Emily’s filled you guys in on this whole ‘Rock of Ages’ thing that Tom Cruise is doing, yes? Because apparently, W magazine has taken it upon themselves to become the film’s number one promoter, it seems. If you’ve done your best in avoiding the entire thing, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but we’re going to talk about this movie for a second, OK? For some background information, IMDB:
Set in 1987 Los Angeles, Drew and Sherrie are two young people chasing their dreams in the big city. When they meet, it’s love at first sight, though their romance will face a series of challenges.
In all seriousness, no, I will not be seeing the film, and it’s mainly to do with the whole Tom Cruise thing. Just not all that much of a fan. Granted, I did see ‘Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol’ and found it to be pretty bad ass. But we’ll just keep that to ourselves for a little while here, OK? At least ’til we see what kind of reviews this movie’s going to get?
No, it really is. Do you remember when I showed you the first trailer back in December? It was a glorious piece of cinematic magic. Tom Cruise was elegant and graceful yet raw and powerful. The film itself could win every single award out there – the Oscars and the Grammys – based on the trailer alone. It was that amazing.
But look! It’s a brand new trailer! One filled with just as much magic and intrigue! Perhaps even a little more, because Tom Cruise sings a Bon Jovi song in this one. Really, he does. He prances around on stage without a shirt, with his flowing, majestic mane of hair and that awesome tattoo, and he sings “Wanted Dead or Alive.” That happens, and it’s … well, it’s more than I ever could have imagined, I’ll say that much.
Are we even going to be able to handle this movie when it comes out in June?
I have so many emotions about this movie, you guys. Just so many. I mean, did you see that trailer? Honestly, did you watch it? Tom Cruise‘s hair? Alec Baldwin‘s hair? The entire concept of the movie? I just can’t, I can’t. This is exactly what I felt when Mamma Mia came out: equal amounts of disgust and intrigue, with sprinklings of disappointment and shame. These feelings are only magnified by the presence of Tom Cruise.
What about you? Are you excited about this? If so, were you also excited about Footloose? Because if both of those things are true, then we need to have a good long talk about good judgement and taste.
So this one time, Tom Cruise was the guest of honor on a cruise ship for Scientologists, and it was his birthday, and he jumped up to sing “Old Time Rock and Roll,” and his performance was in turns kind of cute and really painful. (Lainey gets it right when she calls Tom Cruise a total “dad” and a “middle-aged dork.”)
These days, Tom Cruise is doing the promotional rounds for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and I gotta admit, as cuckoo as the man is, he’s still a hottie. He looks a little like 1990s Mark Harmon.
So the Cruise family was doing their whole late-night New York City binge eating thing like they do best, and Suri was photographed being the paparazzi ham that she is. No other celebrity kid tackles that camera head-on and gives them the faces that they want, and frankly? I like that about her. I mean, even aside from the fact that she’s just freaking adorable, she’s got moxie and gut, and maybe if we’re lucky, she’ll put Big Man Tom in his place one day. I mean, SOME woman’s gotta, and it’s apparent that Katie‘s not up to the task, you know?
It’s a spin class! The matching grey sweatsuits are symbols of love!
No, but really, that’s what happened. Katie Holmes’ birthday was yesterday, so Tom Cruise flew to New York and in a true display of thoughtfulness and romance, he took her to a spin class. Granted, he did take her to “an intimate dinner” afterwards, but come on now. Is that how you say “happy birthday” to the mother of your child, Tom Cruise?
And I know that for some couples, this is great. This would be an awesome birthday activity to share together. But somehow, I’m not sure Katie is feeling it so much. Maybe it’s the paparazzi – you can’t look happy all the time. Or maybe it’s her dead-inside eyes that are cast down to the ground, as if the last rays of hope for rescue are just draining out of her.
“I enjoyed them all! I never felt I chose badly, and I was always happy when the next man came along. I can usually last about two years with a man, and that’s it. The moment the relationship goes into the phase of more commitment, it changes.”
Cher, referring to dating Tom Cruise, Richie Sambora, and Val Kilmer in their younger days.