Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Russell Brand

Amazing BFF Alert: David Lynch And Russell Brand

russell brand david lynch

David Lynch and Russell Brand have one thing in common: their love of transcendental meditation. Seriously. The Hammer Museum in Los Angeles screened a documentary titled Meditation, Creativity, Peace that stars Mr. Lynch. He and Russell Brand did a Q&A after the screening that had a record number turn-out for any event the museum has thrown, including a Patti Smith concert.

The Daily Beast reports:

The 67-year-old director of Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive politely answers the odd question about his films, but mostly he talks about Transcendental Meditation.

A flurry of flashbulbs and TV cameramen signals the arrival of Lynch and his team from the David Lynch Foundation for Consciousness-Based Education and World Peace … Accompanying the group is the gangly British comedian Russell Brand, whom Lynch introduced to TM three years ago, and who’s here to moderate the evening’s Q&A. They are a pair designed for maximum contrast: Lynch with his Jimmy Neutron updo, Brand with his rock-star ringlets.

Lynch avoids the packed Billy Wilder Theater to wait backstage, while Brand sits in the front row, bantering with his neighbors.

“Have I told how much I love you?” says one man.

“You have. You’ve made it very clear. But I can always take a little more.”

The documentary opens with Lynch holding a jelly doughnut. “Transcendental Meditation gives an experience much sweeter than the sweetness of this doughnut,“ he says in his best Northwestern drawl. “It gives the experience of the sweetest nectar of life, pure bliss consciousness.”

[...]

During the Q&A afterwards, Brand mentions sex after one minute, 52 seconds. “Sometimes, I find myself in a situation, alone, late at night,” he says, “and in this situation I have the opportunity for masturbatory activity or meditative activity, and I said to David, ‘Often in this situation, I will choose masturbation. Why is this?’ And David goes, ‘That’s because you love to masturbate!’”

Lynch is quite happy to be the counterpoint to Brand’s naughty schoolboy antics.

“Excuse me, David, I think I have a clever thing to say. Can I say it?” Lynch nods indulgently as Brand launches into an epic, serpentine definition of the benefits of TM.

“We’re making a little CD of this,” Lynch tells the audience. “And you can hit half-speed.”

I would be so down for a reality show starring David Lynch and Russell Brand who are forced to be roommates for some reason. Wacky adventures would of course ensure. Whether you like Russell Brand or don’t, you have to admit that he’s very quick thinking and always ready with a quip.

Russell Brand Pokes Fun At His Own Marriage; I Loled

david lynch katy perry russell brand

Russell Brand made some funny and self-aware jokes about his failed marriage to Katy Perry on his radio show. He’s done this before, but it’s pretty direct here, and I think it’s done without being disrespectful to Ms. Perry. Also his show raised money for the Teen Cancer trust, so there’s that upside. His co-hosts Noel Gallagher, Matt Morgan, and Trevor Lock started it, by revealing on air that they all made bets on how long Mr. Brand’s marriage would last. EOnline has the details.

“Don’t cackle; I tried my hardest,” the actor said after Matt mocked Brand’s entrance to thelavish Indian wedding on an elephant. “How come you know exactly how long my marriage was—was you timing it?”

“For the record, in the sweepstake I came the closest,” Gallagher replied, ‘fessing up to the bet.

To which Russell provides a quick comeback:

“Let me tell you a thing about marriage. Marriage is a bond that can last up to 14 months…This is a sacred, 14-month arrangement. Begins on an elephant. Ends in a newspaper.

There’s something very Hunter S. Thompson about that statement.

P.S. I had to include that photo of David Lynch with Katy Perry and Russell Brand. Because, wtf. In the best possible way.

Russell Brand Is Being Sued For $185k Over LA Accident

russell brand pics

Russell Brand, for all intents and purposes, is a pretty decent dude. He does his yoga, helps homeless people, always uses condoms, he knows how to be dignified after a painful divorce… I don’t have a problem with him. Is he a bit… intense? Sure. But generally, I think he’s a harmless bro who’s worked hard to get his life together and I applaud him for that. Of course, that doesn’t mean he’s perfect, and now some bro in LA is claiming that Russell mowed him down with his car and he wants $185,000 for the “damage” (bodily and otherwise) he’s suffered because of it.

From TMZ:

The man who claims Russell Brand nailed him last year with his car now says he suffered $185,000 in damages.

TMZ broke the story … Victor Sneed sued Russell last year, alleging he was walking when he got mowed down.

Sneed just filed legal docs … claiming he has more body part damage than Zsa Zsa — specifically his left hand, left arm, left hip, neck and left wrist.

Sneed says he’s already shelled out $45k in medical expenses, and he sneeds another $140k for future surgeries.

Brand says he’s not to blame for the accident.

Did this actually happen? Who can say? If it did, and Sneed’s injuries were that extensive, it easily would have cost up to $185,000 depending on the treatment he needed. This is the problem with America – no socialised healthcare means people go bankrupt over shit like this. Russell Brand wouldn’t be bankrupt if he had to pay up, of course, but you know what I mean.

Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to get money out of someone famous over something that never actually happened. We’ll have to wait and see on this one, I think.

