Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Nicki Minaj

Quotables: Nicki Minaj Felt Assaulted by Madonna

photo of madonna kissing nicki minaj pictures

“She kissed me but I didn’t kiss her. I wasn’t expecting it and I was shocked. I was shaking, thinking, ‘Is this really happening, why is she doing this?’”

Nicki Minaj on the “famous” Super Bowl kiss from Madonna that I didn’t even realize was happening because I was too wrapped up in the general suckitude that was Madonna’s Super Bowl performance this last time around.

Nicki appeared on the Graham Norton show, where she was asked how she felt about Madonna slithering up to her and laying one on her when she least expected it. Needless to say, Nicki was not pleased, and Madonna clearly didn’t realize that it wasn’t 2003 and Nicki Minaj is no in-her-prime Britney Spears. Also, Madonna is gross.

Now that you mention it, I’m kind of marveling at how Madonna could go ahead and call M.I.A. “teenager” for flipping the bird on national television, when she thought it was totally OK to go ahead and attempt a sexual assault on Nicki Minaj on the damn stage and not fit the whole scheme into that “teenager” box she so valiantly speaks of. Because the last time it was “cool” and “cutting edge” to suck face with a chick just to thrill others or freak them out was back in high school, and last I checked, most people who are in high school are teenagers. In conclusion, it’s nothing short of creepy when it’s someone who can really kind of be your mom.

On the real, I kind of hate you, Madonna, not only because you’re MADONNA ffs, but also because you went and made me talk about Nicki Minaj for the sake of bashing you. It’s a double-edged sword, that one, and I’ve gone and impaled myself on it so it can all just be over already. Thanks.

Nicki Minaj and Lady Gaga Are Nothing Alike

A photo of Nicki Minaj and Lady Gaga

Seriously, comparing these two ladies would be like comparing Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera: where do people even come up with this stuff?! Every single singer is unique and special and – just like a snowflake! – no two of them are even remotely alike.

Especially Nicki Minaj and Lady Gaga. I’ve been mulling it over for a while now, and I can’t think of a single reason why anyone would compare the two of them. Where are the similarities, I ask you!

Oh, and Nicki would like to know as well:

“Offends me, no. Irks me, yes,” Minaj said when ABC’s Juju Chang asked if the Lady Gaga comparisons do, indeed, offend the similarly flamboyant hip-hop star. “We are in completely different lanes.”

“First of all,” the “Super Bass” artist said defiantly, “I’m a rapper. I’m from southside Jamaica, Queens. I could say some really crazy lyrics right now, but I won’t. Why don’t I turn the cameras around and ask you?”

So, Chang, not wanting to point out that Lady Gaga’s a native New Yorker, too, mentioned that they both wear wigs.

“Wigs?” Minaj retorted. “Every female in this game—every female in this game—wears wigs.”

Um…the clothes, then?

“Over-the-top costumes?” she replied skeptically, making a buzzer sound. “Try again!”

Despite her aversion to being compared to Gaga, however, Minaj had kind things to say about her fellow star.

“Gaga’s a fantastic artist, you know, she paved her way,” she added. “She’s opened her own lane. But I think that I have my own lane, and we never cross. Ever. So, you know, I really don’t get the comparison anymore. Our music doesn’t sound the same. Our stage presence is not the same. I just can’t see the similarities.”

I can see where she’s coming from with some of this. They do have very different music, from the bits I’ve heard from both of them (Gaga doesn’t have any secret rapping talents, does she?), but that’s about it. As far as I know, and correct me if I’m forgetting anyone, but Lady Gaga was the first wildly popular lady in a hot minute to wear truly wacky costumes not only as part of her performance, but as a part of her entire persona as well, and Nicki Minaj is the only other popular lady I can think of who consistently does the same thing. Sure, Katy Perry‘s fashion can get a little out there every now and then, but for the most part, Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj are the only ones close to each other in terms of crazy clothes. Right?

