Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Sean Connery

Dick Van Dyke Could Have Been James Bond


So, apparently back in the day, Dick Van Dyke was offered the role of James Bond and would have replaced Sean Connery in the franchise. Well, that would’ve been a different world. I kind of can’t see it, to be honest, but Dick told Kevin Pollack that’s what happened, so I guess we’ll believe it.

In any case, the whole plan went to shit when Dick reminded Bond producer Albert R ‘Cubby’ Broccoli of his laughably horrendous English accent, to which Broccoli apparently replied, “Oh, that’s right – forget it!” LOL. Yeah, that would not have been very good – but I do love him in Mary Poppins!

As for Dick’s thoughts on Daniel Craig as James Bond, he doesn’t think he’s doing a great job, saying: “For some reason he lacks the panache to be Bond, to me.” He did at least throw Daniel a bit of a bone, claiming that he’s a good actor with “great physicality”. I kind of agree with Dick, though – Daniel Craig just doesn’t carry it off, I don’t think. How about you?

Would you have liked to see Dick Van Dyke as James Bond?  I doubt anyone will answer, “Yes! Definitely!” but who knows. It takes all kinds. I don’t think anyone will ever top Connery, though.

Sean Connery is Old, Yes, But is Still Stuck in 1942

And by that, I mean he’s got no problems hitting women and all the problems in the world with gay men kissing.

Connery and his wife were spied upon during the latest “Dressed to Kilt” Charity Fashion Show in NYC.  Much to Connery’s chagrin, there were homosexual couples in attendance — on the catwalk — and his alleged reaction to the men kissing said it all:  a sidelong look to his wife as if to say “Oh, my God.”

Man, if that’s not old-school, nothing is. Who bats an eye at a same-sex couple swapping spit nowadays, anyway?

The old Bond is no stranger to society’s ills, however.  In a 1965 interview with Playboy, he spoke about domestic violence:

“I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman … If a woman is a bitch, or hysterical, or bloody-minded continually, then I’d do it.”

And yes, in case you’re wondering, that is his wife, looking like she was whacked several times — with the blunt end of the fugly club. You wouldn’t think that he’d have a problem with a man kissing a man, since that’s probably what it’s like when he’s bumping uglies with his lady, anyway.

I’m kidding.  That’s not nice.  I know that if you were to sit here and make fun of my great-grandmother’s shriveled appearance, I’d be pretty pissed, too. The elderly are off-limits when it comes to physical mockery, even if they do look like the male version of themselves.