Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow likes being slapped in the face

gwyneth paltrow 2014

Okay, so that headline was slightly misleading. What Gwyneth Paltrow actually enjoys are “aggressive facials” (i.e. cosmetic procedures without actual scalpels) that feel like you’re having rubber bands snapped against your face repeatedly. Mmm, sounds relaxing!

From Hello! (via E!):

The actress told Hello! magazine that she loves the effective but not-so-pleasant Thermage laser treatment. “It’s non-invasive but it’s quite painful, like having your face smacked with a rubber band that has an electric shock in it. But it works.”

The Thermage treatment is also commonly known as the “face-ironing treatment.” Yikes. Sound painful enough for you? But there’s a reason why stars like Gwyneth keep coming back for more. The treatment boosts collagen levels in the skin’s lower layers, creating a tightening effect to the top layer.

But even if you’re up for the pain, Thermage laser treatments will cost you. A half-face treatment costs around $3,900, while a full-face treatment comes with the hefty price tag of $5,240.

Girl, just go get the full facelift like you’ll end up doing anyway – you could probably get one for the price of two of those “facials” you’re after.

I’m cool with whatever, but I wish Goop would get off her lifestyle high horse and stop acting like she’s above all the other women getting older in Hollywood because she’s so holistic. Bullshit. Those “facials” are cosmetic procedures tantamount to plastic surgery, just done with lasers (which is kinda the wave of the future, anyway). Same effect, same purpose – and totally rich from someone who proclaimed that Botox is “vain”. Sorry to break it to you, Gwyneth, but you and Kris Jenner are more alike than you think.

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Chris Martin wishes he could give you a Gwyneth Paltrow scandal, but he can’t

gwyneth paltrow chris martin

Gwyenth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced their “conscious uncoupling” earlier this year, but there have been a million and one rumours about the possibility of them getting back together. They’re constantly hanging out together – more than any separated people usually do, even with kids in the picture – but don’t get ahead of yourself, because they’re not reuniting, they just really care about each other. BORING.

From 104.3′s Valentine in the Morning (via US Weekly):

“The truth is — well, I don’t really love talking about this stuff. But the thing we told everyone at the beginning of the year is true,” the 37-year-old said. “We are very close, we are not together. But, we’re…you know…that’s the truth… and uh, that’s it.”

“You know, there’s a lot of love,” he continued. “So there’s nothing — there’s no scandal I’m afraid. I wish i could give you scandal.”

Chris has always come off as a really decent guy, so I’m not surprised that he’s handled this entire thing in such a quiet and dignified way. It’s also really great for their kids that this whole thing has gone so smoothly. The last thing kids need is messy ass parents – especially famous ones – ruining their lives with unnecessary drama.

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Chris Martin eats meat now that he’s single

Coldplay leave the Hyatt Regency Cologne Hotel

While married to Gwyneth Paltrow – or rather, while consciously coupled with her, I suppose, since they’re not actually divorced – Chris Martin followed a strict vegetarian diet. One would think that a grown man could choose which foods he eats, but Goop runs a tight ship and is not into animal products, apparently.

Well, worry no more – Chris changed his diet for “various reasons” and enjoys a bit of fish and whatnot now that he’s on his own… and he won’t apologize for it!

From BBC Radio 2 (via Radar Online):

“I felt like you should only eat something that you would be able to kill,” the Coldplay singer explained to BBC Radio 2. “I don’t know why on earth we’re talking about this. I have got to stop talking or there’ll be some sort of headline. Could you kill a fish? I wouldn’t like it but I probably could, so I’ll eat a fish . . . or a giraffe.”

“My daughter has been a vegetarian since she was born,” he revealed. “So, I keep getting tempted to go back, but I don’t eat very much meat.”

I’m a bit of a free spirit and think people should eat whatever they want (and not eat whatever they don’t). It’s all good – the world is a big place, food is plentiful in most places and we’re spoiled for choice, especially in the Western world. Live it up! However, I am a staunch omnivore and haaaaate preachy vegetarians/vegans. Like, chill with your soy and tofu and enjoy it, but I’mma have this steak and you can shut up if you don’t like it.

Also, way to make a child vegetarian because that’s YOUR preference. That’s one of the shittiest things you can do as a parent, I think. No wonder her kids always look so malnourished. And no, I’m not saying you can’t be healthy when you’re a vegetarian or vegan, but children need certain nutrients, sorry.

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