Whoa, girl—whoa. How many here prefer Minka Kelly’s old face as opposed to her new one? Lord.
If you wanted to know, however, what Minka‘s been doing lately, it’s just this: not much. Ever since she broke up with Fez or whatever, she’s pretty much been off the radar. Last night she was photographed at Bootsy Bellows in West Hollywood with her new boyfriend, Chris Evans, looking … well, looking like that second photo up top, and not so much like the first.
What has Minka gotten done on her face, guys, besides—you know—everything?
Because, what’s she doing again? Oversharing on Twitter. See, sometimes I think that celebrities on Twitter is one of the best ideas that technology has come up with over the last decade, but sometimes I also think that it’s a tool for tools to be tools. About other tools and to tools. This time, she’s posting Taylor Swift song lyrics. Let me repeat that: Taylor Swift. Song lyrics. See what I mean?:
So I’m assuming that this is definitely about ex-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama. And you know what? Despite the fact that she’s had her issues to work through, I will not hold back my “I told you so.” Because I TOLD HER SO. And everyone else in her life probably did, too. Hell, her own trashbag sister probably thought that dating Fez was a bad idea, and that’s a girl who puts dirty, filthy money in her mouth.
Ew. Seriously, all I’ve really got to say about all this is f-cking ‘ew’. Why do attractive women seem to gravitate toward this tool? Is it the accent he pulled off on That 70′s Show? Is it his smoldering brown eyes? Does he have a gigantor crank? It’s got to be that last thing I said, because his accent in That 70′s Show was damn creepy, his eyes are beady, cold, and calculating, and the only thing that might actually redeem this guy is if he had a gigantor crank. And I’m talking a gigantor crank. But even then, folks. Even then. I wouldn’t be seen in public with this guy if my life depended on it. Nope. I’d bang him in secret, deny, deny, deny, and ride the fun ’til I got sick of it. Then I’d move on – unceremoniously; like, I’d just start sleeping with someone way more prolific and important and not even return his calls – because this guy’s a skeeve with a funny-shaped head and he deserves to be treated like that.
Why these lovely ladies all feel the need to romanticize this cretin is one of the world’s big mysteries, right up there with how the pyramids were made and what the f-ck Lindsay Lohan injects into those liver-lips of hers.
Does he kiss you with his eyes wide open, too, girl?
Minka Kelly-Wilmer Valderrama images courtesy of our partner, Lainey Gossip.
See this chick above? You know who that is. That’s Minka Kelly, the subject of many a male and female fantasy. Also, she dated Derek Jeter, and Lord knows he only dates grade-A ass (subject to final review). He also dated Cameron Diaz, didn’t he? That’s questionable right there. Review it.
As for the head line, the Demi in question is Demi Lovato, and sources are saying that Fez – AKA Wilmer Valderrama AKA Demi’s ex-boyfriend – is now hitting this. Well, that. As in Minka Kelly.
From the New York Daily News:
Minka Kelly is swapping ball players for the Hollywood variety. A source at Beacher’s Madhouse on Saturday night spotted Wilmer Valderamma exit the Hollywood club to escort Kelly and her friend inside. “He didn’t need to come outside and get her,” said the insider, who added that Kelly, who arrived at 12:45 a.m., could have gained access on her own accord, and that Valderamma had arrived earlier in the evening with Hayden Panettiere and a few others. Once insider Beacher’s, where Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus also spent the evening, the actor stayed by the side of Derek Jeter’s former squeeze for the entire night. The source adds, however, the pair were careful about appearing too affectionate inside the trendy club. A friend of Valderamma’s says the famous twosome “are getting to know each other” right now.
Oh. OH. Yeah, I don’t know about you guys, but some people might think it’s comparing apples to oranges – yes, good apples and good oranges, but apples and oranges nonetheless. Some people might even go as far as to say that there’s positively no competition when it comes to Minka Kelly being in the equation.
Earlier this week, reports emerged that Minka Kelly split from her boyfriend of three years, handsome baseball dude Derek Jeter.
Now Page Six reports that the breakup came “out of left field” (their accidental pun! Not mine!), stunning even the couple’s closest friends. The report adds that Derek Jeter was none too happy with Minka Kelly’s Esquire photoshoot. (By all other accounts, of course, their split was “amicable.”)
But there’s one more wrinkle to the story, and his name is Ramon Rodriguez. The cutie-pie plays Bosley in Minka Kelly’s upcoming “Charlie’s Angels” reboot and, as People tells it, the co-stars have cultivated a “late-night friendship” on-set.
The pair is just friends, of course, probably, okay, sure—but my inner 13-year old thinks it’s awfully convenient that these two are reportedly so buddy-buddy all of a sudden.
I don’t care if you’re the world’s hottest woman or you DO date super athlete Derek Jeter – it’s no excuse to dress like … dress like I don’t even know what. I’m still trying to figure it out.
Minka Kelly was photographed in New York City yesterday wearing what one could only describe as ‘half the contents of my Hasidic Jewish cousin’s closet.’ With the exception of those bare shoulders. That’s totally a no-no.
Independently, you know, the ensemble wouldn’t be bad. The off-the-shoulder sweatshirt looks like something I’d throw on after a Pilates class. It’s something that I’d wear to the store on a humid spring morning (we get a lot of those here where I live) to do some grocery shopping. The skirt? Meh. It looks mad uncomfortable. I may be short (I’m a shrinking 5’3″), but I take large strides when I walk. And anything that inhibits that – like this skirt probably would – is just totally not practical. I rather like the scarf and the hat (and definitely the flats), but the scarf just looks kind of odd coupled with the off-shoulder sweatshirt, you know?
I love you and all, girl, but please: stay out of Batsheva’s closet.
But don’t take it from me — the geniuses over at Esquire have come up with this annual illustrious title that’s been bestowed upon women like Kate Beckinsale, Brooklyn Decker, and Halle Berry. Charlize Theron, and my personal favorite from this list, Scarlett Johansson, have also made the top slot in previous years.
Anyway, just watch the fucking video. I don’t care if you’re a straight woman, a gay man, or dead from the waist down. I dare you not to get just a little bit het up.