Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Madonna’s Rider Is Conservative, Sensible

A photo of Madonna

Oh, you guys, I’m just playing. Madonna‘s rider is absolutely not conservative or sensible. No, it’s the exact opposite of conservative and sensible, much like Madonna herself. Except not in a cool way, of course. In a ridiculously pretentious way. You’ll see what I mean.

Here’s some information about her latest rider:

She hit headlines after flashing her nipple and her bottom while performing on stage. And if reports are to be believed Madonna’s diva demands are more outrageous than her exhibitionism.  The 53-year-old singer’s rider includes all sorts of extravagant conditions as she performs her MDNA tour, according to reports.

According to In Touch magazine Madonna travels with a huge 200-person entourage and has very specific requirements to the way her dressing rooms are set up.

A source tells the magazine:She requires all furniture be removed from the rooms and replaced with her own pieces that she has shipped in.”

It is claimed the singer demands 20 international phone lines in the room as well as special white and pink roses that must have the stems cut to six inches.

As well as all this the singer is also said to demand special fabric for her room.

A source told the Daily Star: “Madonna has probably the longest list of requirements of any of the world’s music stars. She expects things to be just right or it puts her off her stage show.”

Within the 200-strong team she is said to have 30 bodyguards, a yoga instructor as well as personal chefs and an acupuncturist.

Ugh, shut up, Madonna. “She expects things to be just right or it puts her off her stage show.” No, it does not. If someone cut the stems of her white and pink roses to seven inches instead of six, it would not affect her show. If she didn’t have roses at all, it wouldn’t affect her show. No one needs to ship special furniture around all over the world to be able to put on a concert. Just ask for some water or tea or whatever you need to get ready for your performance and do your damn job. Special pink and white roses, please.

Madonna’s Mooning Us All Now

The above video was taken at last night’s Rome tour stop. Where, instead of flashing her nipples, Madonna flashed her ass. What’s next? A vadge shot? Are we really going to see Madge’s Vadge again after all these years? What, does she wax, now, and is all proud of it so she’s gotta show it off? Is this what we’re dealing with? Juvenile antics from a fifty-three year-old woman? Call me crazy, but maybe she’s been spending too much time with her twenty-four year-old boyfriend. Maybe he’s inspiring her to act like she’s on ‘Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break ’01′. But even most twenty-four year-olds on Spring Break would know better.

Also, is that a for-real tattoo on Madonna‘s back? Because NO! FEAR! is a really dumb-ass tattoo to have in a zillion-point font across your thoracic spine. The term “no fear” stopped being cool when I was a freshman in high school and the last of the t-shirts died out as mainstream and were used strictly as gym attire. Thought you knew, Madge

Lady Gaga Finally Responds to Madonna’s Backhanded Compliments

“… Some people feel like they have to make a mockery of your work … That doesn’t make me feel good at all. That just makes me feel like I’m not a good human being … I don’t even want to fight back because it’s more important to me to keep writing music. I don’t want to be all shady and c-nty. Because that’s really all I care about, is the music … things are really different than they were 25 years ago, and that’s what makes ‘Born This Way’ so relevant for me. We’re socially in a different place and it’s OK, we don’t have to all slice and hate each other anymore.”

Oh now. Come on. Do not sit there and tell me that this isn’t a thinly-veiled jab at Madonna and all of her comments about how Lady Gaga’s unoriginal and a copycat and all that? Because, duh, it is. “Make a mockery” of one’s work? Madonna’s been all over that in comparing ‘Born This Way’ to whatever song it’s supposed to resemble. “Shady and c-nty”? Well. That’s, like, Madonna’s address. As for “things” being “different than they were 25 years ago,” do I even really need to spell that one out for you? Madonna’s OVER. And everyone seems to know it but her. I’m no Lady Gaga fan, and I’m not going to launch another four-hundred-word tirade about how Madonna’s OVER, because it’s all been said.

Way to go, Lady G.

Quotables: “Nipples Are a Gimmick, Yo.”

photo of madonna pictures photos nipple pics

“You don’t have to show nipples to be interesting. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cutting edge if you do, right?”

That would be Madonna, Queen of Weird, Exposed Nipples That Make People Die Loud and Slow Deaths, a few years back, talking about the injustice that Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson made us suffer through at the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show:

How quickly we forget that WE’RE BIG FAT HYPOCRITES WHO REVEL IN ATTENTION HOWEVER WE CAN. Even if it does happen to include—gasp!—nipples.

God, Madonna. Could you seriously be any sadder? I honestly don’t think so. The woman’s fifty-three years old, and while that doesn’t mean she’s supposed to stop doing certain things because she’s a certain age and whatever the f-ck else you want to disagree with me about, it does mean that maybe when all of your stunts are categorized under “desperate,” “ridiculous,” “immature,” and “embarrassing,” maybe it’s time to pack your schtick in and leave it in an unlabeled drawer somewhere so people can begin the tedious process of forgetting about it.

