Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Macaulay Culkin

Macaulay Culkin is Not Going to Die Today

photo of macaulay culkin picture healthy pic
Can I say something without freaking most of you guys out? Because I’d really like to say this: Macaulay Culkin is looking hot these days. I mean, completely trying to forget about the fact that he used to be Kevin McAllister, Macaulay Culkin is almost … yummy. There—I said it. Macaulay Culkin is f-cking hot these days, and it definitely helps that he doesn’t look like the methed-out homeless man who happened to be Matthew McConaughey’s stand-in on the set of ‘The Dallas Buyer’s Club’.

No, I love the hair, I love the lack of furry facial hair, and I love the fact that you can’t even see his red, bloodshot eyes because of the oversize sunglasses. It’s all pretty great, and that’s coming from the pure, sincere place that I don’t often show to the world.

Is he clean? Is he eating? Did he give up the booze? I don’t know on any counts, but what I do know is that I’d totally hit that. … At least for now, anyway.

Macaulay Culkin’s Father Says Macaulay Culkin is on Drugs, Too, So There’s That

photo of macaulay culkin pictures drugs pic
… But then if you knew some of the things that allegedly happened with Kit Culkin (Macaulay‘s father) and his family, you might scream “Michael Lohan!” and stop reading this post altogether, because Kit is, like, the original Michael Lohan.

According to sources, Kit has made a statement to the public along the lines of … well, this:

“I hope that he has the right people looking after him.”

Kit and his wife later claimed to be worried that Macaulay was going to die soon. Both feel that Macaulay is “… dying of some disease or heavily into drugs,” and Macaulays’ mother, Patricia, claims that Kit is too distraught to even talk about it:

“Oh, gosh. Kit has seen the photo[s]. But he can’t talk about it. He just can’t, because it hurts him too much. Of course he’s worried, he’s incredibly concerned. When I saw the photos I thought, ‘Oh no, this is not good. Either he’s dying of some disease or he’s heavily into drugs’.”

Me, though? I’m going to let you draw your own conclusions, because here’s a few recent photos that TMZ snapped of M in New York City, and he’s looking … well, he shaved that weird, emaciating beard that he had, and he’s looking kind of hot, actually:

photo of macaulay culkin pictures

photo of macaulay culkin pictures
Am I right?

I guess all I can say to Kit and wife would be “Shut up, Lohans.”

Exclusive NYC Images courtesy of TMZ

Look, It’s Macaulay Culkin!

[Image removed on request]

Here is the most recent photo available of Macaulay Culkin, alleged heroin addict with six months to live. The photo was taken on Friday while he was headed down to Lindsay‘s favorite place on earth, Chateau Marmont. And doesn’t he just look so much better?

That’s what people are saying. Really, people are saying that Macaulay looks way better here than he did the last time we saw him. And I’m sorry, but no, no he does not. Just because this photo was taken from a greater distance than the last one, and just because he’s wearing sunglasses so we can’t see his creepy eyes does not mean that he’s looking better. He still looks like he’s wasting away, he still looks too pale to be healthy (even for Macaulay Culkin), but the thing that really gives it away? You’ll have to look very closely to see it, except you won’t, because he’s clutching his stomach and he looks like he’s about to vomit everywhere and/or pass out and/or literally cough up a lung. I think that’s the real hint that no, he doesn’t look so much better actually.

So where do you guys stand now? Does this guy look like a heroin addict to you? Or could Macaulay be dry heaving in this picture because he just saw Lindsay Lohan?

Macaulay Culkin Put Down The Heroin Long Enough to Attend Natalie Portman’s Wedding

A photo of Macaulay Culkin

That picture, by the way, isn’t recent, it’s from two years ago. I just got sick of using that sad picture of the skinny, strung out (allegedly) Macaulay Culkin. But also, it has Kieran Culkin in the background there, and Kieran is by far my favorite Culkin.

But anyway, here’s that news about how Macaulay showed up at Natalie Portman‘s wedding:

Macaulay Culkin wasn’t home alone on Saturday night.

The reclusive 31-year-old actor was among the 100 guests at Natalie Portman’s wedding to Benjamin Millepied at a private residence in Big Sur, Calif., a source confirms to Us Weekly.

Both former child stars, the actor and Oscar-winner Portman, also 31, have been “friends for years,” another insider explained to Us, and he was spotted hanging out with the actress and her son Aleph, now 13 months, back in February.

Oh god, Natalie let Macaulay hang around her son? I hope she didn’t leave him alone with him. He probably slipped the kid a sip of Red Bull. Ugh, can you imagine?

And also, no, I still haven’t seen a picture of Natalie Portman’s wedding dress. Like, none. I haven’t even seen a picture of like a shoe or a tiara or even a dumb old chair from the ceremony. This is bullshit.

UPDATE (made five minutes after I wrote this): Just kidding!

A photo of Natalie Portman

Ugh.  So gorgeous.

The Enquirer Is Serious About Macaulay Culkin

A photo of Macaulay Culkin

The National Enquirer, friend to us all, was the publication that originally brought us the story about Macaulay Culkin‘s (alleged) addiction to heroin and painkillers. When that story broke, Macaulay’s reps were quick to make a statement denying it all. I thought that would have been the end of it, but the Enquirer won’t give up quite so easily.

