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James Franco

James Franco Wrote A Poem About Obama

A photo of James Franco

I need you all to stop what you’re doing, right this very second. Stop listening to music. If you have the TV on in the background, turn it off. If you’re at work or otherwise in public, tell everyone to be very quiet. You need to concentrate on a work of brilliance.

James Franco wrote a poem about President Obama titled “Obama in Asheville.” I can’t really describe it, but I’m going to go ahead and show you my favorite stanza:

I met Obama once, in D.C., the Correspondents’ Dinner.
I was the guest of Vanity Fair, guided through D.C. by the wife
Of Christopher Hitchens, when he was alive. We went to Hitch’s place,
He had books from floor to ceiling, and said he had read

To Borges, when he was blind, Old Icelandic Eddas—
Then we waited in a private room with the likes of Tom Cruise,
And Katie Holmes, and Claire Danes. When Obama entered
The crowd converged. Finally, I got to shake his hand,

He knew me from Spider-Man. I asked him for advice,
I was scheduled to give the commencement speech at UCLA
And there were some undergraduate knockers against me;
He had been denied the usual honorary degree by Arizona State

Because he hadn’t accomplished enough, so I wondered
How he dealt with detractors. He smiled his smile and said,
“Humor.” Well he’s damn right, and I wonder how much
That stand-up comedian is laughing in the face

Of this big country. Because he is one man and we are many,
And a great servant of the people—he’s a president, not a king—
And doesn’t need to face what King Charles once faced.

No, seriously, that’s what the whole thing is like. He’s absolutely insufferable, I can’t even believe it. He makes me want to bake my head in the oven. He makes me want to watch Freaks and Geeks and try to figure out how we got here. I kind of can’t stand him, but I love how hard I can’t stand him. Does that make sense?

But look, you have to read the whole thing, ok? Promise? Here it is.

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James Franco at His Best: The ‘Spring Breakers’ Trailer

Is it possible that Selena Gomez is going to be an actress? I know that she’s an “actress,” but an actress? A Real Actress? I mean, if I can completely block out the Tweener thing she had/has going on, and the fact that she deflowered Justin Bieber probably, I can see it. Maybe.

As for James Franco, he sure is versatile, isn’t he? I mean, ripping Kevin Federline off so eloquently? That’s what that was supposed to be, right?

And hey. It’s coming out right around Spring Break, and that’s so appropriate.

Watch This: ‘This is the End’

OK, so I’m not going to lie: I watched at least half of this trailer trying to decide whether or not I this movie was complete and utter bullshit, or if this movie actually had some hidden genius somewhere. Want to know how it all ends? I’ll give you a hint: it’s the first thing. The “complete and utter bullshit” option, and while it’s chock-full of big name celebrities like Jonah Hill, Emma Watson, James Franco, and Seth Rogen, among others, it’s *also* an self-indulgent piece of dreck that isn’t worth the three minutes and eleven seconds of its red band trailer. Also in the film is Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Michael Cera, Mindy Kaling, and Rihanna.

Hey, also, is Jay Baruchel the worst actor that ever lived or what? For real—I’m pretty sure his best work happened in ‘Are You Afraid of the Dark’.

Thoughts on ‘This is the End’? Am I being too hard on this wee wittow movie?

On another note, something that’s not at all dumb—well, OK, sort of dumb, but not dumb in the way that ‘This is the End’ is dumb—’Warm Bodies’. Hear of it? Here’s the trailer:

And here’s the first four minutes if you’re still interested:

Quotables: James Franco Says Lindsay Lohan is a Failure

photo of lindsay lohan pictures

I haven’t talked to her in a long time because it seemed like she was getting into some more trouble. I’ve tried to help her. I think one of the reasons it’s so hard is when she gets in trouble, she gets all this attention and I’m sure she gets book offers. Like she goes to jail, and instead of feeling like I really hit a low place, she’ll get a crazy offer for her jail memoir.

James Franco on working with Lindsay Lohan that one time in conjunction with Terry Richardson, and I don’t know whether he’s praising her antics or condemning them. It’s always really, really hard to tell when it comes to James Franco, because he’s so smart and he speaks in eloquent hyperbole all of the time, so you never do know, do you?

