Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Hugh Hefner

Does The Playboy Mansion Interest You?

Sunday afternoon my friend Deanna Brooks invited me to hang out with her at the Playboy Mansion. Deanna was a Miss May 1998, and after being around the Mansion for over a decade (yes, a decade. She looks 22 still. It’s ridiculous), she knows a ton about the property’s history. The video above is essentially a six minute tour around the house that I get slightly drunk during. I mean, it ends with me jumping off the top of the grotto into the pool, so you know I wasn’t totally sober. It’s also maybe NSFW because there is one butt and one pair of boobs in it, but only for a second. Also, it’s the Playboy Mansion, so I guess just use your head before you click the video. I don’t know where you work.

The highlights of the Mansion was definitely the zoo (did you know the Mansion is licensed as a zoo!?) They have like, fifty monkeys! And both human and non-human bunnies are running loose on the property at all times! Bananas! And there’s a full bar! And everyone’s so nice.

So, if this interests you, I hope you enjoy it. Follow Deanna on Twitter. And me too, if you want.

Hugh Hefner Doesn’t Think Jesse’s and Tiger’s Cheating Scandals Were All That Cool

For someone who’s had more pussy than the local animal shelter, Hugh Hefner doesn’t admire Jesse James or Tiger Woods for their marital infidelities — and not because they were caught.

Hefner speaks to Page Six and about Jesse James, states:

“When you get married, you make a commitment. I had a lot of girlfriends, but it’s not the same as cheating. I don’t cheat. I am very open about what I do . . . Sandra Bullock’s husband looks like a real creep. I think that when you are in a relationship, you should be honest. The real immorality of infidelity is the lying.”

When asked if Tiger can overcome his philandering ways, his words for the golf guru weren’t as warm:

” … But this whole idea that it’s a sex addiction is a copout. Some people become obsessed with sex, but it’s not like an alcohol or drug addiction. He did it because he could get away with it.”

Wow, Hef. I didn’t know you had it in you to be so … judgmental. I agree with what you’re saying, but then I can, because I’m not the one sitting in sunny California with mistresses stacked upon mistresses feeding me grapes and giving my boys (if I had any) Sitz baths.

Hugh Hefner’s Ho?

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Kendra Wilkinson posted a picture of her very pregnant self on her blog.  Why do people insist on torturing their animals by putting them in Santa apparel?  In human terms, I guess it’s similar to those folks who Scotch tape a bow on their bald-skulled babies.

Anyway, according to Kendra, her dogs Rascal and Martini are dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Claws.  Groan.  Wimper.  Seriously.

I wonder if Kendra used to be a hooker.  Some ex-Hollywood madam named Michelle Braun — she jokingly referred to herself as “like Jesus, only prettier” — recently decided to flirt with the completely obvious and announce that many of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends and Playmates were actually high-paid escorts.  HH is one hot piece of ass and I find it hard to believe that he didn’t land these 20 year olds with his own salty charm.

If Wilkinson was once a call girl however, she should be nervous.  Braun hasn’t officially named names yet, but said of one unattached television personality “If I dropped his name to Page Six, I certainly wouldn’t be his Idol.”  Well, it sure as hell isn’t Ryan Seacrest racking up charges with Dial-A-(female)Whore, so she’s clearly talking about Simon.  This pimpette isn’t exactly subtle.

Why Was Diablo Cody Meeting With Hugh Hefner?

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Juno and Jennifer’s Body writer Diablo Cody met up with Hugh Hefner yesterday to discuss the long-talked about Brian Grazer-produced biopic about the Playboy founder yesterday, according to Hefner’s Twitter. Although meetings are held all day long in Hollywood that more often than not result in nothing, it’s notable that the Cody is considering taking on such a film. The departure from her indie-comedy/horror starts (which are departures from each other in the first place) further goes to show that there’s really no telling where Cody’s career will go. The writer herself announced this week that she’s penning a movie based on the Sweet Valley High book series and said in an interview with Rolling Stone movie critic Peter Travers that even she would be confused by her career trajectory if she was not Diablo Cody herself.

So what would you think about a Hugh Hefner biopic written by Diablo Cody? Do you think that she has the star-power to elevate this kind of flick past the TV-movie-of-the-week status that one would imagine such a movie to have, or would you prefer that she make like an ankle toy and Skip It? (Yeah, that was my half-assed attempt at a Juno-ism. Give me a break, Nell Carter. It’s 2k9.)

Hugh Hefner Finally Gets Around to Divorcing

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Hugh Hefner and his wife Kimberly Conrad (she’s an ex-Playmate, obviously) split back in 1998.  She really has been the original “girl next door” as she lived in a property adjacent to the manse where she lived with their two sons.  Now, after many years of very cordial separation, things are getting a bit ugly.  

Hef sold Kimberly’s house which prompted her to sue.  He also finally the paperwork to get officially unhitched.  With that, he had to expose his monthly earnings:

  •  Salary from Playboy: $116,667
  •  Social Security: $1,896
  •  Dividends and interest: $121,099 
  •  Rental property: $17, 058
  •  Income from HMH Productions: $15,808 
  •  Pensions and retirement: $413
  •  Other miscellaneous income: $17,639

This is what Hef spends a month:

  •  Rent (including groceries, household supplies, utilities, cell phone and email): $53,593
  •  Food (approximate): $18,000
  •  Entertainment: $25,000
  •  College expenses for kids: $10,130
  •  Health care: $3,215

Wait — $18,000 a month on food?  For what?  Bunny food is more expensive than college tuition and health care combined?  It’s not like those twin twats eat anything, anyway.  I challenge these numbers.

Other assets include about $36M in stock, $6M in a joint account and $306,000 in liquid cash.  Bottom line?  HH is worth $43M and the cheap old prune wants spousal support to be set at $20,000 a month.  $20K to his wife of two decades and mother of his children?  Cripes, he spends that much on food …

Pictures from the Midsummer Night’s Dream Party at the Playboy Mansion, Just Because

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Their PR chick sent ‘em over, and some of them are pretty sexy. Except for the one Scott Baio’s in. But please check out the one of Shaq, whose right hand basically spans the length of some chick’s torso.

I was just thinking about this tonight. You know, I’m tired of people saying there’s no way to tell how big a guy’s penis is until you get his pants off. There’s pretty much a direct relationship between hand/foot size and penis size. Like, I’d say you can predict with about 95% certainty how large a guy’s penis is going to be by checking out the size of his hands. Why isn’t this more common knowledge? Why are girls always like, “It’s so unfair, they know how big our tits are, but we don’t know how big their penises are.” Yes you do. Look at his hands. Here’s my theory: The media is predominately run by men with small hands.

Hef Can’t Tell His Sluts Apart

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Hugh Hefner is old and starting to sound really old.  He admitted at a recent Playmate of the Year part that was held at the manse, that he can’t keep his twins straight.

Karissa and Kristina Shannon are identical twins, save one little mark on one of their necks.  Heck, he couldn’t even see the departure of the original three girls next door, how is he expected to notice something as small as a beauty mark?

Hef also talked about who he would want to portray him in a movie — Robert Downey Jr. — and Kendra’s impending arrival.  “Kendra is going to be a good mommy, she’s growing up and Hank is going to be a very good influence on her. They are an ideal couple.  I’m sure the baby will end up at the Mansion. We do have (lots of little bunnies). We have a lot of friends and second generation Playmates, so there are a lot of kids around the Mansion these days.”