Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jimmy Kimmel

Watch This: the Trailer for ‘Movie: the Movie’

What is Movie: the Movie? It’s only the greatest movie, you guys!

“The problem is, you usually only get one or two genres per film,” Jimmy Kimmel helpfully explains.

“So four months ago, I set out to make the biggest, most star-studded film in the history of American cinema—something that packed everything moviegoers love into one spectacular motion picture event.

“And tonight my dream has been realized!” he concludes. “Here it is, our gift to you, the world premiere trailer for the greatest film ever made: Movie: the Movie.”

In order of appearance: Ryan Phillippe. Jessica Alba. Taylor Lautner. Antonio Banderas. Edward Norton. Josh Brolin. Colin Farrell. An angelic-faced child I only vaguely might recognize, but possibly do not? Guillermo Rodriguez. Charlize Theron. Tom Hanks. Bryan Cranston. Jeff Goldblum. Gary Oldman. Cameron Diaz. Samuel L. Jackson. JJ Abrams. Martin Scorsese. Emily Blunt and John Krasinski. Jessica Biel. Jason Bateman. Kevin James. Tyler Perry. John Goodman. Kate Beckinsale. Danny DeVito. Don Cheadle. Meryl Streep… in a mustache. Helen Mirren. Christoph Waltz. Matt Damon. George Clooney. Gabby Sidibe. And Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, screaming in the apocalypse.

And it’s… unexpectedly offensive, actually! Fortunately, you get a huge heaping of celebrities—more stars than you got during the Oscars, for sure—and you’ll spend only 1/18th of your time watching it!

Plus, the special effects are pretty good.

I, Too, Have Always Wanted to See Hot Women Humping an Exercise Ball

Did you guys see Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, which featured this segment called The Hottie Body Jim-Miracle Diet? It was great. And it reminded me how hot some of the women in Hollywood actually are, and how awesome Jimmy Kimmel was able to round up, hell, most of them for this hilarious skit.

Still, Jess Biel is always mad awkward, everywhere she goes. It follows her around like a stank cloud, or a mangy dog.

How Weird Is It That Dakota Fanning Isn’t Six Years Old Anymore?

I don’t know why this disturbs me as much as it does, but whenever I see Dakota Fanning in a TV interview, I’m like, “What. The. Fuck?” Check out her in Kimmel last night talking about taking the ACTs and learning to drive. It’s like, “Yo, weren’t you still a fetus last year?”

I’m sure it’s just because I grew up watching her grow up and because she’s nearly a decade younger than me that I can’t get over it. That being said, I’m sure I’m not the only one. In many ways, the Twilight series were the perfect movies for Dakota to make her transformation from teen-to-woman during. She’s able to keep her life-long fans engaged while not doing something that will completely shock them or turn them off. What I’m wondering is this: What’s the next move for this chick?

I’m thinking her playing a romcom ingenue might be a bit much, but taking a break to concentrate on college doesn’t really seem like D.F.’s style either.

Do you also think it’s kinda bizarre to watch this young girl grow up in front of our eyes, or do I just need to come to terms with the concept of time?