Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Katy Perry

Katy Perry’s Got Another New Boyfriend, Probably Banged Him in the Port-a-Potty at Coachella

photo of katy perry new boyfriend at coachella pictures
How else would you explain that big red blotch that’s about to be a mad bruise on the inside of girlfriend’s leg? It’s awfully high-up to be making excuses like, “Oh yeah that was totally from the bull-riding contest I was in at the other tent.”I mean, if so, what was she riding—its head? No. She was probably riding her new boyfriend’s head. Case and point.

And speaking of new boyfriends, did you guys hear who Katy‘s new one is? It’s the guitarist from Florence + the Machine, Robert Ackroyd. From the Sun:

The 27-year-old singer was seen kissing and cuddling her new playmate, Florence And The Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd, at the Coachella music festival this weekend.

Perry and the Brit were cosying up for all to see as they watched her best mate Rihanna perform at the US event.

First up was an alleged fling with French model Baptiste Giabiconi, but now things are hotting up with Brit award-winner Ackroyd.

The tattooed musician and the leggy singer couldn’t keep their hands off each other as she flung her arms around him and they swayed along to the music like a loved-up couple.

So she’s off the model and onto the musician. This is going to end well for good old Katy here. To be honest, I don’t think Katy knows what she wants these days. She wants Russell Brand back. She wants to be a movie star. She wants to date every half-decent-looking guy in Hollywood. She wants us to see her bare boobs, kind of. Sounds to me like it’s a confused little girl that doesn’t know how to put her open hands away.

Also, Katy, your “I wanna be just like you” friend up there in that photo is … well, she’s making you look bad by ripping your look off, and she looks even sillier, thus making you look even worse.

Check out the photos of Katy snuggling with her new boyfriend in the gallery.

Katy Perry Wants to Be A Movie Star!

A photo of Katy Perry

Can I just say one thing real quick? The world does not deserve to suffer through more of Katy Perry‘s acting. It’s unfair and it’s cruel. Honestly, I feel abused from seeing her Proactiv commercial every once in a while, and I don’t think I should have to be submitted to actual films.

But don’t mind me, because Katy wants to be a star!

From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Quirky singing sensation Katy Perry is planning to hit a new high note in her career…as a movie star.

The songbird known for her wild fashion style and revolving hair colors has already branched out by being a spokesperson for Proactiv skin care products, and she now wants to add “leading lady” to her resume.

“Even people who don’t know Katy’s music know her form her Proactiv ad campaign,” said a close source. “With her photogenic face, producers are confident she’ll be able to make the jump from the recording studio to the big screen.”

To accomplish her new goal, Katy has enlisted the help of “Saturday Night Live” star Kristen Wiig.

She’s betting that Kristen, who’s also won raves for her acting and scripting of the movie hit, Bridesmaids, can help katy reinvent herself in the wake of her split from comic actor Russell Brand, say insiers.

The “Part of Me” singer and the “SNL” funnylady have been fast friends since Katy hosted the late-night comedy show in December.

“Katy is plotting a huge image and career makeover,” revealed the source. “Coming off a painful divorce from Russell, she wants to start fresh. She feels like she’s reached her full potential as a musician. She is looking for new challenges and is begging Kristen to write a comedy for her.”

The 27-year-old pop idol has already had some minor screen roles. But with Kristen’s help, she’s hoping to make movie magic, and if a role calls for showing a lot of skin, Katy’s all for it.

“Although Katy is a real-life preacher’s daughter, she’s not shy,” said the source. “She’s never had a problem showing off her ample assets.”

Here’s why this sucks: if Kristen Wiig writes a movie, I feel like I’ll have to see it: I loved Bridesmaids too much not to. But Katy Perry? Really? Katy Perry acting out Kristen Wiig’s visions? Can someone please tell me what the hell I ever did to deserve this?

