3Lindsay Lohan Spent HOW Much Money on Tanning?

$40,000. Let me just cut to the chase and tell you that Lindsay spent $40,000 on tanning. Just let that sink in for a minute. What would you do with $40,000? Make a down payment on a nice house, maybe? Buy a fancy car? Perhaps you’d invest it. Or maybe you would just spend it on tanning. Because that’s what Lindsay Lohan did.

But wait, let’s make a very important distinction here. I probably should have mentioned this first, but Lindsay didn’t actually pay the $40,000. She just did $40,000 worth of tanning, then refused to pay the bill. Maybe that’s the smartest financial decision of all.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan may have to stash some of her “Liz and Dick” money in the Caymans, because a tanning salon is going after her with a vengeance for not paying a judgment for a humongous tanning bill.

It’s been 9 months since a Nevada judge ordered Lindsay to pay the $40,000 bill to the salon and — surprise, she hasn’t paid a cent.  Now the salon is trying to get the matter moved to California, so it can attach Lindsay’s assets to satisfy the judgment.

TMZ broke the story … Lindsay racked up the bill for intense bronzing between 2007-2009, courtesy of Tanning Vegas, located in Nevada.

Calls to Lindsay’s camp weren’t returned.

Oh, she racked up the bill over two whole years, so that’s more reasonable. Except no, it’s not. Lindsay is a pale, freckled redhead, and since I share two of those traits, I’d be willing to wager that all that happens when Lindsay tries to get a natural tan is a hellish sunburn and more freckles. Some people just weren’t meant to have tans, and that’s why their skin burns, blisters, and becomes covered with little brown spots whenever they’re exposed to the sun. But Lindsay couldn’t accept this, so she got $40,000 worth of tanning in a salon located in a town where she doesn’t even live. Really?

But hey, this is the girl who has had to spent well over a million dollars on court fees and who has failed to pay nearly $100,000 in taxes, so I guess we can’t really expect her to make great financial decisions, can we?

May 29, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily

1Michael Lohan Explains Lindsay’s SNL Performance

Listen, I know I don’t have to tell you that Michael Lohan is an asshole of the first degree. He kicks his girlfriends in the crotch and then he makes secret sex tapes with them and tries to sell them without the girlfriend knowing they ever even existed. He’ll say anything and everything about his family if it will get him attention. He’s just not a great dude.

But Lindsay’s SNL hosting gig was particularly bad, so let’s just give him the benefit of the doubt and listen to what he has to say about it, all right?

Papa Lohan told Celebrityviplounge.com exclusively, “I have to say this…on SNL, Lindsay was not using any illicit drugs or drinking but she still is on prescription drugs that they gave her. And the meds that they give her are meds that they say she needs, but she doesn’t need them. But they kind of make her flat. She’s not acting at a full potential. It’s like the screen is down over her.”

He went onto add, “And now when she did Glee I said, ‘Linds, get off the damn medication and let people see who you really are.’ And for a couple days before Glee, she went off this stuff. And there were tears in my eyes when I watched Glee. THAT was Lindsay. Yeah that was her acting. That is Lindsay Lohan at the Parent Trap, Freaky Friday and Mean Girls potential. That is what she was.”

Are these the same prescription drugs she was on back in 2010? Michael did not say. But if those are the same meds she was on, her probation papers back then indicated she was on antidepressants Zoloft and trazodone, stimulant Adderall, Nexium for acid reflux and super-strength painkiller Dilaudid for dental troubles.

Oh, so he came to the same conclusion that the rest of us made? It’s not exactly a stretch to say that Lindsay was on something during her performance, or at any other time, really, and it’s also pretty clear that Lindsay did a much better job on Glee than she did on Saturday Night Live. “Lindsay was on prescription drugs that made her acting flat,” what a sleuth that Michael Lohan is!

And, yep, still an asshole.

May 28, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily

6Lindsay Finally Got Her Richard Burton

Lindsay’s Lifetime movie has everything going for it. It has a phenomenal leading lady. It’s strongly supported by the industry. It even has genius design. Yes, Liz and Dick has all its ducks in a row … except, of course, for a Dick. There is no Dick in this row. Nope, this row is just full of a bunch of Dickless ducks. These ducks don’t have a Dick in sight. Dick.

But wait! Lifetime finally realized that they should probably stop promoting their movie and maybe start working on the casting of the lead roles, and so a Dick was born!

From Deadline:

After an extensive search, Grant Bowler (True Blood) has been set to star opposite Lindsay Lohan inLifetime‘s biopic Liz & Dick, playing Hollywood great Richard Burton. The biopic chronicles the enduring love of movie icons Taylor (Lohan) and Burton (Bowler), whose fiery romance was the most notorious, publicized and celebrated love affair of its day. The casting comes only 10 days before Liz & Dick is scheduled to begin filming — on June 4 — after the movie’s executive producer Larry A. Thompson and Lifetime had auditioned “many actors on just about any continent,” Thompson said. He noted that the hope was to try and find an actor who, like Burton, is Welsh, but New Zealander Bowler wowed them with his tape. “Grant will add gravitas to our couple and bring to life one of the greatest actors who has ever lived,” Thompson said. “Burton was a Welsh poet, a rascal, and a man’s man, who swept Elizabeth Taylor off her feet and flew her so close to the sun that they both exploded into stardust that still lights up Hollywood.”

