Hugh Hefner, if you’ve been under a rock for the past week, recently popped the question to his latest Playmate girlfriend, Crystal Harris. The couple took to their Twitter accounts to show off the ring, and by virtue, their odd bondage-fantasy-grandpa relationship.
The couple has been dating for some time now, and by ‘dating,’ I mean Harris has been solely in charge of keeping Hef’s penis in an airtight box. Things do, you know, start to disintegrate and break down after they hit a certain age.
The moral of this story? Don’t let the dream die, guys. You, too, can build an entire empire on twentysomethings with low self-esteem and high plastic surgery rates who are just dying to take their clothes off for men way past their prime. All you need is a little drive, a lot of square footage, and a funky porn star-style robe. You got this.
December 31, 2010 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Crystal, if you have no idea who she is, is the archetypal, busty, blonde Hugh Hefner clone, but this time? The love is for real, y’all. Hef claimed that he popped the question on Christmas Eve and Crystal obliged with burbling yeses and tears. The couple met back in 2008 and the rest was history:
Harris, 24, met Hefner in 2008 at the Playboy Mansion during one of the mag’s famous Halloween bashes. The model/singer … was Playboy’s December 2009 Playmate and served as 2010′s Miss January.
But don’t worry about Hef’s financial liquidity – Crystal has no interest in Hefner’s fortune because she has her own career don’t you know:
“I would say that I’m not after Hef for his money. I have my own career going.”
Of course ‘she would say.’ Believe you me, this girl is just hoping that she’s Hef’s current wife when he finally does kick, and now she’s just hedging her bets. You mark my words.
Anyway, check out Harris’s photos in the below gallery and see if she rings a bell for you. I tried to find a few of her fully clothed to mix things up a bit, but guys? There really aren’t that many.
December 27, 2010 at 10:00 am by Sarah
Sunday afternoon my friend Deanna Brooks invited me to hang out with her at the Playboy Mansion. Deanna was a Miss May 1998, and after being around the Mansion for over a decade (yes, a decade. She looks 22 still. It’s ridiculous), she knows a ton about the property’s history. The video above is essentially a six minute tour around the house that I get slightly drunk during. I mean, it ends with me jumping off the top of the grotto into the pool, so you know I wasn’t totally sober. It’s also maybe NSFW because there is one butt and one pair of boobs in it, but only for a second. Also, it’s the Playboy Mansion, so I guess just use your head before you click the video. I don’t know where you work.
The highlights of the Mansion was definitely the zoo (did you know the Mansion is licensed as a zoo!?) They have like, fifty monkeys! And both human and non-human bunnies are running loose on the property at all times! Bananas! And there’s a full bar! And everyone’s so nice.
June 29, 2010 at 1:30 pm by Molls
For someone who’s had more pussy than the local animal shelter, Hugh Hefner doesn’t admire Jesse James or Tiger Woods for their marital infidelities — and not because they were caught.
Hefner speaks to Page Six and about Jesse James, states:
“When you get married, you make a commitment. I had a lot of girlfriends, but it’s not the same as cheating. I don’t cheat. I am very open about what I do . . . Sandra Bullock’s husband looks like a real creep. I think that when you are in a relationship, you should be honest. The real immorality of infidelity is the lying.”
When asked if Tiger can overcome his philandering ways, his words for the golf guru weren’t as warm:
” … But this whole idea that it’s a sex addiction is a copout. Some people become obsessed with sex, but it’s not like an alcohol or drug addiction. He did it because he could get away with it.”
Wow, Hef. I didn’t know you had it in you to be so … judgmental. I agree with what you’re saying, but then I can, because I’m not the one sitting in sunny California with mistresses stacked upon mistresses feeding me grapes and giving my boys (if I had any) Sitz baths.
April 14, 2010 at 5:16 am by Sarah
Kendra Wilkinson posted a picture of her very pregnant self on her blog. Why do people insist on torturing their animals by putting them in Santa apparel? In human terms, I guess it’s similar to those folks who Scotch tape a bow on their bald-skulled babies.
Anyway, according to Kendra, her dogs Rascal and Martini are dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Claws. Groan. Wimper. Seriously.
I wonder if Kendra used to be a hooker. Some ex-Hollywood madam named Michelle Braun — she jokingly referred to herself as “like Jesus, only prettier” — recently decided to flirt with the completely obvious and announce that many of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends and Playmates were actually high-paid escorts. HH is one hot piece of ass and I find it hard to believe that he didn’t land these 20 year olds with his own salty charm.
If Wilkinson was once a call girl however, she should be nervous. Braun hasn’t officially named names yet, but said of one unattached television personality “If I dropped his name to Page Six, I certainly wouldn’t be his Idol.” Well, it sure as hell isn’t Ryan Seacrest racking up charges with Dial-A-(female)Whore, so she’s clearly talking about Simon. This pimpette isn’t exactly subtle.
November 24, 2009 at 11:35 am by Wendie
Juno and Jennifer’s Body writer Diablo Cody met up with Hugh Hefner yesterday to discuss the long-talked about Brian Grazer-produced biopic about the Playboy founder yesterday, according to Hefner’s Twitter. Although meetings are held all day long in Hollywood that more often than not result in nothing, it’s notable that the Cody is considering taking on such a film. The departure from her indie-comedy/horror starts (which are departures from each other in the first place) further goes to show that there’s really no telling where Cody’s career will go. The writer herself announced this week that she’s penning a movie based on the Sweet Valley High book series and said in an interview with Rolling Stone movie critic Peter Travers that even she would be confused by her career trajectory if she was not Diablo Cody herself.
So what would you think about a Hugh Hefner biopic written by Diablo Cody? Do you think that she has the star-power to elevate this kind of flick past the TV-movie-of-the-week status that one would imagine such a movie to have, or would you prefer that she make like an ankle toy and Skip It? (Yeah, that was my half-assed attempt at a Juno-ism. Give me a break, Nell Carter. It’s 2k9.)