Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Madonna

Lourdes Thinks Madonna Is, Like, So Lame

A photo of Madonna and Lourdes

To be fair, when I was Lourdes‘ age (15, ugh), I thought my mom was so lame, too, mostly because she kept trying to borrow my clothes and because I hated her stupid boyfriend. Time has passed though, and her stupid boyfriend became my awesome stepfather, and while she still tries to borrow my clothes, at least now she’ll let me borrow her jewelry. The point is, even though I thought my mom was the absolute lamest back then, I realize now that she was actually always incredibly wonderful. Probably because she is not Madonna.

Poor Lourdes. I don’t think she’ll ever grow out of the “oh my gosh, mom, you are so embarrassing me” stage, but really, I don’t think she should. Her mom is Madonna. Madonna is that poor girl’s mother. Can you imagine what that must be like to deal with? Put aside all the daydreams about financial security and world travel and all that, and just think about Madonna trying to parent you. It’s enough to make you cringe, isn’t it?

So now that most of us are pretty firmly on Lourdes’ side, let’s talk about this latest reason why she thinks her mom is embarrassing, all right?

From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Madonna’s embarrassed teen daughter Lourdes keeps telling her mom: Knock off your infamous feud with Lady Gaga – it makes you look like a jealous old fool!

“Loudes is 15; a lot closer to Lady Gaga’s age than her mom is… and like most every girl her age, she absolutely adores Gaga,” said a family friend. “It embarrasses her hugely that her mother constantly picks on Gaga. Lourdes, who’s wise beyond her years, knows Madonna’s doing herself more harm than good – and that she’d be better off locking arms than horns with her rival.”

But Madonna’s turning a deaf ear.

“She’s jealous of Gaga’s success since her own latest album didn’t do so well,” said another friend. “And it doesn’t help that many pals have commented that her daughter bears a striking resemblance to Lady Gaga – a comparison Lourdes loves, and her mom hates!”

That Lourdes is wise beyond her years, isn’t she? I really hope this story is true, but I especially hope that Lourdes actually called her mom a “jealous old fool.” That would be the cherry on top of this hilarious sundae.

People Still Despise Madonna’s Show, Surprise Surprise

photo of madonna pictures
From the UK’s Daily Mail:

… Last night hundreds of die-hard Madonna fans abandoned their Queen of Pop by marching out of London’s Hyde Park during her MDNA concert – some branding it the worst they had ever seen.
Even a sexy striptease on stage left fans cold- one simply stated: ‘When Madonna has concerts in her 50s where she strips herself on stage, you know her career is as dead as myspace.’

OK. No big surprise there. Madonna does a shitty show these days. Are you all that surprised, when her current schtick is all about flashing her tits and showing her ass? Because Poland’s got the right idea (not the wasting their hard-earned money on garbage thing)—if it sucks, don’t stick around for it. And comparing Madonna to MySpace? Ugh. Stroke of brilliance, if you ask me.

Love It or Leave It: Madonna’s … LOL FACE!

photo of madonna scary face pictures
You know, I was going to wait and use this as next week’s ‘Caption This‘, but I found it too good to pass up, especially in light of the Madonna-douchebaggery that seems to be so epic and so rampant lately. Honestly. This is it. I don’t even have a story to run with this picture; the photo is it. You know, Madonna, performing something on one of her concert tour stops, and with this face.

I don’t know. I guess we should be counting our blessings and thanking our lucky star that, at the very least, there’s no nipple or asscheek in this picture. You know? Thanking God for small favors?

And now, for the most ridiculous question of all time: what do you guys think of Madonna’s face?

View Results

WATCH THIS: How Do We Feel About Madonna’s New Video for ‘Turn Up the Music’?

I’m telling you right now, that as I write these words, I’ve yet to see this video. But I’m completely and utterly judging it before I do, because I just know that it’s going to be f-cking awful. Madonna, like I’ve said before, hasn’t made a good video since ‘Frozen’, and even *that* was allegedly plagiarized … or didn’t you know? Well, since we’ve been talking about Madonna talking about Lady Gaga ripping off ‘Express Yourself’ for ‘Born This Way’, and talking about Madonna being sued for stealing samples for ‘Vogue’, we’ll talk about how she was sued—and lost—for plagiarism and ‘Frozen’, too!:

Reuters, along with other news agencies, is reporting that Belgian songwriter Salvatore Acquaviva won a plagiarism lawsuit against pop sensation Madonna. In the suit, Acquaviva claimed that the melody from Madonna’s 1998 hit song “Frozen” was lifted from his “Ma Vie Fout L’camp (My Life’s Getting Nowhere)”.

