Today's Evil Beet Gossip

In 1992, You Could Have Had Paul Rudd DJ Your Bat Mitzvah

It’s always hilarious to see old footage of celebrities doing shitty gigs to pay their bills before they made it big. This Jell-O commercial with Lindsay Lohan may ring a bell. Or maybe this clip of Helen Hunt as a cracked out teen jumping through a window. Well, this morning Vanity Fair struck the “celebrity doing dumb shit to pay the bills” goldmine: It’s a video of Paul Rudd DJing a Bat Mitzvah in 1992.

He has Keanu Reeves hair. He’s wearing a bright yellow jacket. He helps the birthday girl cheat in a limbo contest. And from what you’re able to make out, he was always, always, always a smokin’ hot babe.

Enjoy. And please share any stories you have of pre-American Idol Carrie Underwood waiting on your table at Denny’s or Kevin Spacey fixing your toilet in 1981 in the comments.

Paul Rudd: Bat Mitzvah DJ from Jewish Forward on Vimeo.

The Gays Are Wild About Katy Perry’s New Song

I remain a fan of The Washington Boys, but I have to say that this “California Gays” fan video that was put together by some dudes in LA is pretty impressive. I mean, considering that they probably were not paid to do this and had no plans in mind other than the possibility of maybe going viral. What makes this fan video special is the fact that they obviously put a lot of time and effort into it. Also, they made sure to include a little East Coast/West Coast dance break in there. I’ll give them points for keeping it bi-coastal.

Yikes … She Really Can’t Be Tamed

Did you guys see Miley’s performance on last night’s MMV Awards in Canada? No, I didn’t either, but I did check out a couple of recaps early this morning. And my favorite, by far, was Miley throwing caution to the wind and exposing her own vagina (is it still child pornography, Perez, if the “child” in question wears articles — or rather, non-articles — of clothing for the purpose of intentionally exposing genitals?).

Let’s do some math. Vulva measurement across: 2.3 inches. Fabric measurement for costume crotch-landing-strip: 1.5 inches. I mean really. Because, damn. Girl’s only seventeen, but seventeen doesn’t exempt you from basic math skills, for crying out loud. And also, the fact that I want to find out the name of her obviously-talented Brazilian waxer doesn’t detract at all from the creepiness that surrounds the fact that she’s totally bare.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and be uncomfortable, while making sure that all of my bustier bodysuits have ample crotch coverage. This shit just looks painful.  And embarrassing.

Happy Father’s Day!

Hey, guys. Just a quick reminder that it’s Father’s Day today and you should call your dad or someone who’s like a dad and say thank you for all that they do.

And I also want to give a shout out to all the dads that could have been but are not. Keep dancing.

American Idol Finale: So, What Did You Think?

photo of american idols lee dewyze crystal bowersox and ryan seacrest on stage

I thought last night’s show was all sorts of giddy, clappin’-hands amazing. From Siobhan Magnus performing with the Bee Gees, to fucking Bret Michaels appearing to sing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” with Casey James to Joe Cocker’s “With a Little Help From My Friends.” And yes, I am so excited about these three performances (among many, many others), that I’m going to share them with you. Like, right here. Now.

Yeah, that was awesome. I mean, aside from the whole Siobhan Magnus part, anyway. While she’s undoubtedly talented, I’m far too distracted by the crazy-eyes thing that she’s got going on to concentrate on her killer pipes. Oh, that and the fact that I couldn’t tell who was who singing in the beginning — Aaron Kelly or Siobhan. They sound so … alike.

And then there was this. I always had a huge fondness for this Joe Cocker song and I think a lot of it had to do with watching the Wonder Years when I was growing up. You know how most people had a super-crush on Winnie Cooper or Kevin Arnold? Yeah. My ten year-old self totally wanted a serious piece of Paul Pfeiffer preppy ass. Laugh if you will, but I’m big enough to finally admit it now.

And then this. I didn’t even know I loved Bret Michaels as much as I did until I saw him enter the stage to play with Casey James. Really. Don’t even know the dude, but I was so pleased and happy for him and proud of him, in light of his recent health issues, that I almost fell off the couch. I was all like, “Is that Bret Michaels? No … it’s gotta be some kind of super-imposed image on a green screen or a hologram or something, right? Fuck … it is Bret Michaels! And I thought he was on his deathbed!!” Way to go, Bret. Honestly. Way to go, man.

And by far, my favorite moment of the night? Uh, finding out that they’re holding auditions over the next few weeks in New Orleans. Mind-blower. Not that I live even remotely close; [let's play a guessing game -- "Where Does Sarah Live?" -- I'll give you a hint] I’m precisely 1213.41 miles northeast of New Orleans, Louisiana. And yes, I’m assuming that there are going to be auditions a bit closer to where I live, but if you know me at all, you know of the bond that I have with New Orleans.

New Orleans and I are kind of obsessed with each other (I’m obvious about it, me, but he’s a little more reserved than I am, to say the least). The city’s like that boyfriend that looooves our sex, but just doesn’t want to be seen in public with me — so naturally, I’m at his beck and call. He never comes to visit me, so I have to come running every time he calls on a whim, or when I feel the compulsion to see him. For me, American Idol auditions and the city of New Orleans go better together than cold spaghetti and a glass of milk.

And so … guess who’s gonna be visiting that hot-assed boyfriend in just a few short weeks? That’d be me. And damn. Looks like things are getting serious; this is the second time I’ve seen him in three months.  Who knows — maybe we’ll end up moving in together.

So, what was your favorite Idol moment last night? Did you watch? Did you love it? Did you even care?

Oh, yeah, duh. And if you didn’t watch, Lee won last night. Called it, bitches.

Did These Girls Get Dancing Lessons From Noah Cyrus?

There’s been a video making the rounds of these young girls doing an absolutely mind-blowing dance routine to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” and it’s an absolute must-see. The video’s not embeddable for some cruel reason so click here to watch.

There’s a few noteworthy things about this video. First of all, the dancing is unreal. These little girls are SKILLED. Every single one of my girlfriends and I are cursing our parents for not enrolling us in dance when we were younger after seeing this video. What you also can’t help but notice? These girls are dressed like baby whores. A bustier, hotpants and kneesocks is arguably one of the most inappropriate outfits a little girl could be wearing, and yet they’re all wearing them and freak dancing like there’s no tomorrow. It’s actually a shame that such a talented group of little girls are overshadowed by a wardrobe choice that most certainly wasn’t theirs (The little blond girl who’s in the middle at 1:45 changed my life with her moves, I think.)

So here’s my question to you: Does the talent of these little girls overpower the outfits or is the skank-vibe hogging all the attention?

Man Arrested For Trying To Get Elton John Murdered via YouTube

WARNING: The above video is completely, totally disturbing and difficult to watch. It’s far from kid-friendly. Or anyone-friendly.

Neal Horsley, a Georgia man who made the above video after hearing Elton John say that Jesus is gay, has been arrested for threatening the singer’s life. The eight minute video is pretty standard Christian gay hate speech but when Horsley went as far as to show Elton’s Atlanta residence and say “Elton John must die”, he crossed a line.  He is currently being held on a $40,000 bond.

And this is so rich: When Neal’s son, Nathan Horsely, was asked why his father was arrested he said he thought it had something to do with the music he used in the video.