Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

Love It or Leave It: Gwyneth Paltrow for Hugo Boss

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

When I first saw this lame perfume ad, I thought that the name of the product was Boss Nut. Obviously, it’s Boss Nuit, and those of you with fancy book learnin’ probably already know that nuit is French for “night,” but I don’t care about that. What I care about is the sweet, sweet smell of Boss Nut.

And see, that whole thing right there? Misreading the name of the perfume, then realizing that I had misread it and giggling like a preteen boy over the word “nut”? That was a million times more interesting to me than Gwyneth Paltrow in this ad. Honestly, if she’s not saying something that’s preposterously pretentious or laughably trying to sell people a shapeless white t-shirt for $90, then I really couldn’t care less.

But just in case you want to see more boring Gwyneth, here’s the TV spot for the perfume:

I’m actually alarmed by how much I don’t care about this. Well, about the ad itself – I’d give anything to get a good solid whiff of that Boss Nut.

Now Introducing The GOOP Collection!

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “man, I wish Gwyneth Paltrow would design some clothes”? Do you read GOOP newsletter after GOOP newsletter, desperately wishing that you can find affordable, adorable basics envisioned by none other than the GOOP herself? Then I’ll be honest, you’ve got a lot of time on your hands and some weird ideas about what’s important, but my opinion doesn’t matter, because your wish finally came true!

Yes, Gwyneth teamed up with some actual clothing designers to make a limited edition GOOP collection. But it’s only available in the U.S., the clothes are neither affordable or adorable, and let me just go ahead and show you the clothes, all right?

There are only two items right now. The first is a pair of jeans:

To be fair, those look like some nice jeans. They’re $200 though. I guess that’s a reasonable price for a pair of fancy designer jeans, but I really don’t know, I’m a bargain shopper. The weird thing about the pants is that they’re available in sizes 24-32, which is really confusing to me. That has to be a waist measurement, right? It’s obviously not 24-32 in traditional women’s sizes, because I’m sure Gwyneth wouldn’t make pants solely for fatties. But in what world does sizing women’s pants by a waist measurement alone make sense? Did GOOP forget about hips?

Anyway, here’s the second item:

This is where it gets comical. That’s a white t-shirt with black piping on the shoulders and the sides. It is $90. Is this supposed to be a joke? Because I’m pretty sure I could grab one of my boyfriend’s old t-shirts and hot glue some ugly ass cord all over it and have a pretty similar looking shirt. Also, the shirt only comes in one size that “comfortably fits U.S. sizes 0-8.”

Basically, if you’re around Gwyneth Paltrow’s size, live in the U.S., and have about $300 to blow, this incredibly boring outfit could be all yours! Act now while supplies last! Or, you know, run down to the Goodwill and recreate this whole look for less than $10. Or find another outfit that’s actually cute. The choice is yours!

Blind Items, Revealed!

Today is a magical day. Or, well, yesterday was a magical day, but Sarah and I were busy celebrating America’s birthday, so we’re just getting to the magic today. See, yesterday CDAN revealed tons and tons of blind items. Let’s stop with the preamble and get right to those, all right?

This A list celebrity and former singer who seems to always wear sunglasses was out over the weekend when she stopped to watch a woman on the street singing for money. The celebrity said, “You are better than I ever was. Honestly, so is everyone.” She then actually laughed and dropped $500 into the bucket.

Who could that be? Any guesses? You don’t have to guess, because we already know it was Victoria Beckham! See how fun this is? It’s only just beginning!

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Quotables: Nas is An Idiot

photo of gwyneth paltrow and nas pictures

“I would slap the s*** out of somebody for Gwyneth Paltrow. She’s the homie, she’s cool. Gwyneth gets a pass. Real people get a pass. We know what this s*** is. We don’t interrupt Italians when they say ‘Wop’ to each other. They gonna punch you in the mouth if you interrupt that. Don’t interrupt us. We pick and choose. … Some might not feel the same way. Some of us will get angrier about it than others; but some people get a pass. The people that I know who are cool and real n****s, Gwyneth Paltrow is a real n****, that’s my homie. That’s how I’m on it. Some people get a pass.”