You Almost Saw Katy Perry’s Boob. BOOM.

photo of katy perry boob slip nipslip pictures photos 2012 pic
Normally I’d be all giddy and giggly, saying something along the lines of “Ooh, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for!” or something equally corny as hell, but guys.


It’s not funny. Because do you see how desperate Katy Perry is? Oh my God she’s so desperate. At first glance, all you can really do is look at the voluptuous, fleshy mound that she calls her tit, and you’re kind of mesmerized. Katy Perry’s got a great rack, after all, and even a “Whoops!” almost-boob-slip is fodder for at least fourteen minutes’ worth of fantasy, right? Sure. But after you come back, look at the strap on her arm. The strap that’s not all “Oh no! I’m an ill-fitting strap that’s all stretched out and barely hanging on I’m so limp,” it’s all, “Look at me—Katy Perry wanted to have her name in headlines tomorrow, so she pulled me down and even though I’m really straining against her upper arm, you’re supposed to be distracted and not even notice that this was intentional. THIS ISN’T EVEN COMFORTABLE FOR ME.” And folks, it almost got me. Almost!

Let’s take another look at this, shall we?:

photo of katy perry almost boob slip pics
There. Now that we can step back and get some perspective on the situation, it’s glaringly obvious that Katy Perry’s staging her own publicity stunts. Are you shocked? You shouldn’t be shocked. This is the down-home Christian girl that married—and divorced—Russell Brand all in a year’s time. Nothing about this twit should shock you.

Except for her boobs. Maybe her boobs should shock you. Because even though she’s a total f-cking moron, she’s got boobs for days, and I don’t think even we here at Evil Beet could withstand the sheer velocity of them if they ever did come tumbling out of the top of her dress.

Katy Perry Misses Russell Brand

From Us Weekly:

“Katy’s been trying to get him [Russell Brand] back!” a close Perry pal tells Us Weekly of the eight-time Grammy nominee, 27. “She’s a lost soul right now.”

What led to the singer’s change of heart? A solo trip to India April 3 — the same place where she wed Brand, 36, in 2010. “She’d already been missing Russell,” an insider explains. “Being back there stirred up even more old feelings.”

Perry may pine for her ex, but a friend of the singer tells Us a reconciliation with the British comic — who had a series of flings in the wake of filing for divorce December 30 — is a long shot.

“Right now, Katy and Russell are trying to get to the point where they can at least be friends,” says a Perry pal.

I can totally see this. I mean, just look at these photos from Coachella. Katy looks like a lost little lamb, or a soul in need of healing. Or just, you know, in dire need of a semi-clean Port-a-Potty to sober up in.

One time I went to a Radiohead show at an outdoor venue in Boston, and I’m not going to lie: I got f-cked up. I didn’t intend on going that far, but it happened, and when I realized just how f-cked up I was, I took refuge in the ladies’ bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and sat on the toilet seat lid, where I stayed for a good forty minutes or so, contemplating my bottle of water and devising a plan to make it back to our seats without incident. Eventually, a security guard (or BATHROOM SPECIAL FORCES, was more like it) came in and knocked a few times to make sure I wasn’t dead or sticking hypodermic needles in between my toes like A Classy Lady (of course I wasn’t; that shit’s mad disgusting), and when I told her that I’d just had a bit too much to drink and I wasn’t even vomiting; I just wanted to be alone for a little while, she said that I’d have to unlock the door and come on out, or she was going to unlock it for me and bring me out. I couldn’t believe it. The nerve, you know? Intruding on someone’s privacy like that.

But I bet if Katy Perry needed a minute—or forty-five—to collect herself in the loo, no one would be busting her chops about it. And that’s exactly what she appears to need in these photos—that time to sit a spell, sober up, and come back to enjoy the concert that she missed most of, without the intrusive policing of Robo Cop’s Nazi mistress.

Either that, or maybe she just needs to lay off the drugs for a minute. Thinking that Russell Brand might take her bitter ass back is probably the height of delusions, you know?

