Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Zooey Deschanel

Love It or Leave It: Zooey Deschanel’s Indisputable Cuteness

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Boy, what a stupid question, right? “Love It or Leave It” with Zooey Deschanel as the subject of discussion? It’s like, “Duh.” Of course you love it. There is no “leave it” when it comes to this lady (unless, of course, she’s wearing something that looks like this, and then, for sure, it’s a “leave it”), because that’d be akin to kicking a puppy or shaving a cat’s ass and training it to walk backwards. It’d just be all sorts of weird and demented and wrong (… and kind of funny).

This is our girl Zooey at a New Girl event, which I’m ashamed to say I still haven’t watched yet. I know it’s doing pretty well, and people seem to be enjoying it … but hey. I should at least brush up a little on my current Zooey events, especially if I’m going to be loving on her so hard.

See, the thing with me is that I don’t generally get into something until it’s officially no longer a new thing. And not for any particular reason, really. Prime example: The Big Bang Theory? Oh my God I love that show. Here’s the nuts part though—I literally didn’t start watching it until three weeks ago, and it’s all because of the grand invention of DV-R that I’ve been able to subject myself to the obligatory Three Episode Rule (i.e., if I can watch three episodes and I’m still interested by the time the fourth rolls around, it’s a keeper). And, what, that show’s been on for how many years now? I’m totally not in the know about these things.

Are you guys watching The New Girl? Is it OK? Moreover, are you watching The Big Bang Theory? And are you as excited about it as I am? Because guys, I’m really, really excited. Friday nights in my house have officially become “Watch all of The Big Bang Theory episodes that we’ve recorded throughout the week in succession while eating copious amounts of takeout Chinese food” nights, and honestly, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Stars Without Makeup: Zooey Deschanel

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I know. Isn’t she just darling? Too bad she’s too busy to date. Remember this quip from Marie Claire?:

“Honestly, I’m just going through a divorce, so I don’t really think that’s something I want to get into now. I don’t have time to date. I literally – don’t-have-time.”

OK, we get it, Zooey. It’s understandable that you’re just not ready for the dating scene yet, but may we recommend a few guys that we think you’d be pretty hot with? Let’s start off with the obligatory, OK? We all know it’s coming.

1-Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Because come on. One good hipster turn deserves another, am I right or am I right (hint: I’m right).

2-John Cusack. Please don’t ask me why, because I really just do not know. I like John Cusack, and yeah, though he’s getting “up there” in age, I’d still totally bang him. Plus, he’s kind of experiencing a career revival with his new ‘Raven‘ project and anyway, he was, like, the ultimate hipster in the eighties. He was mad cool before anyone knew what mad cool is, and vintage is in, now, isn’t it?

3-Ryan Gosling. Because him dating anyone is way better than dating Eva Mendes. Gross. Plus, could you just imagine the kind of kids those two would produce? They could be the next-generation Brad and Angelina.

And here’re are few guys that you definitely do not—I repeat, “do not,” and I mean that under any circumstances—want to date:

1-James Franco. Am I one of the only ones who thinks this guy is a complete tool kit? A douchenozzle? A twat of the supreme order? Because he is. And I just couldn’t fathom this letch having his slimy little hands all over our adorable Zooey. No way, no how.

2-Chris Brown. I know that girlfriend here would never even consider it, but I just had to put it out there because he’s another huge douche. Huge douche.

3-Michael Lohan. Just because we’re being completely ridiculous, now. Plus, Zooey doesn’t really strike me as the type to want to catch a swift kick in the cooter.

Who would you see Zooey pair up with? And also, isn’t she just positively charming and refreshing without her face on? LOVE THIS GIRL.

Zooey Deschanel is Still Dazzling

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Oh Zooey, how I love thee!

Girlfriend sat down and did an interview with Marie Claire, where she talked about dating (she’s not), interviews (she’s bad at them), and on being bullied (she was picked on for being a “chubby” girl). From Marie Claire:

“I don’t do well with direct questions,” she admits. Deschanel tends to think out loud, talking in rough drafts, starting a sentence, then stopping, then starting another one, crumpling that one up, too. “I’m a person who gets better with practice,” she says. “Getting older is awesome — because you get more practice.”

On television acting versus film acting:

“It’s harder to do normal things,” she says. No longer can she run blithely into Ralph’s for a head of lettuce or some paper towels. “I think that if you haven’t been to the grocery store in a really long time, it’s really easy to get very out of touch,” she says.

