0Serena Williams is a Rapper Now

And it might actually be OK if it weren’t for the fact that it’s practically all about tennis, and, you know, sounds almost identical to ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’. Don’t believe me? Never heard ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’? Well, here:

I mean, yeah, there’s sampling, and then there’s “sampling,” and by “sampling,” I mean YEAH RIGHT COME ON SERENA WILLIAMS THIS ISN’T EVEN CLOSE TO ORIGINAL (except for all that tennis business … I don’t think old Snoop’s going to be singing about playing doubles anytime soon or anything).

Real talk: I hate, hate, hate most rap, but guys? I absolutely love ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’. And while Serena might be a perfectly capable rapper, she really needs to lay off laying tracks about tennis, you know?

May 11, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah

6Serena Williams Drops Out of US Open

Bad news, tennis fans (and I’m sure that there are dozens of you out there.) Serena Williams has announced that she wont be playing in this year’s US Open due to a continued pain in her right knee. After Wimbledon this year, Serena hurt her knee on a broken glass and the slow healing process has made her unfit to play.

From People.com:

“It is with much frustration and deep sadness that I am having to pull out of the U.S. Open,” the tournament’s three-time champion said in a statement released Friday by her publicist.

The tennis superstar’s withdrawal also means she won’t team with older sister Venus to defend the doubles title they won in at the U.S. Open last year. Venus, who hasn’t competed on tour since Wimbledon because of a bothersome left knee, is expected to play singles at the tournament, which kicks off Aug. 30 in Flushing Meadows, N.Y.

Wow. Well, I’m sure that news is devastating to someone who cares.

What I’ve pulled from this is that Serena Williams is in a weakened state and so she probably doesn’t have it in her to tackle and kill me. She’s huge, you know? I’m afraid of her.

August 21, 2010 at 1:04 pm by Molls

23I’m Probably Going To Start Dating Common Now

Word on the street is that Common and that horrifying Williams sister, Serena have broken up. A source close the the couple says that they “grew apart”. Oh well! I never liked the two of them together, so this works out great.

As I already said, I am completely terrified by the Williams Sisters (Venus is the truly scary one) and Common is just like, the dreamiest. I couldn’t really see them working out in the long run. Common needs someone more soft and feminine in his world, and perhaps that someone could be me. I’m just sayin’.

Call me, Common.

May 26, 2010 at 3:25 pm by Molls

13Serena Williams Melts Down on the Tennis Court

Hey y’all. I know everyone’s waiting for me to weigh in on this Kanye nonsense from last night. I’ll tell ya what: I heard the news (I wasn’t watching the show live), and I was fucking pissed. Taylor Swift is the little sister I adopted without her permission, and NOBODY gets to fuck with her like that. I think she handled herself perfectly, both during and after the incident, and I think Kanye West is a fucking alcoholic who should know by now that drinking prior to live, televised awards shows never results in him conducting himself appropriately. I feel sad for him; I’m sure his embarrassment today is surpassed only by his hangover. But just as I was getting all worked up about that, scouring the web for more information, I saw the news that they found the body of that missing Yale grad student, and suddenly a stupid Kanye West rant didn’t seem so important. My heart just breaks for the family and friends of that girl. It’s so unspeakably tragic.

But I suppose there was just anger in the air this weekend, as Serena Williams completely lost her shit on the tennis court at the US Open on Saturday night. The lineswoman calls a foot fault on Serena during her second serve, and Serena then appears to threaten to do something involving the tennis ball and the lineswoman’s orifices. For whatever reason, I’m loving this clip. I mean, THIS is the kind of forum where you fight back against decisions — far more appropriate than frightening poor Taylor Swift at the VMAs. And then the lineswoman goes and tattles on Serena and she basically forfeits the match. Anyway. It’s a fun clip.

September 14, 2009 at 2:20 pm by Evil Beet

28Serena Williams Serves Up A Healthy Body Image

Here’s a picture of Serena Williams and her friends catching some rays, or really hiding from rays, this weekend in Miami.  Her legs are like mighty sequoias.  No kidding, total muscle.  And speaking of being crafted of wood, doesn’t her hand look like it belongs to a mannequin?

But Serena isn’t really the bitch I want to talk about.  I want to talk about the little white fur ball perched at the end of her chaise lounge.  Uh, what breed of dog is that?  Because I need one.  I’m not a people dog person at all, which is a little ironic since I work for the biggest dog lover of all time.  But I’m in worship with this one.  He/she has melted the ice chambers of my heart.  I’m seriously willing to trade in all one of my kids to get one.

April 6, 2009 at 6:47 am by Wendie

35Dayum!!!

Check out this behind-the-shoot video of Serena Williams for H magazine. She looks freakin’ fantastic!!! Serena spent quite a few years looking awkward and mannish, but she has really blossomed in the past year or two. Her body is just incredible, and she has finally been working with makeup artists who bring out the beauty in her face. Love it, love it, love it.

January 9, 2009 at 10:30 am by Evil Beet