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Lindsay Lohan

7Let Lindsay Lohan Inspire You to Follow Your Dreams

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

How delusional is Lindsay Lohan? And is it just me, or has she been getting more and more delusional as time goes by? There was that tweet about how she totally didn’t have anything to do with that Vanity Fair article about Tom Cruise, like any of us would think that she ever had a serious connection to Tom Cruise OR that Vanity Fair would even want to speak with her. There was that other tweet where she told Obama that the people listed on the Forbes list of millionaires should get tax cuts if they’re not really millionaires, like a Forbes list is how the government decides how much you pay in taxes. Maybe she’s been smoking weed and eating tacos with Amanda Bynes, or maybe she’s been doing crack with Lady Gaga, but whatever it is, Lindsay seems especially not well lately, right?

But I want to show you her latest delusional tweet, ok? Are you ready? It comes with a picture, so I’ll just show you that first:

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Ok, and here’s the caption:

Birkin. Mac Computer. Chanel and a jet. Never quit fighting to live your dreams. God Bless

HA! HAHAHA! Oh lord, Lindsay, you never fail to amuse/sadden me!

There are just so many things. Lindsay probably stole the Birkin, received the Mac as a gift from one of the creepy wealthy men she sleeps with, stole the Chanel, too, and only spent her money on the jet because actual airlines frown on doing meth in first class. And it’s really sad to me that she thinks that fancy bags and expensive computers are the greatest things you can get by living your dreams and the biggest motivators for doing what makes you happy. And no amount of material possessions can convince me that Lindsay Lohan, the girl who started out as a promising young actress who was aiming for an Oscar and who is currently starring in Lifetime movies and stealing any piece of jewelry she can get her hands on, is living her dream.

Oh, and here’s the most recent photo of herself that she’s posted:

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

The caption to that one is “In the words of my beautiful mommy- “jus sayin.”

I just got a major sad, you guys. It’s not even funny right now. Well, ok, it’s a little funny, but man. What a bummer.

September 14, 2012 at 7:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

16Of Course Lindsay Lohan’s Screwing Up Her “Movie Career” Again

photo of lindsay lohan pictures sick photos crying pic
So remember how Lindsay Lohan was picked up for a role in Scary Movie 5? Well, naturally, Lindsay’s a loser, and can’t commit to even the simplest of shit. According to Page Six, Lindsay was almost sued for not showing up for production on time, among other contract violations. From Page Six:

Dimension Films signed Lohan to play a cameo in the horror spoof opposite Charlie Sheen. But over the past two weeks — as the date for filming approached — Lohan disappeared, blew off rehearsals, missed her flight to the set and even bizarrely claimed she had walking pneumonia. We’re told the troubled starlet “freaked out” after seeing the script was poking fun at her. At the 11th hour, Lohan did report for work, however only after she was threatened with a lawsuit by a Hollywood legal eagle and a private jet was sent to pick her up.

So how must it feel to work on the set of a movie where everyone involved knows that you’re a big, fat loser who has to be threatened to show up for work? You can’t tell me that being in that position doesn’t make you feel like a stupid ass. And it gets better—not only did Lindsay almost bail altogether because of a scripting issue, she didn’t show up for any of the wardrobe meetings, either. You’d think that free clothes (even if they were free for a limited time) would be the hook in that opportunity right there, but no. There must have been some kind of anti-theft device attached to Lindsay’s wardrobe, and when she found out she was all, “Meh, I’m just not interested. Pick whatever.” More about Lindsay’s fast descent into permanent Loserdom:

“Lindsay missed every meeting she had for the film, including script reads and wardrobe meetings,” said a Hollywood insider. “Then she missed her flight to Atlanta on Sunday to shoot the movie. The producers had been getting signs Friday that she was a mess, and would not be fit to work.”

Last, she’s signed on to kiss Charlie Sheen, who’s also in the movie. Let me repeat that: she’s signed on to kiss Charlie Sheen, who’s also in the movie. And Charlie Sheen, of all people, is “worried” that Lindsay might not be able to “do the scene.” Talk about a rock and a hard place, huh?

September 12, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

6Lindsay Lohan Discusses Economics with Obama

A photo of Lindsay Lohan's Twitter

Oh my god, you didn’t think I was serious, did you? I mean, Lindsay did technically discuss economics with President Obama, but it wasn’t like she flew down to the convention and had lunch with him or anything. No, Lindsay’s influence exists only on Twitter, and then only on Twitter in tweets that she deletes soon after posting without (obviously) ever getting a response.

But either way, I think this is just great. I laughed so, so hard, and after I saw this screencap I went to read all of Lindsay’s latest tweets and I laughed even more. Sarah showed you guys that beautiful tweet about Tom Cruise just yesterday, but you know Lindsay. She just doesn’t stop. Ever.

Here are a few of her most recent thoughts, mostly about the VMAs and charity work:

I am so glad that @chrisbrown won at the VMAS

What do all of my followers thing of Taylor Swift? Just curious…

i love all of you…#mylittlestars “a night without freckles is like a night without stars**”

i’m going to turn this off.. but i want to announce that 4 people PER MONTH i will FOLLOW&DM for a specific amount of time. Just an FYI. IF WE CAN… We can use these DM’s & Following of others with a specific CHARITY to help others in INDIA/LOUISIANA/UGANDA and so many others

i will choose your by your HONESTY and situations

So, to recap, Lindsay still has a thing for Chris Brown, she “things” serious thoughts about Taylor Swift, something hilarious about freckles, and she has some idea about following people on Twitter to raise money for some charity in India or Louisiana or wherever. Oh, and she also tweeted this picture with the caption “me watching the VMAs”:

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Never change, Lindsay. Unless you decide to go to rehab, that would be fine.

