Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Taylor Swift

The REAL Reason Why Haylor Is No More

A photo of Taylor Swift and Harry Styles

That caught your attention, didn’t it? Otherwise I’m sure you would have been like “another Taylor Swift story, are you serious?” But because this is the REAL reason why Taylor and Harry Styles broke up, you can’t resist, right?

WAIT. Don’t go yet! Even if you’re sick of hearing about Taylor Swift, you’ll want to hear this. I promise.

Ok, here’s the reason: Harry Styles is not circumcised. That’s it. He’s uncircumcised, and Taylor didn’t like it. She kept talking about his foreskin, and even after he “made it clear he had no intention of changing anything,” she “never missed the chance to poke fun or make a comment.” She even told him that he should get a circumcision. He ignored her at first, but then she brought it up one too many times, and he was out.

(By the way, this story is from the National Enquirer. There’s a solid chance this isn’t true. But don’t crush my dreams.)

This bitch. She would make fun of a dude’s junk right to his face, wouldn’t she? And she would also tell her boyfriend of two weeks that he needed to get circumcised. Just think about that. Just think about the gall that would take. Seriously, think about it. Maybe if you have a new boyfriend who happens to be in the same way, maybe just drop that line during your next date. Poke fun at it in the bedroom. See how it goes over!

But hey: this, this right here, is why I can’t quit Taylor Swift. If I didn’t obsessively read every single thing I can about her, then I would miss out on gems like this. And then where would we be?

Winter White: Who Did It Better, J Lo or Taylor Swift?

photo of taylor swift versus j lo pictures, photos
So I’m going to go with J Lo, because quite honestly, I’m sort of biased against Taylor Swift these days. Yeah, girlfriend’s pretty much got fashion and what not on lockdown, but I’m so sick to death of seeing her stupid, smug face all over the place, and this is why I’m rooting for the lady who’s defined by her weird boyfriend as of late, instead.

Who wore it better—J Lo or Taylor Swift?

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Taylor Swift Tried to Win Back Harry Styles, Harry Styles Isn’t Interested

A photo of Harry Styles and Taylor Swift

From Radar:

Harry Styles snubbed his one-time girlfriend, Taylor Swift, during her recent brief visit to London, is exclusively reporting.

The One Direction heartthrob declined the 23-year-old country singer’s offer to meet up in England’s capital, after she flew in, primarily for a photo shoot, but with the added hope of wooing back the Brit boybander.

Both Swift and Styles are expected to appear at the NRJ Music Awards in Cannes, France this weekend, where Taylor is hoping to convince the 18-year-old that they should give their relationship another go.

“Taylor was desperate to meet up with Harry in London, but he totally ignored her,” a source tells Radar. “He told her he had too much going on, even though she purposely arranged to stay at a hotel that wasn’t too far away from his home.

“Harry found Taylor a little too full-on and scary, and he was put off by how serious she was about him after such a short period of time. Then she had this crazy meltdown, accusing him of cheating, when he didn’t. It freaked him out to say the least and he’s kind of thinking she’s more drama than she’s worth.

“Harry’s just a young guy looking for a bit of fun right now and is having the time of his life with gorgeous girls throwing themselves at his feet. He really isn’t looking to settle down with the love of his life, but suspects that Taylor is.

“They’re going to run into each other in Cannes though,” the source continues. “So Taylor will get a second chance to try and win Harry back. And he better be on his game as by all accounts, Taylor can be pretty charming and convincing when she’s face to face with her intended target.”

As previously reported, Taylor demanded a showdown with Harry after she believed he cheated on her.

“Taylor has serious trust issues, something that is being severely tested dating Harry,” a source previously told Radar. “Harry courts a lot of attention. He’s a big flirt and loves the ladies. Taylor doesn’t like that and finds it very difficult to trust him.

“She thought he was cheating on her when they were apart over the holidays so she ended it, telling him she couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that.”

However, in true Taylor style, it appears she’s had a change of heart…. yet again!

Oh, Taylor. Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. This is exactly what you don’t want to do. You can’t get with the guy you’re stalking by actually stalking him. I know, I know, you used to date or whatever, but things changed when you revealed your true face: your crazy face. Your relationship is not what it once was. It’s no longer based on mutual affection, hang outs, and boob touching, no. Now it’s based on a very real fear.

You did this to yourself, girl. So change your tactics. Instead of flying thousands of miles to stay a few away from his house, maybe just keep some distance and do your own thing. Instead of sending him pages of your diary that you wrote in your own blood, try sending him a casual text. Do you get what I’m saying? What I’m saying is “stop.”

Taylor Swift Went to London to Win Back Harry Styles

A photo of Taylor Swift

Oh, and just to clarify, after that picture: I don’t think she swam. HA!

From Radar:

Taylor Swift‘s headed in one direction: across the pond to England for a showdown with her ex, boy bander Harry Styles, three weeks after their split.