The ruling, which also required stores to remove copies of the song and for broadcasters to stop playing it, did not set any damages but, instead, left those to be negotiated at a later date.

In short, UGH, Madonna. I don’t even want to watch this video. I don’t even have to in order to know it sucks. You guys watch it—tell me what your thoughts are. And if you think the video’s all that bad, then I’ll definitely watch it.

Karma Finally Came and Picked Madonna Up for Song-Stealing

photo of madonna gross face pictures
What’s that, you haven’t heard? Oh, OK. Well, here it is: Madonna‘s being sued for illegally including some music from a song that didn’t belong to her to begin with in 1990′s ‘Vogue’. Amazing, right? I realize that it’s, yeah, about twenty-some years after the fact, and almost kind of absurd at this point to even make it a point of contention, but it’s definitely a good time as any for some Lady Gaga fans who are still pissed that Madonna’s claiming that Lady Gaga’s an unoriginal c-ntbag. Whee! From E!:

Better late than never?

Perhaps that’s what execs at VMG, a company out of Delaware, were thinking when they filed suit Wednesday against Madonna and her record label over the 1990 hit “Vogue,” claiming the pop icon sampled portions of a composition called “Love Break,” which was released around 1977.

In the suit, the company claims, “The portions of “Love Break, which have been copied into Vogue and all its various “mixes,” “remixes” videos, YouTube versions, etc. are numerous but intentionally hidden. The horn and strings in Vogue are intentionally sampled from “Love Break” throughout.”

Music producer Richard “Shep” Pettibone, who was originally hired by VMG to remix various editions of “Love Break” and later worked on “Vogue,” is also mentioned in the suit, with the company claiming Pettibone “intentionally disguised the sampling he did in ‘Vogue.’”

“The unauthorized sampling was deliberately hidden by [Madonna] within “Vogue” so as to avoid detection. It was only when VMG specifically looked for the sample, with the technology available to it in 2011, that the sampling could be confirmed,” VMG said.

Madonna and her reps haven’t officially responded to the lawsuit (and by that, I mean they haven’t responded at all), but I’m sure there’s got to be some kind of back-handed comment by Madonna at one of her concerts in the coming days anyway. It’s just how she rolls, guys.

Some Poor Couple Got Engaged at A Madonna Concert

A photo of Madonna

From Express:

Pop superstar Madonna helped two fans seal their love for one another during her concert in Amsterdam, Holland on Sunday after handing over her microphone so the man could propose.

The Material Girl halted her show after hearing about a male in the audience who wanted to pop the question and she willingly shared the spotlight.

She told the guy, “Don’t slobber all over my microphone, all right? Here you go. And do it (propose) with feeling. From your heart, baby!”

His girlfriend accepted and Madonna egged on the happy couple as they kissed, shouting from the stage, “Tongues! Tongues! Kiss with tongues! Yeah, yeah, yeah!” before quipping, “Get a room!”

In video footage of the incident, the twice-wed singer then offers up a few words of wisdom to the newly-engaged pair, saying, “I’ll give you one piece of advice: never go to bed angry, OK?”

Hesitating, she then added, “Two pieces of advice. Sorry. Learn to say the word (sic), ‘I f**ked up.’”

It’s really hard for me to imagine this not being the worst proposal ever. Logically, I get that if a guy takes his lady to a Madonna concert and proposes on stage, that must mean that they’re pretty big fans, and this will be an awesome story for them to remember for the rest of their lives. But everything else in me is just shuddering, because … Madonna. Really?

I mean, just think about being a person who is being urged by Madonna to “kiss with tongues.” It honestly makes me a little nauseous to think about. Oh my god, do you think her nipples were out when she was all “yeah, yeah, yeah”? Ugh. I need to stop, I’m going to make myself sick.

But do you think that she started pulling her pants down when the guy was in the middle of proposing?

Watch This: Madonna Gets Weepy While Singing “Like A Virgin”

If we’re posting any video of Madonna doing anything, I think it’s safe to assume that it’s completely ridiculous. This video is no exception. This video is bizarre. As you can see, it’s a video Madonna singing some weird ballad version of “Like A Virgin” and crying. It goes on for quite a while, too. If I were you, I’d try to stick it out through the whole thing, because it’s definitely worth it.

And, just for funzies, let’s name some songs that make us cry! Here’s mine:

- “Rainbow Connection” by Kermit the Frog
- “Our Window” by Noah and the Whale
- “The Point of It All” by Amanda Palmer
- “Caves” by Jack’s Mannequin
- “Cars and Guns” by Roger Alan Wade

And here are songs that would never, ever, not in a million years make me even think about crying:

- “Like A Virgin” by Madonna.

Do you see where the weirdness comes in? Silly Madonna!