Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Karl Lagerfeld

Why Not? Karl Lagerfeld Wants to Marry His Cat, Choupette

karl lagerfeld

Never has there been a holier union than that between man and his pet cat. Karl Lagerfeld and Choupette have found true love, and Karl would love nothing better than to seal the deal and yet… it is impossible. Life is so unfair!

From CNN (via DS again):

The eccentric 79-year-old said he was disappointed that there was “no marriage, yet, for human beings and animals”.

“I never thought that I would fall in love like this with a cat,” he is quoted as saying.

Choupette has it better than I do in life. She has her own iPad PLUS two maids to look after her. Talk about the good life. Oh, and she has a Twitter account to which she posts photos like this:

Quotables: Karl Lagerfeld Has Something to Say About Michelle Obama’s Hair

A photo of Karl Lagerfeld

“I adore Madame Obama. . . [but] frankly, this doesn’t suit her. The fringe was a bad idea, it’s not good.”

- Karl Lagerfeld delivers some fightin’ words.

Look, you don’t say anything bad about Michelle Obama. You just don’t. It doesn’t matter what she does, you say something nice or you just shut your mouth. Like if someone released some footage of Michelle Obama drowning puppies, you’d still be like “well, she did look really classy doing it.” If she made a statement about how she wanted to stop focusing on promoting healthy choices for kids and start promoting PCP use for kids, then you’d say something like “that’s a strong woman who can go after what she believes in.” And then you’d do this solemn, appreciative nod that everyone always seems to do when talking about this lady. Do you know what I’m talking about?

For those of you living under a rock in a cave with no wifi, here’s Michelle’s new bangs:

A photo of Michelle Obama

Flawless, right? Even my dad has a crush on her, and he never talks about any famous lady crushes. He called me after Obama won the election and said things like “I’m so glad Obama won so I don’t have to hear that other asshole talk anymore” and “his wife sure is a pretty woman, huh?” Everyone loves Michelle Obama.

So Karl Lagerfeld Drew This Weird Picture of Obama

A photo of Karl Lagerfeld

Sorry, but this is one of the times where I tell you the whole story in the headline. There’s no corresponding interview, there’s just no other information here besides the fact that Karl Lagerfeld drew this weird picture of Obama and it was published in a German newspaper.

Here it is:

Yes, that’s President Obama in a chef outfit. And yes, he’s carrying a cake shaped like the White House. I can’t tell you why. I can’t give you any further explanation. I can only tell you that this is real, and that it happened, and that it was published. That’s all I know.

Oh, and that caption says “the greatest chef in the world, 10 by 5 stars.” There, that’s all I can tell you. But, you see, I had to tell you. Because I can’t keep this stuff to myself.

So do you love it or what?

Here’s A Video of Karl Lagerfeld Just Bein’ Karl Lagerfeld

I can’t understand everything he says, but even when you can’t understand Karl, you just know he’s being a bitch. And it’s just so great to see him in action, isn’t it? It makes you realize that the wonderful man we read about in stories is real, and he’s that lovable, catty old biddy that we always knew him to be.

In honor of Karl, and since I know you didn’t honestly believe you’d get through one weekend with me without seeing this, here’s a picture of my cats from last night:

That’s both of them sleeping on my lap. The big one has his tongue hanging out a little, and you can see my gross ass glass of wine up in the corner. I was watching The Woman in Black and trying not to piss myself. The only way that night could have been any better is if Karl and Choupette were there to share it with us.

Karl Lagerfeld Can’t Stand to Have His Fingers Touched, Hates “Sloppy Footwear,” And Other Important Facts

A photo of Karl Lagerfeld

Any day I see a new Karl Lagerfeld interview is the best day of my life. He’s just such a bitch, and I love it. I probably wouldn’t love to know him personally – I probably wouldn’t be able to handle having a conversation with him at all – but I love it every single time he says words. He’s just so absurd in his bitchiness, you know? It’s just a magical experience every single time, and I know that many of you feel the same way.

And with that, I bring you a brand new Karl Lagerfeld interview:

On his serious love of fashion: I remember one time in winter in 1956–it was beyond cold. And I went to see my father at the George V with only a suit on…He said to me, “But you will die! You will get pneumonia!” And I said, “I prefer to die than to wear another coat than the robe style in blue cashmere in the Dorian Gray window. If not that one, I prefer to freeze.” So he bought the coat.

How he got his perfect hair: When I was tired of the fashion for long, curly hair–because my hair was curly-I started to attach it. It was in 1976. So that means that I have had the ponytail for 35 or 36 years! Not bad, no? It’s the easiest hairdo. I’m not very gifted for hairdos. I don’t like gel and all those products. It’s perfect with this white powder, because my hair is not that white at all.

On shirts: If you’re accustomed to a handmade shirt by Hilditch, a ready-bought shirt is like wearing some torture stuff.

On his hilarious mother: The other thing that doesn’t work on me is a hat. I love hats, in a way, but when I was a child, I’d wear Tyrolean hats, and my mother–I was something like eight–said to me, ‘You shouldn’t wear hats. You look like an old dyke.’ Do you say such things to children? She was quite funny, no?