On how unique she is:

“People do think I’m weird,” she says. “I don’t know why.”

On her career:

“I always knew there was nothing else I wanted to do,” she says. “I wanted to sing, perform, act.”

On being bullied:

At 12 she was “chubby,” which made her a target of bullies. “I was ridiculed. I still have in me the same awareness when I was 12 and chubby and a girl was spitting in my face. I’m the same person. Certainly you change, and you change perspective, you have other experiences. But isn’t it funny – I can still remember when I was treated differently from the way I’m treated now…I really don’t know why she spit at me. I just talked to her. I guess I wasn’t allowed to talk to her. I remember I couldn’t believe it.” The moment was searing, scarring, but ultimately transformative. It inspired Deschanel to reimagine herself, and over the next year, she carefully, painstakingly recast her persona, becoming more open, more empathic, less “stubborn.” She also shed 30 pounds. “All of a sudden,” she says, “everybody treated me differently.”

On not wanting children:

“That’s never been my focus… My sister [Emily] was always very motherly, babysitting and stuff. I like kids, and I like being around kids – but it was never an ambition, something, like, I need…I like working. That’s what I like doing. I like to work.”

On whether she’s dating:

“Honestly, I’m just going through a divorce, so I don’t really think that’s something I want to get into now. I don’t have time to date. I literally – don’t-have-time.”

Do we love her more yet? Do we?

Love It or Leave It: Zooey Deschanel’s Plaid Mess

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Don’t get me wrong – I love Zooey, and it’s not because some of you think I have to love her, being that I write for her website, Hello Giggles, as well, you’re wrong. I adore Zooey because I think she’s cute and quirky and relatable, and I think there are two groups of people when it comes to loving Zooey – those who do, and those who, well … don’t. I’m among the ones who do, but this dress? Oh dear Lord. Don’t even get me started.

See, I’m a big fan of plaid, despite the fact that everyone in my inner circle of family and friends absolutely abhor it. I like plaid shirts, plaid shorts, plaid skirts … plaid pajama pants, plaid socks, plaid panties … whatever. I love plaid and I’m unashamed to admit it. But this particular plaid? In this particular form? Is bad. Bad, bad, bad. It reminds me of a lightweight spring nightie, and while that’d normally be OK, it’s definitely not something you wear to an awards ceremony. Or at least, I wouldn’t, despite my love of plaid. Girlfriend’s hair and makeup are, as always, on par, but this dress is better left to those who’d wear it to bed instead. You know. Someone like me.

Hook a sister up, Zooey, and send me your cast-offs. I promise not to get egg yolk on it whilst eating breakfast in bed.

Zooey Deschanel Is on The Cover of Allure!

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I absolutely love Zooey Deschanel. It’s not a secret. I think she’s one of the cutest girls out there, I simply adore her music, and everything I’ve ever seen her in, I’ve pretty much loved.

And yes, that definitely includes this issue of Allure.

On her hair: Deschanel is aware of how closely she’s associated with her hairstyle. “I’m bangs and eyes,” she says. “It’s who I am. There have been periods when I’ve grown my bangs out, but I always cut them back, so it’s like, why go through the trouble?”

On her sense of humor: “Because I have brown hair and a low voice, I would get cast as dry, sarcastic, ironic people, which I can do, but it’s not my sense of humor. I’m a very positive person. I get excited easily, and I like to jump around.”

On her avoidance of gossip blogs (!!!): Since becoming famous, Deschanel has learned to be vigilant about protecting herself from online gossip and mean comments. “I can’t go on Gawker. I actually think the writing is really funny, but there is a chance that somebody is undercutting me,” she says.

On her haters: Deschanel has both worshipful fans and snarky critics who find her overly girlish. Her defense? “If you feel like dressing like a girl, there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t know why femininity should be associated with weakness. Women should be free to express who they are without thinking, I need to act like a man,or I need to tone it down to be successful. That’s a very good way to keep women down,” she says.

On her weight: While Deschanel watches her weight by sticking to a diet of vegetables, grains, and proteins, she isn’t obsessed. “Some people around me, they’re like 89 pounds,” she says. “I’m not going to say I’m a big girl. I’m a very small person, but I’m a healthy weight. That might be a little weird for Hollywood.”

