1Rob Kardashian’s Slimming Down But Still Has 50lbs To Go

We all know the story by now: Rob Kardashian got fat (his words) and it was all Rita Ora‘s fault. Because, you know, what you do to your own body is everyone else’s fault.But enough playing the victim – he decided to get fit and has indeed shed some pounds since starting a new diet and exercise regimen in February. He showed off his progress at the launch of his bullshit sock line last Saturday, where he caught up with US Weekly to give them the “scoop” (because who actually cares?) on how he’s doing.

“I still have to lose like 40 to 50 pounds believe it or not,” Kardashian told Us Weekly at the event. “Six months I should be there.”

In March, Kardashian told Us he weighed 235 pounds and recruited friends to join him in twice-daily workouts. On Saturday, he admitted, “That got [to be] too much . . . we do that, but I’m kind of doing my own thing with Lamar [Odom]‘s trainer. He’s on salary since he was 19 years old, so he works for us. I’ve been spending time with him.”

To help with his weight loss, Kardashian also said he’s cutting back on drinking. “I’m not really drinking out here in Vegas — I’ve been here since Wednesday and I leave Monday — that’s way too long,” the sock designer said. “But I’m trying to get in a healthy direction.”

I’m going to Vegas for the first time in August but I’d rather hit a buffet than the bar, so that should tell you everything you need to know about me. Still, the alcohol will pack the pounds on you (and, you know, degrade your liver) so it’s good that he’s not drinking too much. But seriously, doesn’t 40 or 50 lbs seem like a bit too much for him to lose?

I used to really like Rob and think he was probably the best Kardashian (hey, beggars can’t be choosers with that family), but then he got all whiny and pissy because he was doing nothing with his life and people were tired of rewarding him for it. Get it together, Rob. And then, you know, get away from that family as quickly as you can. After all, you’ll never be favoured over Kim.

May 27, 2013 at 1:30 pm by Jennifer

1Khloe Kardashian Admits What We All Knew: Kim Is Kris Jenner’s Favorite Daughter

They say when you have multiple children that you should (and usually do) love them all equally, though in different ways. I imagine this unspoken rule is null and void, though when one of your kids puts out a sex tape that puts your entire family on the map and manages to pull in more money for you in a week than your other kids do in a year, combined. Such is the case with Kris Jenner and her brood – Khloe, Kim, Kourtney, Kendall, Kylie… and Rob. We like to forget about Rob whenever we can.

Khloe Kardashian appears on the cover of the new issue of Cosmopolitan, and her interview is… vaguely depressing. It’s probably meant to be enlightening, but it’s pretty obvious that momager Kris favours Kim over the other girls. You gotta treat your cash cow right, don’t you?

“I’d never manage my kids. We gang up on Mom and that has to be so hard. Now I’m getting older I feel sorry for her rather than resent her.

“[Once my mom told me] I was gaining weight, but she was talking to me as a manager, like I was ruining a brand deal. It’s hard to understand that and it’s more hurtful when it’s coming from my mom, but Kim is definitely her favorite.

“It doesn’t bother me. They’re so similar – they could be the same person.”

I know it seems like she doth protest too much (and seriously, who WOULDN’T care if your siblings were favoured over you?), but maybe since it’s Kris, Khloe is being honest here. After all, the most attention Kris has ever given her was when she was begging her to take a DNA test to find out whether or not she was actually  a Kardashian or a by-product of her old ass affair. This whole family just needs to stop.

May 1, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

2What, No Way: People Aren’t Buying Rob Kardashian’s $30 Socks

Rob Kardashian, you warm my heart with your silly endeavors. You got fat, blamed it on Rita Ora, then called her a slut. And now, delightful young man, you have to deal with something that is just too wonderfully silly to even say: you have to deal with disappointing sock sales. Your designer socks aren’t selling. Because you thought you should design socks. And you thought people would buy these socks. For $30. Socks that you designed. You, Rob Kardashian. Socks.

My heart is so full.

From Radaronline:

The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star’s high-priced ‘Arthur George by Rob Kardashian’ line of socks is poised to be dumped from Neiman Marcus stores if stagnant sales don’t improve, RadarOnline.com has learned.

“Rob’s socks sold around the Christmas holiday, but since then no one has been really buying them,” a source at the Neiman Marcus store in Beverly Hills said.

“We actually had to ship a bunch out to other stores because they weren’t moving at all. To be honest, a lot of customers bought them more as a gag gift. At this point it doesn’t look like we’re going order anymore.”

The 26-year-old wannabe fashionista launched his pricey footwear at $30 per item — the busy patterned line includes the Camo, Graffiti and Swirls — and are sold exclusively at luxury specialty department store Neiman Marcus.

No one wants to buy Rob’s socks.
Even if they came with lox.
Or inside a lovely box.
Socks by Rob are not so great.
Kardashians won’t celebrate.
For socks by Rob are not ideal
And $30 is not a steal.

