Probably one of the most frustrating things about Lady Gaga is that she’s a really pretty woman with tons of talent who insists on covering it all up. All the platforms and the crazy hats and the shitty music just completely distract me from what she could be.

For example, take a gander at that picture up there. Gorgeous, right? Those eyebrows. I know that she’s probably wearing a touch of natural makeup, but this is probably as fresh faced as she’s ever going to get. Isn’t that so tragic? Of course I get that she loves what she’s doing and she’s into being flashy and ridiculous, but that doesn’t mean I can’t long for a simpler Gaga. That I can’t yearn for the universe where I can walk into a store and purchase the latest album from one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Stefani Germanotta. Because I do.

If this isn’t enough of a Lady Gaga update for you, since we’ve just entered a dark period where Lady Gaga is refusing to talk, let me share with you a few of her tweets from this past month, ok?

Listening to HAIR, singing into hairbrush. I think I forgot I’m a pop singer for 5 whole minutes + then remembered I GET TO TOUR THIS SHIZ!

Oh the irony of winning “Most Pretentious Album Ever” from none other than NME. *eyeroll* I might laugh forever + then return to narcissism

Last night I saw half of The Born This Way Ball stage completely built for rehearsal. I got the worst goosebumps, and i thought to myself I have prepared for this moment since I was six, leaving for the talent show while my mother asked me why I had to wear a crop top with my side pony tail, lippystick and little halter I replied “PUHHLEAZE mother I’ve been rehearsing FOR WEEKS.”

Love getting my ass kicked in rehearsal. Everything hurts and I love it. Broke every nail and tangled every hair this week. Bad to the Bone.

People ask me why I wear veils. I reply, I’m mourning. Mourning what? Well I figure something shitty must be going on somewhere.

See? She’ll never be too far away from us.

Ok, here’s a rundown real quick, just in case you’re new: I can’t stand Lady Gaga. I hate pretty much everything she does. She gets on my last nerve. I waste a lot of time just wishing that she’d go away, or at least just stop being so ridiculous for a minute.

And now here’s the good news, ready? You might want to brace yourself, because it’s really, truly excellent news. See, Lady Gaga did an interview with Oprah, and she made a big statement:

“I have a couple of things that I do. The newest thing that I do? I don’t read a damn thing. No press. No television. If my mom calls and says, ‘Did you hear about … ?’ [Makes phone slamming motion] I don’t want to hear nothing about anything that is going on in relation to music. I shut it all off. Other than this interview, Oprah, I don’t intend to speak to anyone for a very long time.”

Amazingly great news, right? Just let the idea of a world without crazy Gaga wash over you. It’s a nice idea, right? Ok, but here’s the bad news: I really don’t think it’s going to happen.

There’s this couple that recently moved into the apartment above me, right? And I was really, really excited about that, because the last couple that lived above me dropped dog poop and used tampon applicators off outside my window, and surely no one could be as bad as them, right? Wrong. This couple fights all the time. I’m trying to finally go to sleep around 3 AM, nope, she has to yell at him about texting some girl. I’m trying to catch up on sleep by getting in an afternoon nap? Nope, he’s got to scream at her about being “a f*cking whore.” One of his favorite things to do is go “I’m going to leave, I’m really going to leave! I’m out this door, you ain’t never going to see me again! I’m gone!” He seriously does this all the time, he goes on and on and on about how he’s going to leave, and I’m always like “oh no, please, don’t go! You’re such a light to this world, your shining spirit would be far too missed!” I say it sarcastically, guys. Because if you’re going to yell and scream and cuss about leaving for hours, then just leave. Go.

That’s how I feel about Lady Gaga. I feel like she’s looking for a big fuss of “noooo, Gaga, please, you have to stay!” If you’re going to go away, then just go away. Please.

This is one of the stories that you’re just going to have to take with a grain of salt. I don’t really buy it, but I want to discuss it, so could you just do me a solid here?

Here is the epic tale of Lady Gaga‘s baby fever and her plan for the cure:

Lady Gaga has told the family of her new love – Vampire Diaries TV hunk Taylor Kinney – that she wants to settle down with him and have his babies.

The couple have just returned from a trip to meet Taylor’s folks in his home town of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, to break the news that they want to start a family together. And yesterday Taylor’s aunt Kathryn Loh declared: “There’s no doubt he loves her and she loves him. Now everyone’s met her, we love her too! They are perfect together.”