A lesson on throwing shade: I think tattoos are horrible. It’s like living in a Pucci dress full-time. If you’re young and tight, maybe it’s OK, but…

On allergies: I hate sloppy footwear. What I hate most is flip-flops. I am physically allergic to flip-flops.

On fingers: I hate manicures. I do them myself. I’m pretty good at it. I cannot stand someone touching my fingers.

I just wish that someone could sit down with Karl and ask him about every single thing that ever existed, I really do. Someone could hang out with him with a recorder and say “Karl, how do you feel about fax machines?” or “Karl, do you have a story about birds?” I bet it would all be beautiful.

Karl Lagerfeld’s Cat Is Now in Harper’s Bazaar

A photo of Karl Lagerfeld and Choupette

In the greatest development since the beginnings of celebrity gossip, Karl Lagerfeld‘s cat, Choupette, is, really and truly, becoming a star. Earlier this week, she had her very own spread in i-D magazine, and now she’s in Harper’s Bazaar. I really wouldn’t be surprised if Vogue recalled all the copies of their September issue and replaced it with a brand new Choupette cover. Could you imagine, the feud that would start up between Choupette and Lady Gaga?

But let’s now focus on what the future holds, because here and now we have a whole interview that Karl did with Harper’s Bazaar, not about fashion or any of his other nonsense, but about the real star of the show, Choupette.

The kitty was sick! She is better. She had eaten something she wasn’t supposed to eat. They had changed her food because she’s grown-up now, and the food was not right yet. So I had the doctor come in the middle of the night.

Her attitude: She has an attitude like a princess.

Does she meow a lot? No, no, no—everything is done with the eyes. She knows exactly what she wants.

Her meals: She goes in the kitchen and sits in front of the food. She doesn’t like to eat on the floor, so I have to put the food on the table. Her dishes are by Goyard. She has one for water, one for her little croquette, and one for her pâté. You have to serve everything, and she makes a choice.

The relationship between Choupette and her two maids: They spend hours together and do her beauty jobs, her hair, and all those things, and they have moments of tenderness with her. They have to write in the book exactly what they’re doing. Because there’s a diary, I know everything.

Her favorite toys: She likes strange toys, toys that aren’t supposed to be toys. She plays with pieces of wood, pieces of paper, shopping bags. She loves shopping bags.  Her favorite one is a huge Colette shopping bag that’s under the kitchen table. She spends hours in there and brings all her toys in there. And when I’m in bed, sometimes she comes and brings all her toys in my bed.

What about her claws? The doctor does her manicure. She hates when we do it ourselves. The only time she makes a scandal is then.

Karl’s cat is just like my cat: When I’m working, she sits next to me. And when I want to write letters, she sits on the papers because she doesn’t want me to write letters.

Would he want another cat? No, no, no, no, no. She’s the one.

This is truly the very, very best thing. Well, until Karl designs a fashion line especially for cats and introduces the hottest cat model to hit the runway, Choupette! Or until Karl just puts her in a regular old fashion show. The possibilities are truly endless.

Karl Lagerfeld’s Cat Is A Star

A photo of Karl Lagerfeld

I’ll take any opportunity I can to talk about Karl Lagerfeld, but Karl Lagerfeld’s cat, Choupette? She in on a whole other level. I could write a book of poetry dedicated to that spoiled princess of a cat. Choupette has all the intrigue of a Lindsay Lohan upskirt, all the thrill of a Madonna quote, but all with the purity of Justin Bieber (pre-swag, of course). Yes, from a gossip standpoint, or any standpoint at all, really, Karl Lagerfeld’s cat is just perfection. And that’s why she got her own magazine spread.

The magazine is called i-D, and they asked Choupette’s dad, Karl, all about the life of “fashion’s finest feline.” Here‘s what Karl had to say:

Just a basic description of Choupette: Her name is Choupette, Princess Choupette or Miss Choupette. She’s snow white with touches of caramel around the eyes, ears and on her endless boa-like feather tail.

Her height? It’s difficult to say. She has reached her final size but is kind of tiny.

Her dislikes: Water and getting wet.

How she spends her time: Sleeping, hiding, running and jumping like mad around the house. Chasing big fleas in her private garden and making it difficult for me work by jumping on the paper. She loves to destroy paper, that is what she loves to do the most and also driving her beloved maids (Francoise and Marjorie) crazy. With me she is sweet and calm.

And no story about Karl Lagerfeld’s “proud pussy” (for real, that’s what they called her) would be complete without lots and lots of pictures. There’s a gallery below, of course, but let’s just take a quick peek right now:

A photo of Karl Lagerfeld's cat

According to my good friend, Google Translate, that is a little pillow that says “here is the place of the cat.” How incredibly luxurious, right? To compare, here’s my cat’s pillow:

Different worlds, you know? But it just goes to show you that cute cats come in all different shapes, sizes, and income levels. Inspiring.