On dealing with a broken heart: Deschanel recently separated from her husband of two years, Ben Gibbard, lead singer of the indie band Death Cab for Cutie. Before that announcement, she spoke about her character’s postbreakup comforts onNew Girl—Jess sobs while watching Dirty Dancing on loop—and revealed what might help her through a time of heartache: “I’d probably just go get out of my house. If I’m sad, I listen to happy music.”

On being an “it” girl: Deschanel finds irony in the label “It” girl. “‘It’ girl is supposed to be something that only lasts a certain amount of time,” she says. “They keep calling me an ‘It’ girl, and at this point it makes me laugh, because they’ve done that so many times: ‘You’re it’; ‘you’re not it.’ What is ‘it’?”

I just think this girl is so genuine. From reading tons and tons of blogs, day in and day out, I’ve found that a good amount of people disagree. A lot of people, it turns out, and as Zooey references above, think that dressing like a girly girl and tweeting pointlessly is somehow setting women back several years. And that’s just not true. Sure, Zooey’s style is super cutesy, and yes, she’s silly in sort of a childish way sometimes, but she’s not a child, and she’s not doing anything negative to women. She works hard, she’s smart, and she takes care of herself, and just because she asks for you to send her pictures of dogs in outfits doesn’t mean she’s somehow hurting an entire gender. That’s ridiculous.

What do you guys think? Are you loving or hating Zooey nowadays?

In SNL News: Daniel Radcliffe’s SNL Promos Unveiled; Zooey Deschanel Slated to Host Next Month

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All you Harry Potter fanatics are probably thrilled that Daniel Radcliffe is due to host Saturday Night Live any minute now.

The wait is almost over! To whet your whistles, here’s Danny with SNL castmember Jason Sudeikis.

Digital Spy: Sudeikis “later encourages Radcliffe to attempt an American accent, although brands Radcliffe’s choice of phrase—”What up, dude, give me some hamburgers and pizza!”—as stereotypical.”

Hee hee. I feel like a lot of folks from the UK have an American go-to voice that is very Texas/Arkansas/Mississippi?!, and it always makes me a little paranoid, because I feel that we mostly do not sound like that. Do people think we sound like this? (Emma Thompson once described the East Coast accent as “chewy,” and I about fainted.)

In other news, Zooey Deschanel is scheduled to host the show’s February 11 episode, the Huffington Post reports.

This means that Abby Elliott will inevitably appear onscreen in a brown wig, strumming a ukulele plaintively, and then Zooey will arrive in a leather jacket, smoking a cigarette and being all disaffected, and she will snarl and tell Abby to take a hike, and that will be when the audience is supposed to laugh.

Watch This: What Are Zooey and Joe Doing New Year’s, New Yeeeeaaar’s Eve?

I shouldn’t say this—I shouldn’t!—but in my everyday life, I make constant, consistent jokes at Zooey Deschanel‘s expense.

I don’t know! Recently I tripped over a toy piano and crashed into a tower of yet-unfiled CDs, and I joked I was the “Zooey of Dick Van Dykes.”

Maybe I joke about her because I was a huge Matt Ward fan back in college and now I feel wistful about She and Him. Maybe it’s because I am a natural blonde with dark-dyed hair who dreams of playing the uke and having great bangs. Maybe it’s because I really do play a lap zither and not-on-purpose talk out the corner of my mouth. Maybe it’s because I’m sort of infantilized (not in the adult-diaper way, jerks), you know, just generally and unattractively helpless when it comes to changing lightbulbs on high ceilings. This sort of thing is not totally adorable unless you are a famous actress and singer, unfortunately.

I also know that if I ever say to my friend Robyn “You’re like a Zooey!” she’ll start yelling in public angrily. Especially if I specify, “Your singing sounds a little like the Zooey cotton commercial.” Oooh, poor Robyn. She hates when I say things like that, but for real, Robyn has great dyed-dark bangs.

Yeah, OK, I know we love Zooey around here, but it’s still a lot of fun to make up Zooey Zingers, particularly when I am sitting anywhere near my friend Robyn. But why am I so mean? Why, when Zooey played one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite movies?

Anyway, this time I can’t crack wise about Zooey at all. It’s very frustrating. Here she is with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and they make beautiful music together. Seriously.

I mean, I want to be cruelly dismissive and apathetic; I really do want to act like quirky, winning charm has zero effect on my stone heart. It’s all lies. You’ll love this.