September 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

0New BFF Alert: Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan!

A photo of Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff

If you’ve been keeping up with gossip for a great long while, or if you read Tiger Beat during lunch in middle school because the principal decided it was a great idea to have assigned seating that switched every week so all the students could mingle with each other which sounded like an ok idea until you had to sit with the class douchebag who made crude remarks about your love for Harry Potter and something about Hedwig, a wand, and your vagina, you might remember that Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan have never liked each other all that much. See, in 2002, Lindsay was dating Aaron Carter. But then Aaron started dating Hilary. Without ever breaking up with Lindsay. So naturally, the two ladies decided to hate each other.

The feud has been going on for the past ten years (can you imagine, hating someone for ten years because of Aaron Carter?). Sometimes there are reports that they’re cool with each other, and sometimes there are reports that they still actively detest each other, but right now, right at this moment in time, everything is changing. Because now, they’re friends:

Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan have reportedly become good friends after settling a decade-long feud.

The pair have been enemies since Lindsay accused Hilary of stealing her now ex-boyfriend Aaron Carter in 2003. Hilary and Lindsay gave each other the silent treatment for years until secretly meeting up. After chatting during their visit, the girls decided to end their war.

“Hilary was pleasantly surprised at how mature Lindsay was when they met up,” a source told Star magazine. “Now they text all the time!”

Hilary welcomed her first child, five-month-old son Luca Cruz, with husband Mike Comrie this year. The couple have been married for a little over two years and Lindsay, who has faced a string of legal problems recently, respects their union.

“[Lindsay] feels like Hilary could be a good influence—she has a healthy marriage, just had a baby and doesn’t care about clubbing,” the insider explained.

Successful entrepreneur Hilary may be willing to help Lindsay with her career. Hosting the Liz & Dick actress at her home in the future is also a possibility.

“Hilary has already put the word out to her husband, Mike, to think about potential setups for Lindsay,” the source said.

If anything in the whole entire world is true, I want it to be this story. I want Hilary to spread the word that Lindsay Lohan is back, and I want her to land a movie for both of them to do together (a remake of Beaches, there, I did it). I want Hilary to invite Lindsay to her house so they can just chill together, and Hilary’s son can grow up knowing the tender presence of his Auntie Lindsay. And Lindsay can meet a nice hockey player through Hilary’s husband, and they can get married and have children of their own. It would be so incredible, wouldn’t it?

September 7, 2012 at 11:30 am by Emily

10Another Day in Stupid Lindsay Lohan Tweets

photo of olindsay lohan pictures photos
So remember how we were talking about Tom Cruise and his weird Scientology wife-auditioning thing that he did a few years back when Katie Holmes won her round-trip ticket to Crazyville? Well Lindsay Lohan‘s throwing her hat into the ring on this one, and making statements in Tom‘s defense (sort of). From Lindsay’s Twitter, in response to that Vanity Fair article:

I just want everyone & @TomCruise to know, that I have/had NO part in the VF story.. Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related.

ROFLCOPTER! OMG! … And wait. “Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related”? In what world is that good grammar? Forget it.

You know, what Lindsay’s doing here, guys, is trying to make herself appear more relevant than she actually is (surprise, surprise). Because while there were rumors that Lindsay was on Tom’s shortlist a few years ago for bridal material, Scientology sources came out and nixed that, revealing the “official” list, which included Scarlett Johansson, Erica Christensen, Sofia Milos, Jennifer Garner, and Jessica Alba. Please note that the name “Lindsay Lohan” was nowhere on that list, because come on. Even Tom Cruise has f-cking standards, as batshit crazy as he is.

And speaking of standards, Tom wanted the lovely Nazanin Boniadi to get rid of her braces and highlights, so can you just imagine the veritable laundry list that Lindsay Lohan would have to take care of in order to even be considered for general candidacy? Meth, fleas, lesions, and crack teeth, just to name a few, but doubtless there’s a zillion other things the higher-ups in the Church of Scientology could probably whip out and slap Lindsay in the face with like a flaccid penis, desperate for one last hurrah.

All I know is that you’re definitely in a bad way (AHEM TOM CRUISE) when Lindsay Lohan starts throwing your name around the Twitterverse. Sheesh.

September 6, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah

7Quotables: Lindsay Lohan Thinks Elizabeth Taylor Is Going to Watch Her Lifetime Movie

A photo of Lindsay Lohan and Elizabeth Taylor

“At least i know that i have done the work for an angel in heaven .. I know that she will see it from up above.. bless her.”

That is a thing that Lindsay tweeted to Elizabeth Taylor, who I’m sure will def get back to her after she’s through having brunch with Jesus.

And for those of us who are crazy impatient for this work of art to finally air, we have a release date at last: November 3rd. For some reason, I thought I had read that they were aiming to get it aired in late August, but I guess that was just wishful thinking on my part, or else it was the plan, but then they realized that they needed a couple of extra months to edit Lindsay’s methtastic performance into something watchable. I’m going to go ahead and say that it was a little of both.

But mark your calendars, friends, because in just under two months, we’ll be in for the treat of a Lifetime. GET IT?!

September 4, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan