Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Toddlers & Tiaras

Did You Guys Watch Toddlers and Tiaras This Week?

I didn’t. My boyfriend is really good about my trashy TV addiction – he watches Bridezillas marathons with me and makes jokes, ok, I really can’t complain – but he draws the line at Toddlers and Tiaras. Something about exploiting children or whatever. And usually that’s fine, I understand, but it hurt this week when I saw clips. For one, this week’s episode featured a little 4-year-old girl dressed as one of my idols, Dolly Parton. And for two, it took place in my very own hometown.

Sure, this little girl’s mom actually put some padded boobs and a padded ass on her child. But hey, it’s what she used to wear when she was a little girl in pageants, it’s family tradition! Some people might say that this is horrible parenting, or shady parenting at the very best. But I say “nay!”* As a product of the same environment**, I completely understand the cultural ties to the legendary Dolly Parton, and furthermore, I wish that I had been afforded the same opportunity***!

What did you guys think about this week’s episode?

*I don’t, you guys. That’s sarcasm.
**Yes, this hurt to write.
***I do not wish that. The head lice and my first period were enough to scar my childhood.

Just Because: Some Beautiful Toddlers and Tiaras Magic

We’ve all seen Toddlers and Tiaras, right? I mean, I feel like it’s about three years too late to ask that question, seeing as how I started watching it after our very own Sasha called it her new favorite show back in 2009, but I reckon it’s still valid. And even if you haven’t seen it, I’m sure you can appreciate this hilarious clip anyway. Happy Saturday, you know?

On this delightful day, why don’t you take a moment to share with us one of your favorite YouTube videos? Things are a little chill right now, a little relaxed, I think we can all take some time to add a little sprinkle of hilarity into our lives.

Is Anyone Else Watching Toddlers & Tiaras?

pageant

You guys, I’ve found my new favorite show.

It’s on TLC, and, each week, they follow three families whose children are competing in little-girl beauty pageants.

When I say “little girls,” I just want you to know that I am not talking about 12-year-olds. These girls are 6 or under. In the debut episode, one lady was competing her 2-year-old, who apparently started pageants as a 4-month-old. And she wasn’t kidding! There are BABIES at these pageants. In one of the episodes, they award “Best Hair” to a five-month-old baby with NO HAIR. And the baby who won? Was fast asleep during the crowning ceremony. BECAUSE SHE WAS A LITTLE BABY! I turned to Leo and said, “You know the last time that mother was present for a crowning? When she gave birth to that child last week.”

And they’re spray-tanning these little girls (it makes a 4-year-old cry — OF COURSE! Any reasonable 4-year-old would cry in one of those scary spray-tan machines. I’m 26 and they still scare me! Mostly because I think about that episode of Friends where Ross quadruple-tans just one side. But I digres…) and they put fake eyelashes on the girls and give them FAKE FRONT TEETH (they’re called “flippers”) to perfect their smiles when they’re in that tooth-losing stage of childhood.

And the moms keep talking about how much the kids looooove this, and the kids just keep crying and fussing and they obviously feel incredibly pressured by their parents.

On the most recent episode, this little girl Bella won, and she burst out into tears. Her mom was like, “Bella, you never cry at these!” and Bella was just sobbing, saying “I won back the money we spent!” And her mom was like, “Oh, it’s so nice to see her take such pride in her win,” when it’s obvious this 5-year-old had felt the families finances weighing on her own little shoulders.

I did see a handful of girls who seemed to actually enjoy the performance part of pageantry — and whose families seemed reasonable, didn’t spend a ton of money, and allowed the girls to go on stage without makeup or elaborate hair. But that was NOT THE NORM.

Anyway, I’m hooked beyond hooked. This is a subculture I find fascinating. I would watch hours and hours and hours of this stuff if you’d let me, and I will be eagerly awaiting future episodes, like the disturbed person that I am.

Have any of you seen this show?

What are your thoughts?