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Gwyneth Paltrow

Oh, F-ck Off Already: Gwyneth Paltrow Won’t Shut Up About How Much the Met Ball Sucked

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow is still under the misguided notion that anyone cares what she has to say, so she’s still ranting about the Met Gala over a week ago and how much it “sucked”. I don’t see what made this event suck any more than any of the others you have to get out of your pyjamas to attend (so, all of them?), but whatever, let her keep digging herself deeper until she hopefully falls through the other side of the earth and floats into space so we never have to hear from her again. That’s how these things work, right?

From The Kyle and Jackie O Show:

“Do you want me to be honest? It sucked.

“It seems like it’s the best thing in the world – you always think, ‘Oh my God, it’s gonna be so glamorous and amazing and you’re going to see all these people’ and then you get there and it’s so hot and it’s so crowded and everyone’s pushing you.”

“Kanye West was playing and he was all furious and he threw his microphone down and it was all drama. I don’t know why [he was mad].”

HAHA, u mad, Kanye? Not as mad as Gwyneth is, apparently. I seriously just do not get why this insufferable woman continues to speak.

Sorry, Met Gala, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Not Impressed And Won’t Be Returning

gwyneth paltrow

God help the world if Gwyneth Paltrow ever gets a Yelp account – no business will be safe from her wrath, as most will fall short of her incredibly refined standards and fail to keep her amused. Such is the case with the Met Costume Institute Gala last week. Everyone dressed up in their finest “punk” garb (though some clearly missed the whole theme thing) and had a nice, fancy night out with champagne, chit chat and general frivolity. It’s a rich person’s dream! Well, not for Gwyneth. She was bored and will NOT be going back next year.

From USA Today:

Just ask Gwyneth Paltrow, who attended Monday’s star-studded gala in Valentino. Her pal Beyoncé was the honorary co-chair and wore Givenchy.

“I’m never going again. It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all,” says Paltrow.

Aw, well isn’t that a shame? What’s the matter, Gwyn, not enough hydroponic shaved fennel nests served for your liking? Was someone wearing a dress that cost less than $5,000? THE SHAME!

I mean, listen. If I was a celebrity, I wouldn’t ever go to any of these events strictly because I prefer wearing pyjamas at all possible times and I still have half a season of Once Upon a Time to catch up on. But still, to act like you’re just so above it that it bored you? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck off, lady.

At least she got to ogle Miranda Kerr for a while. Small victories.

LOL, Like, OMG: Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks Miranda Kerr Is “So Pretty, It’s Abnormal”

gwyneth paltrow miranda kerr

Gwyneth Paltrow gets lady wood for very few things in this life – organic and macrobiotic beet grass shavings and $875 Egyptian silk sheets being roughly half of them – but it turns out, Miranda Kerr does it for her, too. Why is that, exactly? Could it be that Miranda’s Achilles tendon is more defined than hers? Does her skin lie flatter against her ribcage than Gwyneth’s? This is just weird.

From Entertainment Weekly:

Who was the Iron Man 3 actress’s pick for best dressed? Ask Paltrow who the belle of the ball was, and she’s quick to answer…

Miranda Kerr.

“She was wearing a black Michael Kors dress that was sort of like a sparkling bandeau, and her whole stomach was showing,” says Paltrow, who was also in NYC to promote her new GOOP City Guides app with an appearance today at the Apple Store in SoHo. “It was really beautiful. It was a little punk-y. She’s just so pretty, it’s abnormal.”

Kerr, a former Victoria’s Secret model who is married to actor Orlando Bloom, seemed to take it all in stride, according to Paltrow. “I was like, ‘Is it weird to be that pretty?’” the actress recalls, laughing. “And she was like, ‘No.’”

Obviously as women, we notice other attractive women and there’s nothing wrong with calling attention to that, obviously. It just strikes me as kind of creepy the way she talks about how her “whole stomach was showing” – like it’s something mystical and entrancing or something and she feels like if she could just eat 600 calories per day instead of 700, she too might be able to wear a dress that has her “whole stomach” on display.

I’m maybe thinking about this a little too deeply. Anyway.