Though, in my opinion, with no Ashton Kutcher in tow, (I heard he was grounded and couldn’t leave the house ’til he lost fifteen pounds) the premiere kind of fell flat. You know, unlike Heigl’s Aqua Net hair.

I’m not a Katherine Heigl fan, nor have I ever been, but I have to admit that she looks absolutely, positively stunning in all of these photos. Even the hair, which looks like it’s been channeled from beyond the grave of the deceased Julia Sugarbaker, suits her well in these photos.

My final opinion? She looks fabulously gorgeous and there’s no taking that away from her this time.

This time.

And I’ve always been a pretty big fan of Demi’s, though she definitely went off the deep end with the plastic surgery a few years ago, so it’s kind of a shame that I have to use unkind words to talk about her. Like “asshole.” And “arrogant, judgmental twat.” But if there’s any credence to these rumors (and they don’t sound like rumors at all to me, considering they’re coming directly from the horse’s mouth), then she really needs to check her ego, like, yesterday.

Moore’s much younger husband, Ashton Kutcher, speaks to the UK’s GMTV and claims that wifey is disappointed with the way his body looks as of late, especially since he buffed up and out for his most recent movie, Killers:

“Unfortunately… I kinda wish that I hadn’t (let her see the movie) because now she expects (my body) to look like that and it doesn’t. You can’t maintain that. That’s not possible. I disappoint her every evening. I walk in to get ready to go to bed and she’s just, ‘Oh’. She’s like, ‘You know what that’s capable of, you’re not living up to your potential’.”

I hope he’s joking in some way or another. Really. I also hope that if he’s not, that Moore takes a look at herself and realizes that her body’s only doing what the plastic and silicone and leeches tell it to, rather than what it’s “capable” of. Miss Demi lost all control over her body’s “capabilities” when she had a gazillion-dollar total-body-and-face rehaul — no matter how much you tell it otherwise, plastic isn’t going to morph — or move! — sweetheart.

One also might want to consider the fact that Kutcher could get with someone far more accepting (and obviously more naturally built) with a snap of his fingers. For someone who’s so apparently worried about her much-younger husband leaving her for a much-younger woman, she might do best to lay off the personal attacks on her husband’s appearance.

People who live in plastic bodies shouldn’t throw molotov cocktails, don’t you know.

• Kari Ann Peniche(‘s publicist) finally breaks her day-long silence about the abrupt and predictable end to her week-long engagement to Aaron Carter.

• Brandon Davis gets in his second fight this week. I think he and Jason Wahler have an agreement to alternate days.

• Would you like to see a (tragically, censored) video of Steve-O urinating on his own red carpet? You’re in luck!

• Paris Hilton is formally charged with that DUI she picked up earlier this month. The maximum sentence is six months in jail, so keep your fingers crossed.

• The new Killers album is available for streaming on The Leak.

• NBC has complete episodes of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and Heroes available on its website. Not to be outdone, ABC has most of its primetime lineup available online, too. See, folks? Desperate Housewives may not be funny anymore, but boy oh boy is it ever accessible!