Now that the antichrist Spencer’s almost completely out of her life, Heidi’s becoming vocal about what she’s done, what she was pushed into and what she wants.
The female half of the ham hoagie (I mean, isn’t that what a Speidi is? Am I wrong here?) supposedly claims to ‘friends’ that the almost-male half coerced her into getting the forty-billion dollars’ worth of plastic surgery, and says that she’s really regretful when she thinks about it. The ‘friends’ of Heidi (I’m still reeling from that informative slap to the head) also claim that she’s contemplating a “make-under,” now that He With the Creepy Flesh-Colored Beard and Magic Crystals is no longer in the picture.
And what else is Heidi’s latest obsession? A desire to adopt a child. Yes, you read that right — Adopt. a child. What the fuck, man. I wouldn’t trust Heidi Montag to babysit my parents’ ninety year-old dog who only sleeps and occasionally assails the surrounding area with a dusty geriatric fart or two.
Really, though. If anyone — anywhere — gives this woman a child to care for, at this point in her misguided, unstable life, I’m jumping ship on life.