Is there anything that Gwyneth Paltrow can’t do? Really, I’m not trying to be a smart ass here or anything, I’m just wondering if anyone knows of one thing that Gwyneth Paltrow cannot do, because I’m having a hard time. She can sing and dance, she can save your relationship, and she can pull off a formal cape. Oh, and she can also predict the future, because she’s already claiming to know all that lies ahead for Beyonce‘s little bundle of joy, Blue Ivy.
From Us Weekly:
She’s only seven-weeks-old, but BlueIvyCarter is destined to become a star like her parents BeyonceKnowles and Jay-Z.
“She is going to be an entertainer,” Gwyneth Paltrow, 39, explained to Hollywood Life at the Governor’s Ball Sunday. “She just has this glow around her like her mother.”
Paltrow has been close pals with the hip-hop power couple for more than a decade. “Beyonce is doing great,” Paltrow said of the first-time mom, who welcomed Blue Ivy in New York City on January 7. “She’s just a natural at being a mom.”
As for Blue Ivy? “She’s stunning,” Paltrow gushed. “She has the most beautiful eyes.”
I don’t know, you guys, I kind of have some doubts with this one, mostly because every time I’ve hung out with a person who happened to be seven weeks old, my thoughts were more along the lines of “why are you making that weird face, is it because you’re pooping?” and “man, remember when you had that umbilical cord thing or whatever hanging off your tummy? Weird.” I don’t think I’ve ever predicted a child’s future career before, say, a few months.
See? Isn’t that definitely a cute little bitty baby and not at all a wad of clothes jammed under a blanket? PRECIOUS!
February 29, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
In case you forgot, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and it’s so important that you do everything right for your significant other. Do you understand that? Nothing else matters right now other than you not screwing up that special day tomorrow for your partner, and nobody knows that better than Gwyneth Paltrow. And since Gwyneth is such a sweetheart, she’s taken it upon herself to put together a step-by-step guide for you to give to your lover so that he doesn’t mess everything up tomorrow. That Gwyneth, always such a gem!
Gwyn went ahead and made a timeline so Valentine’s Day can run as smoothly as possible. The first step is to print out the guide and leave it somewhere for your “other half” to find because “they’ll get the hint.” Tee-hee!
Doing something romantic for your loved one on Valentine’s Day is sweet. Doing something sweet for your loved one on any other day is romantic. Here are some tips on how to bring some Valentine’s Day magic to any time of day on any day of the week, without busting your wallet or schedule.
The first step is to be done at 7 AM, or whenever your girlfriend rolls her ass out of bed:
Surprise them by pre-loading a playlist onto their Ipod (or getting a mix onto whatever device they use to listen to music) with whatever songs are significant to you two. You’ll be on their mind throughout their morning run, commute, etc.
The next step should happen at 8 AM, or, again, whenever that lazy bitch you’re dating finally decides to get up:
While breakfast in bed on a Saturday is lovely, breakfast in bed on a weekday is completely unexpected, and truly special. We’ve listed some super-simple recipes for even the most culinarily-challenged that can be prepared in five minutes or less to bring some unexpected romance to an otherwise normal day.
The recipes that Gwyneth lists are for a berry yogurt parfait, an “easy, cheesy omelet,” and a “super-simple side salad.” Oh, and “don’t forget a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and French press coffee.”
Here’s what you do at 11 AM:
Set an alarm on their phone to go off at this time that tells them to check their 1. pant pocket 2. wallet pocket 3. purse pocket, or whatever place you think they would not have naturally checked by now. In this pocket, you have placed either a love note, tickets to a play/movie/event that evening, a gift card to their favorite store, or an address and time of where and when they should meet you for a surprise evening activity of your choice.
Ok, then at 3 PM, you have to send flowers. But not just any flowers, flowers that have crafts attached to them. See, if you’re in love, you’ll take time to cut out little hearts, write special messages on them, attach each heart individually to each flower, and then deliver them yourself. Because you don’t have a job or anything.
At 6 PM, you’re supposed to prepare a “simple dinner” for your lover. Gwyneth suggests Chicken Paillard.
Then, at 10 PM, you’re finally supposed to have sex, but be sure at get the Kama Sutra kit and the sex book that Gwyneth recommends. You can never be too prepared!
Oh, and Gwyneth mentions that “if you happen to be single,” you can just do all these things with your BFF or whoever. Hope that Kama Sutra kit isn’t too awkward for that.
