6Would You Buy A Beer Made by Hanson?

Yes, that Hanson. Those beautiful brothers who starred in the dreams of your awkward, hormonal 12-year-old self. Crooners of such classic hits as “MMMBop” and “I Will Come to You,” and many other lovely songs that I still know by heart but refuse to mention because I don’t want to seem like more of a nerd than I already do (but you guys do you remember “Lucy”? Ooooh, or “Yearbook,” do you remember that one? Can we start talking about old Hanson music, please?).

Anyway, it is that undeniably wonderful musical group, Hanson, that is (maybe) releasing their own brand of beer:

According to reports, Zac made the announcement during an event at Oxford University this week … telling the crowd, “We are soon going to be selling our own beer … I’m not joking – MMMhop IPA anyone?”

Hard to tell how serious they are about the announcement – but we’ve got a call into Hanson’s people … so, we’ll let ya know.

Oh, please.  Please, Hanson brothers, do this for us so that the door will be opened for things like Backstreet Boy wine (like Boone’s Farm without all the elegance) or Menudo malt liquor. Maybe even a Spice Girls wine cooler! It can all be possible, Hanson, if you just do me this one solid. THINK OF THE FANS!

December 1, 2011 at 6:30 am by Emily

4Hanson Concert Causes A Riot. In 2010.

Ok, to be fair, it was a concert featuring Hanson and Drake, so there were probably a few more people there to see Drake, but still, Hanson fans had to contribute at least a little bit.  I know I’d get scrappy to have the chance to touch Taylor Hanson.

The concert was a free, outdoor deal in New York, and the trouble started when the venue attracted about 10,000 more people than expected.  Tension increased when fans started realizing that Drake wouldn’t start playing for a while (they’d have to sit through the opening band and then Hanson before Drake would start his set), and things quickly got out of control from there.  Fans were starting fights and breaking equipment, and audience members on the second floor started throwing things like metal chairs on the audience below.  Just a few minutes into the first band’s set, the venue management and the NYPD decided to cancel the concert.  Police went into the crowd with mace and helicopters flew overhead to break up the crowd. When everything was over, seven people were treated for minor injuries and two people were arrested:  one for bottle-throwing, the other for obstruction.

I think the best part of all of this is the group of sheltered women in their early twenties, huddled together in their Hanson t-shirts, quietly sobbing over their crushed dreams and trying to summon hope and strength by singing “I Will Come to You.”  Not that this was reported or anything, but come on, it’s a Hanson concert in 2010.

June 16, 2010 at 12:07 pm by Emily

5Joe Jonas Does it By Himself

… And with his ever-present purity ring, would you expect it any other way?

Yeah. Anyway. Joe Jonas claims that he’s going to release a solo album, so it looks like the days of the JoBros are quickly coming to a close:

“There’s nothing to hide. We’re just waiting for the right timing. There’s a lot of Jonas stuff going on this year, so once there’s a place for that record, we’ll release it. You’ll hear a lot of new music from us.”

See, when I was a much younger girl, I loved Hanson. I mean, I fucking loved Hanson. I was one of those pathetic little fangirls that’d get all crazy when I saw televised appearances of the flaxen-haired singing trio and I’d cry if I’d see them in person (which I did, many, many times). I was sick; it was a sickness. I went to their concerts, made scrapbooks of news articles that I had clipped from magazines and played their music, like, incessantly. It was bad, and it’s embarrassing now, but I can really feel for the girls who are so wrapped on the Jonas thing — it’d be like Isaac (yeah, my totally favorite dorky-assed Hanson that I so would have married at the age of thirteen) announcing that he was leaving the band back in 1995 or whatever. I’d have been devastated, so I totally feel you kids of today’s world. I feel you.

May 21, 2010 at 8:05 am by Sarah