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Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Flees To Fox

elisabeth hasselbeck the view

Looks like the incredibly boring rumors are true — Elisabeth Hasselbeck is leaving The View and will be joining Fox & Friends on Fox News. I’m guessing both sides got equally sick of each other and Hasselbeck got her dream job at Fox News — any job at Fox News is her dream job — and off she went. Here’s her incredibly boring statement, via ABC News:

I have been a long-time fan of ‘Fox & Friends’ and am excited to be joining their team in September as it is an honor to call the Fox News Channel my new television home

And here is how ABC is saying, “Bye, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out”:

For a decade, Elisabeth Hasselbeck has brought her passion and strong beliefs to “The View.”  We watched her journey from newlywed to motherhood, an Emmy Award-winning talk show host, author, entrepreneur and activist. She stood behind her political views even if they were not the most popular opinions at the table never shying away from voicing a difficult question.  We thank Elisabeth and wish her luck as she begins this new chapter of her career.

Who honestly read that to the end? Don’t worry everyone, Barbara Walters made sure to leave pun-filled statement:

When Elisabeth survived ‘Survivor,’ we wanted to make sure she would stay afloat. We have had 10 wonderful years with her and she will now be swimming in new waters. We will miss her and wish her everything good.

Sure.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Wrote a Poem About Osama’s Death That’s Even Dumber Than You’d Imagine

(Skip directly to the 1:39 mark if you want to save as many brain cells as possible.)

We’ve always known that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is basically one of the most ignorant people on television, but you’ll absolutely die when you hear the poem that she wrote to explain the death of Osama Bin Laden to her children.

On this morning’s Hot Topics, the ladies were discussing whether or not it was appropriate for the government to release the photo of Bin Laden’s dead body so that we all could be sure that he’s actually dead. I’d like to get into what all of y’alls think about that in the comment section (I personally can live the rest of my life without seeing a photo of a dead monster,) but first I’d like to focus on how sad/scary little Elisabeth’s brain is.

Ready for the poem?

Osama Bin Laden was a very bad guy/He hurt many people, don’t ask me why/We shot him in the head and now he is dead/Now close your eyes and go to bed

She also added that she’d finish off the poem by telling her kids, “don’t ask Mommy any more questions!”

Hey, if anyone out there is confident that ignorance is going to be wiped out within the next few generations, don’t hold your breath. There are other moms out there who are just as bad at explaining the world to their children as Elisabeth, and it seems like we’ll be dealing with at least a percentage of the population being practically mentally retarded forever.

How about this, Elisabeth? If your kids are too young to have this issue explained to them, why not just keep them out of the loop on this one, even if they ask? Change the subject or tell that that you’ll explain it when they’re a bit older. Also, how about not using the phrase, “shot in the head,” around your toddlers? I dunno, seems like that would raise more questions than just about anything you could say to them. Also, how about sterilization?

Just throwing that one out there, sorry for all the questions.

Idiot.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Is a Huge Bitch

If there is one “celebrity” that makes my skin crawl, it’s that little goody two-shoes, stick-up-her-ass, wet blanket Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Not only does this woman give Republicans a bad name, but she’s inarticulate, passive-aggressive and generally childish. Exhibit A: Her reaction to Kathy Griffin on this morning’s episode of The View.

Now, it’s no secret that Kathy has dished on Elisabeth in her stand up and that the two have radically different political views, but while most people are able to put politics aside and see the humor in Kathy’s roast-like stand up act, Elisabeth just broke down. Throughout the entirety of Kathy’s interview, Elisabeth stayed silent only piping up to ask loaded questions about her stance on Obama and the state of the White House. At one point, Kathy is talking about the work she’s done to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and Elisabeth absentmindedly stares at her fingernails.  She also paused at one point to stretch and yawn. During an interview on a televised talk show. If that doesn’t qualify someone as a bitch, then I don’t know what does.

Toward the end of the second segment (check it out after the jump), Elisabeth tries to defend herself to Kathy, asking her if she’s uncomfortable being around the people that she’s bashed in her act. Kathy came back with a “I live for it, bitch!” and Elisabeth quickly backed down, but it was clear that she didn’t “get it”. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is her own worst enemy because she’s ignorant. She cannot see outside of her tiny world. In a way, we need someone as thick-headed as her on television to use an example of how dangerous stupidity can be.

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