So that just about covers it! Does everyone feel comfortable about what you need to do tomorrow or what you need to tell someone else to do? All right then, good luck, and enjoy your easy cheesy omelet tomorrow morning!
February 13, 2012 at 7:30 am by Emily
Yesterday, Jenn brought you guys a quote that Gwyneth Paltrow gave about cheating and cheating cheaters in Harper’s Bazaar, and today, I’m bringing you some additional quotes from the interview. You’re pumped, aren’t you? I can tell! You should be especially pumped if you’re one of those people who love to hate Gwyneth Paltrow, because she really gives a bit of ammunition in this here interview.
From Harper’s Bazaar:
On looking good and working out: “I’ll take my wrinkles,” she says. “I don’t like the Botox thing.” But she does enjoy sunshine for the vitamin D, despite “my dermatologist yelling at me.” (She admits to “little things, like lasers” and regular facials, often with the London-based Vaishaly Patel.) Today, like every other weekday morning, she has spent an hour and a half with her trainer, Tracy Anderson, doing dance aerobics and a precise series of exercises that changes every 10 days. The aim, she says, is “that you’re muscular, but you don’t get used to anything.”
On nutrition: “I have a lot of inflammation in my system, so I’m not having anything I’m allergic to—no gluten, no dairy, no sugar.” The trigger for these seasonal detox sessions, she says, is recognizing her physical symptoms: “I’ll wake up exhausted; I can feel my adrenal cortex being really high. When I get into bed, my heart will pound, my skin won’t be good, I’ll feel cranky, and then I’ll just know it’s time.”
On eating: “I eat whatever I want. I like bread and cheese and wine, and that makes my life fun and enjoyable.” But an outline of her regular diet, along with the rest of her timetable, reveals a model of restraint. She’s up every morning around 7:00 with her two children, Apple and Moses (seven and five, respectively). “I don’t really like eating that early, so I usually just have coffee and then a couple of bites of their leftovers, like granola and yogurt or scrambled eggs.”
On the family: Her husband, Chris Martin, is hugely supportive of Goop. Today he is covering for Gwyneth with the kids in between duties as lead singer of Coldplay and planning a world tour to promote the band’s latest album. The two of them seem affectionately relaxed together—”he’s very communicative,” she says, “which is rare for a British man”—at ease with their nine-year relationship and their roles as parents. “If I’m in L.A. for three days working, then my husband does the school run; it’s always one of us,” although they do have a nanny for the children. “She’s French, so she’s teaching them French, and their previous nanny was Spanish, so they’re fluent in Spanish.” But it’s Gwyneth who gives the children their bath—”we all get into the tub together”—and she’s the one who cooks dinner for them before Apple and Moses go to bed at 8:00.
On her daughter’s fashion sense: Nowadays she sees her dresses through the eyes of Apple, for whom she is archiving her wardrobe. “I’ve been saving my clothes for her since before she was born. I was like, I’ll bet you anything I’ll have a daughter, and she’ll be a really cool butch lesbian and be so above clothes, and I got a very clothes-obsessed child. So if she’s a lesbian, she’s a lipstick lesbian. She doesn’t like anything avant-garde at all. She likes anything that’s pretty, pretty, pretty or has a bow or a ruffle or is pink.”
On being an anti-feminist: “I have little kids in school. I want to maintain my marriage and my family, so I have to be here when he comes home.” Hence her recent advice to a girlfriend (who remains tantalizingly unnamed): “She is an actress and in a new relationship with someone else with a big career, and I said this may not be feminist, but you have to compromise. It’s been all about you and you’re a big deal. And if you want what you’re saying you want—a family—you have to be a wife, and that is part of the equation. Gloria Steinem may string me up by my toes, but all I can do is my best, and I can do only what works for me and my family.”
Ok, to be fair (which is so hard when it comes to this woman), Gwyneth didn’t really say anything too terrible, right? Even though she said that “Gloria Steinem may string me up by my toes,” I don’t think what she said is that bad at all. The family bath bit is weird, but not insanely so – I took showers with my mom when I was little, like three or so, and I always took baths with my female cousins. I know tons of moms who bathe with their children to save time or because the kid wants to, but none of those moms have kids who are seven or five. Really, I just wish she would shut the hell up about eating and food and nutrition and ugh. Nobody cares about your adrenal cortex, Gwyn. Trust.