Grant’s casting was sealed today after he did a reading with Lohan at the network. “The chemistry erupted in the room,” said Thompson said, calling Taylor and Burton “the first Hollywood royal couple, the first Brangelina.” Larry A. Thompson Prods is producing the film, which was written by Christopher Monger (Temple Grandin); A+E Networks is handling international distribution. Ugly Betty and True Blood alum Bowler next plays the lead in the Syfy series Defiance. This marks Thompson’s return to Lifetime, where he previously produced the highly rated movie Amish Grace.

This, by the way, is Grant Bowler:

I don’t know anything about this Grant Bowler guy, but here’s something that makes me giggle: Richard Burton was only seven years older than Elizabeth Taylor. Grant Bowler is 18 years older than Lindsay. Did they have to get an older actor because Lindsay looks so old after all the meth? Something to think about!

May 25, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily

4Lindsay’s Still Looking for her Richard Burton

From Radar Online:

Lindsay Lohan is extremely unhappy with the casting choices of the male actors who have auditioned for the role of Richard Burton in the Elizabeth Taylor Lifetime biopic, and filming is scheduled to begin in just a few weeks, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

Choices to play the role of Richard Burton have come down to Gossip Girl star Matthew Settle, Sean Maguire, and CSI hunk Craig Robert Young, but after watching the audition tapes last weekend, “Lindsay declared that none of the actors were the right fit and that she wanted to go to London to look for a possible Burton actor there,” a production insider tells RadarOnline.com. “Lindsay is being an absolute nightmare about who should play Burton. She believes Matthew Settle is too old to play the role, and she wants a major A-list star to be her co-star. However, her salary for the role took up a major portion of the budget, and the Burton gig will likely only pay $200k, max. The producers don’t need to get Lindsay’s approval of who will play Richard Burton, but they want to keep her happy.”

“They are already in pre-production and it’s very hard to conduct any rehearsals without the pivotal role of Richard Burton,” the source says. “There is also cause for concern because Lindsay partied all night last week with Paris Hilton, Barron Hilton and Brandon Davis. All three, including Lindsay, have been arrested for DUI and/or drug charges previously. Lindsay shouldn’t be out partying all night long, no good can come of that.”

Oh. My God. Am I one of the only ones in the world who knows that THIS MOVIE. IS A DAMN. LIFETIME MOVIE? Have people lost their f-cking minds and went and forgot that glaringly obvious but apparently elusive little fact? Who does Lindsay expect these people are going to be hunting down, Johnny Depp? Brad Pitt? George Clooney? Come on! Reality check, Lindsay! The only reason you have this part is because Megan Fox is too busy being all pregnant and stuff and wouldn’t look the part of Liz by the time this movie gets off the ground and crawling.

Can we just get this shitshow over with already? I’m dying—DYING!—to see this performance and mock it washed-up junkie frame by washed-up junkie frame.

May 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah

11I Guess Lindsay Is The Costume Designer for The Elizabeth Taylor Movie

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan’s finally looking the part — trying on some crucial Elizabeth Taylor-inspired outfits for her new movie … and TMZ has obtained pics of the wardrobe action.

Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ, the actress is dead set on nailing Liz Taylor in her upcoming Lifetime movie “Liz and Dick” — so she’s spending countless hours trying to pick out the PERFECT outfits for the role.

We’re told Lindsay has final say on all wardrobe decisions for the film and has been giving major input into how to perfect Liz’s looks.

As we reported, Lindsay’s been obsessing over Liz, trying to get into the Hollywood legend’s head, studying her constantly for the last few months.

The photos were snapped earlier this week during a wardrobe fitting. The first outfit was selected to recreate a famous photo shoot from Elizabeth’s teenage years. The second is based on a Valentino dress Liz once wore.

“Liz and Dick” is scheduled to start shooting next month.

What a mess. I’m not sure why anyone decided to give Lindsay an acting job in the first place, but now they’re giving her final say over the costumes too? Does Liz and Dick even have a Dick yet? Shouldn’t we focus some energy on that instead of Lindsay Lohan’s Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Time? Is there even a script yet, or is the whole thing just Lindsay trying on clothes and fooling herself into thinking that it’s 2003 again and everyone thinks she just has so much promise and potential? Because that’s what this is starting to feel like.

By the way, here’s that other photo of Lindsay that TMZ got:

I don’t think any of us are ready for how awful this is going to be.

May 21, 2012 at 11:30 am by Emily

4Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Brandon “Greasy Bear” Davis Partying Again, Police Called

Remember those days? Back in 2009, I believe it was, when Brandon Davis was boinking both Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan (oh, and Miranda Kerr and Avril Lavigne) and everyone thought he was the hotness and by “everyone” I mean “those who were on some pretty serious drugs at the time? Because it appears that a trifecta of terror emerged this past weekend from a party that cops raided at 7 AM. Because of a noise complaint. Who phones in a noise complaint at 7 in the damn morning? I mean, I’m not defending these assholes or anything because it’s like, come on—you’re how old and you’re partying ’til the wee hours of the morning in California? And not even in some fabulously awesome place like Tahiti or Cannes or whatever? The cops came to your house party? Please. But seriously, why even bother calling the cops about noise at 7 in the morning. I know there’s probably noise ordinances and what not to adhere to, but why even bother for the sake of another hour of quietude?

Anyway. Brandon and Paris, if you remember, notoriously dubbed Lindsay “Firecrotch” back in 2006, but apparently there’s no lost love since they’re partying like it’s … well, 2006. Super.

May 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah