Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Taylor Swift

The Best Blind Item Ever: Taylor Swift’s Pregnancy

A photo of Taylor Swift

Oh my god. Oh my god. This is crazy. If this blind item is true, then it is crazy. If the word didn’t bother me in this context, I would call it positively juicy. It’s that good.

From Blind Gossip:

This popular young celebrity is pretty and personable and every marketer’s dream. Most marketers would flinch, though, if one of her darkest secrets was to come to light.

There was a time when she actually dated guys in whom she was genuinely interested. One of these guys was a celebrity. Like other Good Girls before her, she fell hard for him, and had a physical relationship with him. But he was just using her. She was crushed when she figured that out. Even worse, she was pregnant.

There was never a question about her having the baby. Both she and her team were absolutely panic-stricken at thought of America’s Good Girl bearing a child out of wedlock by America’s Biggest Jerk.

The baby was terminated, the couple broke up, and she went back to being America’s Good Girl. It’s one of the reasons her team has been so eager since then to have her beard for gay male celebrities since then. It’s much, much safer that way.

John Mayer knocked up Taylor Swift. Just let that one sink in for a moment. Just process it. Oh my god.

Everything fits. Taylor Swift could certainly be called America’s Good Girl, John Mayer, well, we all know how jerky he is. And the photo that Blind Gossip used for this item is some drawing of a girl with blonde hair and wings, and she very obviously looks like Taylor. And also, that bit about “the other Good Girls” before her? Jennifer Aniston, another lady who got tangled in John Mayer’s dirty web, starred in a movie called The Good Girl. BOOM.

Can you see this story being true? Because I kind of can.

Another Day, Another Taylor Swift Interview About Love and Stuff

photo of taylor swift cosmopolitan pictures
I don’t have much of this new interview with Cosmo UK, because it only just hit stores today, but the bits and pieces I do have? Glorious. Taylor in her prime. You actually won’t even need to buy the damn magazine once you read these quotes, because really, why bother? It’s all the same, month after month, year after year; busted, overworked, overwrought vadge time and time again.

Here’s Taylor on her plethora of ludicrous relationships:

“[I don't know] how to make them last. I’ve never had a really long relationship, so I have no idea what that’s like. Wish me luck for the future!”

And Taylor on decoding her super-mysterious songs:

“The song I Knew You Were Trouble is about when I knowingly made the same mistake twice. I couldn’t resist it – there’s that temptation to push yourself into a risky situation with someone who is going to hurt you, and that’s what that song is about: not trusting your own instincts and ignoring all the red flag.”

And the best of all, Taylor on just now non-discriminating she’s become over the last couple of major relationship fails:

“I really don’t have any rules about dating when it comes to height, age, career choice, anything like that. It doesn’t matter. It’s really more about strength of character. When it comes to age I’ve been all over the map!”

Well gosh, I’m just so glad it’s about strength of character and nothing else. Because John Mayer? Well. That is one man of integrity, let me tell you. And Conor Kennedy? Yeah, he might have only been seventeen in body (twelve in mind) when he illegally banged Taylor, but he is *also* a man of firm principle.

Can I just stop for a second and say, “Hey, let’s be real, Taylor—it’s honestly about how hot the dude is, and how in-demand he is at the time.” Harry Styles? I mean, Jesus. You may as well have went for Justin Bieber for all it’s worth, but I don’t know. I think even Justin Bieber has standards when it comes to crazy, and you fall somewhere above Mad Torso Yeater on that scale.

Good looking out, girl.

Taylor Swift’s New Relationship “Has Tragedy Written All Over It”

A photo of Taylor Swift and Harry Styles

I’m sorry, guys. I know that headline made it sound like something really interesting was happening. It’s not, though. It’s Taylor Swift‘s same old story: fall in love with a dude after approximately 0.3 seconds, obsess and cling for a few weeks, and then drive him away with crazy. It’s just that this time her friends are all “girl, really?”

From Radar:

Apparently Taylor Swift only has One Direction when it comes to her dating style, and that is diving in headfirst!

The 22-year-old, who is known for falling in love with famous men and then slamming them with hit songs, is already smitten with her new boy band beau Harry Styles, but pals are worried that the country star is just repeating the same mistakes she always makes with men and that the relationship is doomed to a tragic ending, and has the details.

“Taylor calls him her boyfriend, but it’s in the early stages,” a Swift source dished to Us Weekly, revealing that Swift is already changing around her schedule and hopping on private jets to spend time with the 18-year-old teen heartthrob.

“It’s the same Taylor story – it has tragedy written all over it.”

According to the source, Taylor, who exclusively revealed, first cozied up to Harry in April 2012 and quietly dated before she caught him kissing another girl, had him back in her sights as her relationship with Conor Kennedy fizzled.

“The breakup with Conor was easy because she already had Harry in mind,” the source says. exclusively revealed back in November that Taylor and Harry were giving it a second shot, and they have been in contact ever since, according to the Us Weekly source.

“They have a lot in common. Harry is superclose with his mom and grateful for what he has. He is a good guy,” the source says. “Once he likes a girl, he’s all in,” says a source close to Harry. “He’s very romantic: long emails, surprise gifts, meticulously planned dates.”

Is it just me, or does “the same Taylor story” need to be made into a Lifetime movie? And also, how does this girl get away with creeping as hard as she does? When she started dating my favorite Taylor ex, Conor Kennedy, he was 17, but they didn’t go public until after his 18th birthday. And little Harry Styles, he was a brand new 18 when Taylor first hooked up with him. Is she going to keep getting older while they stay the same age? How is this not being widely reported as creepy behavior?

Love It or Leave It: Taylor Swift Can Still Do One Thing Right

A photo of Taylor Swift

Oh, Tay Tay. How can you hurt me so? You are just like that awful bitch in school that I hated with every fiber of my being, but every few months I’d awkwardly walk up to her, grit my teeth, and ask “where did you get your dress?” Damn you and your awesome fashion, Taylor Swift. Damn you.

But, ok, this is what Taylor wore to that Kennedy gala last night. Remember that? Way back in the golden days of Mr. and Mrs. Taylor Kennedy, it was announced that Taylor would be receiving the Ripple of Hope Award from the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice & Human Rights. And even though Taylor has moved on from the Kennedys for now, she still got the award.

Conor wasn’t there or anything (it’s probably finals week at his high school), but his aunts gave Taylor her award. I hear it was pretty awkward, but I don’t have any videos. So just imagine what it would be like if you had to go to some big event and hang out with your ex-boyfriend’s family all night. But now imagine that you’re wearing that dress. Is it worth it?

Look! Taylor Swift and Her New Boyfriend Had a Baby Already!

photo of taylor swift and harry styles pictures at central park zoo pic
Well “had” I would suppose isn’t exactly the right term to use, so let’s go and say “have,” because it’s definitely truer. However, as it’s today, and today is a whole day after all this happened, I think it might be passable to say “Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend had a baby” and leave the “already” out of there, as if it were something we were expecting (because honestly speaking, of course we weren’t). Alright?

No, this is Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend, Harry Styles of One Direction, with a baby. A friend’s baby, to be exact, and they’re all hanging out at the Central Park Zoo in New York City, because duh, babies like zoos. And what better way to come across all hot and MILF-y and maternal than to get that male estrogen going by showing a young man on the brink of puberty that it’s time to settle down and get married and talk babies?

Damn, guys. This girl just doesn’t play around.

BREAKING: Taylor Swift Talks About Love

A photo of Taylor Swift

I’m just going to tell you guys the same thing that I’ve had to tell my mom over and over: I love you, I really do, and I respect your opinions, and I’m so thankful for all you’ve done for me, but I’m a grown woman, I can make my own choices, and I need you to get off my jock. That’s what I’ve told her every single time she’s questioned one of my life choices, and that’s what I’m telling you now. I love talking about Taylor Swift. Probably I’ll never stop talking about Taylor Swift. But I need you to love me and accept me in spite of that.

Like, ok, if you work in a restaurant, don’t you ever sample some food? If you work in an office, haven’t you taken a few pens home on occasion? Taylor Swift is my office supply. And I will always take it.

Oh, but let’s discuss her stupid new interview now, all right?

On not remembering all her true loves: “I tend to think things are love and then look back and reevaluate. How many times has she been in love? I don’t know how many people I’ve said ‘I love you’ to. I could probably count it up, but I don’t feel like it. Part of me feels you can’t say you were truly in love if it didn’t last. If I end up getting married and having kids, that’s when I’ll know it’s real—because it lasted.”

Tay Tay doesn’t think things through: “I don’t think there’s an option for me to fall in love slowly, or at medium speed. I either do or I don’t. I don’t think it through, really, which is a good thing and a bad thing. You don’t look before you leap, which is like, ‘Yay, this is awesome! Let’s not think twice!’ And then you’re like, ‘We used to be flying. Now we’re falling. What’s happening?’”

On her beloved bad boys: “There’s a really interesting charisma involved. They usually have a lot to say, and even if they don’t, they know how to look at you to say it all. I think every girl’s dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore.”

Oh, shut your silly mouth, Taylor Swift! I would tell you to get over yourself, but how could I when that’s something that I so obviously cannot do myself?

But Of Course Taylor Swift is Buying a House Near Her New Boyfriend

photo of taylor swift and harry styles pictures
She’s just so predictable, isn’t she? This new-ish boyfriend, though, One Direction’s Harry Styles, must really be something special, because she waited, what, actual weeks to find a house next to her ex-boyfriend, Conor Kennedy? Yep, this one, this Harry Styles boy, has just definitely got to be The One, and isn’t that lucky for all of us—Taylor especially?

Sources say that Taylor is browsing property in North London, where Harry himself just bought a house earlier in the year. Sources are even going as far to say that Taylor is conferring with Harry on which properties are best, so she’s even giving him an official heads-up that she’s going to be living probable blocks away. He hasn’t run away screaming yet, so that’s promising, isn’t it?

From the Daily Mail:

A source told LOOK magazine: ‘She’s been interested in buying a house in the UK for a while. But after months of not really mentioning it, Taylor’s suddenly instructed an estate to get on it ASAP!
‘She’s even asked Harry if he’ll come and look at some places with her, since he knows the area.’

The insider added: ‘Taylor says the reason things fizzled out last time [they dated] was because they had no time together. I’m sure their recent contact is behind her sudden enthusiasm to buy in London. She says they’ll be able to pick up where they left off.’

You guys will remember, of course, that little Conor Kennedy isn’t the first boyfriend she purchased a house near, whether it’s purely coincidence or not. Taylor owns a house just down the road from John Mayer, and when she was dating Jake Gyllenhaal, she lured him to her very own compound in Nashville for weeks at a time, rumored to be hoping that he’d love the area her so much that he’d plunk down some cash for his own bit of real estate near her, too. It’s apparent that when her plan backfired, she decided to take matters into her own hands and start stalking all of her resulting boyfriend prospects via property acquisition, one state and continent at a time.

Psst. It’s working—we’re talking total world domination here, guys.