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Kylie Jenner

Kylie Jenner posted a “no makeup selfie”

kylie jenner

The “no makeup selfie” is in quotes for a reason – I love when celebs try to pretend they’re completely bare-faced when they’re obviously wearing foundation (among other things) and have put all kinds of blurs and filters on the pic. It kinda doesn’t count, y’know? Kylie Jenner is the latest to take part in this trend, and it’s laughable how much of a no makeup selfie this ISN’T, but okay… let’s go with it.

Let’s dissect this:

1. The lips – this is the most obvious. We all know homegirl overdraws her lips, but there’s some big debate on whether or not she actually had collagen injections. She has clearly either overdrawn her lips here with a nude pencil or she has indeed plumped ‘em up with God knows what. But sorry, this is not “natural”.

2. Her skin – I know she’s only 17 so obviously she’s going to have smooth skin without wrinkles or anything, but hello, no teenager’s shit is this even – you would have imperfections, blemishes, whatever. Some kinda foundation or BB cream has been used here. And a bit of a Gaussian blur.

3. The eyelashes – does Kylie Jenner have permanent mascara? Otherwise, she’s put it on.

I’m not trying to shame her for using beauty products to enhance her appearance – hello, we all do. The point is, don’t try to post this bullshit with the caption she did and not be called out:

“You know it’s gonna be a good Sunday when ya weaves out & u haven’t put ur face on yet”

Ya, okay.

Just for reference, this is what Kylie Jenner looks like with her face ON:

kylie jenner

That boob job is such a mess.

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What the hell is wrong with Kylie Jenner?

kylie jenner

Oh, little Kylie Jenner. At just 17, she’s ready to make her own name in the Kardashian/Jenner family and she’s sick and tired of being underage and not really being able to do it. That won’t stop her from posting awful selfies on Instagram at every given opportunity, like the one above.

This shot is from New Year’s Day and was captioned simply: “1/1/15″.  No wonder Kylie’s fed up – she’s got to take care of a dog and she can’t even go clubbing with her adult man, Tyga. Oh yeah, and she’s even in big sister Kendall‘s shadow now, too. Kendall posted her own New Year’s selfie, and here it is:

kendall jenner

Welp.

I certainly wish the women in this family knew how to do anything other than contort their bodies to take flattering half-naked (or sometimes entirely naked) pictures for social media. Like, is there anything wrong with loving your body and flaunting it if that’s what you want to do? Of course not. The problem is, every female in the Kardashian/Jenner clan seems to think that’s all they’re worth and it’s a bit pathetic.

What the hell is that pose Kylie is doing? Like, honestly? God help us all.

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Kylie Jenner hates her new puppy

kylie jenner

Kylie Jenner was all hype and feeling “#blessed” when she got a new pet greyhound for Christmas. However, the charm has already worn off and apparently Kylie hates her pup, whose name is Norman, because having to take care of it is cutting into her clubbing time. Instead, she’s been pawning the dog off on her sisters so she can hit the town… how, I’m not sure, since she’s not even 18 yet.

Anyhoo, here’s the scoop from Radar Online:

“Kylie just got this dog for Christmas and she is already pawning him off on her sisters so that she can go out,” the insider says.

According to the source, the 17-year-old star of Keeping up with the Kardashians even “got upset that she couldn’t go out one night because she had to stay home with him.”

“Her family thinks that it was a really bad call to get her this dog because she can barely take care of herself,” the source tells Radar. “But she insisted that she have it.”

“Sometimes having a dog can actually make someone more responsible and they are hoping that this is the case,” the source says.

“Hopefully she does not treat him like Kim treats her animals,” the insider adds. As Radar reported, the Kardashians have had several animals over the years whose time with the family has been short-lived.

Yo, when will people realize that pets are a COMMITMENT, not a one-time Christmas gift that’s fun for the day and that you can just ignore afterwards. Getting a dog is a serious responsibility and it’s so sad that this dog is going to end up neglected and then sent to the shelter because these idiots can’t be bothered to look after it.

