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Howard Stern

Gwyneth Paltrow gave Howard Stern the best interview yet

gwyneth paltrow howard stern

To be honest, I’m actually pretty shocked that Gwyneth Paltrow deigned to go on Howard Stern‘s Sirius XM show. I feel like he’s a bit too crude and, you know, common or whatever for her. However, she did indeed go on his show and gave a rather entertaining interview. By entertaining, of course, I mean obnoxious in a completely unsurprising way because it is Gwyneth Paltrow we’re talking about here.

Embed below, but here are some of the highlights if you can’t listen/don’t really want to:

  • Gwyneth’s best famous friend is Cameron Diaz; Jay-Z and Beyonce are her others
  • She called Beyonce after the infamous elevator fight (read: she’s nosy as shit)
  • She’s still friends with Ben Affleck, but he wasn’t ready to settle down when they dated
  • She likes Jennifer Garner because she’s “super into her kids” (condescending much?)
  • She hasn’t seen Winona Rider in years, but there’s no bad blood between them

I mean, I don’t want to spoil the whole thing for you, so we’ll just leave it there. It’s a doozy. It’s amazing how after all these years, and even after having it repeatedly pointed out to her, Gwyneth still doesn’t realise how far her head is up her own ass. It’s an incredibly display of willful ignorance, or perhaps of just not giving a shit, but lord almighty…

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Howard Stern opens up about delivering Joan Rivers’ eulogy

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Howard Stern was invited to delivery the eulogy at Joan Rivers‘ funeral, and he couldn’t have been a more perfect fit. The pair had been friends for years, and Stern was able to bring levity to a very sad situation. He later talked about the experience on his Sirius XM radio show (via US Weekly).

“You know, to be at her funeral yesterday was really probably the most remarkable service I have ever witnessed,” Stern, 60, told listeners. “Beautiful temple. I have never been there before [and] it was magnificent. I’ve never seen anything like it. Just sitting in there made you reflective. And so, I got there early because I had gotten a call from [Joan's daughter] Melissa like a day and a half before the service, asking me if I would speak. I said to her, ‘Melissa you’re asking the wrong guy.’

Still, he agreed to speak before Rivers’ friends and family. “I said, ‘I’ll do it. I will do anything for Joan. I’ll do anything for you.’”

To prepare for the moment, Stern immediately sought advice from another fellow comic. “I was in touch with Louie C.K. and he’d written me and he said, ‘You know, Joan really deserves a great sendoff because of her impact.’ He said something very profound: ‘Joan was like an aunt or a best friend who could make everything better. And even in times… after lets just say 9/11 or the country just seems to be going downhill or things just seem to be bad… she would crack a joke, and you know this is true, when she would crack a joke, you didn’t feel so alone. You felt like we were all together and you felt like oh maybe things aren’t so bad.’”

“Louie said probably the loneliness and the unhappiness of life — what else could ease that despair than a great comedian? That’s what great comedians do. Great comedians have the ability to snap you out of this sadness, this loneliness…to set it all right again and she was really really a top pro.”

Stern also revealed that he was particularly moved by a performance given at the service by none other than Hugh Jackman, which… okay! (I had NO idea they were friends at all.)

“It was one of Joan’s favorites,” Stern said. “He starts singing it quietly and part of the song is clap your hands together. He made everyone get up and start clapping their hands to the song. I was so f—ing moved by this guys performance. I had tears. Now, you know me. I’m a big scumbag. I don’t get moved. I appreciated this guy so much. Hugh Jackman. You know f—ing Wolverine.”

Sounds like it was a fantastic celebration of Rivers’ life for those who knew and loved her.

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Adam Levine denies having “sexual intercourse” with Lindsay Lohan

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Aw, bless. We all remember Lindsay Lohan‘s infamous “sex list”, which was apparently “leaked” by a “friend” and was only made as part of Lindsay’s “recovery” the last time she was in rehab. Well, plenty of the men on that list aren’t too pleased to be there and are speaking out to insist that they never slept with her. James Franco already denied that shit (and then wrote a “fictional” short story about it), and Adam Levine is the latest to set the record straight during an interview with Howard Stern.

Here’s the scoop (via Radar Online):

The Private Parts star asked the Maroon 5 frontman, “By the way, you were listed on Lindsay Lohan’s sex list, that you had sex with her, I didn’t know this …

“That’s not true,” he said. “I did not have sexual intercourse with Lindsay Lohan …”

When Stern pressed him, noting Franco’s denial, the radio host pointed out that no one on the list has confessed to actually belonging on it.

“That’s because I think we’re being truthful about that very specific thing,” Levine said. “I can f*cking see it on the paper, I’m getting much better at this!”

Stern asked, “Did anybody have sex with Lindsay Lohan?” to which Levine replied, “A lot of people probably did, I don’t know.”

To be honest, I’m not sure who I believe here. The one time I met Adam Levine (we’re going about, oh… 6-7 years back now), he was a complete douchebag who was arrogant, pretentious and completely up himself. He loved to brag about everything he was doing and how great he was – so why wouldn’t Lindsay be a great conquest in her prime? I don’t know why, but I kinda think she was telling the truth on this one…

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Russell Brand Uses Condoms And Will Probably Bang Demi Moore

russell brand demi moore sex

The look of terror: Stern asks Brand if he's made love to Demi Moore.

How do we all feel about Russell Brand? I’ve never been able to come to terms with my own feelings for the man. He seems awful and gross and yet he wrote something quite moving and wonderful about Amy Winehouse after her death. I don’t find him funny but I don’t find him unfunny, either. But if Katy deemed him a worthy chap, then perhaps he is. Although they did wind up divorced. He came to her honor though, refusing to speak ill of her while being interviewed on The Howard Stern Show (Is that STILL a thing?), though Mr. Stern did his damnedest. He “went there” when he asked this:

What do you make of you ex-wife dating John Mayer? It’s like doesn’t she know he’s a worse womanizer than you?

