2Shit Got Real When Fergie Got Pregnant

Fergie and Josh Duhamel recently announced that they’re expecting their first child together, which is a big thing for any couple. Hilariously, it was a really big thing for Fergie herself, who got back to her roots and told it like it was when that plus sign showed up on her Clear Blue Easy.

From The New York Post:

“She was the one when we first found out that was like, ‘This [bleep] just got real,’ ” Duhamel told us at the Moves magazine party at Toy. “Those were the first words out of her mouth.”

He’s looking forward to fatherhood: “I’m not 24, I’ve got some life experience that I think I can impart. My mother was the disciplinarian and my father was more of a free spirit. Hopefully I’m somewhere in between.”

True, girl – that shit DID just get real, and it’s going to stay real for the rest of your damn life because kids will drain you of every ounce of energy and money you’ve got. On the other hand, they give lots of love and are rewarding, blah blah.

March 2, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer

2Fergie Ferg is Pregnant

Fergie, Black Eyed Pea, is expecting her first child with husband Josh Duhamel. Fergie is 37 and Duhamel is 40. Earlier today Ms. Ferg tweeted “Josh & Me & BABY makes three!!! #mylovelybabybump.” Cute. The two were married in 2009 in a wedding that probably costs more than anything you will ever buy in your life times 3. No but I’m happy for them, though. Especially because of this great quote from Fergie.

From USA Today:

I love (wearing) sweats.

Oh my God, Fergie. Girl. We have so much more in common than I ever realized.

She included a photo with her tweet of the two of them as children Photoshopped into one photo hanging out in a crib or something I don’t know I don’t really get it but it’s cute:

February 18, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

7Guess the Celebrity Balls!

Ever wanted to know what probably *slaps Fergie in the face on the regular as she tries to be sexy and pull stunts in the bedroom? Because now you do. And I’ve gone ahead and ruined the whole “guessing” part of this game, because I’ve given it away. The exposed balls belong to Josh Duhamel, and now that they’re out there, and I’ve posted them for the world to see, I’m wondering if it violates some kind of law, because I don’t quite know how old Josh Duhamel is in that picture. He better be eighteen, that’s all I’m saying.

I’m sorry I don’t have a current photo of Josh Duhamel’s balls, but I’m not sure they’re something we’d want to see after all these years of porking Fergie, anyhow, so for the sake of playing mix and match with face and balls (his face and his balls, not her face and his balls, even though they probably don’t look that much different anyway), here’s a photo of Josh Duhamel in case the balls mesmerized you so hard that you couldn’t remember what he looked like:

Cute, right? Nah, not really. I’m not—what would you say—”into” Josh Duhamel. I don’t quite get him. I sort of think he’s a tool, and I suppose that’s probably why I went ahead and posted photos of his tiny little balls hanging out of his tiny little gym shorts, because if it were an actor I, say, respected—like Ryan Gosling—oh. Right. You’re absolutely right. I’d do it then, too.

Last, this guy is sort of universally detested in this household (OK, by me and my husband, anyway; my kids don’t know who he is and aren’t allowed to say h-a-t-e anyway) so much so that he goes by the name Josh Douche-camel. Because man. It’s so fitting in so many ways.

Nice gonads, dude.

*Do you know what we used to call that last week when we were kids? A FRAPPER. You heard it first here: a FRAPPER.

April 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah

5Josh Duhamel Gets Kicked Off a Plane, Is Burned By People.com

If you haven’t heard already, Josh Duhamel – or Fergie’s lapdog – was removed from an aircraft this past Thursday for violating flight protocol. Apparently Josh thinks himself as something of an exception to that whole ‘please turn off electronic devices while we try to get this 150-ton hunk of scrap metal off the ground, OK’ thing because when asked to turn his phone off, he said, ‘No thank you,’ and continued texting.

When Josh – or ‘John,’ as People.com refers to him in the top tab as seen here:

didn’t comply with the steward’s continuous suggestions, then requests, then demands, to turn the phone off, the plane was turned around and Josh was removed by flight staff.

I mean, Josh should know that any variety of things will get you kicked off a plane these days – including being fat – so why would he think that being a douche wouldn’t be one of them? Because even if he didn’t refuse to shut off his mobile, I’m sure they would have figured out another reason to get his smarmy ass off of the aircraft.

December 6, 2010 at 6:30 am by Sarah

8Josh Duhamel Wants Kids With Fergie But Not Anytime Soon Because He’s Still Enjoying His Sexual Freedoms

You see how Tiger ended up, don’t you?  Tcha.  Come on.

Duhamel wants to make sure that there’re no kids in the picture while he’s still porking other women, ’cause that doesn’t set a good “family example” naturally.

Nah, but really … Josh Duhamel recently sat down for an interview with People magazine where he was asked the obligatory-just-married question of whether or not he and Fergie are going to pump out a litter of kids in the next few hours or so.  Duhamel stated that he does, indeed, want Fergie’s children, but not anytime soon.

The 37 year-old actor and his wife, Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson, are apparently not getting any younger … and he’s not getting any better looking, either, so maybe that means he’ll start reining in that trouser snake of his a little bit more and y’know, settle down some more.  After that, maybe, just maybe, they’ll be able to consider children.  One step at a time, guys, one step at a time.

And if mine eyes do not deceive me, Fergie looks absolutely slamming in this photo.  On second thought, Josh, you better get up on that baby train before Fergie sucks the remaining lifeblood out of you, before you do end up looking more like the Cryptkeeper and before she does leave your philandering at-a-loss-for-words ass.

Creep.

March 22, 2010 at 12:14 pm by Sarah

2Celebs: They’re Just Like Us!

Beet sometimes writes slightly tongue-in-cheek posts like this that show celebs doing everyday things like going to the grocery store, or taking their kids to pick out Christmas trees.

But what Josh Duhamel “picked” out in his car today is just as perfect an example of celebrity humanity as any.

December 12, 2009 at 3:08 pm by Kelly