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Serena Williams

Serena Williams Is Super Sorry For Being A Victim-Blaming Idiot

serena williams

Serena Williams is known for being an amazing tennis player, not a fantastic public spokeswoman, and we found out why last week. Discussing the famous Steubenville rape case – in which a 16-year-old girl was drugged and raped repeatedly by local high school football players as others videotaped and then posted the incident on the Internet – she came out with this hot mess to Rolling Stone:

“Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don’t know. I’m not blaming the girl, but if you’re a 16-year-old and you’re drunk like that, your parents should teach you – don’t take drinks from other people.”

“She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously, I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”

Oh, totes, Serena. Girls are DEFINITELY asking to be raped and humiliated about said rape just by going to a party, or by wearing “slutty” clothes, or by having a drink. That definitely gives dudes the right to stick their dicks in you while you’re unconscious and totally explains why the whole town would be on their side! It’s all her fault! How dare this girl be a normal teenager? At the very least, how dare she be surprised that dudes rape her when she does? Fuck off.

Anyway, Serena has realised the error of her ways (read: her publicist has told her to backpedal like crazy) and posted the following message on her personal website:

“What happened in Steubenville was a real shock for me. I was deeply saddened. For someone to be raped, and at only sixteen, is such a horrible tragedy! For both families involved – that of the rape victim and of the accused. I am currently reaching out to the girl’s family to let her know that I am deeply sorry for what was written in the Rolling Stone article. What was written – what I supposedly said – is insensitive and hurtful, and I by no means would say or insinuate that she was at all to blame.

I have fought all of my career for women’s equality, women’s equal rights, respect in their fields – anything I could do to support women I have done. My prayers and support always goes out to the rape victim. In this case, most especially, to an innocent sixteen year old child.”

Well, I guess that’s nice. She still gets a side-eye from me.

Serena Williams is a Rapper Now

And it might actually be OK if it weren’t for the fact that it’s practically all about tennis, and, you know, sounds almost identical to ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’. Don’t believe me? Never heard ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’? Well, here:

I mean, yeah, there’s sampling, and then there’s “sampling,” and by “sampling,” I mean YEAH RIGHT COME ON SERENA WILLIAMS THIS ISN’T EVEN CLOSE TO ORIGINAL (except for all that tennis business … I don’t think old Snoop’s going to be singing about playing doubles anytime soon or anything).

Real talk: I hate, hate, hate most rap, but guys? I absolutely love ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’. And while Serena might be a perfectly capable rapper, she really needs to lay off laying tracks about tennis, you know?

Serena Williams Drops Out of US Open

Bad news, tennis fans (and I’m sure that there are dozens of you out there.) Serena Williams has announced that she wont be playing in this year’s US Open due to a continued pain in her right knee. After Wimbledon this year, Serena hurt her knee on a broken glass and the slow healing process has made her unfit to play.


“It is with much frustration and deep sadness that I am having to pull out of the U.S. Open,” the tournament’s three-time champion said in a statement released Friday by her publicist.

The tennis superstar’s withdrawal also means she won’t team with older sister Venus to defend the doubles title they won in at the U.S. Open last year. Venus, who hasn’t competed on tour since Wimbledon because of a bothersome left knee, is expected to play singles at the tournament, which kicks off Aug. 30 in Flushing Meadows, N.Y.

Wow. Well, I’m sure that news is devastating to someone who cares.

What I’ve pulled from this is that Serena Williams is in a weakened state and so she probably doesn’t have it in her to tackle and kill me. She’s huge, you know? I’m afraid of her.