D’aaawwww. Before she became a blonde bombshell, Scarlett Johansson was the cutest, most precocious little girl.

Here’s the youngster at age 11, auditioning for Jumanji. I like the way she plays Judy Shepherd, too! Kind of surly, y’know?

And just for funsies, here’s Natalie Portman at 12ish, auditioning for her star-making turn in Leon: the Professional.

Doesn’t she? I’m not quite sure if I’m a fan of the jumper-romper thing she’s got going on there, but otherwise, she looks positively adorable, and totally amazing and normal for just giving birth to her son not even twelve weeks ago! I think after my first daughter was born, it took me the better part of fourteen months to look like this (but I’m willing to be that it was probably because of all of that rice pudding).

What do you guys think of Natalie?

It’s a boy!

That’s all we know. Natalie gave birth to her lovechild who is male yesterday, and that is it. They haven’t released a name. They haven’t even given out the obligatory “the mother and child are doing just fine” statement, though I’m sure they are. Things seem to be very hush hush with Natalie’s surely perfect baby, so we’re just going to have to wait till the Life & Style photo shoot to see how beautiful this angel baby really is.

Wait, we still care about Natalie Portman, right?  Because if not, this excitement would be so embarrassing.

“I love stoner comedies. I smoked weed in college, but I haven’t smoked in years. I’m too old. I wish I was that cool, but I’m like an old lady now. I’m in bed by 10pm. I can’t do that anymore.”

-Natalie Portman, admitting she used to love to blow trees back in the day, in an interview about her new movie, Your Highness.

Natalie Portman’s what, 30-years-old? She may be pregnant, but too old to blaze? I’m not buying it. In fact, I don’t believe anyone in Hollywood who says they don’t smoke weed. Unless, you know, I can identify what their other vice is. Plus she went to college at Harvard. Boston doesn’t have the worst weed on the planet, I doubt that the last cheebah she smoked was stuff she found in Cambridge.

“People see a Natalie Portman who boasts, ‘We’re not married but we’re having these children and they’re doing just fine.’ I think it gives a distorted image. It’s unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out-of- wedlock children. Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care.And that’s the story that we’re not seeing.”

- Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee explaining why the pregnant and unwed Natalie Portman shouldn’t be winning acting awards on The Michael Medved Show.

I agree with Mikey on the fact that Natalie Portman probably shouldn’t have won the Oscar for Black Swan because that movie was gross and Michelle Williams totally did the damn thing in Blue Valentine, but damn. Natalie Portman having a baby is like Murphy Brown having a baby except it’s 2011 so no one should give a shit. She’s fly and already successful. Plus, she’s engaged to that dude who knocked her up, right?

There are way worse people out there than little Natalie Portman, Mike Huckabee.

Natalie Portman – a woman who I’ve had a love/hate affair with since Star Wars.  Loved her in Star Wars, practically hated her in everything else.

Anyway, if you missed my epic three-hour-long liveblog on the Golden Globes last night, here’s Natalie girl accepting her award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama for Black Swan, a movie that I have still yet to see, so I’ll gracefully reserve my scathing judgment on it.  For now. The speech, however, was cute and totally unrehearsed, which was refreshing, but girlfriend’s laugh? Man.

Eeyore in a wood chipper.

That’s all I’ve got to say about that.