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Gwyneth Paltrow

Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow’s a Racist Now, is Tweeting the N-Word

Gwyneth Paltrow on WhoSay

That photo up there is from Gwyneth’s Twitter account, and the photo was captioned with the following:

Ni**as in Paris for real

And people are FREAKING THE F-CK OUT. All sorts of media outlets are reporting Gwyneth as racist, and claim that she’s spreading hate messages all over the internets. And it’s seriously one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard in my lifetime. Gwyneth Paltrow, racist? Please. Racism is so not cool, so there’s no way she’d be a part of it, even if she really *did* have racial sentiments. Second, Gwyneth Paltrow is known to be close friends with Jay-Z and Beyonce, and has professed her love for rap in the past. That kind of behavior definitely doesn’t trigger a “RACIST!” response within me, sorry. Last? It’s the damn title of the song. And she was IN PARIS. How quickly people turn their selective memories off and on.

I’m not Team Gwyneth in, like, practically anything, but come on. Even I have to defend her from this kind of garbage. Jeez.

Kim Kardashian Has A New Twinsie!

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow and Kim Kardashian

Last year, Gwyneth Paltrow wore an awful, awful dress to the Emmys. She should never have worn it in the first place, but if she absolutely had to, then it should have been stripped from her body and burned by her servants immediately after the event. Of course, that’s how things would go in a perfect world. Since this world isn’t perfect, Kim Kardashian wore the same awful dress to a party in Cannes.

This is interesting because Kim and Gwyneth are both pretty unlikable ladies, and if they’re both wearing the same unlikable dress, well, then we’ve got a whole mess of horrible then, don’t we? The question is which of these two looks less awful.

Here’s another shot of Gwyneth:

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

And here’s Kim:

A photo of Kim Kardashian

Man, I really, really despise that dress. That being said, I think Kim might pull it off just a little better. Gwyneth has more of a straight figure, where Kim (obviously) has a lot more curves. I think those curves make the top stay in place a little better, so it’s not so obvious that this is a damn formal belly shirt. As the late, great Whitney Houston said, it’s not right, but it’s ok.

But what do you guys think?

Who wore it better?
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Gwyneth Paltrow Reveals The Best Compliment She’s Ever Received

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

I’ve received some pretty nice compliments in my day. I’ve had a few people tell me that they like the way I speak, which is nice. One time I had this big financial aid crisis in college, and I thought I wasn’t going to be able to finish on time without summer classes or extra credits, and for my broke ass self attending my insanely expensive college, that wasn’t going to work. I cried in my professor’s office, and when it turned out that everything was actually in order and I didn’t have anything to worry about, he told me that I had magical unicorn tears that could cure cancer, which was also a good one. One of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten though came from one of my friends, this wacky, amazing girl, who would often tell me how beautiful I was. We’d be having lunch, and she’d just look at me and say something like “Emily, you look like the Mona Lisa,” and then go on about my eyes or my smile or whatever. Compliments are nice, aren’t they?

But if I’ve gotten such nice compliments, just think about what sort of compliments a gorgeous, glamorous celebrity like Gwyneth Paltrow has gotten. I can’t even begin to imagine all the wonderful things that she’s heard about herself, can you? I’m sure us lowly common folk wouldn’t be able to handle such high praise.

So what’s the best compliment Gwyneth Paltrow has ever received then?

“It’s whenever flight attendants tell me my kids are the most polite fliers they’ve ever seen, and when someone tells me they’ve gotten something great out of”

Really? Those are the best compliments you’ve ever gotten, Gwyneth? Your kids can behave themselves on flights and people like your website? I don’t know what I’m more surprised about, the fact that that was her answer or the fact that anyone has actually benefited from that dumb site.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

Stars Without Makeup: Gwyneth Paltrow

photo of gwyneth paltrow pictures photos
Ugh, man, I’m going to totally hate myself for saying this, but isn’t Gwyneth Paltrow cute without makeup? I know that’s probably precisely what she wants to hear from us (the commoners), and she’s probably going to ride this high horse for the next six years—at least—but I had to say it. I’m sorry. Sometimes I just can’t lie when it comes to certain celebrities, and though it’s unfortunate that it’s all about Gwyneth Paltrow this time, I couldn’t do it now, either.

This is Gwyneth, no makeup, running errands in the rain while in London. And it’s apparent—personal feelings aside—that girlfriend is even striking when she doesn’t have a full face of powder and contouring paste and fake eyelashes on.

How do all you guys feel about girlfriend? Is she a self-righteous twat little flower no matter what she looks like? Or should we cut her some slack and say, “Hey. Maybe she’s not as miserably self-involved as she comes off”?

Gwyneth - what is it?
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Celebrities Reveal Their Favorite Sex Positions

photo of gwyneth paltrow on the conversation pics
From Starpulse:

Celebrity guests on the premiere episode of Amanda De Cadenet’s new chat show “The Conversation” were quizzed about their favorite sex positions.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Zoe Saldana, Jane Fonda and Sarah Silverman were all asked what makes them most comfortable in intimate settings.

The racy question raised eyebrows for Fonda and prompted de Cadenet’s longtime pal Paltrow to shriek, “What?”

Silverman said, “I do enjoy a good sound missionary-ing… and I like to be manhandled.”

Saldana replied, “I like missionary and I like being on my knees too. And I love being on top… I love doggy-style or standing up.”