I mean, honestly. Is this the legacy that Madonna wants to leave? Because let’s be realistic—I don’t think she’s going to be doing the superstar-touring-thing for the rest of her life, you know. Physical age will catch up to her at some point, and I think it would be best advised that she quit making herself look like an idiot in the final years of her career, or that’s all some people are going to remember her for. You know, like the hip, young crowd she’s trying to pander to who also happens to think that she’s pathetic and weird for all of the MDMA references. God.

Good Morning, And Here Is Madonna’s Nipple

A photo of Madonna

Good morning, friends! How was your night? Did you sleep well? I hope so, because you’re going to need your strength to deal with what I’m about to show you.

Let me just cut to the chase: it’s Madonna‘s nipple. And I know, Madonna’s nipples aren’t as shocking as, say, anyone else’s, but before you go about your other business, let me tell you that these nipples are Madonna’s current nipples. These are the Madonna nipples of today. They’re fresh, new, and in action!

Here’s the video. It’s NSFW, in case you couldn’t tell by the way I said the word “nipples” six times already, and you’ll want to skip ahead to around the 2:52 mark, because that’s when the action starts. If you’re a trooper, I recommend that you keep watching for about a minute after the nipple so you can see Madonna threaten to moon the audience. It’s not sexy or anything, but you can hear someone screaming like they’re dying or passing a kidney stone or something. Seriously, it’s really bizarre. Check it out:

The day can only go up from here!

VIDEO: Madonna Performs Lady Gaga/Madonna Mashup in Israel

In what can be perceived as another dig on Lady Gaga, Madonna performed a mashup of ‘Express Yourself’ and ‘Born This Way’, and ended the song by chanting (OK, singing, but it was more of a chant than anything) “She’s not me/she’s not me/she’s not me/she’s not me,” which makes me think EVEN MOAR that Madonna‘s still pissed off that Lady Gaga‘s the new Queen of Pop (even though it pains me to say that and I have no allegiance to either woman or her music).

Do you guys remember what Madonna had to say earlier in the year about Gaga’s “obsession” with Madonna? If not, I’ll be more than happy to refresh your memories:

“I certainly think she references me a lot in her work. And sometimes I think it’s amusing and flattering and well done. There’s a lot of ways to look at it. I can’t really be annoyed by it…because, obviously, I’ve influenced her. When I heard [Born This Way] on the radio…I said that sounds very familiar. It feels reductive.”

So unsurprising that she’d do something like this, then, right? By the way, in the above interview excerpt, Madonna also goes on to say that we should look up the definition of the word “reductive.” Do you guys know what it means? Here’s just one of the definitions:

Tending to present a subject or problem in a simplified form, esp. one viewed as crude.

What can I say. Madonna’s always calling Lady Gaga a crude rendering in one way or another, and isn’t that just fancy of her. I don’t know. Once a tool, always a tool, right? Who’s with me when I say, “Madonna needs to get on up over herself and move on with her life?”

Quotables: Nicki Minaj Felt Assaulted by Madonna

photo of madonna kissing nicki minaj pictures

“She kissed me but I didn’t kiss her. I wasn’t expecting it and I was shocked. I was shaking, thinking, ‘Is this really happening, why is she doing this?’”

Nicki Minaj on the “famous” Super Bowl kiss from Madonna that I didn’t even realize was happening because I was too wrapped up in the general suckitude that was Madonna’s Super Bowl performance this last time around.

Nicki appeared on the Graham Norton show, where she was asked how she felt about Madonna slithering up to her and laying one on her when she least expected it. Needless to say, Nicki was not pleased, and Madonna clearly didn’t realize that it wasn’t 2003 and Nicki Minaj is no in-her-prime Britney Spears. Also, Madonna is gross.

Now that you mention it, I’m kind of marveling at how Madonna could go ahead and call M.I.A. “teenager” for flipping the bird on national television, when she thought it was totally OK to go ahead and attempt a sexual assault on Nicki Minaj on the damn stage and not fit the whole scheme into that “teenager” box she so valiantly speaks of. Because the last time it was “cool” and “cutting edge” to suck face with a chick just to thrill others or freak them out was back in high school, and last I checked, most people who are in high school are teenagers. In conclusion, it’s nothing short of creepy when it’s someone who can really kind of be your mom.

On the real, I kind of hate you, Madonna, not only because you’re MADONNA ffs, but also because you went and made me talk about Nicki Minaj for the sake of bashing you. It’s a double-edged sword, that one, and I’ve gone and impaled myself on it so it can all just be over already. Thanks.