To be fair to Gwyneth, if I was an A list actress trying to decide what to wear to the Oscars, you’d better believe that a cape would be considered. Especially if I’d been to as many award ceremonies as Gwyneth has. I think the first few times, I would do my best to pick something really elegant and classy, some timeless dress that might not really be a jaw-dropper but would be gorgeous nonetheless. Then I’d start easing into the crazy. A ballgown made entirely of tulle and sequins? Yes, please! A nice, simple A-line that I spent six months bedazzling? It would only be natural! Yeah, a cape wouldn’t be so outlandish then.
But let’s be real, I’m not in this business to be fair. I’m in this business to talk trash about Gwyneth Paltrow, plain and simple, and with that in mind, I’ll say this: what’s up with the dumb cape, Gwyneth? Did you fly on in to save the mortals from themselves?
“I tried on one dress. That was the dress and I thought, ‘it’s a little different but it’s sort of a throwback,’ ” Paltrow said during a taping of The Chew on Thursday. “I saw a pic of Jackie O in a white dress with a cape and it’s been a while since anyone’s worn a cape, frankly, except for Superman.”
The look she’s possibly referring to was then First Lady Jackie Kennedy, who designed her white ensemble herself for husband John F. Kennedy’s inaugural ball in 1961.
Paltrow concedes, though, that the cape was all Tom Ford’s idea – and daughter Apple did have a say, too. “My daughter loves a fashion moment,” said Paltrow. “She weighs in very heavily.”
Goddamnit, Gwyneth. Don’t you realize that I can’t possibly trash anyone’s clothes after they say that their child picked them out? Really, if my best friend (who has a child for this scenario) moseyed on over to my apartment in faded Christina Aguilera leggings, flip flops, and a Tweety Bird shirt covered in holes and Doritos stains, I would want to have a serious talk with her about it. But if she said “no, my daughter wanted me to wear it I would be like “oh, cute!” Or, to drive this issue home a little more, if Courtney Stodden had a child (knock on lots of wood, everybody, this doesn’t need to happen in real life) and explained that the stripper heels and the legendary armband were all her kid’s idea, then I would accept it. I would call it “adorable.” That’s the power of a baby concerned with fashion.
What did you guys think of Gwyneth’s ensemble though? Was it as silly as I originally thought, or was it actually kind of pretty?