16Lana Del Rey Wipes Herself for GQ

Before I even show you the picture in question, can someone tell me how flat-out awful the term “wiping” is when it comes to bathroom practices? Because that’s just gross. My four-year-old is in the process of finishing her learning-to-wipe experience and occasionally, I’ll get a “Mommy! Can you check to see how well I wiped?” and even though I’ve been doing it for years, and prior to that, changed her diapers with my own two hands, I still get grossed out by the term “wipe.” Because ew.

And anyway, this is Lana Del Rey, and apparently, GQ thought it’d be all hot and stuff to show Lana Del Rey wiping her gitch with a gauzy curtain. Without further ado, this is Lana Del Rey. Wiping her gitch. With a gauzy curtain:

Gross, right? It doesn’t even look like she’s engaging in faux masturbation or anything, it just looks like she’s got to pee. Or peed. Or has a mad case of vaginal bacteriosis (if that’s a thing).

Hot!

September 9, 2012 at 10:00 am by Sarah

8What Did Lana Del Rey Do to Her Face (Again) (… I Mean Again-Again)?

Because she looks different even from her hanging-out-with-Lady Gaga days, right? And that was, what, mere months ago? All I know is that we found a pretty flattering photo of Lana back in April, when she dyed her hair dark, but this Vogue Australia cover really tells a different story when it comes to flattery.

Here’s a few choice excerpts from Lana’s interview, and no, I don’t know why she’s in Vogue anyway, either.

Lana on breaking into film writing business:

“When I was starting, I had a vision of being a writer for film and that’s what I am doing now. I’m so happy. Hopefully I will branch into film work and stay there. That will be my happy place. I’d like to stay in one place for a long time.”

On pretty much no more music (which is good for many, many people, myself included):

“I said everything I needed to say before I wrote this record. I don’t even talk that much. God, talking in interviews is the most I’ve talked in years.”

On concert crowds making her nervous:

“I love to take care of the songs – that’s my natural place – then, when I get on stage that’s not my elements. Sometimes I kneel down because I am trembling or touch the audience because I don’t know what else to do. But the nice thing about the kids is that they feel bad for me, and pass me soft toys!”

On not caring too much about her public image:

“I never expressed myself through fashion. I loved flowers in my hair, I loved guys who wore leather, but I didn’t get creative… From the age of about seven I had really specific tastes that never changed. I loved wearing white, old fur and gold. It’s funny because now people in fashion kind of came to my rescue when other people said they didn’t like the record but that was unexpected for me because I was never really that. I wear lots of white and blue shirts from Brooks Brothers and shorts when I’m in LA, and I wear this white cotton sundress every day when no-one’s looking at me. I think it’s Topshop.”

So she doesn’t sound nearly as full of herself as you’d expect someone who’s probably spent more on plastic surgery than Demi Moore ever has, right? And that’s got to count for something, now, doesn’t it?

Also, what do you think a Lana Del Rey-penned movie would be like? I’d imagine it’d have a lot of 80′s music, feather boas, and probably some errant cocaine use. But I could be wrong. It might just be heroin instead, I don’t know.

September 4, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

2Here Are Some Photos from That Weird Lady Gaga-Lindsay Lohan Sleepover Party

Remember we told you about that slumber party that supposedly went down with Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga, and Lana Del Rey? There’s apparently pictures of the event, showing a drunk-looking Lady Gaga, and an always-wasted Lindsay Lohan, but no photos of Lana. Don’t know. Maybe she wasn’t there after all.

The photos were taken with Ellen von Unwerth, who is a celebrity photographer, as far as I’m aware, and she looked just as f-cked up as the rest of the girls (which really wasn’t all that hard to do, apparently, because the two of them LOOKED WAY F-CKED UP).

I guess the only “good” that can come from this … If there’s any “good” to be had by anyone at all, it’d probably be all for Lana Del Rey. And that she didn’t have a tangible, proven part to any of these shenanigans, because I bet it was really, really bad, guys. Bad.

July 28, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Sarah

2New BFF Alert: Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga!

