Man, being Chris Brown‘s girlfriend seems like way, way too much work. I mean, there’s the obvious drawback, but then there’s the cheating, the lying, the mental abuse, and the general douchebaggery. Is his penis worth it? No, really, we’ve all seen it by now: is it worth it?
Apparently he’s got something going for him* though, because we can go ahead and add surgery and body image issues to the list of things that come along with being Chris Brown’s girl. We can do that because there are new reports that poor Rihanna, who has a killer body, is considering getting breast implants because Chris thought it would be a good idea.
From the Enquirer via Celebitchy:
Rihanna wants to boost her bust – because, according to a source, Chris Brown said she’d be “totally hot” with bigger boob! Rihanna is not out shopping for a plastic surgeon who will pump her up “at least one bra size,” a friend of Rihanna’s tells the Enquirer.
“It’s horrifying seeing how much control Chris still has over her,” said the friend. “It’s like she’s hypnotized.”
Friends are concerned that Rihanna’s fixation with Chris has now spiraled out of control. Although she has publicly joked in the past about having “no boobs,” she never seriously considered going under knife – until now.
“Rihanna’s always been insecure about her cleavage,” revealed the friend, “but Chris’s comment has spurred her on to really do something about it. Rihanna can’t help herself. What she really wants is something she can’t have – a committed relationship with Chris.”
A “friend” of Rihanna’s also said that if she and Chris eloped, “no one close to them would be a bit shocked.” Oh, and also “she would have never left him if the media scrutiny didn’t get so bad.”
Great ideas! Great ideas all around! Let’s just close up shop here, friends, because there are no better ideas to be had in all the world. Somebody better travel to some far off land to check and see if they have any better ideas, because we’ve obviously topped ourselves on this planet.
*Manipulation. It’s manipulation.
October 13, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Emily
What a charmer, huh? Chris Brown will try to be faithful to you, and he probably won’t even beat you too much maybe! No promises though. You can’t tie down a man like Chris Brown.
From Hollywood Life:
Chris Brown is telling friends that he will “TRY to be faithful” to Rihanna, his now on-again girlfriend, since the R&B star split with girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, on October 4.
“He will try to be faithful to Ri, as faithful as he can to her,” a source exclusively reveals to HollywoodLife.com “He ain’t trying to hurt her feelings. He ain’t trying to get her all twisted up.”
Earlier this month, Chris and Rihanna had a week long NYC rendezvous while Karrueche was in also in town. And, while the rapper technically cheated on Karrueche, his friends say that won’t be the case with the Rihanna.
“He will do his best. I mean, he’s a man at heart and it’s hard for him to turn down women when they come to him so freely,” our source reveals. “But he did drop KT for Ri and told Ri he loves her so what that tell you? He know she right for him.”
As HollywoodLife.com previously reported, now that Chris has officially broken up with Karrueche, he has more than enough time to talk to Rihanna, and he’s making her his number one priority.
“Ri and Chris talk every day,” a source exclusively reveals to HollywoodLife.com “She be missing him like crazy [but] now that they back together she want to see him all the time. Guess those years away made her miss him real tough.”
F-ck Chris Brown and f-ck this guy, too. If Chris really was “a man at heart,” he would never have done half the shit he’s done. Chris Brown’s buddy is implying that Chris is a mature, respectable adult, and I think we all know how absurd that idea is. He’ll “try to be faithful,” f-ck you.
Sorry for all the cusses, friends, but this whole thing is just so off-putting to me. And probably to everyone. Everyone except Rihanna.
October 12, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily
In between story after story (after story) (sorry I’m not sorry) about the reunion of Rihanna and Chris Brown, you might have forgotten that Rihanna is releasing a new album soon. The release date is November 19th, and as I’m sure you couldn’t tell, the title of the album is Unapologetic.
But really, this album cover sucks. It’s just so busy with all the words, isn’t it? I mean, I think once you decide to put a Twitter hashtag on the cover of your album, it’s time to rethink things. And what do all these words mean? At first I thought they were names of songs, since “Diamonds” is on there, but that would mean that she has songs like “#Navy” and “Chalice” on there, which seems odd. Really, either Rihanna just doodled a bunch of words and shit over a topless photo of herself and called it an album cover or she’s coming up with awesome hits such as “7″ and, my favorite, of course, “Chalice.” Either way, things aren’t looking so great.
But what do you think of the cover?
October 11, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Emily
Rihanna‘s dad is a dick. There, I said it. He’s a big, gross, stinky ol’ dick. He’s always said that Chris Brown should get back with his daughter because “he’s a nice guy,” but also because he used to beat Rihanna’s mom, so he’s totally cool with Chris.
But see, now that Chris has officially broken up with his official girlfriend, Karreuche, that means, of course, that it’s the perfect time for him to get back with Rihanna. And far be it from Rihanna’s dad to discourage that reunion:
Rihanna’s father has “no problem” with her getting back with Chris Brown.
The 24-year-old singer’s dad Ronald Fenty approves of his daughter’s reconciliation with her ex-boyfriend – who was arrested for violently assaulting her in 2009 – and thinks the pair will make each other happy now Chris has split from model Karreuche Tran.
He told In Touch Weekly magazine: “I know they love each other. They always have. She’s happiest when she’s around him, and as long as she’s happy, I am happy and the whole world should be too.”
Rihanna’s dad has given the couple his blessing despite Chris’ past mistakes and insists the star deserves a second chance because he is a respectful and charismatic person that he has a lot of “love” for.
Ronald enthused: “I think everyone makes mistakes and they shouldn’t be held to them forever. Everyone should be forgiven once. There’s a lot more to Chris than the whole world knows. I love Chris, man. He’s got so much charisma. And he’s always had so much respect for me. That’s what I love about him. He’s always shown me respect.”
The superstar’s father also praised Chris’ many talents, gushing about his “super-talented” singing and dancing as well as his design skills.
This is just so disgusting to me. “It’s cool that you almost killed my daughter because you’ve always been ok to me, and also I like your dance moves,” that’s basically what Rihanna’s dad is saying here. And that’s awful.
October 9, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
“I have decided to be single to focus on my career. I love Karrueche very much, but I don’t want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna. I’d rather be single, allowing us to both be happy in our lives.”
What do you guys think—will Chris and Rihanna be spotted out more and more frequently ’til there’s just no mistake that they’re totally boning? (Because if you can read between the lines as it is, they’re totally boning.)
October 4, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah
The photo itself isn’t that interesting, it’s not like it’s Chris Brown walking out with his pants halfway down and a used condom stuck to his face with Rihanna waving out of a window. No, it’s the story itself, which, of course, is just the latest in the string of stories we’ve been hearing for the past few days about these two getting back together.
But hey, here’s a photo of the two of them together:
This was taken by someone at a Jay-Z concert in New York and then posted on Twitter. Here’s another one that TMZ got of the two of them during one of their many club excursions (the night they had that bathroom adventure), and they even took the time to edit in little arrows so you can see where they are. Considerate!
Oh, oh! You know what Chris Brown’s official girlfriend, Karrueche, tweeted yesterday? Wait for it:
It’s so on, you guys.