And do you think it’s really true that “every female in this game wears wigs”? My goodness, you guys, I’m just getting so disillusioned these days.

Nicki Minaj’s First Love: Lawyering

Photo: Nicki Minaj goes green in this month's 'Vogue'

“What are you, a lawyer?”

…is my third-favorite line from Rushmore, and I love saying it to people. If I ever said it to Nicki Minaj, though, she would probably punch me because, two things:

1) Nicki Minaj is not a lawyer.
2) Nicki Minaj totally wanted to be a lawyer.

In this month’s Vogue, my favorite space alien is all greened-up like a Star Trek character, and she is freaking hot, OK.

And then there is this quote:

A huge part of me wanted to be a lawyer! I would do a really good job as a prosecutor.

When Nicki Minaj says it, man, I believe it. She is terrifying.

Like if Nicki Minaj were a Law & Order character, she would win every time. She would just strut in, put her hand on her hip, and go, “The prosecution rests, your Honor,” and everyone would be like, “We are ready to render a verdict in favor of whatever Nicki Minaj just said.”

There isn’t much to say about Minaj’s personal life—not only is this an article about highfalutin fashion, the fact is, Minaj won’t spill:

She currently lives in a condo in L.A., where she moved for the weather but also to escape “some bad memories.” Though she declines to divulge much about her personal life, she readily admits to snuggling up in hotel beds, unwinding after a performance by watching Forensic Files and Judge Judy. Minaj insists she’s terrible at small talk and never goes out much, except for the occasional foray to a favorite restaurant. “I went to Negril the other night, and I brought, like, ten of the fans who were waiting outside with me, and bought them all food!”

See, I totally admire this. I am a chronic gushy oversharer—I am beginning to think my condition can’t be helped—and I admire Minaj’s tight-lipped discipline. But she’s also one of those pop stars I know nothing about and that is fine. Like, I really don’t even want to know more than she is willing to tell, because I love her blithely and unconditionally, you guys.

(Image filched from ‘Vogue’ by way of ONTD.)

People Are Still Talking About Nicki Minaj’s Grammy Performance

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Specifically, Lil’ Kim is still talking about it. That shouldn’t be surprising since Lil’ Kim holds a bit of a grudge against Nicki Minaj and Nicki isn’t too fond of Lil’ Kim either. Another reason why it shouldn’t come as a surprise is because lots of people are getting their panties in a wad over Nicki’s “The Exorcism of Roman.” But it’s always fun to talk about some ladies being snippy, and I figured this is as good a way as any to kick off the evening, so let’s go ahead and get started, all right?

Here’s what Lil’ Kim had to say about Nicki:

You can count Lil’ Kim among the people confused – to put it mildly – by Nicki Minaj’s religious-themed performance at Sunday’s Grammy Awards.

“I don’t know what that was. I’m pretty sure I feel the same way everybody else feels right about now,” Kim, 37, said Wednesday night on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live.

But then Kim got a little more blunt in her appraisal of the 29-year-old rapper. “If you have to make a song called ‘Stupid Hoe,’ you must be a stupid hoe,” Kim said after host Andy Cohen told her she got many questions from viewers about her thoughts on Minaj.

So far, Nicki hasn’t responded to these specific remarks, but she has commented on the reaction her performance received:

“I don’t know what is the big issue?” she said Wednesday at a Viva Glam MAC cosmetics event in New York, reports the Associated Press. She also said the whole skit, which included dancing priests and a levitation stunt, was from a movie she’s writing.

“You know how people write plays and movies? That’s what I did. I wrote that and I gave the world a tiny little preview of what was to come,” she said.

A movie? Heaven help us all (LOL).

A couple of days ago when I discussed the Catholic League’s reaction to what Nicki did at the Grammys, I said that I wasn’t offended at all. I want to take that back. I watched the video a few more times, and I am ridiculously offended. Not by all the religious business or the exorcism aspect or anything like that: I am offended because it was so bad. Nicki claims that she was being theatrical with that remark about “you know how people write plays and movies,” but the thing is, she wasn’t playing at the Tony Awards or the Oscars. She was a rapper performing at the Grammys, so it’s not absurd for people to have expected a musical performance. It was like she was doing a really bad number from a musical that I have zero interest in seeing.

