“You don’t have to show nipples to be interesting. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cutting edge if you do, right?”
That would be Madonna, Queen of Weird, Exposed Nipples That Make People Die Loud and Slow Deaths, a few years back, talking about the injustice that Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson made us suffer through at the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show:
How quickly we forget that WE’RE BIG FAT HYPOCRITES WHO REVEL IN ATTENTION HOWEVER WE CAN. Even if it does happen to include—gasp!—nipples.
God, Madonna. Could you seriously be any sadder? I honestly don’t think so. The woman’s fifty-three years old, and while that doesn’t mean she’s supposed to stop doing certain things because she’s a certain age and whatever the f-ck else you want to disagree with me about, it does mean that maybe when all of your stunts are categorized under “desperate,” “ridiculous,” “immature,” and “embarrassing,” maybe it’s time to pack your schtick in and leave it in an unlabeled drawer somewhere so people can begin the tedious process of forgetting about it.
I mean, honestly. Is this the legacy that Madonna wants to leave? Because let’s be realistic—I don’t think she’s going to be doing the superstar-touring-thing for the rest of her life, you know. Physical age will catch up to her at some point, and I think it would be best advised that she quit making herself look like an idiot in the final years of her career, or that’s all some people are going to remember her for. You know, like the hip, young crowd she’s trying to pander to who also happens to think that she’s pathetic and weird for all of the MDMA references. God.