Serena Williams is one of the greatest athletes to ever live, and that’s not up for debate. Last weekend, she won her 21st Grand Slam title (her 6th in a row) and continued her reign as the World’s No. 1 seeded female tennis player (I’d love to see her play the likes of Federer or Djokovic, too – I bet she could beat them). And yet, instead of celebrating this fantastic display of female strength and power, many people on social media were more concerned with Serena’s eyebrows. Because, of course, how dare a professional athlete who’s out there killing it not look fuckable for five seconds!
Taking to her Instagram page on Tuesday, Serena posted a video of herself getting her eyebrows waxed and shaped. She likes them natural and was pretty happy with them how they were, but the bullying got to her, so she let social media win this time.
A video posted by Serena Williams (@serenawilliams) on
This is absolutely ridiculous. It just shows you can be on top of the world and STILL be bullied for not ascribing to society’s view of “beauty”. Fuck that. Serena is strong, she’s fierce, she’s beautiful, and she could basically beat your ass, so people need to lay off and get a life. More than anything else, I feel really sad that Serena was actually bothered by this enough that she felt the need to document the fact that she was getting this situation under control. I didn’t even NOTICE her eyebrows during the match, to be honest. I was, you know, too busy watching her PLAY TENNIS.
Also, I thought strong eyebrows are a thing? Or is that only if it’s on Cara Delevingne? UGH.
Serena Williams is known for being an amazing tennis player, not a fantastic public spokeswoman, and we found out why last week. Discussing the famous Steubenville rape case – in which a 16-year-old girl was drugged and raped repeatedly by local high school football players as others videotaped and then posted the incident on the Internet – she came out with this hot mess to Rolling Stone:
“Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don’t know. I’m not blaming the girl, but if you’re a 16-year-old and you’re drunk like that, your parents should teach you – don’t take drinks from other people.”
“She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously, I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”
Oh, totes, Serena. Girls are DEFINITELY asking to be raped and humiliated about said rape just by going to a party, or by wearing “slutty” clothes, or by having a drink. That definitely gives dudes the right to stick their dicks in you while you’re unconscious and totally explains why the whole town would be on their side! It’s all her fault! How dare this girl be a normal teenager? At the very least, how dare she be surprised that dudes rape her when she does? Fuck off.
Anyway, Serena has realised the error of her ways (read: her publicist has told her to backpedal like crazy) and posted the following message on her personal website:
“What happened in Steubenville was a real shock for me. I was deeply saddened. For someone to be raped, and at only sixteen, is such a horrible tragedy! For both families involved – that of the rape victim and of the accused. I am currently reaching out to the girl’s family to let her know that I am deeply sorry for what was written in the Rolling Stone article. What was written – what I supposedly said – is insensitive and hurtful, and I by no means would say or insinuate that she was at all to blame.
I have fought all of my career for women’s equality, women’s equal rights, respect in their fields – anything I could do to support women I have done. My prayers and support always goes out to the rape victim. In this case, most especially, to an innocent sixteen year old child.”
Well, I guess that’s nice. She still gets a side-eye from me.
And it might actually be OK if it weren’t for the fact that it’s practically all about tennis, and, you know, sounds almost identical to ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’. Don’t believe me? Never heard ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’? Well, here:
I mean, yeah, there’s sampling, and then there’s “sampling,” and by “sampling,” I mean YEAH RIGHT COME ON SERENA WILLIAMS THIS ISN’T EVEN CLOSE TO ORIGINAL (except for all that tennis business … I don’t think old Snoop’s going to be singing about playing doubles anytime soon or anything).
Real talk: I hate, hate, hate most rap, but guys? I absolutely love ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’. And while Serena might be a perfectly capable rapper, she really needs to lay off laying tracks about tennis, you know?
Bad news, tennis fans (and I’m sure that there are dozens of you out there.) Serena Williams has announced that she wont be playing in this year’s US Open due to a continued pain in her right knee. After Wimbledon this year, Serena hurt her knee on a broken glass and the slow healing process has made her unfit to play.
“It is with much frustration and deep sadness that I am having to pull out of the U.S. Open,” the tournament’s three-time champion said in a statement released Friday by her publicist.
The tennis superstar’s withdrawal also means she won’t team with older sister Venus to defend the doubles title they won in at the U.S. Open last year. Venus, who hasn’t competed on tour since Wimbledon because of a bothersome left knee, is expected to play singles at the tournament, which kicks off Aug. 30 in Flushing Meadows, N.Y.
Wow. Well, I’m sure that news is devastating to someone who cares.
What I’ve pulled from this is that Serena Williams is in a weakened state and so she probably doesn’t have it in her to tackle and kill me. She’s huge, you know? I’m afraid of her.
Word on the street is that Common and that horrifying Williams sister, Serena have broken up. A source close the the couple says that they “grew apart”. Oh well! I never liked the two of them together, so this works out great.
As I already said, I am completely terrified by the Williams Sisters (Venus is the truly scary one) and Common is just like, the dreamiest. I couldn’t really see them working out in the long run. Common needs someone more soft and feminine in his world, and perhaps that someone could be me. I’m just sayin’.
Hey y’all. I know everyone’s waiting for me to weigh in on this Kanye nonsense from last night. I’ll tell ya what: I heard the news (I wasn’t watching the show live), and I was fucking pissed. Taylor Swift is the little sister I adopted without her permission, and NOBODY gets to fuck with her like that. I think she handled herself perfectly, both during and after the incident, and I think Kanye West is a fucking alcoholic who should know by now that drinking prior to live, televised awards shows never results in him conducting himself appropriately. I feel sad for him; I’m sure his embarrassment today is surpassed only by his hangover. But just as I was getting all worked up about that, scouring the web for more information, I saw the news that they found the body of that missing Yale grad student, and suddenly a stupid Kanye West rant didn’t seem so important. My heart just breaks for the family and friends of that girl. It’s so unspeakably tragic.
But I suppose there was just anger in the air this weekend, as Serena Williams completely lost her shit on the tennis court at the US Open on Saturday night. The lineswoman calls a foot fault on Serena during her second serve, and Serena then appears to threaten to do something involving the tennis ball and the lineswoman’s orifices. For whatever reason, I’m loving this clip. I mean, THIS is the kind of forum where you fight back against decisions — far more appropriate than frightening poor Taylor Swift at the VMAs. And then the lineswoman goes and tattles on Serena and she basically forfeits the match. Anyway. It’s a fun clip.
Here’s a picture of Serena Williams and her friends catching some rays, or really hiding from rays, this weekend in Miami. Her legs are like mighty sequoias. No kidding, total muscle. And speaking of being crafted of wood, doesn’t her hand look like it belongs to a mannequin?
But Serena isn’t really the bitch I want to talk about. I want to talk about the little white fur ball perched at the end of her chaise lounge. Uh, what breed of dog is that? Because I need one. I’m not a people dog person at all, which is a little ironic since I work for the biggest dog lover of all time. But I’m in worship with this one. He/she has melted the ice chambers of my heart. I’m seriously willing to trade in all one of my kids to get one.