I get that musicians can be theatrical. I’m a Bowie fan remember? And even though I personally can’t stand Lady Gaga, I know that she’s really talented, and every weird performance of hers I’ve seen, she had the talent and the skill to back up all the weird stuff. But I’m sorry, Nicki’s actual performance sounded like a hot mess, and as a musician, no matter how much cool stuff you do or how many neat costumes and tricks you have, it doesn’t matter if the music suffers because of it.

I never thought I’d say this, but I agree with Lil’ Kim. What about you?

Is Nicki Minaj Possessed?

A photo of Nicki Minaj

And no, I’m not talking about her performance at the Grammys, I’m talking about Nicki Minaj, the person. Is Nicki Minaj possessed? Because some people are legitimately wondering if she is or not. And by “some people,” I mean the Catholic League:

Nicki Minaj, fresh off looking like a fool with Madonna at the Super Bowl, showed up last night on the red carpet at the Grammys with a guy dressed like the pope. This was just a prelude of what was to come.

Minaj’s performance began on stage with a mock confessional skit. This was followed by a taped video depicting a mock exorcism. With stained glass in the background, she appeared on stage again with choir boys and monks dancing.

Perhaps the most vulgar part was the sexual statement that showed a scantily clad female dancer stretching backwards while an altar boy knelt between her legs in prayer. Finally, “Come All Ye Faithful” was sung while a man posing as a bishop walked on stage; Minaj was shown levitating.

None of this was by accident, and all of it was approved by The Recording Academy, which puts on the Grammys. Whether Minaj is possessed is surely an open question, but what is not in doubt is the irresponsibility of The Recording Academy. Never would they allow an artist to insult Judaism or Islam.

It’s bad enough that Catholics have to fight for their rights vis-à-vis a hostile administration in Washington without also having to fend off attacks in the entertainment industry. The net effect, however, will only embolden Catholics, as well as their friends in other faith communities.

Personally, I wasn’t offended by Nicki’s performance, but I’m not easily offended, and these aren’t my beliefs being displayed in some wacky show. I guess I could see where someone could take offense, but then again … it’s Nicki Minaj. Why let yourself get worked up over a rapper with ass implants?

As long as we’re talking about people being offended, it looks like even Nicki’s manager and some of her friends thought she went too far with the red nun getup she wore to the Grammys. Check out this blind item from Blind Gossip:

There was a big fashion controversy in the days leading up to the Grammys. This particular singer was not about to let anyone outshine them on the red carpet. “F*ck the swan and f*ck the meat dress!” they said. “I want something really outrageous!” They changed designers and outfits several times in the days leading up to the awards show, with each iteration getting more and more controversial. When the decision was finally made, a shouting match ensued between the singer and their manager. “There’s a difference between creative and offensive, and you’ve crossed the line!” Even the star’s close friends argued passionately about the outfit. Some were calling it genius, some were calling it tacky. It will be interesting to see if there will be a backlash tomorrow… and if that backlash will hurt record sales.

Were you offended by Nicki Minaj’s heathen ways?

Watch This: Nicki Minaj’s Bizarre ‘Roman Holiday’ Performance from the Grammys

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Guess we’re on a controversial highway to hell here this afternoon, guys. Remember how I said that Nicki Minaj did this weird Catholic-possession-themed performance later on in the evening last night? She did. And here it is in full effect.

What I want to know, though, is why people actually like this girl. Rather, her performances and her music. She could be a delightful lady, I don’t know. I don’t really care. The only thing that I can focus on is the weird faces, the painful performances, and the odd voices. I just don’t get it, and maybe that makes me old or stupid or narrow-minded, and that’s completely alright with me.

