Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Miley Cyrus

What Miley Wore to the Oscars (?)

photo of miley cyrus pictures liam hemsworth pictures oscars pictures photos
Wait a second. Why was Miley even at the Oscars? That’d be like … I don’t know, LL Cool J at the … Grammys? Oh. Oh. Never mind. I get you. Alright. And what’s that? She may not have actually been AT the Oscars, just at Sir Elton John’s viewing party? Makes total sense then, I guess.

Anyway. All preconceived notions aside, Miley (though there were tons and tons and tons of very unimpressive dresses in attendance at last night’s awards – I know; I didn’t watch, but I did check out the fashion at 4 this morning after I eked my way down the stairs, step by step by step) was by far the best-dressed of the night. She looks like a real movie star, and I’m not talking about actresses who do movies whose titles are also overused acronyms that need to be put to bed once and for all.

But seriously! The hair! The dramatic red lipstick! The trophy boyfriend! Does it get any more Hollywood classy right here, folks? Our girl Courtney Stodden previously mentioned that she wanted to bring back “old” “classy” Tinseltown, and I think maybe – just maybe – if she took a few pointers from Miley here, the two of them could put their heads together and really get the damned thing done, don’t you think?

Photos courtesy of Socialite Life

MILEY GOT ANOTHER TATTOO, Y’ALL

Photo: Miley and the artist pose with Miley's tattooed bicep

Man! Miley sure wants to express herself!*

Days after she debuted a sassy cropped ‘do, the pop tart visited an LA tattoo studio, where she got her newest ink!*

A few pals, including beau Liam Hemsworth, accompanied the incognito 19-year old to Studio City Tattoo. Miley herself was unrecognizable in a Van Halen T-shirt, knitted scarf, and trenchcoat/enormous men’s workshirt.*

The Hannah Montana star got the words “Love never dies” inscribed on the inside of her arm, TMZ reports.*

As best as I can figure, this is Miley’s sixth tattoo, including those tiny prison tattoos on her fingers.

Now, the mom inside me (ha, ha, who am I kidding) is screaming, “Miley! You will regret all those tattoos when you’re older! Especially that dreamcatcher one!”

But in actuality, I wish I had gotten a stupid phrase on my bicep before—you know—before all this arm-flab happened. More power to you, kiddo.

*Sorry. Sometimes when I am a little bit bored I like to pretend I am writing for Us Weekly.

(Images via Celebuzz and TMZ.)

Miley Cyrus Cut Off Most of Her Hair and Demi Lovato Washed That Man Right Out of Hers, Maybe

photo of miley cyrus pictures twitter hair cut photos
I like it! I mean, I liked it a lot when she had her long, flowing locks of … rayon, was it? but I really like it now that it’s short and natural and completely authentic-looking. It’s good. It makes her look more mature, and a lot of people have been waiting for that for years, even though she turned eighteen back in 2010 or something. F-cking perverts.

Another celebrity who completely did a look change-up was Demi Lovato, who also posted a photo of herself on Twitter as a golden blonde instead of her as-of-late fiery red:

photo of demi lovato blonde hair pictures photos pics
Looks good, right? And does that mean that maybe she’s done with Wilmer Valderrama? Because I’ve heard that when people do drastic things to their hair, that they’re either looking to make a big lifestyle change or, you know, they’re just going crazy. I think Demi’s still got a good, solid grip on reality these days (despite the rumored possibility of that Fez-reunion), so I’m going to go out on a limb, here, and assume it’s not the latter reason, and if it’s the former? Boy oh boy. Christmas just came EARLY, my friends.

Who do you think did the hair-change better, Demi or Miley?

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Images courtesy of Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato’s Twitter. Respectively.

Miley’s Taking Fashion Tips from Taylor Momsen

photo of miley cyrus getting coffee 2012 pictures photos
This is how girlfriend went to Starbucks yesterday afternoon. And though I know I shouldn’t judge, because you should *SEE* the way that I go to Starbucks (think sweatpants, loafers, and a long-sleeved t-shirt; my long hair in a big ball of bedhead tangle and zero makeup), but this outfit reminds me much of the time that Taylor Momsen clomped around New York City last year while she was, duh, also getting coffee:

photo of taylor momsen getting coffee black ensemble thigh highs boots goth pics
Uncanny, right? Shit’s almost the same, right down to the boots, only Miley‘s boots aren’t nearly as scary or lethal-looking as Taylor’s are. See the images in the gallery to get the full effect.

Best thing about this photo, though, is that my dad happened to stop in this morning for an early coffee while I was in the process of writing this post (he’s sixty-one years old and still runs almost every single day and drinks coffee like it’s going out of style). And as he peered over my shoulder, loudly sipping his coffee, he said, “Who’s that girl?” (referring to the photo of Miley) and I told him that it was nobody that he knew. “Billy Ray Cyrus’s daughter, Dad.” And he responded, “Well whoever she is, she looks like a bag of smashed assholes one way or the other,” and I had to laugh because for my entire life, that’s been my dad’s biggest insult for anyone. If he really wanted to be cutting and scathing, he’d say, “So-and-so looks like a bag of smashed assholes,” or “Boy, I ran into your friend [fill in the blanks] this morning at the grocery store and [she/he] looked like a bag of smashed assholes. What’s [he/she] been doing to themselves?”

