0Jimmy Kimmel Gives Snooki the Trashiest Baby Present Ever

I know, I know; it’s a joke and Fisher-Price doesn’t really make GTL sets for babies (I don’t think). But still. I’d almost feel bad for Snooki (I mean, come on—look at her face in these pictures. Mildly amused is putting it nicely) if it weren’t for the fact that she’s a complete moron who dug her own publicity grave. I mean, what. People are supposed to take Snooki all serious now because she’s pregnant? We’re supposed to forget that, prior to getting knocked up, she was a fight-provoking, shot-taking, I’ll-f-ck-anyone-if-I’ve-had-enough-to-drink skankbot? But now that she’s pregnant, so we have to pretend that she’s going to be an entirely different person after that baby’s born? Well, for the sake of that poor child, I hope so. I hope that Snooki‘s general distaste for this faux-GTL playset is genuine, and that she really looks back on the mistakes of her past with something both quite like disdain and education, because wow. If not? That poor baby’s in for a hell of a time. Honestly, just look at this picture:

Also in Snooki news, she’s chosen J Woww to be the godmother of her son, Lorenzo. Isn’t that great? And her pregnancy hormones are making her have all sorts of crazy violent dreams. About her baby dreams, Snooki says:

“I had a dream that [my son] came out and he was a gorgeous little baby, then he turned 2, and he turned into a Chucky doll and he was trying to kill me. I was like, throwing him off the bed and he was like, ‘Mommy, why did you throw me off the bed [and] try to kill me?’ I don’t know why I dreamt that!”

I don’t know. I had a whole ton of sex dreams when I was pregnant, most of them at least a little inappropriate. But leave it to Snooki to have crazy, mother-killing dreams about Chucky dolls named Lorenzo. This doesn’t surprise me at all, you know.

July 20, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah

1Jimmy Kimmel Makes Parents Regurgitate Their Food Into Kids’ Mouths

OK, so you remember how grossed out I was that Alicia Silverstone chews her cud and spits it into her kid’s mouth, right? I apparently wasn’t the only one who thought the video deserved a little bit more attention than it had gotten, because Jimmy Kimmel did one of his fabulous f-ck-with-your-kids challenges and the end result was … well, it was horrendously, deliciously hilarious, and yes, I do intend a pun to rear its head in there somewhere.

Jimmy asked parents to “Silverstone” their kids, and generally, the poor things were as completely as repulsed by the whole practice as I was, but I can’t tell a lie: there were a few freaks thrown into the mix who totally didn’t seem to mind that their meals had been partially chewed and spit out like yesterday’s … well, food.

See what little Bear Blu’s got to look forward to when he’s older? You know, aside from the whole joy of being called ‘Bear Blu‘?

April 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Sarah

1Watch This: the Trailer for ‘Movie: the Movie’

What is Movie: the Movie? It’s only the greatest movie, you guys!

“The problem is, you usually only get one or two genres per film,” Jimmy Kimmel helpfully explains.

“So four months ago, I set out to make the biggest, most star-studded film in the history of American cinema—something that packed everything moviegoers love into one spectacular motion picture event.

“And tonight my dream has been realized!” he concludes. “Here it is, our gift to you, the world premiere trailer for the greatest film ever made: Movie: the Movie.”

In order of appearance: Ryan Phillippe. Jessica Alba. Taylor Lautner. Antonio Banderas. Edward Norton. Josh Brolin. Colin Farrell. An angelic-faced child I only vaguely might recognize, but possibly do not? Guillermo Rodriguez. Charlize Theron. Tom Hanks. Bryan Cranston. Jeff Goldblum. Gary Oldman. Cameron Diaz. Samuel L. Jackson. JJ Abrams. Martin Scorsese. Emily Blunt and John Krasinski. Jessica Biel. Jason Bateman. Kevin James. Tyler Perry. John Goodman. Kate Beckinsale. Danny DeVito. Don Cheadle. Meryl Streep… in a mustache. Helen Mirren. Christoph Waltz. Matt Damon. George Clooney. Gabby Sidibe. And Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, screaming in the apocalypse.

And it’s… unexpectedly offensive, actually! Fortunately, you get a huge heaping of celebrities—more stars than you got during the Oscars, for sure—and you’ll spend only 1/18th of your time watching it!

Plus, the special effects are pretty good.

February 27, 2012 at 9:30 am by Jenn

0I, Too, Have Always Wanted to See Hot Women Humping an Exercise Ball

Did you guys see Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, which featured this segment called The Hottie Body Jim-Miracle Diet? It was great. And it reminded me how hot some of the women in Hollywood actually are, and how awesome Jimmy Kimmel was able to round up, hell, most of them for this hilarious skit.

Still, Jess Biel is always mad awkward, everywhere she goes. It follows her around like a stank cloud, or a mangy dog.

March 16, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah

14How Weird Is It That Dakota Fanning Isn’t Six Years Old Anymore?

I don’t know why this disturbs me as much as it does, but whenever I see Dakota Fanning in a TV interview, I’m like, “What. The. Fuck?” Check out her in Kimmel last night talking about taking the ACTs and learning to drive. It’s like, “Yo, weren’t you still a fetus last year?”

I’m sure it’s just because I grew up watching her grow up and because she’s nearly a decade younger than me that I can’t get over it. That being said, I’m sure I’m not the only one. In many ways, the Twilight series were the perfect movies for Dakota to make her transformation from teen-to-woman during. She’s able to keep her life-long fans engaged while not doing something that will completely shock them or turn them off. What I’m wondering is this: What’s the next move for this chick?

I’m thinking her playing a romcom ingenue might be a bit much, but taking a break to concentrate on college doesn’t really seem like D.F.’s style either.

Do you also think it’s kinda bizarre to watch this young girl grow up in front of our eyes, or do I just need to come to terms with the concept of time?

July 2, 2010 at 1:55 pm by Molls

4Jimmy Kimmel does Twilight

Did you guys watch Jimmy Kimmel’s show last night?  If not, you probably should have.  It was an hour-long special promoting the premiere of Eclipse, and it was wonderfully titled Jimmy Kimmel Live: Twilight:  Total Eclipse of the Heart.  Jimmy asked Robert Pattinson such significant questions as “vampires would kill a shark easily, right?” (you can watch that exchange here) and “what happened to your dreamy, impossibly tousled hair?”  The interview was amazing, but Jimmy Kimmel went and outdid himself with the above video.

I never even considered the possibility of a Jersey Shore version of Twilight, but now I don’t think I can imagine my life without it.  With Snooki playing Bella and The Situation playing Edward, this epic love story is even more vivid in my mind.  Can’t you just imagine The Situation sneaking into Snooki’s room to creep on her while she sleeps or ripping into her uterus with his teeth to save her from their lovechild?

If not, that just proves that Jimmy Kimmel is ahead of his time.

June 24, 2010 at 11:02 am by Emily