First, check out that cover. Dramatic, right? But you just wait until you read the heartfelt advice that they put up on their website:

The NATIONAL ENQUIRER hopes the cover story on its latest issue, “Home Alone” star Macaulay Culkin Addicted To Heroin – Only 6 Months To Live!” will act as a dramatic and much-needed wake-up call to the  31-year-old actor.

Our advice to Macaulay is to seek professional help to avoid the  same tragic fate of other beloved celebrities, including Whitney Houston who  died earlier this year.

We believe that the former child star should be doing everything he can to get the treatment he so desperately needs – and which could have saved the life of his friend Elijah Rosello.

Her family confirmed to The ENQUIRER that she did drugs with Macaulay before her drug-related death in March.

Should Macaulay’s representatives continue to deny The ENQUIRER’s accurate and detailed report, we are ready to offer him the opportunity to take a blood test administered by an independent medical lab.

It is a fact that as The ENQUIRER tracked Whitney Houston’s descent into her drug hell, she refused to admit she had a problem – and Whitney was represented by some of those people now denying Macaulay’s  potentially deadly problems.

The ENQUIRER editors would hate to see Macaulay end up like Whitney.

I still think that this whole story is true. The Enquirer has broken some pretty big stories in the past that did turn out to be true, and I don’t think they’d hit it this hard if they didn’t have some solid proof to back it up. But this is just starting to feel so icky. “The Enquirer editors would hate to see Macaulay end up like Whitney,” really? Does that sound like a good sentence to publish?

I hope that Macaulay can get some help too, but you don’t have to be so tacky about it.

So I Guess Macaulay Culkin Isn’t Doing Heroin

A photo of Macauley Culkin

From TMZ:

Macaulay Culkin insists he’s NOT addicted to heroin — despite reports claiming he’s a chronic dopehead with 6 months to live.

A rep for Macaulay tells TMZ, the reports claiming Culkin is addicted to heroin and assorted hallucinogenics is “not only categorically without merit, but it is also impossibly and ridiculously fictitious.”

The rep adds, “We beseech the responsible media to consider the source and its reputation and to please not perpetuate this destructive and insulting story by pursuing it any further.”

But wait, yesterday when I told you guys that Macaulay Culkin is addicted to heroin and prescription painkillers, the story included the little tidbit that Macaulay’s lawyers were denying the part about the near overdose and the painkillers. They apparently never specifically denied that he’s been doing heroin. But then this brand new statement from Macaulay’s rep claims that he’s not addicted to heroin or “assorted hallucinogenics.” There’s no mention of the painkillers. Also, who ever mentioned hallucinogenics?

Basically, I don’t even believe this statement. What about you?

Is Macaulay Culkin on Heroin?

A photo of Macaulay Culkin

Do you remember that picture of Macaulay Culkin? It was taken back in February, and it freaked everyone out. Obviously, right? He looked really unhealthy, and his tiny fingers clutching the huge can of Red Bull didn’t help to ease anyone’s worry.

But was Macaulay looking so thin and sickly because of a secret heroin addiction? According to Radar, absolutely:

The 31-year-old actor has allegedly been seen by several eyewitnesses using a deadly mix of potent pre­scription drugs and unless he gets help, they say his secret addiction will kill him!

According to a blockbuster new report in the National Enquirer, the Home Alone star regularly shoots up heroin and the powerful prescription painkiller oxycodone and nearly overdosed once.

Macaulay’s legal team strenuously denied the claims that the actor nearly overdosed and bought thousands of dollars of prescription drugs.

According to the Enquirer, Culkin spends up to $6,000 a month on other dangerous painkillers, and has turned his Manhattan apartment into his own private drug den where he gets high during hours alone or with his close circle of whacked-out pals.

The once golden boy’s drug use intensified about 18 months ago, say the insiders, when he fell into a downward spiral over his dead-end career and a shattered romance with Hollywood hottie Mila Kunis, who’s now dating Ashton Kutcher.

“Macaulay Culkin is hooked on drugs and it’s killing him!” said a source close to the star told the Enquirer. “He’s been hooked for a year and a half, and his drug of choice is either heroin or oxycodone. Mac is surrounding himself with junkies and lowlifes. It’s a real tragedy.”

Another close friend claims to have witnessed Culkin’s increasing drug use and said his friends are afraid for his life.

“Macaulay Culkin is surely dying. He’s addicted to heroin, oxycodone, Percocet and Vicodin. I have witnessed his drug taking, which has escalated over the past year and a half to the point where he needs serious help. His closest friends fear that he’ll overdose or his heart will explode. If he doesn’t get help and enter rehab now, he could be dead in six months.”

The friend told the National Enquirer that they hoped he would get help before something tragic happens. “It should have been a wake-up call, but it didn’t seem to have any effect on him. Mac is still partying hard. I pray that he finds the courage and strength to clean up before it’s too late.”

On one hand, this story originated in the National Enquirer, which, of course, prints a whole lot of nonsense. But on the other hand, the Enquirer does manage to get some things right, and just look at this guy. I’m not saying that I 100% believe that Macaulay Culkin is all into heroin and painkillers, but it would explain his look. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen who have just wasted away from drugs, but I can tell you that they look a whole lot like Macaulay here.

Let’s just hope that Macauley gets better soon, all right?