I’d always wondered what that phrase meant, and if anyone anywhere else in the world had ever heard it before, but somehow I’d doubted that. I mean, a bag of assholes? Like, literal assholes, or just a bunch of shitty people all thrown together in a bag? I’d envision the bag as a brown, burlap sack – always a burlap sack – and I could picture that as clear as day. As for the whole ‘smashing’ part, I figured it was done by hammer. Or a mallet of some sort. Definitely a blunt object, but I’d always preferred the hammer bit, myself.

Last, if you’re wondering, yes, this is the kind of stuff that I pondered during my adolescence (and OK, you caught me; my adult years, too), so it’s really no wonder that I’ve ended up the way that I did.

So thanks, Dad. Thanks for making me who I am today. It’s nice to know that someone’s partially to blame at least.

Miley Cyrus Wrote An Essay About Gay Marriage

A photo of Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus also wore that outfit up there out in public. Which one is more believable?

Anyway, back in July, you might recall that Miley got a little tattoo: an equality sign on her ring finger. She tweeted a picture of that tattoo, along with a message that said “All LOVE is equal,” and many of her followers through a hissy fit. A few of her fans said that Miley’s message went against her Christian religion, but Miley still stood firm in her beliefs.

As further proof of that, Miley wrote an essay on the topic for Glamour:

Imagine finding someone you love more than anything in the world, who you would risk your life for but couldn’t marry. And you couldn’t have that special day the way your friends do—you know, wear the ring on your finger and have it mean the same thing as everybody else. Just put yourself in that person’s shoes. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

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I Guess Tish Cyrus Was Always a Floozy

photo of miley cyrus family photo twitter pictures photos
Right? Right? Miley posted this photo to her Twitter account earlier today with the caption “Awkward family photos. @billyraycyrus always giving face!” and yeah, I know that’s true, but Tish Cyrus, yes? Total hooch, isn’t she? I realize the big, Aqua-Net hair and brown lipstick was A Thing back in 1990 or whatever, but come on. This is supposed to be a loving, heartfelt family photo, not a glamour shot for a hair salon magazine. What’s she wearing underneath that black wool and fake-sherpa coat? Nothing? Yeah, probably. In fact, the photo would be so much better if Tish wasn’t even in it – and it’s an easy photo to pretend that about, too. All you have to do is close your right eye, turn your head, and squint a little bit and she’s almost not even there.

Then again, that trick’s definitely old news. I hear Billy Ray‘s been doing that for two over two decades now and he’s got it on lockdown.

Either way, nice photo, Miley. It sure beats awkward photos of you eating a big, fat penis cake with Demi Moore! I mean, Demi was, what, thirty when this picture was taken? It really kind of puts things in perspective, now, doesn’t it.

Moral of the story? Watch who you eat penis cake with. Or something.

Guess Who Was at Miley’s Penis Party!

A photo of Demi Moore

If you guessed Demi Moore, then congratulations, you are correct! That means that you have eyeballs that can see things and a brain that can recognize them! I’m so proud of you for both of those things!

But yeah, you guys remember Miley Cyrus‘ penis party. That’s not even a question, it’s a statement, because there is no way you could forget that shindig. It featured Miley chugging on the biggest alcoholic beverage and making a porn face at cake that was shaped like male genitalia. That isn’t something you forget. Well, I guess you wouldn’t forget it unless you have a habit of doing whip-its. Lame.

Just 9 days before her whip-it induced medical emergency … Demi Moore partied under the radar at Miley Cyrus’ BF’s birthday bash in L.A.  … you know, the one with the penis cake … more evidence that Demi was desperately clinging on to her fading youth.

Multiple sources who were at Club Icon on January 14 tell us … Demi was hanging out with her daughter Rumer and some young friends … mostly kickin’ it in the VIP section.

We’re told Demi was drinking Red Bull all night  … a drink she’s been obsessively sucking down for years. We’re told she left with Rumer sometime after midnight.

A few days later, Demi was seen clubbing with Rumer around Hollywood … and on January 23rd, she was hospitalized after inhaling nitrous oxide in the form of whip-its, a drug that’s super popular with high school kids.

People familiar with the situation tell us … it’s not hard to connect the dots.  The woman who became famous for what people thought was eternal youth became a believer in the illusion, and it manifested itself in various ways — partying with her daughter and her 20-something friends, obsessing over her body image, and finally using drugs that appeal to people more than half her age.

So is it safe to assume that these kids were doing whip-its and smoking K2 and having fun with bath salts? Because that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. It’s also the most ridiculous thing my boyfriend has ever heard, because ever since I mentioned that Demi Moore probably smoked K2 and then had a seizure and went to the hospital, he keeps bringing it up. A couple of nights ago we were going to sleep, and he started giggling, and when I asked him what was funny, he just said “Demi Moore smoked K2, that’s ridiculous.” And it is.

I know one dude who has smoked K2, and he’s a teenager. The first person that comes to mind when I think of whip-its is Steve-O. When I think of bath salts, I think of the people I went to high school with who broadcast their drama all over Facebook and call their ex-spouses endearing names like “bath salt snorting piece of shit.” Do you get the theme here? Demi Moore’s drugs of choice are the drugs of choice of boys who are either teenagers, jackasses, or rednecks. Something’s not right there.

Oh well. At least now I have probable reason to believe that Miley Cyrus has done whip-its. Could you even imagine?