engraved with the letters “KKW” for “Kim Kardashian West.” Awww. Slightly less pricey than the tricked-out Lamborghini Kim bought Kanye for his birthday, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

West apparently found inspiration for the gift after discovering that Michael Jackson gave the same one to Elizabeth Taylor, which is simultaneously sweet and ominous.

This might just be me, but if someone gave me a gold skull with my initials engraved on the back of it, I think I’d be creeped out. And if it was my name with his last name tacked on? That’s restraining order material right there. And if the whole thing was inspired by a gift that Michael Jackson gave to Elizabeth Taylor, then I’d just be completely done. I’d probably forgo the restraining order and resign myself to my fate, which is clearly being stalked by some complete nutjob who thinks gold skulls are a romantic gesture.

However, if this is the kind of gift that Kanye’s really into giving, then I absolutely cannot wait for him to marry Kim. That wedding will be unbelievable.

Is Neil Patrick Harris Going to Be Single Soon?

A photo of David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris

My answer: NO, DUH, GOD. Of course Neil Patrick Harris isn’t going to be single soon, that’s such a dumb thing to even think! He has been with David Burtka for eight years, and they have adorable children together and they’re going to get married together and they’re going to be together forever, AND THAT’S IT.

Unsurprisingly, the National Enquirer (via Celebitchy) doesn’t see things the same way I do:

The baby blues have hit Neil Patrick Harris and his gay partner David Burtka — and they’re dragging their feet on wedding plans, sources say.

The “How I Met Your Mother” star, 39, isn’t ready to give the couple’s young twins a sibling, but David is, and friends fear it could end their relationship.

“Neil loves being a dad to baby Gideon and his sister Harper, but he doesn’t want to re-create ‘The Brady Bunch,’” a friend told The Enquirer.

“He’s so busy with his acting career and other work that it would be circuit overload for him to add another child to the mix — and this has upset David.”

Neil, who came out of the closet in 2006, has been with 37-year-old David, an actor and celebrity chef, for eight years. They became dads when a surrogate delivered the twins in October 2010, and last year the pair announced plans to marry. But they haven’t moved forward with their wedding, and sources say the main sticking point is the size of their family.

“David believes that with all the good fortune they’ve had, they should share it with a large family,” said another source.

“But Neil was nervous as could be becoming a dad to twins. He can’t imagine going through that again.”

In a recent interview, the former “Doogie Howser, M.D.” star admitted he “didn’t love” his first months as a dad. “I struggled with it a lot,” Neil said, adding he’d often “pass off” the twins to David and tackle other household chores instead.

“They have a pretty good system now with the twins, but Neil can’t imagine adding another baby to the equation,” said the friend. “David, on the other hand, doesn’t see why they wouldn’t want to. If they can’t resolve this, it could be the end of them as a couple.

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, ENQUIRER. There has never and there will never be anything wrong with the beautiful, perfect union between Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka, and I really will not hear anything to the contrary. You’re just jealous that you haven’t found a love like theirs, Enquirer. That’s all this is. So why don’t you stop talking about other people and look into your own life? Don’t put your own bitterness on these guys. You’re pathetic, Enquirer, that’s what you are. Straight pathetic.