April 30, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

0Rob Kardashian Almost Ruined Rita Ora’s Life By Calling Her a Slut

Tale as old as time, people. Rob Kardashian and Rita Ora were only ever f-ck buddies, as we all know, but since it took Rob so long to get that through his thick skull, he decided a while back when she broke up with him that he’d spread some rumours online about her cheating on him by sleeping with over 20 other dudes and claiming that he’d got her pregnant at one point. He’s since admitted that’s not true and that he’s just mad because he got fat, obviously, but Rita thinks – probably rightfully so – that he might not be mentally stable.

From Look (via DigitalSpy):

“I don’t vocalise things that don’t deserve attention,” she told Look. “But it was something that was so unnecessary. Why would you flood people’s brains with unnecessary s**t?

“In my world, things like that just aren’t important. Twitter… can ruin your life. I thought I nearly had a ‘ruined’ moment, but no.”

She continued: “When you’re involved with someone for a while and they decided to express their feelings to the public – that’s not my personal way of therapy, but I guess everyone takes split-ups differently.

“You should have to sit an exam before you go on Twitter to see if you’re mentally stable.”

I say this all the time, girl – you should have to sit an exam before you can go on the Internet, full stop. People are f-cking crazy, and Rob Kardashian is a perfect example. Then again, that’s just the immature kinda bullshit that young people do – spread lies online just because they’ve been rejected. Oh, boo hoo, Rita Ora doesn’t want to be with my lazy, freeloader ass anymore. Guess I’ll go call her a slut on the internet, because that’s the worst thing you can do to a woman and I’m a scumbag! Spare me this bro.

I’m not a massive Rita Ora fan – though I do like her enough – but the fact that women become sluts or bitches when they don’t want anything to do with a man anymore chaps my hide. Male apologists, please step right up in the comments because your bullshit will fall on deaf ears. This happens way too often and it needs to stop.

March 13, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

2Rita Ora and Rob Kardashian Were Only Ever F-ck Buddies

The whole Rita Ora and Rob Kardashian saga is something out of a Lifetime movie centered on suburban high school kids with too few things to do in town and too much internet access. Basically what happened was this: Rob and Rita were sleeping together and “hanging out”, as the young folks do, which Rob considered a relationship. That relationship ended last year because of the whole “long distance” thing being too difficult, and Rob didn’t take that so well, instead getting fat and going to his Twitter page to accuse Rita Ora of sleeping her way to the top (he’s not the first person to do this) and cheating on him with approximately 40 bros. He later took that back, but Rita is basically throwing the highest shade possible saying that it doesn’t really matter what Rob’s saying because she never considered them to be together to begin with. Got that so far? Right, on we go.

From Australia’s Daily Telegraph:

“I never thought it was actually a relationship, in all honesty.

“I never mentally defined it as ‘boyfriend, girlfriend’. When I split up with him, I said, ‘It’s because I’m never there, I don’t know how to do it’. That’s all I said, then… the rest happened. He obviously felt that creating myths was the way forward.

“But I don’t think about it. I don’t vocalise things that don’t deserve attention… In my world, things like that just aren’t important.”

Oh, snap! Though she kinda contradicted herself by saying she “split up” with him. If he wasn’t your boyfriend, there’d be nothing to split up, you’d just… stop having sex, which wouldn’t be hard since you’re never there to begin with. I can see why she’d want to get away from Rob because he’s an immature idiot who needs to stop trying to ride his family’s coattails and figure out what he wants to do with his life. Plus, any bro who retaliates for being broken up with by going on Twitter and trying to slut shame her needs a f-cking reality check, pronto.

March 5, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

12Rob Kardashian Got Fat

Rob Kardashian, of the Kardashian clan, apparently gained 50 pounds. Like any awesome bro, he blamed the weight gain on his relationship. Women: is there anything they can’t be blamed for? (/Simpsons quote inspired.)

Rob to US Weekly:

It’s crazy how this whole year, my whole relationship [with Rita Ora] was only negative. All I did was gain f-cking 40 pounds and lose so much money. I’m so insecure. I weigh like 215 pounds. I hate pictures. I hate everything.

SUPER sorry about that, bro. I can’t even imagine what “so much money” means to you compared to what it means to me. I’m guessing it means 3 – 5 months of my rent compared to your sneaker allowance. GOTTA STASH UP ON THOSE NEW BALANCE.

Anyway, Mr. Kardashian has been charting his weight gain on Instagram. Sometimes the first thing I do when I wake up is check Instagram and then I realize, “Wait, this isn’t even a thing. Why am I checking this like it’s the news?” But good ‘ole Rob continues to post photos of his breakfast which consist of a grapefruit and broken dreams.

Did anyone else watch him on Dancing With the Stars two seasons ago? Bro looked FIT! But he reiterates,

You probably wouldn’t know, but I’m the most insecure and overweight I’ve ever been. I’m over 200 pounds, so I want to drop weight and this will be a good start.

Good luck, Rob Kardashian. I’m sure everyone is rooting for you. Or at least 45% of people are rooting for you.

February 22, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives