Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Taylor Swift

Quotables: Taylor Swift is So Thankful for Men

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“If a man dates me, he’s kind of signing a waiver saying he’s cool with me writing songs about him. I write songs about my life: it’s not something I’ve kept secret and pretty much everyone knows that, so no, I don’t worry that a new man will get upset about something I write. That being said, it’s mind-blowing how some guys have just handed me inspiration for some of these songs on a plate. Some have said, ‘Please don’t write about me,’ but only when we’re in the process of breaking up.”

Oh my gosh, this. I mean, it’s nothing earth-shattering or anything, because duh, we all know that Taylor Swift gets her inspiration for songs from her very public and prolific relationships, like those with Taylor Lautner, John Mayer, and Jake Gyllenhaal, but come on. It’s all fairly obvious: we know that Taylor loves the guys, and the guys all love Taylor, so we really shouldn’t rag on girlfriend for stating a fact.

To be fair, Taylor also said this: “My brother gives really good advice from a guy’s perspective. He’ll always tell me, ‘You know there are no rules, right? So if you want to text this guy back, text him back.’ Saying that, I don’t do the chasing. You kind of learn that in school,” and you can definitely take what she said right with a grain of salt, a shot of Pepto Bismol, and a couple-two-three Tylenol PMs to sleep off the BS hangover the best you can, because that bit about “I don’t do the chasing”? Oh my God. I just can’t even.

Taylor Swift Says Dating a Teenager is Hard, Guys

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From In Touch:

Looks like more teardrops will be falling from Taylor Swift’s guitar! In Touch can reveal that after a summer of love in Hyannis Port, Mass., the 22-year-old is not happy with her romance of just three months with Conor Kennedy, 18.

“She’s been complaining that love with a teenager is hard,” says a source. “She’s tried everything possible, but the long distance is getting to her.”

When Taylor does finally get to see Conor, spending time together is a challenge. He attends Deerfield Academy – where he’s a high school junior despite his age – and the prestigious prep school has strict rules that clash with Swift’s more mature lifestyle.

“He has to be back to his dorm by 9:45 pm during the week… and 11:30 on Saturday nights.”

Ugh, can you even imagine what Taylor‘s next ex hit song will be like? I don’t know, guys, but I have to say—this girl makes me want to punch her in her googly, starry-eyed head. She’s emotionally retarded, overly theatrical with her grandiose gestures of love, embarrassing, and clingy—and those are four things that pretty much ruin me on a person, indeed. Do I sound like a heartless, soulless bitch who doesn’t remember what it’s like to be sixteen? Because I’m not. I just left sixteen at sixteen, which is more than I can say for Taylor here, who’s going to be twenty-three in a few weeks.

Taylor Swift’s BFF Is Her Boyfriend’s Grandma

A photo of Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift‘s boyfriend’s grandma being 84-year-old Ethel Kennedy. You know, natch.

We’ve documented the mutual admiration that Taylor and Ethel have for each other – that kind of admiration that is bordering on a full-fledged girl crush – but this time it’s a little different. This time, Conor Kennedy’s cousin, Ted Kennedy, Jr., is documenting the friendship. And it’s just hilarious to me.

From Us Weekly:

“[Taylor and Ethel] love spending time with one another,” Kennedy Jr., a 51-year-old lawyer and financial adviser, revealed to Us Weekly at Monday’s New York premiere of the HBO documentary Ethel. “They are fascinated by each other.”

The Kennedy clan’s relationship with Swift — whom Kennedy Jr. describes as “a very genuine, down-to-earth person” — has at times seemed less than perfect, thanks to reports that the star “kidnapped” her 18-year-old boyfriend and crashed Kyle Kennedy’s Boston wedding in August. But Conor’s cousin says the “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” singer gets along beautifully with the family, and especially with Ethel.

“[Ethel] is a very open person to people of all generations. She’s a very welcoming person. She and Taylor have a genuine friendship,” he told Us.

“I think Ethel makes [Taylor] feel very at ease,” he added. “Taylor lives in a world — she’s obviously achieved incredible success, and for people who live in that world, some people just like to hang out and relax and let their hair down. I think Ethel makes that possible.”

Look, I realize that I’m developing a pretty intense thing for Taylor Swift, but this is interesting, right? How she worked her way into this family, how she’s dating a junior in high school, how she bought a house right next to the Kennedy estate and how she has a backup Kennedy just in case things don’t work out with this one. Like, they’ll probably make this whole saga into a miniseries a few years down the line. That’s how epic this whole thing is.

Watch This Dude Use Taylor Swift Lyrics as Pick Up Lines

No joke, this is probably the best thing I’ve ever seen*. It’s funny, it’s awkward, it makes fun of Taylor Swift, which we all know is just so much fun. I laughed out loud several times (“so shame on me now”), and I just love it, guys, I just really really love this.

Plus it just makes it all that more clear how ridiculous Taylor Swift is. And that’s something the world desperately needs.

*Well, the best thing I’ve ever seen is either this video or the concept art for Jurassic Park 4. Have you seen it? It’s from a scrapped concept for the movie that involved human-dinosaur hybrids. No really:

That’s the derpasaurus right there. Powerful stuff.

Taylor Swift is Just Perfect for the Kennedys

So the Kennedy family matriarch, Ethel Kennedy, recently interviewed at the Robert F. Kennedy Gold Golf Tournament, and when inevitably asked about Taylor Swift and her place in the Kennedy family, Ethel answered, “… she is just spectacular. She is just sensational, inside and out. She’s very kind and… do you know what she really is? She’s game. She had never sailed before. She sailed… She played [everything] that everyone else was doing and she was good at it. And [with] no fuss.”

Oh Taylor. How perfect can you be?

Quotables: Taylor Swift Has Some Interesting Ideas About Love

A photo of Taylor Swift

“The way I look at love is you have to follow it, and fall hard, if you fall hard. You have to forget about what everyone else thinks. It has to be an us-against-the-world mentality. You have to make it work by prioritizing it, and by falling in love really fast, without thinking too hard. If I think too hard about a relationship I’ll talk myself out of it.”

- Taylor Swift makes complete sense while discussing the way she looks at love.

Except not.

I’ll admit that the “it has to be an us-against-the-world mentality” could be taken in a different way, but the way I read it, it sounds like Taylor’s saying that when you love someone, you’re automatically on the defense, which is weird. I probably thought that because of the preceding thought, “you have to forget what everyone else thinks.” Because girl, to a certain extent, that’s true, but if everyone in your life thinks you’re dating a douchebag, then you might want to consider the possibility that you’re dating a douchebag. Or, in Taylor’s case, if everyone thinks you’re creepy for dating a high school junior, then, you know, maybe you’re creepy. Just think on that.

But the part where she says “you have to make it work by prioritizing it, and by falling in love really fast, without thinking too hard”? Oh, honey. That’s why she falls in love so much, isn’t it? Because she meets a guy and likes his sweater or whatever, and she decides “boom, in love now!” And that’s why she has so many songs about heartache. Because she’s mentally 12 years old.

It’s been fun dissecting her quote, hasn’t it? Should we do this more often? Should we all send Taylor Swift thoughtful emails about why she’s really a creepy creeper? Let’s think on that.

Oh, she also said that her house is “a whole Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland structure,” because “it’s what the inside of my brain looks like.” No, for real.

Taylor Swift Seriously Just Called Conor Kennedy “A Grown Man”

A photo of Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy

I’ll just show you her words first, all right? Then when we’re finished reading, we can all have a good laugh. Sound good?

Why does Taylor Swift avoid Google?

Because she would risk clicking on rumors like this one: that she so missed her 18-year-old boyfriend Conor Kennedy that she “kidnapped” him from his high school and flew him to Nashville on her private jet.

“How did I kidnap him?” Swift, 22, exclaims to Rolling Stone when told about the rumor du jour. “You can’t kidnap a grown man! These are serious accusations, now!”

Laughing, she adds: “It’s an interesting way to spin something into a story. … See, this is why I don’t read stuff.”

As for a more documented report – Kathie Lee Gifford confirming she witnessed Swift and Conor crash a Kennedy family wedding – the singer responds: “I have no idea what happened there.”

“I think that story was based on the biggest misunderstanding, ’cause I would never knowingly show up somewhere that I thought I wasn’t invited to,” she tells the magazine. “And I would never want to upstage anybody.”

Oh my god, I can’t. “You can’t kidnap a grown man,” honestly. He might be 18, but he’s a junior in high school. And no, I don’t know how that works, but I do know that school was in session when she took him to Nashville, and that seems a little shady. But then again, this whole situation seems shady, doesn’t it? Maybe that’s why she allegedly moved on to Patrick Schwarzenegger, so she could say that she was dating a high school graduate.

Never change, Taylor Swift.