Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

OMG the Funniest Lindsay Lohan Interview Ever

Oh my gosh, guys, I just can’t even.

Here’s Lindsay‘s part of the transcript in this e mini-sneak peek, if, for some reason, you can’t watch it:

[Lindsay's Voiceover] “It’s been a long time.”

[Lindsay] “The film arcs over their entire lives, and how they had to go through life living in the public eye, and how that can tear people apart. … I’m a huge Elizabeth Taylor fan, and I relate to her on a lot of levels, living in the public eye, dealing with the stress of what other people say, whether it’s true or not … I personally understand Liz because you’re living your life for everyone to see, when people are growing with you. You get to a point where you become numb to it, and you just live your life the way you feel you need to live it. … I love diamonds, and she appreciated them, and it made her happy. … No matter what happened, they [Liz & Dick] always came back to each other. Richard was her one true love.”

Here’s a still of Lindsay’s best face in the whole clip, because wow. Girlfriend needs to lay off the fillers or the booze, because that is one fat fat fatty-fatterson mug and it is just not natural.

photo of lindsay lohan liz & dick pictures

Lindsay Lohan Got That Bad Lung Infection Because of Her Arrest

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

And you know, not because she’s such a heavy smoker, and not because sometimes people just get sick. Nope, Lindsay‘s poor lungs are infected because we’re all just so mean and we can’t even leave her alone for one minute so she can get her cocktail on and then go for a drive, GOD.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan believes getting arrested is bad for her health … ’cause she’s telling friends the stress from her NYC bust aggravated her pre-existing pneumonia so badly, she had to be hospitalized.

We broke the story ..Lohan was rushed to the emergency room in NYC Sunday night with a lung infection … but was released a short time later.

Now, Lindsay’s telling friends the arrest caused her so much anxiety, it landed her in the hospital — exacerbating the “walking pneumonia” she’s been suffering from the last few weeks.

If you don’t want the stress that I’m sure inevitably comes with an arrest, then maybe stop doing things that will get you arrested. Is that such a bizarre concept? It’s like she’s beating her own head against a wall and saying “oh my god, you guys, my head hurts so bad, I wish it would just stop hurting, this is so painful!”

You’re bringing this all on yourself, Lindsay. Remember, when you point your finger at someone, you have three more pointing back on you. And one of those fingers will be raised, because I’m sure even your own hand wants to flip you off. Because STOP.

Lindsay Lohan “Rushed” to Hospital Again

photo of lindsay lohan pictures rushed hospital pic
From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan was rushed to the emergency room in NYC last night … and sources connected to the actress tell us she’s suffering from a bad lung infection.

Lindsay has been telling friends she’s been dealing with a bad case of “walking pneumonia” for the last couple weeks — and last night, we’re told things got so bad she had to go to the hospital.

We’re told Lindsay was taken to Mt. Sinai, where she received medication for the infection — including antibiotics — and was discharged shortly after.

Lindsay’s currently resting back in her hotel room.

So, bummer. Maybe there was something to that whole “walking pneumonia” excuse that she gave in order to bail out on the Charlie Sheen-kissing scene in Scary Movie 5. But we’re not going to go ahead and confirm that, guys, because it’s Lindsay Lohan we’re talking about, and there’s always parallel meanings behind what she does and what the reasoning behind them happens to be.

Moreover, why is Lindsay always RUSHED! to the hospital? I mean, I don’t pretend to be a doctor or anything, but it’s a lung infection. Unless it was seriously inhibiting her breathing, I can’t imagine a reason to rush anywhere. If it were me, I’d be like, ‘Bummer, I’m pretty sick. I guess I’m going to get in my car and drive my ass to the ER, since I can’t get a doctor’s appointment like a normal person might and see what they can do for me’. That’s how I’d do it, because I don’t really see making a mountain out of a molehill. Or a hotel room at the Chateau Marmont into a crack den, to put it in terms that Lindsay Lohan can understand.

No, I Don’t Know Why Lindsay Hasn’t Gotten Picked Up for Kidnapping Yet, Either

photo of lindsay lohan in new york city with a child pictures
So many questions, guys. Like ‘who is this kid?’ And ‘who the hell is his mother, that she’d allow someone like Lindsay Lohan to carry him around—out in public. On the streets. CLEARLY UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOME PHARMACEUTICAL WONDER‘. No, I’m not understanding any of this, not one bit.