Another relative revealed Taylor’s dad Daniel was at first taken aback when the 30-year-old actor and Gaga, 25, delivered their baby bombshell, adding: “He’d hoped they might get married first but he’s seen how much they care for one another and was happy in the end to give his blessing.”

Gaga’s own parents in New York are also said to have given their seal of approval to the Born This Way singer’s dream of having her own little bundle of joy.

A close friend told the Daily Star Sunday: “Both families are happy and she’s already doodling baby names on scraps of paper. She’s been bragging about how beautiful their children will be because Taylor is so handsome. She wants everything with him – love, marriage and a family. But she’s set on becoming a mother before they think about anything else and she’s talking about giving birth in the next year. You know this is the real deal because she NEVER talked about babies when she was with her long-term ex-boyfriend Lüc Carl. With Taylor, that’s ALL she talks about now.”

Taylor, who plays Mason Lockwood in The Vampire Diaries TV series, is said to be “starry-eyed” at the prospect of starting a family with the outlandish pop princess.

A fellow Vampire Diaries cast member confided: “He’s walking on air right now and can’t stop talking about how he’s going to become a dad and settle down. If you have the sort of money they do – especially Gaga – there really isn’t a problem about having a baby out of wedlock these days. They’ll get the chance to see how they adapt to parenthood and – heaven forbid – if things go wrong, there won’t be any ugly divorce and there will never be a problem about supporting the kid.”

Yeah, I don’t buy it. I really can’t see Lady Gaga giving up working in order to start a family, can you? This is the lady that has been touring almost nonstop since 2009, the lady that does numerous other projects, the lady that insists on constantly being in character. I’m sorry, but I’ve seen enough pregnant women in terrifyingly high heels, I don’t need to see Lady Gaga managing a fetus in her footwear. So yeah, I’m saying that this isn’t real.

But oh, that last little quote? Oh my goodness. The sentiment of “it’s totally cool to have a baby when you’re not married, because then they’ll have time to test everything out and if it doesn’t work, just get divorced, it’s cool,” that just drives me insane. I don’t think you have to be married to have children, and I don’t think you should stay married just because of your children. But using humans as a way to test your relationship? No. No, that’s not ok.

What do you guys think?

You guys! Look! It’s little baby Lady Gaga, way back when she was just some 19-year-old girl named Stefani who waited tables at a restaurant and liked to jam on the piano! How sweet!

The photo shoot was done by a photographer named Malgorzata Saniewska, who was, at one point, working as a bartender at a restaurant where Lady Gaga worked as a waitress. Lady Gaga, being the friendly lady she is, gave Malgorzata a CD of her first single, and Malgorzata decided that little Stefani would be a great candidate for a photo shoot. So Gaga took her back to her parents’ place, put on her face and did her hair, then started posing on the family piano.

Malgorzata took about 200 photos, but she kept them to herself. That is, she kept them to herself until she happened to run into Lady Gaga back in 2010. The superstar (who, uh, looked a lot different) approached the photographer, and told her that she was responsible for her very first photo shoot ever. From that conversation, Malgorzata decided that Lady Gaga would be cool with her sharing the photos, and here we are today!

What do you guys think about these pictures? I don’t think they’re quite unrecognizable, but they’re pretty close. For real, how much better does Lady Gaga look with her dark hair and almost fresh face? It’s unbelievable, right? Admittedly, I’m not really one to talk about keeping it natural (over the weekend, I, uh, dyed my hair. Pink. I bleached it and dyed it pink. It’s been a weird couple of weeks), but with Lady Gaga, it’s just stunning, it really is. I’ll take natural Lady Gaga over crazy shoes, crazy face Lady Gaga any day of the week. Anyone else?

Really, all this photo shoot does is make me long for a Lady Gaga who doesn’t wear much makeup, has regular old hair and regular old shoes, and just plays piano and sings her songs. That would be a beautiful, beautiful world, one that I would absolutely love to live in. Here’s a glimpse of it:

Well, there’s still the giant bow made of hair on top of her head, but hey, I’d still be so thankful to get this over all that other nonsense she makes me listen to all the time.

Images courtesy of CNN

The original post title was going to be “Lady Gaga Goes Desperate for Born This Way Ball Promo”, but somehow I wasn’t sure that was quite accurate. Some people think she’s been desperate for ages, and I don’t think that because she lost out on every Grammy she was nominated for to our Adele that this photo should change things all that much. Honestly, why mess with perfection? It seems to be working just fine, thanks.

