Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Tom Cruise

Rock of Ages Is Going to Be The Best Movie We’ve Ever Seen

No, it really is. Do you remember when I showed you the first trailer back in December? It was a glorious piece of cinematic magic. Tom Cruise was elegant and graceful yet raw and powerful. The film itself could win every single award out there – the Oscars and the Grammys – based on the trailer alone. It was that amazing.

But look! It’s a brand new trailer! One filled with just as much magic and intrigue! Perhaps even a little more, because Tom Cruise sings a Bon Jovi song in this one. Really, he does. He prances around on stage without a shirt, with his flowing, majestic mane of hair and that awesome tattoo, and he sings “Wanted Dead or Alive.” That happens, and it’s … well, it’s more than I ever could have imagined, I’ll say that much.

Are we even going to be able to handle this movie when it comes out in June?

Are You Guys Going to See Rock of Ages?

I have so many emotions about this movie, you guys. Just so many. I mean, did you see that trailer? Honestly, did you watch it? Tom Cruise‘s hair? Alec Baldwin‘s hair? The entire concept of the movie? I just can’t, I can’t. This is exactly what I felt when Mamma Mia came out: equal amounts of disgust and intrigue, with sprinklings of disappointment and shame. These feelings are only magnified by the presence of Tom Cruise.

What about you? Are you excited about this? If so, were you also excited about Footloose? Because if both of those things are true, then we need to have a good long talk about good judgement and taste.

Watch This: Tom Cruise Still Has the Moves

So this one time, Tom Cruise was the guest of honor on a cruise ship for Scientologists, and it was his birthday, and he jumped up to sing “Old Time Rock and Roll,” and his performance was in turns kind of cute and really painful. (Lainey gets it right when she calls Tom Cruise a total “dad” and a “middle-aged dork.”)

The 2004 video is going viral today, but I knew it looked familiar—and sure enough, it is just one clip from what must be a “Tom’s Birthday Party” DVD.

These days, Tom Cruise is doing the promotional rounds for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and I gotta admit, as cuckoo as the man is, he’s still a hottie. He looks a little like 1990s Mark Harmon.

Suri Cruise Might Cringe at These Photos Someday, But Probably Not Because She Kicks Ass

photo of tom cruise katie holmes and suri cruise out in new york city celebrity sightings photos pictures

So the Cruise family was doing their whole late-night New York City binge eating thing like they do best, and Suri was photographed being the paparazzi ham that she is. No other celebrity kid tackles that camera head-on and gives them the faces that they want, and frankly? I like that about her. I mean, even aside from the fact that she’s just freaking adorable, she’s got moxie and gut, and maybe if we’re lucky, she’ll put Big Man Tom in his place one day. I mean, SOME woman’s gotta, and it’s apparent that Katie‘s not up to the task, you know?

Guess What Tom Got Katie For Her Birthday!

A photo of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise

It’s a spin class!  The matching grey sweatsuits are symbols of love!

No, but really, that’s what happened.  Katie Holmes’ birthday was yesterday, so Tom Cruise flew to New York and in a true display of thoughtfulness and romance, he took her to a spin class.  Granted, he did take her to “an intimate dinner” afterwards, but come on now.  Is that how you say “happy birthday” to the mother of your child, Tom Cruise?

And I know that for some couples, this is great.  This would be an awesome birthday activity to share together.  But somehow, I’m not sure Katie is feeling it so much.  Maybe it’s the paparazzi – you can’t look happy all the time.  Or maybe it’s her dead-inside eyes that are cast down to the ground, as if the last rays of hope for rescue are just draining out of her.

Yeah, I think it’s that last one.

Quotables: Cher is the Original Cougar, You Guys

photo of cher dating tom cruise pictures

“I enjoyed them all! I never felt I chose badly, and I was always happy when the next man came along. I can usually last about two years with a man, and that’s it. The moment the relationship goes into the phase of more commitment, it changes.”

Cher, referring to dating Tom Cruise, Richie Sambora, and Val Kilmer in their younger days.

Apparently, this is Madonna’s inspiration, but nobody does it better than Cher, even if they did sleep with Jesus. Ever.

Posh Says The Beckhams Are Not Scientologists

Ever since Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham became BFFs and their families started hanging out all the time, people have been suspicious that their friendship was sealed by TomKat’s controversial religion, Scientology. Scientology is known for attracting celebrity followers, and Tom Cruise is responsible for introducing many of the most famous Scientologists to the church.

In this month’s issue of Marie Claire, Victoria addresses the rumors that Xenu brought her and her husband together with Tom and Katie, saying, “We aren’t Scientologists. We really don’t know very much about it. I mean, Tom and Katie – they’ve mentioned it to us. But, no, they didn’t try to hook us and reel us in. It never really crops up.”

So there you have it.