Candid Fonda offered: “While I am quite flexible and I can kneel, it’s not quite as comfortable for me as it used to be before I had a fake knee… (I like to be) either lying down or sitting up on a couch with him coming on to me, no pun intended.”

After her initial shock, Paltrow added, “I’m down with all of them.”

Ha! Of course Gwyneth Paltrow was all taken aback by the question. God, she probably hasn’t had sex since Brad Pitt back in 1997! And Sarah Silverman, peh. For as raunchy and down-and-dirty nasty as she pretends to be, you’d think she’d have come up with a better answer than “I do enjoy a good sound missionary-ing …” because what? She feels the need to play coy to The Conversation‘s easy-to-offend audience? No, because the audience isn’t easy to offend, but Sarah likes to pander to whomever she sees as important for the minute. OK, I’m done ranting about Sarah Silverman for right now. Needless to say, she’s not one of my favorite people in Hollywood, but if you’ve been here as long as I have, you probably already knew that.

Jane Fonda is still totally hot for her age (which is seventy-four if you can believe it), and her detailed answer (minus the fake knee thing, all that was successful in was making me cringe with my whole spirit) was, by far, the best and least-rehearsed, but I’m thinking she should probably elaborate the whole “sitting on a couch” thing, because that just sounds frightening and geriatric, at best.

Zoe Saldana did best with what she had to work with, and gave us a peek into what a very active sex life with People’s Sexiest Man Alive was probably like. Don’t be jealous.

Did you guys watch The Conversation this past weekend?

Gwyneth Paltrow Got Checked Out in NYC by Some Seinfeld-Looking Dude

photo of gwyneth paltrow pictures new york city photos
Normally I wouldn’t give two shits about Gwyneth Patrow and her pretentious ass walking around New York City looking like a pretentious ass, but I saw these photos today and they gave me pause. You know why? Because last night I watched a movie that I never really thought I’d end up seeing, and it was honestly pretty good. Know what it was? Country Strong. It was GOOD, guys. Have any of you seen it? Generally, I’m a sucker for cheesy-ass movies, but I won’t see them ’til at least eighteen months after they’re “new,” and this was no exception. I remember writing about Country Strong a year and a half ago, saying that it looked really awful and really cheesy, but really good at the same time, and that I’d inevitably end up seeing it. And I did! It’s so funny how things work out sometimes.

I do realize that the movie’s pretty old already by modern standards, but I wanted to talk about it for a second. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie already, I’m going to tell you right now: spoiler. Huge spoiler. Ready? Here comes the spoiler! Gwyneth Paltrow—or Kelly Canter, in the film—kills herself. Kills herself. Total surprise right there.

You begin the movie kind of empathizing with her while she’s in rehab for alcoholism, and when she’s checked out too soon and forced back onto the touring circuit by her douchebag husband (who you end up empathizing with later on in the movie, oddly enough, because he’s just a sad old man), she relapses one, two, three times, and blows two shows, and then you’re like, “Ugh, this dumb bitch is just like Lindsay Lohan. I have no hope for her.” Then, later on, she gets seedy seedy seedy, and ends up pole dancing at a dive bar and f-cking her grody tour manager because she doesn’t want her last show to be cancelled. That’s when you start pitying her. And when you find out that she was in rehab because the prior year she’d taken a ten-foot tumble off-stage while five months pregnant and wasted, you’re kind of appalled and piteous and maybe a little sympathetic, too. She blows her last show out of the water, people think she’s “healed,” and then she goes and locks herself in her dressing room and OD’s on pills. She dies. Mindf-ck.

There’re other, more secondary storylines going on that involve Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester and love and not making the same grand mistakes that Gwyneth’s character did and blah blah blah, but guys! I don’t know. I’m still floored by the fact that after all that, she kills herself.

Anyway. Here’s the other photo of the Jerry Seinfeld lookalike checking Gwyneth out in NYC. Enjoy.

photo of gwyneth paltrow pics

I Can’t Tell If This Is An April Fool’s Joke Or Not

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

I need your help. In exchange for not April Foolin’ you guys, I need you to help me review this story and figure out whether or not it’s a joke. That’s fair, right?

The story is actually an article supposedly written by Gwyneth Paltrow for L.A. Weekly. In the article, she gives a recipe for quail egg pasta with black truffles, “a quick fix for busy moms everywhere.” The recipe requires lots of fancy ingredients, such as a black truffle that, if you can’t find locally, you can order online for a little over four hundred dollars (Gwyneth calls it “a little exy but so worth it”). She goes on with her special brand of pretentiousness and failed humor, and for the most part, I can really believe her saying it. But some parts are pretty out there, like when she mentions her children taking classes like “Microbiotics in the 18th Century” and “Beekeeping for Urban Babies.” Even then though, I really don’t think it’s completely impossible that this is real.

Check it out for yourself, then let me know, ok?

My close friend and confidant Victoria Beckham and I were just discussing over brunch how stressful it is being busy moms in heels. It’s insane. Between reading emails, making vision boards with Isabel Marant, and researching the most effective psyllium husk, there’s very little time to whip together a quick, healthy, committed and tolerant weekday night dinner for your family.

So I created this recipe for a yummy Quail Egg Pasta that is so truly amazing and entirely original but most importantly: a quick fix for busy moms everywhere.

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