For one second, though, we’re going assume that Lady Gaga’s not at all bitter or disappointed that she lost all of those nominations for Best Album and Best Record and blah blah blah, because last night, she apparently acknowledged Adele’s greatness and commended her for her multiple wins:

“What a beautiful night last night was, Adele deserved every award she won and perhaps an extra one for being such a kind and lovely woman.”

Sweet, right? That’s what she said on her Twitter page. The thing is, there were a few of Lady Gaga’s followers who were also just as seemingly gracious about their Mother Monster’s Grammy snub and were vocal about it, too:

“you deserved at least one, but yes Adele is a sweetheart and earned those grammy’s.”

“You sho shweet. I WUBB YOU SHO MUSH.”

And then, of course, there were others who said, you know, otherwise:

“i bet it killed u to say that because you know as much as the rest of us.. you deserved all them awards… #fix”

“SHE DID. BUT YOU DESERVED THEM, YOU SHOULDVE WALKED THE RED CARPET THOUGH :(”

So, OK. Lady Gaga was beat to an unbelievable level at this year’s Grammys. We get that. (We get that, right? All of us?) And it’s clear that not all of Lady Gaga’s fans are rabid, hate-spewing toads who live for nothing but tearing others down. I’m really glad for that, because despite the fact that Lady Gaga’s just not my thing, I can appreciate that she’s not all about that like some other artists might be. Maybe all of that bully-slamming did Lady Gaga’s fans some good, and that’s just fine.

I went on a tangent, though, here. This whole post was supposed to be about Lady Gaga’s awesome boobs for her ‘Born This Way Ball’ promo shoot. Aren’t they fabulous? I don’t know about you guys, but this photo makes me all about the boobs. They look so much better when they’re not all stretched out and sunken into her chest cavity. Way to go, Gaga. You have some totally superior boobs!

I know, what’s new, right? To give credit where credit is due though, Lady Gaga does do good work. She’s always doing something to combat bullying, her favorite cause, and she’s made a lot of strides. She even started her own foundation, remember?

That’s why it shouldn’t be a surprise that this past Saturday, Lady Gaga attended a conference for young women called “It’s Our Turn,” held at a school in L.A. She spoke about being bullied as a teenager, being bulimic, and, of course, being born this way.

On being bullied for her beliefs: “I started having trouble with girls in middle school,” Lady Gaga said. “I always knew that I wanted to do something very career oriented, and I always wanted to be a musician. ”That alone set me apart. I had such strong convictions and I was pretty delusional, in the same way that I am now … in wanting to change the world and end bullying in America and do whatever I can to promote peace around the world. It might sound kind of silly coming from someone in red lipstick with a bunch of jewels on my jacket,” Lady Gaga said. “But that’s just the way I have always been.”

On confronting a bully: “It wasn’t until my senior year in high school when I finally confronted my main bully,” Lady Gaga said. “She was always kind of mean to me, but I was always trying to be nice to her.”

One day the bully was discussing her after-school internship and the young Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta asked, “Oh, hey, how’s that going?” only for the bully to reply, “Why are you talking to me?”

Lady Gaga recalled finally asking her, “What the f*ck is your problem?”

To this, the Brentwood audience laughed, cheered and clapped. “She couldn’t believe that I stood up for myself,” Lady Gaga said. “And I said, ‘I am always nice to you. What is your problem with me? Maybe if you just tell me, we can figure this out.’ And she said something like ‘Well, I just don’t know why you’re so serious about music.’”

“You don’t always know why people exclude you or aren’t nice to you,” Lady Gaga said. “But I will tell you to this day it helped me so much to stand up to that person.”

On being bulimic: “I used to throw up all the time in high school. So I’m not that confident. And maybe it’s easier for me to talk about it now because I don’t do it anymore. I wanted to be a skinny little ballerina but I was a voluptuous little Italian girl whose dad had meatballs on the table every night,” Lady Gaga revealed. “I used to come home and say, ‘Dad, why do you always give us this food? I need to be thin.’ And he’d say, ‘Eat your spaghetti.’”

On body image: “Every video I’m in, every magazine cover, they stretch you; they make you perfect,” Lady Gaga said. “It’s not real life. I’m gonna say this about girls: The dieting wars have got to stop. Everyone just knock it off. Because at the end of the day, it’s affecting kids your age. And it’s making girls sick.”

On worth: “I’m encouraging you to know what you’re worth. And know that no matter who has more money in class, who has more stuff, who has a country house – nobody is worth more than anybody else.”

I think this is a pretty classy thing for Lady Gaga to be doing with her time, and believe me, that sort of pains me to say. But if she can use all her craziness to reach out to some kids, then that’s what matters, right?