At the heart of it all, this is a story about the blossoming friendship between Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga, but I would feel bad if I didn’t let you know that Lana Del Rey was involved as well. Yes, this is a three-way BFF situation, and it is glorious.

From Us Weekly:

Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga and Lana Del Rey had slumber party Wednesday night at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, X17 reports. The ladies, each 26 years old, reportedly spent the evening together “watching old movies and playing board games.”

“The three of them had dinner in the garden on Tuesday night at Chateau, and then Lindsay and Gaga ran upstairs to play dress-up and came down in different outfits,” a source told X17.

According to the Daily Mail, Gaga tweeted at Lohan on Wednesday, writing, “When you ordered a cucumber and a knife to the bar last night, I thought your were going to perform a vasectomy. Just a skinny b—h.”

Lohan tweeted back, “Skinny snack 1, Lady Gaga hahaha.” Gaga then tweeted a photo of a tray with a cucumber with a knife in it and sliced lemons sitting on bar. “How much could one do with this arrangement!” she wrote for a caption.

The “Born This Way” singer’s tweets and photo, however, have since been deleted.

Lindsay’s tweets, meanwhile, have definitely not been deleted. She’s also retweeted a photo from Lana, and when someone made a simple tweet of all three ladies’ names, she retweeted that as well. Yep, it looks like Lindsay’s got some friends in high places, and she wants us all to know it. Lady Gaga, was probably just high the whole time and upon sobering up, immediately regretted her choices. And Lana Del Rey is always a mystery.

I’ve been really into hyperbole lately, so when I first read this story, I immediately exclaimed “this is the best day of my life!” I just think this is a really awesome, hilarious story, almost along the lines of Tom Cruise, Xenu Whisperer. Is this story really that wonderful*, or was this sort of relationship always destined to be?

*Yes.

July 13, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Emily

0Love It or Leave It: Lana Del Rey Goes Dark

After an Axl Rose bandmate came forward and said that Axl and Lana are absolutely not dating, this is what Lana chooses to wear to an intimate concert she performed for 300 people earlier this week in London. DJ Ashba had this to say to TMZ when asked if Axl and Lana were dating:

“I think it’s cool. I dunno. I wasn’t in town. I heard he was at the Rainbow, though, the other night. [But] I don’t think they’re dating. Axl’s just a really cool dude who likes hanging out with really cool people. I think they were probably just buddy-buddy hanging out.”

Yeah, that’s about as convincing as Lana’s lips being “real.” But the hair! – the hair’s pretty good, right? I like it way better than her formerly light-brown locks. The dark just sets her face off so well. Generally, I don’t have much to say in the way of ‘good’ about Lana Del Rey, because she’s just not all that relevant to me, but the hair’s an OK thing. It’s a start. And we can talk about Lana for as long as she likes, just so long as she doesn’t want to open her mouth and do her own talking – or worse, singing – you know?

How do you guys feel about Lana’s hair – do you prefer the light or the dark?

April 11, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah

5New Couple Alert: Of Course Lana Del Rey is F-cking Axl Rose

From TMZ:

Lana Del Rey’s obsession with Axl Rose went to a whole new level last night, when the 25-year-old songstress and the 50-year-old rocker left the Chateau Marmont together.

Lana was spotted at an Axl/GnR show in Hollywood last month — and back before she made it big, she recorded a song called “Axl Rose Husband.”

The pair got into an SUV together, with Axl almost sitting in the back seat with her before hopping in the front.

Hm. I’m not sure if this is hot or just plain old gross. Lana‘s kind of a step away from being the poster child for plastic surgery, and she doesn’t exactly strike me as the picture of perfect mental health, and then there’s Axl Rose, who’s 50 and … who’s also a step away from being the poster child for plastic surgery, and who doesn’t exactly strike me as the picture of perfect mental health. Never mind, you’re right. These two are actually completely perfect for one another, what the hell was I thinking assuming otherwise?

It could be worse, I suppose. She could be going after Bret Michaels, you know.

How do you guys feel about Lana shacking up with Axl?

April 7, 2012 at 2:00 pm by Sarah