Also, I really want to know what the hell Kim has done to animals! That shit sounds ominous.

Anyhoo, while a lot of this might be made up by Radar interns, I think we can all agree that it’s likely true – especially considering Khloe already posted a photo of her time “puppy sitting”… less than a week after Kylie got the poor dog. In fact, it was the VERY NEXT DAY.


Puppy sitting ????????????

A photo posted by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on

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Kylie Jenner’s got her lips back

kylie jenner

After being caught without Instagram filters and overdrawn lips during a routine traffic stop in Los Angeles this week, Kylie Jenner knew she needed to come back fiercer than ever. She took to the social networking site to post the above photo, which… is just all wrong, in every way.

I’m trying to figure out what the inspiration is for this, what it all means, but I just can’t. Also, how is her hair green one day and then brown and whatever the next? I mean, I guess there’s extensions and the like, but I’m confused. Also also, I legit want to know if the Kardashian/Jenner family have a personal Photoshopper that works exclusively for the family to fix up their social media pics before they go live. We know they use that shit.

Either way, can’t say I’m impressed with this.

kylie

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Kylie Jenner gets stopped by police, can’t work her angles

PREMIUM EXCLUSIVE Kylie Jenner gets another ticket for her reckless driving

Kylie Jenner is the QUEEN of Instagram angles. Homegirl knows how to work angles like none other – she can make her lips look insane and her face look… not like it’s her face. But when she was stopped while driving in Los Angeles the other day, there were no angles or filters to help her.

What did we get? A very normal looking Kylie Jenner. Amazingly, she looks 17. She looks like a normal fucking teenager who hasn’t pumped her face full of collagen and whatever other shit they’ll put in you now to make you look like a wax figure. I think I like this look a whole lot better, but sadly it won’t last.

[H/T Fishwrapper]

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Kylie Jenner is releasing her own line of hair extensions

kylie jenner

It seems as though Kylie Jenner has left her dreams of becoming the next Katy Perry behind and has instead ventured into a world in which she’s much more comfortable: hair extensions. She’ll be releasing her own line of extensions with the clip-in extension brand Bellami Hair.

She announced the news via her Instagram page, saying:

“Kylie Hair Kouture coming soon….sooo excited follow @bellamihair for more details!”

Ugh, Kylie Hair Kouture? Give over with the K names already – it’s so tacky. Even tackier than clip in hair extensions released by a celebrity in general. She needs to do a collaboration with MAC – now THAT would sell like hotcakes and make them both tons more money that they don’t actually need.

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Kylie Jenner is going to be the next Katy Perry

kylie jenner

There’s never been a better time to invest in foam earplugs, because apparently Kylie Jenner has decided that music is her calling and is planning to embark on a singing career to become the next Katy Perry. God help us all.

From Radar Online:

“Kylie has found her calling in life — to be a singer!” a close friend of the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star tells Radar exclusively. “She is in training right now with vocal coach and producer, Tim Carter.”

Carter produced Jenner pal Willow Smith’s smash hit, “Whip My Hair,” and also has worked with Kanye West BFFs Jay Z and Beyonce, making him a natural fit for the wannabe pop tart. Other of his celeb clients include Sofia Richie and up and coming singer N0vel.

The source reveals, “Kylie is now working on her first single! She is telling everyone that she knows she is going to be the next Katy Perry.”

And though her half-sister Kim’s foray into pop stardom was dead on arrival, the source insists, “Kylie has a great voice.” Plus, BFF Justin Bieber can certainly give her pointers.

“She realized that she can’t compete with Kendall when it comes to modeling,” the source continues. “So she has chosen to turn to music. The whole family is really supportive of the decision, and Tim has already been to Kris’ house to start the lessons!”

LOL, uh, okay. I just HAVE to believe this is bullshit. I know she’s rich, but she can’t be THAT delusional. Why doesn’t she release her own makeup brand or something? She’s already put MAC’s Whirl lip pencil on permanent sell-out, so she could definitely make some money that way. People love her look. But she needs to stay away from the music world.

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