Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Friday Fun: I Figured Out How To Make You All Millionaires

You know how the National Enquirer is always running headlines like, “Woman Sees Face of Jesus in a Dorito?” OK, well, I have a feeling that there’s going to be a lot more headlines like that after watching this video on how to make a Grilled Cheesus. That’s right: A grilled cheese sandwich with the face of our Lord and Savior. Fine, the face of the guy that my grandmother used to tell me was my Lord and Savior before I went to college and stopped believing in anything having to do with organized religion. Sorry, Katy Perry’s mom.

This video teaches you in seven simple steps how to make a delicious grilled cheese sandwich that has God’s son’s face on it, and if y’all aren’t busy this weekend, I would try it out and see if you can sell the pics to some sort of print rag for cold hard cash before everyone catches on to how easy this is.

Ugh. And now I want to go on a Kirstie Alley-style grilled cheese binge. Thanks, Internet.

Sassy Gay Friend Does Black Swan, Owns My Heart

Everybody’s seen the Sassy Gay Friend videos, right?  I can’t tell because I was still in college when the first three came out, the Shakespeare ones, and all the nerdy theatre kids wouldn’t stop quoting them for months, myself included.  We used them for study tools (it’s much more fun to analyze plays when you do it from the point of view of a Sassy Gay Friend), we quoted the clips at parties (“did you seriously just throw up in the bushes?  You’re a stupid bitch.”), and we did Sassy Gay Friend versions of every play we did (and let me tell you, Greek tragedies really lend themselves to that sort of thing).

But lately, Sassy Gay Friend has been branching out from his Shakespeare roots, and finally he’s made it to contemporary movies. And that means I can make you guys watch them.  I think we’ve all grown from this.

Man Whips His Nephew With a Belt For Acting ‘Gangster’ on Facebook

Well, this video is kind of a must-watch…

From what I can tell, this teenager posted something to his Facebook wall that implied he’s more rough and tumble than he actually is. After his uncle discovered the post, he called him down to the family webcam to get his lashings, as well as a lecture on not making the family seem like they’re from something they’re not.

It doesn’t look like the kid’s hurt (I mean, he’s bigger than the dude delivering the beating), but it does look like he’ll think twice before trying to give the illusion that he’s a gangster again. That said, an angry, shirtless man beating his nephew with a belt over a Facebook wall post IS just about the most gangster thing I’ve ever seen, sooooo….