Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

Love It or Leave It: Gwyneth Paltrow Revisits Youth

photo of gwyneth paltrow old pictures leather jacket photos

Not her youth, mind you – she was too busy palling around with people like JFK Jr., and the like, but you get the general idea. She’s living vicariously through someone that existed in the eighties and nineties who may or may not have been much cooler, and she’s taking advantage of the benefits of casting directors who need their eyes checked and can’t distinguish a “bright, fresh-faced twentysomething” for an “aging, barefaced early-fortysomething.”

The look (I’m hoping, anyway, because I’m hearing that this is how she actually SHOWED UP to the set of her new movie) is for a new film, Thanks for Sharing, which centers around three people being treated for sex addiction. And in that getup, she looks like one of the addicted, rather than a self-involved, hoity-toity doctor who treats them.

How about it?

Maurice Sendak “Can’t Stand” Gwyneth Paltrow

Photo: A fairly recent candid of Maurice Sendak, author of 'Where the Wild Things Are'

Poor, wonderful Maurice Sendak. The author-illustrator of countless, timeless children’s books (Where the Wild Things Are, say, or Chicken Soup with Rice) is, at age 83, still hard at work. His latest, Bumble-Ardy, was published last month.

Last month, NPR broadcast a poignant interview with Maurice Sendak on Fresh Air and, at least among his friends, he’s jovial and lively. Listening to Sendak, it turns out, is a perfect way to spend 20 spare minutes. Only near that interview’s end did Sendak become even remotely gloomy or dour. He spoke of loss: “I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can’t stop them,” he told NPR’s Terry Gross. “They leave me and I love them more.”

But he recently gave a very, very different interview to The Guardian (via Jezebel and Vulture). It isn’t an altogether dour interview; Sendak maintains a certain conviviality, I guess, even as he describes the contempt he has for, um, pretty much everybody.

But by the Guardian interview’s brutal conclusion—and “brutal” is the word, because most of his insults are lobbed rapid-fire, right at the end of the conversation—Maurice Sendak has become so cartoonishly cantankerous, I was genuinely flicking little tears away from my eyes:

And with that he’s off again. Of Salman Rushdie, who once gave him a terrible review in the New York Times, he says: “That flaccid f—khead. He was detestable. I called up the Ayatollah, nobody knows that.” Roald Dahl: “The cruelty in his books is off-putting. Scary guy. I know he’s very popular but what’s nice about this guy? He’s dead, that’s what’s nice about him.” Stephen King: “Bullsh—t.” Gwyneth Paltrow: “I can’t stand her.”

Whoa, hey now! What?

And then that’s it! No further explanation! Why, Mr. Sendak? Why all the cattiness for Gwyneth!

Image via the Guardian.

Today’s Funny Twitter Twit

photo of gwyneth paltrow and lenny kravitz twitter pictures photos pics

The photo’s caption, yanked from Lenny’s Twitter?:

“The only person in the world that calls me Leonard.”

LOL. Of course it’d be her. And what, pray tell, do you think they’re drinking? And what are they drinking? Is that another bottle of fine, aged, gilded angel piss to delicately imbibe upon? If it is, Lenny, you better put your pinky up, bitch. I’m flat-out scared for you if you don’t.

Quotables: Gwyneth Paltrow Talks About Cheating and Being Judgey

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

“I am a great romantic – but I also think you can be a romantic and a realist. Life is complicated and long and I know people that I respect and admire and look up to who have had extra-marital affairs. It’s like we’re flawed – we’re human beings and sometimes you make choices that other people are going to judge. That’s their problem but I really think that the more I live my life the more I learn not to judge people for what they do. I think we’re all trying our best but life is complicated.”

- Gwyneth Paltrow continues her tour of talking nonsense.

Really, you guys, do you get what Gwyneth is doing here? She’s judging people for being judgey, and then she reminds us that she’s still better than us, this time because she doesn’t think cheating on your spouse is all that bad. It’s almost too much, it really is.

Quotables: Gwyneth Paltrow Likes Seizures, Slams Men

photo of gwyneth paltrow hot pictures photos pics

“I liked all that gory stuff. For the seizure scene, I had to bite on a little Alka-Seltzer and foam at the mouth. It was fun. … If death by virus was a punishment for extra-marital affairs there would only be three dudes left in this world right now. Maybe less, because we’re in Italy.”

The seizure bit is all relative to her new movie, Contagion, and the cheating-dude comment came up when an interviewer asked her if the virus was punishment for being an unfaithful wife (I guess her character cheats on her husband, who’s played by the very lucky Matt Damon this time around). I’m assuming that the only three faithful men she’s speaking of include her husband, Chris Martin, and two other guys that she dated exclusively, because BITCH PLEASE, who in their right mind would ever, ever cheat on the not-at-all ridiculous Gwyneth Paltrow?

Quotables: Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks Botox is “Vain”

photo of gwyneth paltrow singing and being pretentious pictures photos

“… I still refuse to use silicone, Botox or other of those gimmicks … [It's] pure vanity. But a breast correction after breast feeding — why not? There’s actually nothing else to restore the original condition, isn’t there?”

So what Gwynnie‘s telling you guys is that it’s OK if you want some shady doctor to slice your bewbs open like filet of chicken and stuff extra-tough water balloons in the bloody, gaping hole that’s left, but it’s vanity – total vanity, bitches – to have a needle stuck in the middle of your forehead.

I’m not saying that there is no other reconstruction for boobs available after breastfeeding, but endorsing one thing and blasting something so similar that it’s almost laughable? Is just … Well, it’s typical Gwyneth, I guess.

Dear Lord, is there no end to the madness?

Gwyneth Paltrow Does Elle, Deserves A Punch in The Face

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

Oh hey, everybody! Did you happen to hear that I despise Gwyneth Paltrow? Because I do. I think she’s the most pretentious person, and every single thing she says makes me want to vomit in a jar and then ship it to her home so she can have a nice jar of old vomit, and if that makes me juvenile or gross, then that’s just fine, because she’s done far worse to me.

Anyway, Gwyneth just did Elle, and I wanted to share with you some of her ridiculous quotes:

On her Grammy performance: “Beyoncé’s like, ‘Okay. The singing is great. But you’re not having any fun.’ She’s like, ‘Remember when we’re at Jay’s concert and Panjabi MC comes on and you do your crazy Indian dance? Do that. Be you!’”

On her BFF Beyonce: “Beyoncé and Jay—they think that I should just go do it by myself. That I should go … in a studio and see what happens. And if it’s good, do it. And if it’s not, don’t. So that’s probably what I’ll do.”

On being an inspiration: “What I love is inspiring people. People come up to me and say, ‘I want to have two kids and wear a bathing suit and not feel terrible about myself. I see how hard you work and it makes me feel like I can do that too.’”

On being “so funny”: “If you speak to my friends who’ve known me since I was four, they’ll say, ‘That is her.’ They always said to me, ‘You’re the dirtiest person in the world and so funny. Show the world that side of you.’ I felt guarded. I felt like if I really showed people more of me and I was still not accepted, then…Who cares. You just realize it doesn’t matter what people think of you.”

On Paris: “When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some… restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris? People know that I know that…”

On her relationship with Chris Martin: “Sometimes it’s hard being with someone for a long time. We go through periods that aren’t all rosy. I always say, life is long and you never know what’s going to happen. If, God forbid, we were ever not to be together, I respect him so much as the father of my children. Like, I made such a good choice. He’s such a good dad. You can never be relaxed or smug and think, I’ve got this thing. That’s also part of it—keeping yourself on your toes. I’m not going to take this for granted.”

Ugh. I loathe her. Who’s with me?