The charming Mr. Stern also added,

No, but seriously, you know I knew from the beginning you’d never stay married.

Wow! Stern and Brand (that sounds like a law firm) went on to discuss Mr. Brand’s love of yoga, which lead him to meeting his friend Demi Moore. Brand insists that they’re not anything more than friends, saying,

I really like her. She’s a beautiful person.

Not quite enough for dear Howard, who persisted,

But you’ve not made love to her yet.

“Made love”? Good heavens, Mr. Stern is quite the proper 1800s gent, isn’t he? To which Russell shouted, “I’VE NOT MADE LOVE TO HER YET.” Good on you, old boy. Stern also accused Brand of not having safe sex, based on how he looks. I can’t really blame Stern there. And Brand, with as good an attitude as ever,

I do use one every time I have carnal relations. You can’t have germs flying about everywhere.

In conclusion, Demi Moore and Russell Brand are absolutely going to contain their germs together.

Oprah Tops Forbes‘ Highest-Paid Celebrities List

photo of oprah winfrey forbes highest paid list pictures
… And interestingly enough, she’s the only woman in the Top 10. Others on the list are as follows:

#10 – Simon Cowell, $90 million
#9 – George Lucas, $90 million
#8 – James Patterson, $94 million
#7 – Howard Stern, $95 million
#6 – Tyler Perry, $105 million
#5 – Dr. Dre, $110 million
#4 – Jerry Bruckheimer, $115 million
#3 – Steven Spielberg, $130 million
#2 – Michael Bay, $160 million
#1 – Oprah Winfrey, $165 million

The monetary amounts are calculated by endorsements, profits, upfront pay and advertising work, and doesn’t even factor in whatever these people might be making off the books for … well, for whatever, really. When you’re making that kind of money, there’s lots of ways to fudge the numbers, I suppose.

When you’ve got it, you’ve got it, right? Damn.

Quotables: Howard Stern Says Britney’s a Trainwreck

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“Well, I think it’s a wonderful decision. Britney still thinks the earth is flat. I don’t anticipate great opinions from her. I think she’s gonna sit there like J.Lo, ‘Oh, you’re wonderful, you’re terrific. You think I can get a perfume endorsement out of this?’ As far as any real criticism, I think Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid will do that … I think Britney will sit there and eat a lollipop and wear a sexy outfit. … I’ll tune in to see what kind of train wreck she is, absolutely.”

Well isn’t that just darling. Don’t you love it when the blind criticize the blind for … well, being blind? Yeah, I know—we do our share of Britney-mockery ourselves on the site here, but no one actually takes what we say seriously. And there are a whole hell of a lot of people who, for whatever reason, take Howard Stern seriously. He wouldn’t have been on the air as long as he has if that weren’t the case. My thoughts? I think boyfriend here is still just a little bitter because he was passed over for American Idol and he’s got a stick up his ass for Simon.

Naturally, Howard’s talking about the latest confirmation that Britney is, in fact, joining the cast of the X-Factor, and while some may use it as cause to celebrate (you know, probably like … Britney?), some are using it to say that the show’s going to be a total crapshoot because of it, but I don’t think so. I think Britney’s going to add life and a dull sort of spark to the show, and even though I sometimes point and laugh at times, too, it doesn’t mean I love that woman any less. She’s going to do a great job, and I’m excited to see what the new season brings.

Howard Stern Refers to Christina Aguilera as “Plus-Size”

Not that Howard Stern remotely believes in what he’s saying, because I don’t think he does. He’s just doing what they pay him to do, which is be contrarian and kind of funny and misogynist or whatever. But he’s also transparently trying to get Adam Levine in trouble.

I think I mentioned that I’ve been watching Levine on The Voice, and I’ve decided he’s a great judge even though he’s kind of a turd. Like, I totally root for him, but I also watch the show trying to assess exactly what kind of turd he is.

Still. When Stern tries to get Levine to say one mean thing about Christina Aguilera, Levine won’t budge:

“This is a sensitive subject with women,” he says to Adam. “Why do you think she got so heavy? Is she upset? She used to be so f—kin’ hot. What is that? And her clothes are too tight, right?”

Let me step in here right quick and answer Howard Stern: yeah, she used to be so f—kin’ hot. She was also, like, 17 back then. No wonder women are so terrified of turning 30, dudebros.

Visibly thrown by the line of questioning, Adam says, “She likes to wear tight clothes. She clearly likes to talk about being comfortable with being a woman, snapping her fingers and doing the whole thing.”

But, Howard didn’t stop there. He then replies, “When you’re a plus-sized woman, you can’t wear tight clothes anymore.”

While Adam nervously giggles, co-host Robin Quivers jumps in and says that Christina isn’t plus size. And then Adam finally says, “I wouldn’t go that far actually.” Um, nice save?

Like, when Stern starts in with the bullying—and he’s bullying Levine, not Aguilera, in a weird sense—Levine looks a little like he just wants to be shot and killed on the spot.

Honestly, I thought Levine’s performance here was fine. He doesn’t 100% have his collaborator’s back, no, but he also doesn’t play ball. I also think Levine’s throwing Howard a bone when he concludes by saying “I’m keeping my f—king mouth shut.”

Levine’s stick-thin supermodel girlfriend Anne Vyalitsyna joins him in the second half. Stern tries to get her to cop to some fear of getting old and, eventually, dumped—see a trend here?—but Vyalitsyna smiles it off.

“No, I’m really excited to see how much you can push us,” she tells Stern, not entirely ironically. “That’s really cool.”