So is that how this all is? Because I’m afraid I just don’t get it. Here’s a quick suggestion: how about we ALL stop saying the offending word (people of all races), and be done with it? Then no one feels insulted, excluded, faked out, shit on, oppressed, or revered. Will that work for everyone?

Whatever. Nas is a pretentious idiot anyway.

Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow’s a Racist Now, is Tweeting the N-Word

Gwyneth Paltrow on WhoSay

That photo up there is from Gwyneth’s Twitter account, and the photo was captioned with the following:

Ni**as in Paris for real

And people are FREAKING THE F-CK OUT. All sorts of media outlets are reporting Gwyneth as racist, and claim that she’s spreading hate messages all over the internets. And it’s seriously one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard in my lifetime. Gwyneth Paltrow, racist? Please. Racism is so not cool, so there’s no way she’d be a part of it, even if she really *did* have racial sentiments. Second, Gwyneth Paltrow is known to be close friends with Jay-Z and Beyonce, and has professed her love for rap in the past. That kind of behavior definitely doesn’t trigger a “RACIST!” response within me, sorry. Last? It’s the damn title of the song. And she was IN PARIS. How quickly people turn their selective memories off and on.

I’m not Team Gwyneth in, like, practically anything, but come on. Even I have to defend her from this kind of garbage. Jeez.

Kim Kardashian Has A New Twinsie!

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow and Kim Kardashian

Last year, Gwyneth Paltrow wore an awful, awful dress to the Emmys. She should never have worn it in the first place, but if she absolutely had to, then it should have been stripped from her body and burned by her servants immediately after the event. Of course, that’s how things would go in a perfect world. Since this world isn’t perfect, Kim Kardashian wore the same awful dress to a party in Cannes.

This is interesting because Kim and Gwyneth are both pretty unlikable ladies, and if they’re both wearing the same unlikable dress, well, then we’ve got a whole mess of horrible then, don’t we? The question is which of these two looks less awful.

Here’s another shot of Gwyneth:

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

And here’s Kim:

A photo of Kim Kardashian

Man, I really, really despise that dress. That being said, I think Kim might pull it off just a little better. Gwyneth has more of a straight figure, where Kim (obviously) has a lot more curves. I think those curves make the top stay in place a little better, so it’s not so obvious that this is a damn formal belly shirt. As the late, great Whitney Houston said, it’s not right, but it’s ok.

But what do you guys think?

Who wore it better?
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Gwyneth Paltrow Reveals The Best Compliment She’s Ever Received

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

I’ve received some pretty nice compliments in my day. I’ve had a few people tell me that they like the way I speak, which is nice. One time I had this big financial aid crisis in college, and I thought I wasn’t going to be able to finish on time without summer classes or extra credits, and for my broke ass self attending my insanely expensive college, that wasn’t going to work. I cried in my professor’s office, and when it turned out that everything was actually in order and I didn’t have anything to worry about, he told me that I had magical unicorn tears that could cure cancer, which was also a good one. One of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten though came from one of my friends, this wacky, amazing girl, who would often tell me how beautiful I was. We’d be having lunch, and she’d just look at me and say something like “Emily, you look like the Mona Lisa,” and then go on about my eyes or my smile or whatever. Compliments are nice, aren’t they?

But if I’ve gotten such nice compliments, just think about what sort of compliments a gorgeous, glamorous celebrity like Gwyneth Paltrow has gotten. I can’t even begin to imagine all the wonderful things that she’s heard about herself, can you? I’m sure us lowly common folk wouldn’t be able to handle such high praise.

So what’s the best compliment Gwyneth Paltrow has ever received then?

“It’s whenever flight attendants tell me my kids are the most polite fliers they’ve ever seen, and when someone tells me they’ve gotten something great out of”

Really? Those are the best compliments you’ve ever gotten, Gwyneth? Your kids can behave themselves on flights and people like your website? I don’t know what I’m more surprised about, the fact that that was her answer or the fact that anyone has actually benefited from that dumb site.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever gotten?