Love It or Leave It: Katy Perry’s New Hair

A photo of Katy Perry

It’s purple! And thank goodness. She’d been doing the blue hair, her rebound look after that whole divorce thing, since the beginning of the year, and I just wasn’t into it at all. I don’t think it was horrible or anything, but it wasn’t the best look she’s ever had.

This purple though? I really, really like it. A lot. Probably because purple is my very favorite color, but also because it’s the darkest her hair has been in a while, and my favorite Katy Perry is a dark-haired Katy Perry. Remember when she had black hair? That was just the best.

She debuted the purple hair at Coachella, which, as described by E!, is a “music festival in the California dessert.” After you’re done giggling at that, you can read the rundown they gave of Katy’s time at that sweet (LOL!) festival:

Katy Perry made her annual trip to the festival and hit the Hennessy and Details @ Midnight bash late last night. So which one of her favorite guys was by her side?

Perry’s BFF Markus Molinari was with her, as were about a dozen of her pals. The group arrived to the private estate around 2 a.m. after enjoying music at the festival.

Perry and her gang chilled in a private backstage lounge area inside the house. They were very calm throughout the night while chatting and sipping vodka and tequila cocktails. “She was in a great mood,” a source said of the 27-year-old beauty, who hit the road about an hour after arriving.

Yeah, yeah, but hey, do you want to see more of Katy’s outfit?

A photo of Katy Perry

Yep. Nothing but class for this girl.

… And Then From Sparkle, We Go to a Complete Crapshoot of a Film Trailer

Why is it that when people get even a semi-cult-like following, they decide that the next thing they need to do is make some kind of “here’s my life because I just know you’re going to spend all of your hard-earned money on it even if it’s crap because it’s my life and not yours” movie? Because honestly, I just don’t understand it.

I mean, I love love love love love me some Adrien Brody. I do love him, in case I wasn’t entirely clear on that point. But would I pay fourteen bucks to go and watch him drone on about himself and his humble or not-so-humble beginnings? The short answer is “no.” The long answer is “come the f-ck on, I have way better things to do with both my money and my time.” I mean, I get that Justin Bieber‘s little-kid fanbase were probably all stoked that they could see the “real” him, but Katy Perry? Ugh. There’s just about as much “real” to girlfriend as there is to the authenticity of Heidi Montag‘s left tit.

Flat out? This movie looks like it’s going to suck. But you probably already knew that, didn’t you?

Katy Perry’s Really Not Shy

photo of katy perry twitter pictures boyfriend model pic
So, am I the only one who thinks, despite a superhuman rack, that Katy Perry is probably just a novelty piece for this Baptiste Giabiconi? Because even though I don’t generally dig the so-pretty, metrosexual look on a guy, this is one fine-looking man. If you can get past the stupid hair and the dumb pulling of model faces, Giabiconi is one sweet example of the male species. Katy, on the other hand? Really kind of average. Aside from the fact that she’s got boobs for days, like I said, her face and the rest of her body are predictably normal. If I saw her walking down the street wearing something shapeless, I probably wouldn’t even give her a second glance. Unless she was rocking the blue hair, of course. Then I’d look at her and say, “Wow, what a cheap-looking wig. Somebody should do something about that.” But not Baptiste – he’s completely smitten. He was the one who posted this photo on Twitter, with this caption:

hey my #littlekats u look So amazing in this pics !

Gotta love those who speak broken English. It’s really kind of endearing. When I was in high school I dated a foreign exchange student named Marcel. He was from Germany and he was really, really hot. He could barely laugh in English, but what necessity do words fill anyway when you have a 6’2″ hunk of international hotness riding in the passenger seat of your car, smiling at your every word? And that’s my very point, guys. That’s probably how Giabiconi sees Katy. She’s a hot piece of international ass who’s willing to hang on his every word. And hey, why not? Pretty people need companions, too, don’t they?