Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Noah Cyrus

Miley Cyrus uses 14-year-old sister Noah as “pussy police”

miley cyrus noah cyrus

Oh, Miley Cyrus. So young, so stupid, so incredibly try-hard. Miley is legally an adult and can act like an idiot all she wants – that’s her God-given right. However, she apparently wants to pull her 14-year-old sister Noah into the mix, and uses her younger sibling as the “pussy police” during her concerts to make sure her entire vagina isn’t exposed to the world as she twerks, grinds and does whatever the hell else is going on on stage.

Here’s how she explained it on Australia’s 2Day radio show:

“You just have to hope to God that this unitard covers everything that it has to cover,” Miley hilariously revealed. “[Noah's] the p***y police. She makes sure that everything is staying intact. Especially on ‘Love, Money, Party.’ I’m up on this car, so my little sister stays down there and is like ‘pull to the right, something’s coming out!’ She stays there and makes sure I’m all good.”

“She does the dances with me the whole time,” Miley added. “Sometimes she’ll be doing them wrong and I’ll notice that I’m following her and I’m not doing the dance that I’m supposed to be doing. I’ll just be doing whatever she’s doing. So it’s fun, we just play with each other like the entire show.”

I mean… whatever. Definitely corrupt your young sister and turn her trashy before her time, as well, girl. Great idea. Here’s a video of her actually saying this bullshit and revealing that she doesn’t shave her legs because she has amazing tights:

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Miley Cyrus’ tour bus burned down

miley cyrus

Oh, dear – that’s not very good. Miley Cyrus was on her way from Houston to New Orleans, the next stop on her Bangerz tour, when one of the buses used to carry equipment caught fire and burned to the ground. Thankfully, no one was hurt in the incident and apparently Miley had already made it to New Orleans so she wasn’t there for the drama. Who was? Her little sister, Noah, who caught it on video and posted it to Instagram, as you do:

Here’s what she wrote: “Cyrus bus down!!! Thank u God for keeping us safe. Yes, everyone got out safe no one is injured what so ever!! everything is okay!!”

To be honest, Miley was probably too busy getting high with Wayne Coyne to notice any of this, so I’m sure she’s unfazed.

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Miley Cyrus’ 13-Year-Old-Sister Spotted Driving

miley-cyrus-little-sisMiley Cyrus‘ little sister Noah — 13-years-old — was spotted by TMZ driving a car (photo above). The legal driving age in California is 15, with a permit. This wouldn’t be the first age inappropriate thing Noah Cyrus has ever done.

To be fair to the Cyrus family (which begs the question, “why???”) they were probably only driving on their property. Except…I don’t know…looking at the photo, it could appear that they’re driving around their neighborhood or street, which is def illegal.

TMZ dropped this truth bomb with the photo:

Truth is … Noah taking the wheel 20-months ahead of sked shouldn’t be shocking — Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus’ M.O. is to let their kids act like adults. Remember, Miley bought her own house when she was just 17.

So there you go. Is this another case of a Cyrus family member “just being [Cyrus family member]“?

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And Now For Something Completely Inappropriate

Miley Cyrus’ little cousin Emily Grace Reaves (you may recognize her as Noie Cyrus’ partner in red carpet crime) is about to release her own clothing line of scandalous clothes for little girls. You can see in the video above as she explains to Miley that she’s wearing her own look that she has on what looks like Paris Hilton’s cast offs from The Simple Life. These clothes wouldn’t be appropriate for Halloween on a girl as young as Emily, but I suppose that’s what’s passing for clothes these days. Question to all the parents out there (even though I already know the answer): Would you let your little girl be caught dead with an outfit like this on? Check out the pictures below if the video isn’t enough for you.

Noah Cyrus Is One Sexy Underage Child

Yeah, I just make the headlines like that to get all the pedophile traffic in. Oh, pedo traffic, rain down on me. Let’s work together to turn all your disgusting, freakish Google searches into money for me.

Seriously, though, I’m not especially up in arms about this video of 9-year-old Noah Cyrus singing “Smack That” backstage at one of big sis Miley’s concerts while dancing with a level of sexuality echoed by every fucking pre-teen dance troupe in the country. Like, really, I used to live next door to this four-year-old boy who knew all the lyrics to “Californication” and ran around singing and dancing dirty to it all day long and no one was all like “GASP! THAT CHILD IS A WHORE!” We were just like, “Dude, that’s a cute kid. Who is probably gay.”

Kids today know the lyrics to “Smack That,” because, ya know, it was on the radio forevah. And nine-year-old girls have been doing dance moves like that since their 22-year-old dance teachers have been training them to. And by that I mean since the ’80s. It’s not like she’s peeing on R. Kelly. Ease up, peeps.

Noah Cyrus Has Once Again Been Allowed To Dress Like an Underage Skank

Noah Cryus' Halloween Costume

Noah Cryus wore what looks like a cut-down version of a Fredericks Of Hollywood teddy, some knee-high boots and bright red lipstick to a Halloween party over the weekend. This isn’t the first time the nine year old girl has been dressed wayyyyy too sexy for her age. She and her BFF cousin Emily also walked a red carpet in swimsuits earlier this year. It doesn’t help that the girls make over-sexualized, flirty eyes at the camera. Whatever innocence could be used to defend these trashy costumes is immediately made irrelevant when you see how very aware these girls are of what they are “supposed” to be imitating.

If I were to imagine how this came about, I would think that, like most children, Noah put in a costume request to her mom and they went shopping together and picked this out. Well, probably more like mom put in a call to a stylist who brought over several options and the two of them agreed upon this one. That right there is the problem. At least four more inches of fabric need to be on that costume, and Tish Cryus should not only recognize, but demand that her daughter pick something more suitable. That’s the way these things work. That’s how you ensure that your daughter doesn’t dress like this every day by the time she’s 14. Not to mention the absolutely miserable message this sends to girls who are fans of Miley and see that her sister dresses like this, allowing to think that on any planet, anywhere that this is an appropriate way for a young girl to dress.

Oh, This is Acceptable

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Nine-year-old Noah Cyrus — yes, Miley’s little sister — and her friend Emily Reeves walked the red carpet at a recent Hollywood event wearing these.

The pedophile-enchanting twosome also have a YouTube show, just in case they weren’t — uh — exposed enough already.

Honestly, if I say the one on the right has chubby thighs, would that help ensure that she doesn’t wear anything like that on the red carpet for at least another decade? Because I will do it. Seriously I’m trying to save this girl’s life. This would be one thing if she were, say, going swimming, but WTF kind of parent lets their nine-year-old child on the red carpet dressed like this? I watch the search-engine traffic on this website, and it is very shocking how many people stumble in searching for something like “child porn” or “children naked” or “children sexy” or something equally disgusting and disturbing. (Of course none of that exists on this site, it’s just a strange feature of the way search engines work.) But, look, these people are out there looking for children to view sexually. I see them come in here every single day. At least put some pants on your pre-pubescent child before you put her on the red carpet.