So I finally watched the Roast of Charlie Sheen yesterday—it aired Monday night, yes, but I was busy—and I have to admit this Roast was pretty good. Not Bob Saget good, but then again, what is?
There was a real likelihood of the evening falling flat. How do you parody a parody? How do you make light of wife-beating? And who invites Mike Tyson to do stand-up, even? But the jokes were scathing, and the Roast bit to the quick. I’ve rolled my eyes at Charlie Sheen‘s recent I-Don’t-Have-a-Job Humble Pie Remorse Tour, and I don’t like him, but he sure did take his lumps like a champ. (Some critics are saying the jokes weren’t mean enough, but seriously, how many more jokes about Sheen ruining his kids’ lives did we really need?)
Warming Glow has compiled a comprehensive guide to some of the best zings of the night. Here’s a sampling.
- “Every minute of your life looks like the first two minutes of SVU.”
- “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” (Cut to actor Richard Kind, in the audience, having a heart attack.)
- “If you’re ‘winning’, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns. Don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?”
Jon Lovitz:
- “How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men!”
I confess I don’t really watch Family Guy. In another place, another time, I would be happy to expound on why I avoid the FOX cartoon as I do herpes simplex.
But—also like herpes simplex—some contagions are difficult to avoid. Family Guy really is a cultural phenomenon, and since I pride myself on my cultural literacy, I do know a couple things about the show, thank you.
For instance, I know it stars a lovable schlub along with his nasal wife, their killer baby, and Birdo. I also know that all of the characters are inexplicably gifted with adult human voices.
About that. At the Comic-Con Family Guy panel, one logical fan asked a question about Stewie, and I, too, have always wrestled with this: WHO CAN HEAR STEWIE? Everyone? Nobody? Just the dog?
Perplexed Fan: “*Ahem*. In some episodes, only Brian can hear Stewie, but then in other episodes, other people can hear him, and I can’t [something something], too ’4:20′ to figure it out.”
Yep, according to Family Guystar Seth MacFarlane, Stewie is conflicted now, but hopefully he’ll come to grips with his truth. Despite the fact that FG is an animated and therefore fictional show, we should all brace ourselves for the protests that are sure to follow this bombshell outing.
“We had an episode that went all the way to the script phase in which Stewie does come out,” MacFarlane, the show’s creator, says in the September issue of Playboy magazine. “It had to do with the harassment he took from other kids at school. He ends up going back in time to prevent a passage in Leviticus from being written: ‘Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is an abomination.’
“But we decided it’s better to keep it vague, which makes more sense because he’s a 1-year-old. Ultimately, Stewie will be gay or a very unhappy repressed heterosexual. It also explains why he’s so hellbent on killing [his mother, Lois] and taking over the world: He has a lot of aggression, which comes from confusion and uncertainty about his orientation.”
I only have one thing to say to all the right-wing Bible thumpers that will most assuredly arrive in droves after learning of this immoral, animated character: What are you doing reading Playboy interviews?
I’m rarely jealous of any Hollywood pairing, but whoever lands Seth MacFarlane is an object of my envy. The Family Guy creator, 34, was spotted joined at the hip with Amanda Bynes, 22, at the Fox summer press tour event in Santa Monica. E!’s Kristin Veitch seems unsure as to whether the duo is dating, but another blogger at the event had this to say:
Seth is normally accessible at these functions. But after only a couple of minutes — literally because I have the timer recording to prove it — Amanda was having none of it. She walked away from his side and started strolling the party without him. Seth smiled, apologized and announced his date was getting away from him. So he exited the interview quickly and went running after her.
Yes, Seth may have it going on with other aspects of his life. But with women? Well, he’s still working on that one.
Amanda’s done an episode of Family Guy, so that’s probably where they met. Cute couple? I guess so. I’d rather see him with Amanda than with Paris Hilton or some shit. But I’d still be happiest seeing him with me.
Oh dear God..her art is not good. I own a gallery, and I would never in a million years show that work. Anyway, she is cute though. I like thinking about Russell pretending to like her work haha. Stick to modeling sweetie.
5