Russell Brand Uses Condoms And Will Probably Bang Demi Moore

russell brand demi moore sex

The look of terror: Stern asks Brand if he's made love to Demi Moore.

How do we all feel about Russell Brand? I’ve never been able to come to terms with my own feelings for the man. He seems awful and gross and yet he wrote something quite moving and wonderful about Amy Winehouse after her death. I don’t find him funny but I don’t find him unfunny, either. But if Katy deemed him a worthy chap, then perhaps he is. Although they did wind up divorced. He came to her honor though, refusing to speak ill of her while being interviewed on The Howard Stern Show (Is that STILL a thing?), though Mr. Stern did his damnedest. He “went there” when he asked this:

What do you make of you ex-wife dating John Mayer? It’s like doesn’t she know he’s a worse womanizer than you?

The charming Mr. Stern also added,

No, but seriously, you know I knew from the beginning you’d never stay married.

Wow! Stern and Brand (that sounds like a law firm) went on to discuss Mr. Brand’s love of yoga, which lead him to meeting his friend Demi Moore. Brand insists that they’re not anything more than friends, saying,

I really like her. She’s a beautiful person.

Not quite enough for dear Howard, who persisted,

But you’ve not made love to her yet.

“Made love”? Good heavens, Mr. Stern is quite the proper 1800s gent, isn’t he? To which Russell shouted, “I’VE NOT MADE LOVE TO HER YET.” Good on you, old boy. Stern also accused Brand of not having safe sex, based on how he looks. I can’t really blame Stern there. And Brand, with as good an attitude as ever,

I do use one every time I have carnal relations. You can’t have germs flying about everywhere.

In conclusion, Demi Moore and Russell Brand are absolutely going to contain their germs together.

Russell Brand Thinks Katy Perry Was Perfect From Top To Bottom (I Heard THAT!)

There’s something you need to know before we go any further: Katy Perry is my girl and I won’t have a bad word said against her. I mean, obviously you can say whatever you want about her because we’re all adults here and there’s such a thing as free speech and some people don’t like pop stars, even ironically, but I won’t hear it. It’ll go in one ear and out the other because I think she’s great, okay? I mean, have you actually listened to Teenage Dream? Have you seen Part of Me 3D? Have you looked at her? She’s flawless and I rest my case.

Anyway, this entry is about Katy, but only insomuch as what her ex-husband and human yoga mat Russell Brand had to say about her in a recent interview on The Howard Stern Show. After calling Katy’s current man friend John Mayer (feel free to talk shit about that, cos he’s a moron of the highest proportions) a “womanizer” – pot, meet kettle! – Russell stood up for Katy and said he wouldn’t talk bad about her just to generate a story. A true gentleman if ever there was one!

“You have to let go of the instinct to protect someone once you divorce them,” Brand explained, later telling the radio host, “So help me God, Howard Stern, I will not compromise my ex-wife’s vagina for the sake of ratings! That woman was perfect from top to bottom.” (via The Huffington Post)

Well, yeah, but at the same time, let’s let go of the whole “Katy needs protection but I can’t supply it” martyrdom, shall we? In any case, it seems like Russell is on a campaign of decency lately. First he takes Demi Moore for a meditation retreat in India, then he refuses to bad-mouth his ex-wife… what will he come up with next?

Russell Brand Really Likes India… and Demi Moore, Apparently

Russell Brand is kind of a hilarious amalgamation of a the Dalai Lama, Animal from The Muppet Babies and his character from Get Him To the Greek and I never really know what to make of him. Sure, he’s a decent person who takes assholes to task,  but he’s also… Russell Brand. He does weird stuff all the time, and this one’s no exception: he’s off on a spiritual trip to India… with Demi Moore. Say whaaat?

From The Sun:

RUSSELL BRAND can’t have been watching much of Channel 4’s What Happens In Kavos during his recent London stay.

The comic reckons the best way for his new pal DEMI MOORE to get over ASHTON KUTCHER is by taking a trip abroad.

But instead of Demi doing flaming shots while dancing round her handbag in a Greek bar, he’s pushing for a spiritual healing retreat instead.

Russell has invited the actress on a group trip to a yoga retreat in India.

The Ananda Spa in the Himalayas promises to “cleanse the soul” and “heal internally”.

Several other members of the stars’ yoga class have been to the retreat – which offers meditation classes and healthy eating – and have recommended it as a way of clearing the mind and heart.

A source said: “Russell and Demi have become friends since she started his yoga class.

“He remembers how much yoga and meditation helped him after his split with KATY PERRY and feels it will help Demi too.

“Spiritual retreats can be hard work, but if you’re in the right frame of mind they’re really beneficial.”

Less likely that you’ll end up in A&E at 4am with broken glass in your foot too.

Well, okay. First of all, didn’t Ashton file for divorce about two years ago? It’s a bit late for the emotional intervention – or, you know, the whole losing your mind over Ashton Kutcher deal Demi’s still got going on. Still, I’d rather her sitting cross-legged and chanting on the floor of a stone temple in Rishikesh than huffing aerosol cans or whatever she was doing before.