Also, can we talk about Michael Lohan for a second, too? It would appear that he’s moved from his daughter’s current Liz Taylor obsession, and on to Lindsay’s “former” Marilyn Monroe obsession that we all just loved being privy to so, so much. To The Daily Buzz, Michael says (a day late and a dollar or six short):

“Lindsay has an infatuation with Marilyn Monroe which kind of scares me. There are parallels sometimes. They are so similar in their talents, their creativity and their careers that it’s scary. They have all had problems with addiction issues and I don’t want to see her go down that path or road anymore and it’s a shame because we all know, ‘You show me who you walk with and I’ll tell you who you are’. You have to surround yourself with the right people places and situations to get better. Not to beat Dina up, but even other people around Lindsay. She needs to be around people who are clean and sober and on the right path.”

So not only is it a pathetic attempt to build Lindsay up in the public eye by making her “look” even more like Marilyn Monroe, but it’s a not-so-thinly-veiled dig at Lindsay’s mom (and Michael’s ex), Dina Lohan, because she’s also a hot, wasted, embarrassing mess who has nothing going for her in this life. Lohans, guys. You can’t make this stuff up.

And someone, please—find out for me. Who is this poor kid?

It’s Lindsay’s First Liz & Dick Promo!

Yesterday, Sarah showed you that lovely movie poster for Lindsay‘s critically acclaimed* Lifetime movie, Liz & Dick. It was truly something, and now we have … something else. Please watch it now.

Ok, now please watch it again.

RIGHT? This is the first time that we’re seeing Lindsay as Liz in live action, and it was totally worth the wait. Everything about this is so right in all the wrong ways (wrong in all the right ways?). There’s Lindsay looking nothing like Elizabeth Taylor, and Lindsay’s bad acting. I’m no expert, but like, I have a bachelor’s degree in acting and I’ve spent countless hours watching Lifetime movies and eating ice cream, so I’m sort of an expert. And this is bad, friends. This is really bad. She only said about three lines, but it’s fairly obvious that this movie is going to be the burning hot lava mess we all knew it would be.

Two months, friends. We just have to wait two more months, and then we’ll be given the gift of a lifetime (ha!). Who’s pumped?

*Not true.

Lindsay’s ‘Liz & Dick’ Poster! It’s Here!

photo of lindsay lohan liz & dick pictures poster pic
Ugh, God.

And if that doesn’t freak you out enough? I’ve got a few words for you—Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen. IN BED. TOGETHER.

photo of lindsay lohan and charlie sheen in bed pictures
This photo right here features Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen, in the first published photo of their scene together in Scary Movie 5. We talked last week about Lindsay ditching the set, claiming she had “walking pneumonia,” and after she was threatened with a non-compliance lawsuit, she returned to the set, magically healed, and magically making out with Charlie Sheen, as per the film script.

Lindsay Lohan May or May Not Have Hit Someone with Her Car While Possibly But Not for Sure Drunk

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

See, this is what I find so frustrating about Lindsay Lohan: everything. Ha ha, but really, it’s just so irritating to me that she’s such a trainwreck that basically anyone in the same vicinity as her could make up any story about her and it’s automatically believable. Like, if I was in New York right now and I noticed that the lady I just accidentally brushed shoulders with is Lindsay Lohan, I could go to the hospital and tell everyone that she violently shoved me and broke my arm, and it would probably make the news. But on the other hand, she’s such a trainwreck that she could actually be doing everything that everyone always accuses her of and just denying it. Do you see what I mean? It’s like the boy who cried wolf, except the boy sees wolves because he’s too high and sometimes he’s the wolf himself and runs people over with his car. Am I making any sense at all?

Basically, there’s this surveillance video that shows what happened, and apparently the guy who’s saying that Lindsay hit him is exaggerating everything. In the video, Lindsay’s driving really, really slow, and you can see her get very close to the guy, but it’s not clear whether or not she physically hit him. After Lindsay passed him, he chased after her, but he didn’t confront her. The tape also shows Lindsay getting out of her car to enter a club, looking totally chill, so she might not have realized that she hit the guy (if she actually did hit him).

Also, after Lindsay went inside the club, she stayed for just a few minutes, then left for a little bit, then came back. So, you know, weird.

Since the video was sort of inconclusive, it’s time for a good ol’ round of “he said, she said.” Lindsay’s saying that she didn’t even know she’d hit anyone until she got arrested, and that certainly no one got out of her car to check it for damages. Meanwhile, the guy is saying that Lindsay “smelled like alcohol real bad” (police never tested Lindsay) and that after he got hit, “I was in so much pain … I fell to the side.” He claims he was taken to the hospital where doctors gave him morphine for torn tendons.

For what it’s worth, Michael Lohan is saying that Lindsay definitely wasn’t drunk.

I don’t know you guys, I’m just sort of pissed that this even has to be a debate. What happened to the good old days when you could just hit someone with your car, get arrested, and then be prosecuted and placed in jail? Why do we have to have all these lies and exaggerations? Why can’t people just tell the truth ever?