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Matt Damon

Matt Damon Is Planning to Renew His Wedding Vows

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Matt Damon must be trying to compete with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner for the “Best Couple Ever” award, as he’s recently revealed plans to renew his wedding vows with his wife of eight years, Luciana Barroso. After having a small, private affair in 2005, they want to do something bigger and bolder (and sexuality confirming) the second time around and invite all their family and friends. All I want to know is whether it’s open bar.

From The New York Post:

A-listers were buzzing in LA over Oscar weekend that the “Saving Private Ryan” star and his wife have sent out “save the date” cards to close family and friends for an April bash that’s so top-secret, even the guests haven’t been told the location yet.

“They had a really low-key wedding in Manhattan,” a Hollywood source explained, adding, “so now they want to do something bigger.”

Sources said that while details of the bash are being kept hush-hush, one rule for guests lucky enough to be invited will be “no kids” on the trip.

Now that’s what I call a wedding – no kids? Sign me up! I mean, kids are great and all, but come on – they’re kind of the worst. You can’t do shit when there’s a toddler (or 8-year-old, pre-teen, teenager…) around cramping your style. I should go check my spam filter in case my Evite got lost.

Quotables: Matt Damon Discusses Old Rumors About His Sexuality

A photo of Matt Damon

“I never denied those rumors because I was offended and didn’t want to offend my friends who were gay—as if being gay were some kind of f-cking disease. It put me in a weird position in that sense. The whole thing was just gross. But look, there have been great signs of progress—the fact that Anderson Cooper and Ellen DeGeneres can come out so beautifully and powerfully, and it’s a big f-cking deal that it turns out nobody gives a shit. If Liberace were alive today, everybody would love his music and nobody would care what he did in his private life. Like with Elton John.”

- Matt Damon would finally like to let you know that he isn’t gay, you assholes.

Apparently back in the day, back when Matt Damon and Ben Affleck first came on the scene, everyone thought they were gay, and subsequently, everyone asked them if they were. And then, as we just read, Matt Damon took great offense because it’s just not a big deal and shut up about it. Basically, this is why I love Matt Damon.

Quotables: I Guess Matt Damon Isn’t a Fan of President Obama

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“I’ve talked to a lot of people who worked for Obama at the grassroots level. One of them said to me, ‘Never again. I will never be fooled again by a politician.’?You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of the country, much better. If the Democrats think that they didn’t have a mandate—people are literally without any focus or leadership, just wandering out into the streets to yell right now because they are so pissed off. Imagine if they had a leader.”

Those are some pretty strong words there. Calling the President out for having no balls? That’s some hardcore shit. What do you guys think – do you agree with Matty, here, or do you think the President’s done an OK job so far with the bum Congress he was dealt?

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Scarlett Johansson Calls Matt Damon A Baby for Being Afraid of Snakes

Are you guys as insanely excited about that We Bought A Zoo movie as I am? Because I am too insanely excited, mostly because I can’t pass up a good animal movie. I went to see Zookeeper in theaters, ok? Plus the movie features my favorite animal that exists in reality, the bear! As if these things weren’t enough to convince me to go see this film, I now have the added image of Scarlett Johansson mercilessly mocking poor little Matt Damon about his fear of snakes:

For the actress [Scarlett], the scariest moment on the film “was watching Matt Damon cry like a baby and rock back and forth when the snakes were spread all over the set.”

Johansson grew up with reptiles, cats and horses, and had a degree of comfort around the working animals, but Damon wore his fear on his sleeve – and his face.

“He was pretty terrified,” Johansson told PEOPLE at the movie’s New York premiere Monday night.

“He was definitely sweating a bit, and maybe the sweat formed in the corner of his eye. I said, ‘Matt, these kids are practically juggling the snakes. Hold it together.’”

“I’m afraid of snakes,” Damon admitted. “And I got bullied into interacting with them by Scarlett and the kids.”

Oh, Matt Damon, it’s ok! You’re perfect just the way you are! Don’t let mean old Scarlett make you feel ashamed to be afraid! It’s ok to cry!

Just in Time for the Holidays: Last Night’s SNL with Katy Perry

Katy Perry teamed with Andy Samberg (and Matt Damon! And Val Kilmer! And even Abraham Lincoln!) for last night’s awesome SNLDigital Short.” I didn’t LOL or anything, but Katy Perry’s facial expressions slay me. And! Val Kilmer, singing! How I’ve missed you, Val.

Anyway. The song is about meth addiction and time-travel, and I love it. Then again, I almost always laugh at jokes about meth. I think drug references are hilarious. That isn’t weird, though, right? Everybody loves those Harold and Kumar movies.

All The Celebrities Did A Funny or Die Video for Bill Clinton

And I’m barely exaggerating when I say “all the celebrities.” There’s Ben Stiller, Matt Damon, Sean Penn, Kristen Wiig, Ted Danson, Mary Steenburgen, Jack Black, and Kevin Spacey. Did I miss anyone? Oh, Bill Clinton. Goodness

Basically it always tickles me when so many celebrities get together for a good cause, so I figured you guys might enjoy this as well. Also, who doesn’t love it when Jack Black sings?

It’s Official! Michael Douglas to Portray Liberace on HBO

Photo: Michael Douglas at the premiere of 'Contagion' last month. Inset: Liberace.

Michael Douglas has signed to star in a biopic about Liberace! And boy, can I see it. At first I couldn’t, but then I put that little photo of Liberace (inset) on top of a photo of Michael Douglas (outset), and then I was like, Oh. A spray tan and a wig, and Douglas is totally ready for Vegas.

Details are sparse so far, but we do know the Steven Soderbergh-directed flick will be based on Scott Thorson’s salacious, tabloidy 1988 tell-all, Behind the Candelabra: My Life with Liberace. And co-starring as jilted lover Scott Thorson? That would be Matt Damon! (Which sure brings new meaning to… well, never mind.)

Liberace—the pianist and showman whose campy opulence overshadowed his technical ability—fought rumors of homosexuality right up until his death in 1987. For five years Scott Thorson had been employed as Liberace’s personal bodyguard and driver, though if Thorson is to be believed, he was so much more. After the couple’s alleged (and tempestuous) breakup in 1982, Thorson famously filed a $113 million “palimony” lawsuit. They settled out of court.

The subject matter seems a little weird for a Soderbergh movie, but I have faith. Soderbergh has been working on this project for four years, and shopping it for two; HBO was evidently the only taker.

On a sadder note, the Liberace Museum closed its hallowed doors exactly one year ago, leaving a mountain of fur coats and diamonds orphaned.