February 2, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
You have to admit, way back in the 1990s Gwyneth Paltrow had a fresh-faced earnestness that really was sort of alluring. (I used to do a Clueless/Emma sleepover double-feature, and Gwyneth Paltrow is cute as a bug. No kidding!)
So I cannot imagine anyone cheating on poor Gwyneth, least of all when she was in the prime of her rosy-cheeked youth. In the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar Paltrow names no names, but she does allude to a certain boyfriend who caused her strife:
“I had a boyfriend who used to cheat on me all the time,” says the Oscar winner, 39, who dated Brad Pitt from 1994 to 1997, and Ben Affleck from 1997 to 2000. (She tells the mag she was “not happy” in her 20s, when she first became a star and dated Pitt, 48, and Affleck, 39.)
“I was quite naive,” she says of being cheated on by her unnamed guy. “I knew on a cellular level, but I bought his story.”
Although she points out that she and Martin, 34, have been faithful, she says (as she has in the past), “I have friends who I love and admire who have had an affair. When I was younger, I would have said he’s a terrible person or she’s a terrible person. But who made these laws?”
Ugh. That is just plumb awful.
Worse, there are only so many people Paltrow’s lyin’, cheatin’ boyfriend could have been. And the top contenders are Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck. Yeesh. I consider myself a gambling woman, but I am not even touching this one.
Judging only from the slim soundbytes we have, it’s easy to see that whatever happened still haunts Paltrow a little bit. But I appreciate how adult she is being about old pain, how much she has matured.
Because it’s true! Sometimes decent people cheat. I’m not “for” it or anything—I have a pretty plain black-and-white sense of morality, usually—but there are some things that people do, and with age you find yourself letting some of that go.
Sure, I roll my eyes at Gwyneth a little, but she sounds like a good egg.
February 1, 2012 at 11:30 am by Jenn
Not her youth, mind you – she was too busy palling around with people like JFK Jr., and the like, but you get the general idea. She’s living vicariously through someone that existed in the eighties and nineties who may or may not have been much cooler, and she’s taking advantage of the benefits of casting directors who need their eyes checked and can’t distinguish a “bright, fresh-faced twentysomething” for an “aging, barefaced early-fortysomething.”
The look (I’m hoping, anyway, because I’m hearing that this is how she actually SHOWED UP to the set of her new movie) is for a new film, Thanks for Sharing, which centers around three people being treated for sex addiction. And in that getup, she looks like one of the addicted, rather than a self-involved, hoity-toity doctor who treats them.
How about it?
October 13, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Sarah
Poor, wonderful Maurice Sendak. The author-illustrator of countless, timeless children’s books (Where the Wild Things Are, say, or Chicken Soup with Rice) is, at age 83, still hard at work. His latest, Bumble-Ardy, was published last month.
Last month, NPR broadcast a poignant interview with Maurice Sendak on Fresh Air and, at least among his friends, he’s jovial and lively. Listening to Sendak, it turns out, is a perfect way to spend 20 spare minutes. Only near that interview’s end did Sendak become even remotely gloomy or dour. He spoke of loss: “I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can’t stop them,” he told NPR’s Terry Gross. “They leave me and I love them more.”
But he recently gave a very, very different interview to The Guardian (via Jezebel and Vulture). It isn’t an altogether dour interview; Sendak maintains a certain conviviality, I guess, even as he describes the contempt he has for, um, pretty much everybody.
But by the Guardian interview’s brutal conclusion—and “brutal” is the word, because most of his insults are lobbed rapid-fire, right at the end of the conversation—Maurice Sendak has become so cartoonishly cantankerous, I was genuinely flicking little tears away from my eyes:
And with that he’s off again. Of Salman Rushdie, who once gave him a terrible review in the New York Times, he says: “That flaccid f—khead. He was detestable. I called up the Ayatollah, nobody knows that.” Roald Dahl: “The cruelty in his books is off-putting. Scary guy. I know he’s very popular but what’s nice about this guy? He’s dead, that’s what’s nice about him.” Stephen King: “Bullsh—t.” Gwyneth Paltrow: “I can’t stand her.”
Whoa, hey now! What?
And then that’s it! No further explanation! Why, Mr. Sendak? Why all the cattiness for Gwyneth!
Image via the Guardian.