Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Macaulay Culkin

Macaulay Culkin Is Still Alive, Looks Slightly Less Dead

macaulay culkin

The last time we caught up with Macaulay Culkin, he was looking a little, shall we say… not well. While he vaguely cleaned up his act earlier this year, he’s now slid a bit downhill again – not with the drugs, but with that Hansel from Zoolander hair. I kid!

In any case, Kevin McAllister was out and about in Paris over Easter weekend and even visited a fair with a few friends, where he smoked some cigarettes, slid down a giant slide and took a note from Corey Hart‘s diary and wore a pair of red sunglasses, despite it being pitch black outside. Don’t worry, M – I’m not mad at you!

Some more photos of Macaulay’s outing in Paris below…

Macaulay Culkin is Not Going to Die Today

photo of macaulay culkin picture healthy pic
Can I say something without freaking most of you guys out? Because I’d really like to say this: Macaulay Culkin is looking hot these days. I mean, completely trying to forget about the fact that he used to be Kevin McAllister, Macaulay Culkin is almost … yummy. There—I said it. Macaulay Culkin is f-cking hot these days, and it definitely helps that he doesn’t look like the methed-out homeless man who happened to be Matthew McConaughey’s stand-in on the set of ‘The Dallas Buyer’s Club’.

No, I love the hair, I love the lack of furry facial hair, and I love the fact that you can’t even see his red, bloodshot eyes because of the oversize sunglasses. It’s all pretty great, and that’s coming from the pure, sincere place that I don’t often show to the world.

Is he clean? Is he eating? Did he give up the booze? I don’t know on any counts, but what I do know is that I’d totally hit that. … At least for now, anyway.

Macaulay Culkin’s Father Says Macaulay Culkin is on Drugs, Too, So There’s That

photo of macaulay culkin pictures drugs pic
… But then if you knew some of the things that allegedly happened with Kit Culkin (Macaulay‘s father) and his family, you might scream “Michael Lohan!” and stop reading this post altogether, because Kit is, like, the original Michael Lohan.

According to sources, Kit has made a statement to the public along the lines of … well, this:

“I hope that he has the right people looking after him.”

Kit and his wife later claimed to be worried that Macaulay was going to die soon. Both feel that Macaulay is “… dying of some disease or heavily into drugs,” and Macaulays’ mother, Patricia, claims that Kit is too distraught to even talk about it:

“Oh, gosh. Kit has seen the photo[s]. But he can’t talk about it. He just can’t, because it hurts him too much. Of course he’s worried, he’s incredibly concerned. When I saw the photos I thought, ‘Oh no, this is not good. Either he’s dying of some disease or he’s heavily into drugs’.”

Me, though? I’m going to let you draw your own conclusions, because here’s a few recent photos that TMZ snapped of M in New York City, and he’s looking … well, he shaved that weird, emaciating beard that he had, and he’s looking kind of hot, actually:

photo of macaulay culkin pictures

photo of macaulay culkin pictures
Am I right?

I guess all I can say to Kit and wife would be “Shut up, Lohans.”

Exclusive NYC Images courtesy of TMZ

Look, It’s Macaulay Culkin!

[Image removed on request]

Here is the most recent photo available of Macaulay Culkin, alleged heroin addict with six months to live. The photo was taken on Friday while he was headed down to Lindsay‘s favorite place on earth, Chateau Marmont. And doesn’t he just look so much better?

That’s what people are saying. Really, people are saying that Macaulay looks way better here than he did the last time we saw him. And I’m sorry, but no, no he does not. Just because this photo was taken from a greater distance than the last one, and just because he’s wearing sunglasses so we can’t see his creepy eyes does not mean that he’s looking better. He still looks like he’s wasting away, he still looks too pale to be healthy (even for Macaulay Culkin), but the thing that really gives it away? You’ll have to look very closely to see it, except you won’t, because he’s clutching his stomach and he looks like he’s about to vomit everywhere and/or pass out and/or literally cough up a lung. I think that’s the real hint that no, he doesn’t look so much better actually.

So where do you guys stand now? Does this guy look like a heroin addict to you? Or could Macaulay be dry heaving in this picture because he just saw Lindsay Lohan?

