Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Michelle Obama

Sasha Obama Enjoys Her Summer

With sister Malia off at camp and dad running the free world, Sasha and Michelle Obama had some time to kill this summer. The two headed to Spain, and as you can tell from these photos, the Obamas don’t have to stay on American soil to be treated like royalty. They’re staying in Marbella, Spain, and when they’re not splashing around in the water, they’re kickin’ it in a cabana… with hundreds of on-lookers and paparazzi there for the whole thing. Despite what I saw on that Disney Channel Original Movie, I’d say that there’s worst gigs out there than First Daughter.

Michelle Obama Doesn’t Have Enough Time To Talk About Her Husband’s Annoying Habits

Last night the gorgeous Michelle Obama was on Jay Leno’s show for his new 10 questions segment. The first lady was gracious and funny and not only kept up with Leno, but cracked better jokes than he’s made in decades. Michelle talked about a White Sox World Championship win vs. World Peace and how her husband is just as much of a pain in the ass as yours. Check it out above.

Seven Million Dollar Necklace Lost; Eventually Found In Oprah’s Cleavage

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Beefy Saint Oprah, friend to absolutely positively everyone in the entire universe as long as they hold her personal belief system, spent a large part of her night hanging with First Lady Michelle Obama last evening at Time’s 100 Most Influential People in the World dinner.  I actually find it surprising that the centerpiece survived and wasn’t consumed in the wake of O’s feeding time.  And yes, I am aware that my yet-to-be-written book now has no chance of being Oprah’s Book of the Month Club pick-I’m at peace with it.

Oprah’s minions were there such as Suze Chiclets Orman and Gayle King.  Also, all the wenches from The View appeared amongst the sea of black dresses as well as Claire Danes, Jimmy Fallon and his wife in yet another sleeveless dress, Kate Hudson and two other names that I’ve just been dying to put next to one another:  Billie Jean King and Ann Coulter.

Bo Is Just Playin’ with His Ball

Cute clip of the First Lady talking to kids about the new First Puppy and his late-night antics.

This is totally my dog. I’ll run out into the living room in the middle of the night because I hear crazy barking and growling and bouncing around, and it’s just Leo, engaging in World War III with his doggie bed. The cats are always sitting patiently on the couch, watching the drama unfold and looking at me like, “Why would you ever let this thing live here?”

Michelle Obama To Appear On The Cover Of Oprah Magazine…With Oprah, Of Course

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Big, potato-bloat Oprah is having Michelle Obama as the cover girl of the April issue of Oprah magazine.  And, predictably, Oprah is in the picture as well.

I thought for sure suck-up O would have her arms wrapped around the first lady like they are the oldest of friends who just came in from an afternoon of carbs and shopping.  Instead, it just looks like she’s praying for the photoshoot to be over so she can get back to the business of being giving out unsolicited advice and being her general holier-than-thou self.

First Kids Immortalized in Plush

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The President and First Lady are at Oprah status right now.  You do not want to piss them off.

Ty Inc., in the age-honored tradition of increasing sales via controversy, has introduced two homely little dolls named Sweet Sasha and Marvelous Malia.  They have dark coloring and share the names of the first daughters, but according to Ty’s PR flack, they aren’t modeled after the Obama girls.  Sigh.

Needless to say, the First Family is not amused.  Press secretary Katie McCormick Lelyveld released a statement:  “We feel it is inappropriate to use young, private citizens for marketing purposes.”

Sweet Sasha and Marvelous Malia join the family of TyGirlz that includes Lucky Lindsay, Happy Hillary, Precious Paris and Bubbly Britney.  And no, that is not an attempt at humor.  These abominations actually exist.