Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jake Gyllenhaal

Jake Gyllenhaal Got Stood Up!

This is one of those “Celebrities! They’re just like us!” moments. Well, just like YOU, maybe. I’ve never been stood up on a date, of course.

Actor Jake Gyllenhaal recently experienced what it’s like to be a regular Joe when he showed up to meet someone at a Santa Monica eatery and they never showed up!

From E!:

Gyllenhaal was seated at a table inside the eatery but didn’t immediately order any items off the menu. As time passed, servers kept asking the all-alone-actor if he wanted any food or drink, but he declined.

The 30-year-old Hollywood hunk waited an entire 45 minutes before finally deciding to hit the road without ever meeting up with his mystery date.

45 minutes! That must have been some good pussy.

To add insult to injury, after Jake left the table, it was taken over by Jessica Simpson and her fiance. Kinda like the restaurants way of saying, “Hey, Jake? Would you mind bouncing, ’cause even Jessica Simpson showed up with a date tonight.”

Wonder who Jake’s first post-Taylor public date was supposed to be…

Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal Broke Up. Last Month.

photo of jake gyllenhaal and taylor swift on thanksgiving pictures

Break out the hankies, watch for a few ‘Jake is gay’ rumors to fly low, and get some earplugs – because you just know that girlfriend’s going to release a Jake-dedicated song in the coming months.

Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal have called it quits on their two-month-old relationship, and, according to sources, also claim that the couple stopped seeing each other last month. Cripes man, it’s Taylor Swift here. How did we not know. We know, by a random break into song, whenever a generic car parts salesman accidentally looks her way.  The people responsible for this big cover-up?  Probably the same people behind the Kennedy assassination.

I like Taylor’s virginal and innocent persona a lot – her music, eh, not so much – but the breakup is probably for the best. She seems to write her best songs when she’s been smited, and as you all know, there’s a market for practically everything out there these days. Inquiring minds wanna know, you know?

Sorry about the imminent heartbreak, guys, it must have been rough – but note to Taylor? This is why you don’t let things like this leak after only one date. It’s embarrassing when things go south so quickly, isn’t it?

Reese Witherspoon is Engaged, Should Have Married Her Last Boyfriend as Far as I’m Concerned

photo of reese witherspoon jim toth pictures

Reese Witherspoon, who’s been dating that Jim Toth agent guy for awhile now, has confirmed to her fans that she, yes, is engaged. Toth apparently proposed over the Christmas break and Reese happily obliged.

Jim seems like a cool guy and what not, and he’s not hard on the eyes, but she used to wake up next to Jake Gyllenhaal. And she kicked him to the curb.

I’ll be honest – I heaved a humongous sigh of relief when the Witherspoon/Philippe marriage went belly-up, because ever since I Know What You Did Last Summer, I thought that Ryan Philippe was the height of deep-voiced pretentiousness and no one like that deserves to woo and win the heart of Miss Sweet Home Alabama. Except Jake Gyllenhaal.

And when she did move on to Jake, good old long-term relationship Jake Gyllenhaal, sparks of happiness were emitted from my cold, bitchy heart and I thought, ‘Yes, this is a celebrity relationship that I could really sink my teeth into.’ But you know what?  It all comes to an end eventually.

So on that note, congratulations, Reese, Jim. But bear in mind my sage offering of advice that, indeed, nothing good on this earth lasts.

Can’t wait to see photos of your wedding!

Jake Gyllenhaal’s Pricey Birthday Gift For Taylor Swift

What do you get for the girl who has everything? Well, what she hints for, obviously.

According to the The Sun, Jake Gyllenhaal flew to Nashville to spend this past weekend with his sweetheart Taylor Swift for her birthday. The two popped into a guitar shop to poke around and that’s when Taylor set her eyes on a Fender Gretsch signed by country music legend Chet Atkins. After creating a fuss over the guitar, Jake went back and purchased it for her. Originally it was supposed to be a token of his affection, but he later realized that it would be perfect as a birthday gift.

Smart play on Taylor’s part. It’s almost as if she couldn’t afford to buy fifty guitars on her own.

The ‘First’ Photo of Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift Emerges

photo of jake gyllenhaal and taylor swift eating dinner pictures photographs

And of course girlfriend is wearing a knit hat with hearts on it. Would you expect anything less? Tcha.  Thought not.

Earlier in the week, sources at People claimed that they’d seen Taylor and Jake out and about during the Thanksgiving holiday in New York City, where they ordered maple lattes at a nearby coffee bar.  (And have you ever had a maple latte? Because they are to die for, and I’m not kidding when I say that I made four of them for myself this past Thanksgiving weekend, and I’m paying the price today.)  Fast-forward two days and the plot thickens, as the couple was allegedly photographed at a restaurant in Nashville. The above photo is the apparent evidence that the couple does, in fact, exist. The picture was reportedly sent in to Perez Hilton by a reader who claimed that, yeah, the photo is the real deal and not a hoax manufactured somewhere on the ‘net.

So, fine readers – the pic.  Real, or faked by some people who had some bored Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal-looking friends who were too poor to spend all of their money on Black Friday, so they decided to take a crazy picture at a random restaurant in Nashville instead?

I’m going to go with ‘real,’ because I so want it to be, and because the two in the photo look just exhausted by a general depletion of bodily fluids; you can just tell that these two bumped uglies all Thanksgiving and Black Friday-weekend long, and you know what?  Good on them.

Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal Get Naked to Promote Their New Movie

Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal apparently spend a great deal of time naked in their new movie Love and Other Drugs, so naturally they’re going to get naked while promoting it as well. Well, not naturally, actually. I feel like I’ve seen plenty of actors promote movies where they’re in the buff for a good portion of it while keeping their clothes on, but hey! You know, good for them. Good for them for being so comfortable with their bodies.

Anywhodickie, the pair have three covers of Entertainment Weekly coming out. Which ‘naked + content’ copy are you going to pick up?

Quotables: Anne Hathway Comes to Jake Gyllenhaal’s Rescue

photo of jake gyllenhaal and anne hathaway pictures

“Hang on, hang on, I have to say something! I have been Jake’s onscreen love interest for years, all right? You keep the conversation to me and only me, otherwise I’m going to get nasty!”

Thank goodness that Anne Hathaway spoke out for Jake Gyllenhaal this past weekend at a press conference for their new movie, Love and Other Drugs, ’cause I’m sure that he’s just totally unable to do it himself. During the conference, Jake was – clearly – asked whether or not he was carrying on a relationship with Taylor Swift, and that gracious old Anne Hathaway interjected with that explosion of information up there.

Um, you go, girl?