Macaulay Culkin Put Down The Heroin Long Enough to Attend Natalie Portman’s Wedding

A photo of Macaulay Culkin

That picture, by the way, isn’t recent, it’s from two years ago. I just got sick of using that sad picture of the skinny, strung out (allegedly) Macaulay Culkin. But also, it has Kieran Culkin in the background there, and Kieran is by far my favorite Culkin.

But anyway, here’s that news about how Macaulay showed up at Natalie Portman‘s wedding:

Macaulay Culkin wasn’t home alone on Saturday night.

The reclusive 31-year-old actor was among the 100 guests at Natalie Portman’s wedding to Benjamin Millepied at a private residence in Big Sur, Calif., a source confirms to Us Weekly.

Both former child stars, the actor and Oscar-winner Portman, also 31, have been “friends for years,” another insider explained to Us, and he was spotted hanging out with the actress and her son Aleph, now 13 months, back in February.

Oh god, Natalie let Macaulay hang around her son? I hope she didn’t leave him alone with him. He probably slipped the kid a sip of Red Bull. Ugh, can you imagine?

And also, no, I still haven’t seen a picture of Natalie Portman’s wedding dress. Like, none. I haven’t even seen a picture of like a shoe or a tiara or even a dumb old chair from the ceremony. This is bullshit.

UPDATE (made five minutes after I wrote this): Just kidding!

A photo of Natalie Portman

Ugh.  So gorgeous.

The Enquirer Is Serious About Macaulay Culkin

A photo of Macaulay Culkin

The National Enquirer, friend to us all, was the publication that originally brought us the story about Macaulay Culkin‘s (alleged) addiction to heroin and painkillers. When that story broke, Macaulay’s reps were quick to make a statement denying it all. I thought that would have been the end of it, but the Enquirer won’t give up quite so easily.

First, check out that cover. Dramatic, right? But you just wait until you read the heartfelt advice that they put up on their website:

The NATIONAL ENQUIRER hopes the cover story on its latest issue, “Home Alone” star Macaulay Culkin Addicted To Heroin – Only 6 Months To Live!” will act as a dramatic and much-needed wake-up call to the  31-year-old actor.

Our advice to Macaulay is to seek professional help to avoid the  same tragic fate of other beloved celebrities, including Whitney Houston who  died earlier this year.

We believe that the former child star should be doing everything he can to get the treatment he so desperately needs – and which could have saved the life of his friend Elijah Rosello.

Her family confirmed to The ENQUIRER that she did drugs with Macaulay before her drug-related death in March.

Should Macaulay’s representatives continue to deny The ENQUIRER’s accurate and detailed report, we are ready to offer him the opportunity to take a blood test administered by an independent medical lab.

It is a fact that as The ENQUIRER tracked Whitney Houston’s descent into her drug hell, she refused to admit she had a problem – and Whitney was represented by some of those people now denying Macaulay’s  potentially deadly problems.

The ENQUIRER editors would hate to see Macaulay end up like Whitney.

I still think that this whole story is true. The Enquirer has broken some pretty big stories in the past that did turn out to be true, and I don’t think they’d hit it this hard if they didn’t have some solid proof to back it up. But this is just starting to feel so icky. “The Enquirer editors would hate to see Macaulay end up like Whitney,” really? Does that sound like a good sentence to publish?

I hope that Macaulay can get some help too, but you don’t have to be so tacky about it.

So I Guess Macaulay Culkin Isn’t Doing Heroin

A photo of Macauley Culkin

From TMZ:

Macaulay Culkin insists he’s NOT addicted to heroin — despite reports claiming he’s a chronic dopehead with 6 months to live.

A rep for Macaulay tells TMZ, the reports claiming Culkin is addicted to heroin and assorted hallucinogenics is “not only categorically without merit, but it is also impossibly and ridiculously fictitious.”

The rep adds, “We beseech the responsible media to consider the source and its reputation and to please not perpetuate this destructive and insulting story by pursuing it any further.”

But wait, yesterday when I told you guys that Macaulay Culkin is addicted to heroin and prescription painkillers, the story included the little tidbit that Macaulay’s lawyers were denying the part about the near overdose and the painkillers. They apparently never specifically denied that he’s been doing heroin. But then this brand new statement from Macaulay’s rep claims that he’s not addicted to heroin or “assorted hallucinogenics.” There’s no mention of the painkillers. Also, who ever mentioned hallucinogenics?

Basically, I don’t even believe this statement. What about you?