Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Howard Stern

Andy Dick Just Needs to Shut His Offensive Mouth

A photo of Andy Dick

Do you want to hear something sad? I always kind of liked Andy Dick. I saw him on Sober House, and I heard him on the radio with Dr. Drew, and he always seemed like an absolute sweetheart dealing with some serious issues, and I always thought he was funny, you know, when he wasn’t getting arrested or snorting coke. But now he went and said some things about Howard Stern, some coke-fueled hurt feelings about being on the radio, and I just don’t know anymore.

“For two years I did the show, never got a cent, and I’m not complaining about that…I’m just saying the Jew facts. I never got paid,” Dick said. “I have no problem with his big, fat, hook nose, and his money-grubbing miserly Jewishness.”

Howard Stern aired that little quote on his radio show and got all indignant, understandably, and called Andy a “f*cking wacko” and claiming that no one’s going to give him a job. And hey, totally fair, Howard Stern. Call ‘em like you see ‘em.

At the end of the day, this sounds like one of those times where someone is trying to be funny but just ends up sounding really sad. And you guys, trust, Andy Dick is the saddest.

Quotables: Howard Stern Sticks Up For Brandy/All Women, Shuts Down Maksim Chmerkovskiy

“The first season these dance instructors were normal people. They’re not exactly living the high life. They put them on TV and they develop personalities. They all have become full of themselves. And Maksim is very taken with himself. He doesn’t like to be criticized. The whole show is being criticized and he doesn’t like it… Well, he is dancing with Brandy … This guy is yelling at her, giving her the business about how she has to work harder. She’s being a good sport about it, pretending like this actually matters if they’re dancing the f***ing samba correctly. All of the sudden, while he’s training her he starts smacking her on the ass. This guy is training a woman, a black woman. You know when a man walks by a woman and makes a sound like she’s a fine horse? He’s smacking her on the ass like she’s his personal property, like back in the slave days. I was astounded they were showing this on TV.”

- Howard Stern going off about Maksim Chmerkovskiy treatment of his partner Brandy on Dancing With The Stars.

A lot of people hate Howard because they just hear the things he says that are so honest that they seem offensive, but I love him because he also always says stuff like this. He’s a man of strong, smart opinions.

I couldn’t agree more about Maksim’s treatment of Brandy and how absolutely disgusting it is that the producers allow their professional relationship to be played out like that on camera.

Prediction: Howard Stern Will Be Eating His Words Next Monday Morning

Gabourey Sidibe, the actress who played Precious in the Oscar-winning film Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire is set to host Saturday Night Live this weekend and after seeing these just-released promos starring Andy Samberg, I’m thinking she’s gonna tear that shit up. Seasoned pros often film these SNL spots and can barely get a giggle out of me, but all four of Gabby’s promos show that she’s got great timing and a good amount of confidence, too. What more could you ask for in an SNL host?

I’m thinking that if the show goes as well as I think it will for Gabourey, Howard Stern may have to take back all those things he said about her.

We Probably Wont Be Seeing Ellen and Howard Together Any Time Soon

There’s been talk that Howard Stern will be joining the panel of judges of American Idol after Simon leaves at the end of this season, but Ellen DeGeneres has spoken out saying that she wants nothing to do with the shock jock. Turns out the feeling is mutual, and Howard said as much to Entertainment Tonight at the Green Zone premiere in New York on Thursday. “Ellen has said she won’t work with me, but quite frankly, after watching her on the stupid show, I gotta tell ya, I won’t work with Ellen. She’s out if I come in,” he said.

Is Ellen leaving after only one season a possibility? As far as I see it, absolutely. It’s common for a celebrity as big as Ellen to step in to a job like that for one year and then peace out when they realize they’re not the star. Take Rosie on The View for example. I still think the combo of Howard and Ellen would be a clashing of the egos so legendary that it will truly be a tragedy if it doesn’t happen, but if the two of them did a switcheroo, I wouldn’t mind that either.


“There’s not a better job on the planet than judging that fucking karaoke contest. It might be possible, we’ll see. They’d have to pay me a ton of dough because I already make a ton of dough.”

- Howard Stern confirming that there is a chance he could take over Simon’s seat at American Idol.

I know Kelly expressed yesterday that she’s not a huge Stern fan, but me? I LOVE Howard and I think that him becoming a judge on American Idol would be one of the best things to happen to television ever. Remember how crazy things got over at The View when Rosie took over for Meredith Vierra? You stick Howard Stern and his ego next to Ellen and her ego and Randy Jackson and whatever entitlement issues he has from being the only original remaining judge, and you’ve got yourself an explosive combo. Oh yeah, and that other chick judge who is invisible to me. She’ll still be there too. I am totally hoping this happens.

Howard Stern Could Replace Simon Cowell on ‘Idol’

I’m about to toss a turd into your Saturday punch bowl.

Idol producers are reportedly “eager to hire” Howard Stern to take over as resident asshole when Simon Cowell leaves American Idol after this season.

Stern’s $100 million a year contract with Sirius expires next January. As hard as it is to believe he gets paid that much to talk shit on satellite radio, it’s even harder to believe that taking the Idol post would be a step down in the salary brackets; Cowell only got paid $50 million a year.

All of this information is coming via an “inside source” who spoke to the New York Post– so take it with a grain of salt– but it doesn’t sound quite so far-fetched, does it?

Say it ain’t so!

Artie Lange Stabbed Himself Nine Times

Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange is in the hospital this morning after being discovered last night with nine stab wounds on his body. The comedian known for his big mouth and wild ways was found by his mother in his Hoboken apartment after what appears to be a suicide attempt. One thing that supports the suicide theory is that six of the wounds were not deep enough to do any damage, as if he stabbed himself and chickened out. Three of the wounds were deep, as if he’d just stuck the knife in there. Despite massive blood loss, doctors were able to save Artie and he’s currently recovering.

Artie’s boss took to the air earlier this week to defend his buddy, who has suffered from drug and alcohol addiction in the past and is currently having a rough time. Howard said, “We all have our demons. Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He’s a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don’t forget how great he is.”

Well, the tragedy of drugs is that anyone could be a user, even “great” guys. It’s a pretty common theme we’ve been seeing here these days. Thankfully I’m just writing up this story instead of a death announcement.