No, I Don’t Know Why R.E.M. Thinks Lindsay Lohan’s Cool, Either

The only thing that might make this video worse, however, is the fact that James Franco is the one who directed the damn thing. What, you guys don’t remember hearing a few months back that James Franco and Lindsay Lohan were collaborating on a thing? Because apparently, it was true, and this is the thing.

I just need to know why James (ugh) and Lindsay (ick) had to go and drag R.E.M. into it. I really, really liked R.E.M. a whole lot until this thing, and now I’m not even sure if there isn’t such a thing as being a complete and total sell-out, and who, if anyone, is above it.

I guess the only thing that makes sense about this whole thing is that there’s a verse in the song that talks about copious amounts of drinking. Lindsay would know all about that, so that fits. It’s forgivable. Oh. And Patti Smith sings on the track, too. That might redeem a little bit of errant f-ckery somewhere, maybe.

As you guys may or may not know, this is probably the last video you’ll ever see from R.E.M. Their final album, ‘Collapse Into Now’, was released earlier in the year. The band broke up last September after making music together for nearly thirty years. Oh my God I feel old. And like many other things, R.E.M. goes out with a Lindsay Lohan-like bang.

Poof. Boom.

James Franco Needs to Shut His Stupid Mouth

A photo of James Franco

Sorry, that headline was inappropriate. It should have read “James Franco Needs to Shut His Very Educated, Very Smart and Impressive Mouth.” Because, as we all know, James Franco is nothing if not way brainy.

Anyway, he needs to shut his mouth because he keeps running it over at Huffington Post. He writes a blog for the site – remember that time that he wrote that thing about how great Kristen Stewart is? So embarrassing, right? Yeah, I don’t know why I don’t read his blog more regularly (probably it’s because my brain would explode), but I wanted to share a few excerpts from his latest entry.

Here’s this big long paragraph where he talks about how he’s really good at teaching because he doesn’t make his students study all the boring stupid stuff that his teachers taught him:

Anyway, I am teaching six classes in all different kinds of disciplines, on both coasts. And I have turned all of the classes — whether they are performance classes, directing classes, art classes, or writing classes — into production-oriented, class-wide collaborations. I love when they make stuff because I can frame each class in such a way that the work can go out into the world. The level of work doesn’t matter because it is an honest portrait of the students. The honesty is primary; the portrait quality of the work makes it feel like a kid’s drawing framed by an adult’s concept. It’s also nice to be able to control the material studied and how it’s talked about. I had so many classes, especially creative ones, where I hated what we were doing or the kinds of material my peers were interested in. In my current position I can guide the subject matter, especially in the classes where I bring in the source material to be adapted.

And here’s a big long paragraph where he criticizes Denzel Washington’s acting, except not really, ha ha:

Turns out that Flight is an addiction film. I had no idea. The editing of the first half is thrilling. Most of the film is spent watching an alcoholic hit bottom. Denzel plays an emotionally destitute man to the hilt, a pilot who drinks and does coke before flying: a pretty risky role to play, putting his stardom on the line. He even shows himself out of shape with his shirt off. It’s pretty cool, realistic; I like it. But he also gets to have two affairs with the most beautiful women possible: a sexy exotic stewardess and a recovering junkie who looks like she was shooting up whole milk instead of heroin, a redheaded girl-next-door type. Denzel’s crumbling drinker also conveniently has an old farmhouse straight out of House and Garden that he can escape to. Oh yeah, and his alcoholism didn’t lead to any problems on the plane; his drinking was incidental to any of the deaths — you see, he is the greatest pilot who ever lived. That’s all to say Denzel plays an alcoholic very well and gives a very vulnerable performance, but he still gets to be the coolest alcoholic hitting bottom who has ever been portrayed.

And here’s a shorter paragraph that’s just him bragging on himself hard.  It’s my favorite:

Hmmmm, what else? My first chapbook came out, Strongest of the Litter, but people seem to be more interested in who I’m dating than poetry. Oh yeah, I got nominated for a National Entertainment Journalism award for these HuffPost blogs, but no other outlet is going to run that story, right? Hahaha — why would Gawker or the New York Post want to publicize that an actor/Yale doctoral candidate is nominated for an award for something that they are doing themselves? I’m pretty proud of it, but I can see why they must hate me.

Honestly, that last little paragraph was the one that got me. “I can see why they must hate me,” that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Yeah, everybody hates you because you’re just so wonderful, James Franco. When everyone rolls their eyes at you, it’s because they’re just jealous. For sure.