The We Are Never Getting Back Together singer, 23, arrived via private jet at London’s Luton airport, clad in a heavy green coat and sipping on a Diet Coke. She checked into a hotel near the teen idol‘s home, a source told the UK Sun.

“There’s talk of a meeting with Harry being on the cards,” the source told the English publication, adding that Taylor “has no obvious reason or promo duties in London this week.”

The timing couldn’t be better, the source said, adding, “Harry has just got back from a small tour in Japan with the band, and now has four days off.”

Oh my gosh, you guys, how romantic! Could you even imagine? Taylor Swift knows a true love when she finds one – after all, she’s had several – and it’s just so inspiring that she would travel so far just to earn back his love. And yeah, some people are calling this stalking. But remember, it’s not stalking if it’s your soulmate!

Quotables: Taylor Swift Is A Liar

A photo of Taylor Swift

“I’m a Sagittarius, which means, you know, I’m blindly optimistic, I love to travel, I’m always up for adventure but also always want something new. Sagittarians are really independent, and we like our space. We’re drawn to love but battle for that need for independence. Independence is something I’ve always needed, from when I was young, but I love the idea of romance and falling in love. I’ve never really had a long relationship. So that’s something I think about for the future. It’s an interesting part of my personality: Part of me just wants to be alone.”

- Taylor Swift discusses how her astrological sign makes her a crazy face.

But I called Taylor a liar up there in the headline because of the very last part of her quote there. There is no part of Taylor Swift that wants to be alone. Taylor Swift wants a hand to literally hold forever, except when she’s pooping, which she never ever does. She needs someone to sit with in her giant bird cage, someone who wants to have at least 15 babies and take care of them while she writes passive aggressive songs about him. And most of all, she wants someone who would never, ever get mad at her for writing those passive aggressive songs.

You Guys Are Really Embarrassing Taylor Swift

A photo of Taylor Swift

It’s time to lay off, you guys. So Taylor Swift has dated a few guys. So what? That’s no reason to make fun of her. We should be focusing on her music, not her personal life. She’s really talented! And she works very hard! And you know, I doubt she even wants us to know about her love life. So just think about that the next time you’re making some joke at poor Taylor’s expense. For shame, guys. For shame.

From Radar:

Taylor Swift has thick skin, but all the public mockery and jokes made about her love life is starting to wear on the I Knew You Were Trouble singer, is exclusively reporting.

According to a close pal, Taylor has a great sense of humor and knows that as a public figure she’s going to be a target — but the jabs are beginning to take a toll on her emotionally and she’s began to wonder who’s really joking and who’s not.

“At first Taylor just thought it was funny how much interest people had in her love life and she went along with it,” the insider revealed.

“But now she’s the butt of jokes on Saturday Night Live, in the tabloids and on the late night shows. She laughed it off, but the jokes made about her at the Golden Globes got under her skin.”

With a string of failed relationships including John Mayer, Harry Styles, Jake Gyllenhaal, Conor Kennedy, Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas – which she frequently uses to write new songs – the 23-year-old’s reputation as a serial dater has been solidified.

“The jokes being made about her love life embarrass her, but it’s finally hit home with Taylor,” the pal said.

“She really wants to make an effort to slow down and not jump from boyfriend to boyfriend. In a weird way all the negative press has really opened her eyes and will be good for her!”

But see, I really don’t think the number of guys she’s dated is the problem. I think the problem is how she treats them when the relationship is over, and how she constantly tries to convince everyone that she’s the pure, innocent darling who could never do anything wrong. I mean, there are a lot of problems, and I think the way Taylor cycles through dudes, looking for song material is one of them, but it’s not about “man, she has been with so many people,” you know?

Either way, I hope this means we’re about to see a change in the way Taylor does things. We won’t, of course, but it’s always nice to have hope.

Quotables: Taylor Swift and Michael J. Fox are BFFs Now, Don’t Worry

photo of michael j fox and taylor swift pictures

Hey everybody, Michael J. Fox got in touch with me today and we are good. Thank you for having my back.

Ugh, can I tell you just how much I hate this comment (which came directly from Taylor Swift’s Twitter page)? Because if I were an unbalanced person, something like this from someone like her about someone like him could really, really ruin my whole f-cking day. As it were, I am not an unbalanced person, and something like this, though ridiculous, about a simple shithead who has no idea who she is in comparison to a legend like Michael J. Fox, will not ruin my day. I just have one request, though—can someone please, please give Michael J. Fox a call and tell him to say this, verbatim?:

“I have no idea what this crazy Taylor Swift bitch is talking about—I don’t even have Taylor Swift’s telephone number for fear of accidentally passing it along to an seventeen-year-old boy with judgement issues.”

Moral of the story? Taylor Swift is the most annoying little shit who’s ever lived. The end.