Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Lindsay Lohan

Details of Lohan Plea Deal, Plus Lohan Laughs When Judge Suggests “Don’t Drive”

lindsay lohan court

Lindsay Lohan will not be going to jail — sorry, everyone! She took the plea deal. Although she was sentenced to 5 days in jail, it looks like that will be combined with her 90 day lockdown in a rehab facility. And let’s be real, even if that wasn’t the case, she’d likely spend 3 hours in jail, tops.

Here are the details of the plea, straight from the judge. Lohan must comply with all of this or she will get 180 days in jail.

24 months on probation. 5 days in jail plus $150 fine plus penalty assessments…a $240 restitution fine…$30 criminal conviction assesment fee…30 days community labor, it may be done in new york…18 months of psychological counseling…my understanding is she’s already begun that? (“That’s correct.”)…90 day residential treatment program. No day-passes, you can’t leave, you must stay in program…she needs proof of enrollment and a progress report on counseling, and a signed letter “with letterhead” confirming that she did community service.

Lohan sounded very, very tired and hoarse. More than usual. All she said was, “Yes sir.” Although she did chuckle twice. Once when she said “Yes” to the judge making clear that she gave up her right for trial. Not sure what was so funny there. The second time she let out a sort of sad, agreeable, tired chuckle was when the judge said,

A suggestion: don’t drive.

She is legally allowed to drive under certain conditions:

You are not to drive with any measure of alcohol or drugs in your system [Note: UH, DUH?]…you are not to drive without valid license and insurance…you are not to use or posses any narcotics…exept for prescriptions…do not assosiate with [drug dealers] or users except in an authorized counseling program…you are to obey all laws and order of court…stay out of trouble.

He then warned,

This is it. you violate your probation…we’re just going to impose the sentence and be done with it. Please take this seriously. You need to comply.

He also added on a,

Search and seizure condition…as part of the plea, she must submit her personal property to search and seizure [to police or parole workers] under probable cause or reasonable suspicion.

If Lohan does all of this without screwing up, she won’t face any jail time and her record will be expunged. It will be like having a “clean slate” as they say. Her probation begins today. In a press conference immediately after the hearing, her lawyer Mark Heller said,

I think that justice was certainly served. I am very confident that you won’t see Lindsay Lohan in any criminal courts any time in the future.

After Heller left, Michael Lohan then got up to the microphones and freaked out saying that Heller screwed Lindsay over and pressured her into a deal. And that he owes him $16,000. Uh…okay? He added, “Get away from the cameras and stop using Lindsay to make a name for yourself.”

OH. MY. GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS? (Yup, he totally is.)

Thanks to TMZ for providing the live footage that made me feel like I was right in the courtroom with them.

Lindsay Lohan Skips Pre-Court Date Flight to Go See A Band Play But Now She’s Taken a Plea Deal

lindsay lohan

Oh, Lindsay, never change. Or, you know, change before you’re in jail for life or dead or something. Apparently Our Lady of Zero Consequences (bringing it back!) was due to fly from New York to Los Angeles on Saturday night ahead of her mandatory court appearance today (Monday). The only problem? She decided not to take it and instead stayed in NYC to see some shitty band play at a nightclub.

Then shit got doubly crazy as she re-booked a flight for Sunday night which she GOT OFF just moments before take-off. The flight was an hour late to depart or something because of a gas issue and all the cocaine made her too paranoid to stay aboard and instead, she managed to get some idiot corporation (???) to donate their private jet for the Camp Clueless cause.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan will absolutely, positively be LATE for her trial TMZ has learned … and the judge could issue a bench warrant for her arrest on her first day of trial.

We’ve learned … the private jet that is carrying the infamous defendant is scheduled to land at 8:11 AM in Van Nuys, 20 miles from the courthouse.  That means at the time of touchdown — assuming she lands on time — she will have 19 minutes to get to the courthouse in the middle of rush hour traffic.  Translation:  No way in hell.

Sources tell us … the jet was delayed at JFK in NYC and didn’t go wheels up until 6 AM EDT.

There are 2 SUVs waiting at Van Nuys airport to take Lindsay and her entourage to court.

One more complication …. Lindsay left all of her luggage on her original commercial flight.  Someone has already retrieved the bags at LAX and has taken them to the Van Nuys Airport.  Lindsay will change clothes in the car.

One final thing … Guess how much the private jet costs?  $50,000.  Lindsay didn’t pay — The generous folks at Mr. Pink energy drink covered the tab.

Lindsay finally turned up for court this morning 45 minutes late and while I thought she would try anything to come up with another bullshit excuse to try and get out of trouble yet again, it seems like I’m wrong because just as I’ve been updating this story for the 900th time, she’s apparently accepted a plea deal just moments before the trial was going to begin. From TMZ yet again:

11:04 AM PT — It appears Lindsay has struck a plea deal with prosecutors, which is shocking because up until now … Lindsay has REFUSED to accept any punishment.

Our clue … Mark Heller’s co-counsel just grabbed a “plea form” from a desk and took it into chambers with him.

Well, okay. I have to ask, though – what in the hell is this girl wearing? Someone took her Liz Taylor role to heart…

lindsay arrives at court

Lindsay Lohan Won’t Be Getting a Plea Deal, After All

lindsay lohan court

Lindsay Lohan lied to cops about driving drunk and – surprise! – they’re sort of trying to hold her responsible for it. Kind of. She was offered a plea deal in the case, which, if accepted, would probably mean she’d spend some time on house arrest. But Our Lady of Zero Consequences wasn’t too fond of that and wanted, well, no punishment at all. She obviously hasn’t considered that her other alternative is actually going to jail or she just doesn’t care, because after refusing the deal, prosecutors have now taken it off the table. You snooze, you lose, lady.

From TMZ:

Prosecutors have ended plea negotiations with Lindsay Lohan and are preparing for a trial Monday … this according to law enforcement sources.

We’re told negotiations broke down because Lindsay won’t accept ANY punishment for lying to cops in connection with her car accident last June.  As we reported, Lindsay told police she was NOT driving the Porsche that crashed into a truck on Pacific Coast Highway — she was.

Fact is … negotiations were doomed from the get-go, because Lindsay’s lawyer, Mark Heller, did not have his client on board when he tried cutting a deal.

There’s one other chance of avoiding trial.  Everyone must be in court Monday, and Lindsay’s lawyer could try and enter a plea, but given Lindsay’s state of mind … it’s highly unlikely.

Trial will start Monday.  In addition to the lying-to-cops crime, Lindsay could face months in jail for violating her probation in her jewelry heist case — part of the probation was to obey all laws.

Will Lindsay end up in jail? Most likely not, as the California court system seems to think she’s too good for it for some unknown reason. Seriously,  I know the prison system is overcrowded, but a few months in a locked cell could do this girl worlds of good in so many senses. I’m not suggesting we throw away the key or anything just yet, but we’ll see how things go.