I mean honestly, you had Minaj’s performance last night, which, in my opinion, dragged on far, far too long than it should have (and how it ended? What the hell.), but then you have a fabulous duo like The Civil Wars, who get, what, an entire thirty seconds of air time and they do stuff like this:

And this:

And, you know, like this?:

Obviously, their original stuff is way good, too, but that’s aside from the point. If you’re not Nicki Minaj or Katy Perry or Rihanna – generally speaking – then you’re just a tiny blip on the radar of musical entertainment, but hey. To each his own, I guess; isn’t that what it’s all about?

Another Celebrity Rider: Nicki Minaj

photo of nicki minaj pictures photos pics
Wouldn’t it be great if you and I could devise our own riders, so that the stuff we love to death would follow us practically wherever we go? Grocery store shopping: sure, but I gotta have my rider. The obligatory in-law visit. OK: but the rider’s contents better be in place when I get there. Nicki Minaj – who would strike me as the Mariah Carey-type and want sequined couches and animal-print throw rugs and imported-from-India incense or whatever all over the place – has a rider that’s actually pretty normal, and chock-full of reasonable stuff (like bacon and eggs and fruit). Here’s Nicki’s rider, providing the meals and the space for her and a group of her 4-6 person entourage:

2 dozen pink or white roses and 3 large ‘Baked Goods-scented’ candles
Hot Tea setup with lemon wedges, sugar and honey. Must include teacups, saucers, spoons and napkins and decaffeinated Lipton Tea bags
2 packs Halls lemon honey drops and 3 packs of Thayers Slippery Elm lozenges (three different flavors)
Contact lenses solution with case, 2 Space Heaters – VERY IMPORTANT – and a cool mist humidifier
3 packs of gum in 3 different flavors
24 bottles of Dasani Water (12 room temperature, 12 on ice)
12 cans of Red Bull (6 room temp, 6 iced)
12 bottles of Martinelli’s Apple Juice (6 room temp, 6 iced)
24 bottles of Snapple, 12 must be Lemon Ice Tea, 12 other assorted flavours
Singer’s Saving Grace throat spray
2 large bottles of assorted fruit juices and one gallon of Simply Lemonade – please supply one small tub of clean ice and cups for drinks.
Egg Whites (scrambled hard), Turkey Bacon (fried hard), white toast (grape and strawberry jelly/jam). Belgian Waffles (syrup, powdered sugar, whipped cream, butter and strawberries on side) Enough to serve 4 people
1 Large Fruit platter with side of mango and 1 Large Cheese platter
3 twelve piece buckets of fried chicken spicy – no thighs, lots of wings
A deli tray with turkey breast meat, grilled chicken breast, whole wheat bread or rolls, yellow mustard and other condiments (seasoned salt, hot sauce), plates, forks, spooks, knives, napkins and straws (enough for six people)
Salad – Iceberg lettuce, sliced tomatoes, sliced cucumbers, green olives, Wishbone Light Italian dressing, Bumble Bee tuna in water, wheat or low Fat crackers
Carrots and Dip
Cranberries (dried), almonds (raw- not roasted)
One set of fine silverware/stainless steel silverware

Hm. So I guess if I had to make up a rider (and wouldn’t that just be terrible), mine would include things like gourmet-quality dark roast coffee – ground on the premises, fresh half and half, turbinado sugar, ceramic coffee mugs, a few bottles of Beaujolias Nouveau wine, spring water (except for Deer Park, because that garbage tastes like piss), Fritos, ready-to-eat spaghetti and meatballs, Dagoba Chai organic chocolate bars, and probably something really pain-in-the-ass like lavender-colored 1600 thread-count sheets and pillowcases, four goose down pillows, and a goose down comforter so I could sleep for a full eight hours after ingesting all of that food. Yes.

Hm. I guess I’d be a diva-bitch, too, if I could get my hands on my favorite things at someone else’s whim. What would be on your rider?