Honestly, if this was just a three second clip of Courtney Stodden claiming that she’s saved many lives, that would be enough for me. But it’s not, you guys. Well, it is, but it’s so much more than that, too. It’s three minutes and 54 seconds from the new season of Couples Therapy, featuring Courtney and her creeper husband, Doug Hutchison, JoJo from K-Ci and JoJo, and a bunch of other people who are apparently somewhat famous. And it’s wonderful.
Just look at those stupid shapes that Doug shaved onto the side of his stupid head. Just listen to Courtney say “I call him Dad instead of Doug,” and Doug respond with a smile and a comment of “I’m raising my wife.” And then after you get your nausea under control, listen to Courtney tell the therapist that she forgets she’s married sometimes, and let’s all urge her to take that feeling and run, literally run with it. If you can handle it, keep watching until you see Doug’s cry face, and then push through a little more so that you can see Doug say “I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m more deeply in love with you than ever,” and Courtney’s “whatever” face in response. It’s so worth it, you guys. It’s so incredibly worth it.
September 26, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily
Oh man. What a ripe, hot mess this is going to be. That being said? I’m totally going to watch it.
This is another exclusive clip from the new marriage counseling-reality show called Couples Therapy that VH1′s peddling, because really, what’s a better solution to fixing your dysfunctional, famewhore-based relationship than to televise it for the world to see? This is going to be a goldmine.
In the clip, you can see another contestant (or whatever you’d call people in this particular set of game show-like circumstances) saying that Courtney is “trash,” prompting Doug to get up off his weird ass, while starting to throw down with the naysayer. Later, when Doug is asked why he couldn’t just wait to hit it with Courtney when she turned eighteen instead of being a total creeper, he claimed, “I didn’t want to!” whilst grinding all over her knee.
Quality programming, guys. Quality programming.
September 19, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah
All right, the fact that someone called Doug Hutchison a child molester isn’t all that astonishing or LOL worthy, considering that I’m pretty sure at least one of you guys do that every time we talk about this dude. But here’s where it gets good: someone called Doug Hutchison a child molester to his face.
If you’ll remember, Doug and his shooting star of a wife, Courtney Stodden, recently did a show called Couples Therapy, another VH1 masterpiece. While they were filming, Doug introduced himself to one of his co-stars, gossip blogger Nik Richie of The Dirty. Or, well, he tried to introduce himself, but Nik refused to shake Doug’s hand. He called Doug a child molester, and those were apparently the first and last words he ever said to him, because he wouldn’t acknowledge him afterwards. Doug was reportedly “deeply offended” and “extremely upset” by the whole thing. Bless his heart.
But you know, I don’t think Doug is a child molester, even though his 52-year-old ass did marry his darling bride at the tender age of 16. I think there’s a difference between a child molester and a dude who’s into 16-year-olds. I’m definitely not saying that Doug’s move wasn’t creepy or wrong or gross or any of those things, but he’s not a child molester.
But hey, at least we know that this show is going to be awesome now, right?
August 19, 2012 at 8:00 am by Emily
And I’m really sorry, you guys, but I think you might be disappointed.
It turns out that while Courtney Stodden is, in fact, filming a reality show, it’s not the show we had hoped for. It’s not a new show focusing on the wonderful life of Courtney Stodden, or a new show focusing on Courtney’s journey to become a porn star. It’s not a new show at all.
It turns out that Courtney – take a deep breath now – feels that her marriage to Doug is, despite all we’ve come to believe, NOT perfect. They’re doing the show so they can work on their issues, which, according to someone involved with the production, are due to “their age difference and the notoriety they’ve gotten because of their relationship.” I hope they work on what I’d imagine is the main problem though, which would be the fact that Courtney is way more famous than Doug’s ever been. That’s really got to hurt the old pride, right?
Whatever their issues are, I really hope they work it out. Even though, as Courtney said last year, “51 plus 16 equals sexy love.” Then what about 52 plus 17, Courtney? What does that equal, heartache and misery?
It’s so hard to believe in love anymore, you guys. Especially sexy love.
August 3, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Ha! Did you actually think she’d be at Target if she were spending her own? No, she’d be at a corner drugstore, scouring the seasonal clearance aisle for last holiday’s ‘A Christmas Story’-themed decor. See, Doug brings an element of class to a girl’s life, you know.
Doug and Courtney were out shopping this past weekend, where they picked up kitchen essentials like a rolling pin and a hand juicer.
Either that, or they were about to get into some really freaky shit that involved vegetables, homemade ball-gags, and extendable … never mind.
In related Doug-and-Courtney news, Courtney’s new single, ‘Reality’ hits iTunes tomorrow. CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT. Rumor has it that the song’s going to be blow her self-written anthem, ‘Don’t Put It On Me, Girl’ out of the water, but I’m having a hard time believing that, because really—what could possibly be better than this?:
Oh, right, yes. Her new single, ‘Reality’. Here’s a sample:
That’s quality work right there, folks. Will you be setting your alarms for midnight so you can be one of the first to buy Courtney’s new song?
April 30, 2012 at 4:30 am by Sarah
But of course I’m making a play on words here – I’d never insinuate that Courtney Stodden was an outright tramp – how ludicrous! I’m simply talking about the Disney flick, Lady and the Tramp, because they’re OBVIOUSLY reenacting the famous dog-eating-spaghetti scene. I’m not sure who’s supposed to be “Lady” and who’s supposed to be “Tramp,” but I think it’s a safe bet to say that Doug Hutchison is no tramp. I mean, Courtney’s probably the first chick he’s ever slept with (and that still triggers my gag reflex, even after Chocolate! Cheerios!), so there’s that, too.
Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day to you! Are you and your significant other doing anything special for the big day? I’m not a big fan of the day, myself. I think it’s a commercialized waste of time, celebrated in order to get people to indulge in consumerism and frankly get themselves in trouble if they don’t live up to others’ expectations. Seriously. I know people – actual, you know, adults – who’ve gone as far as to get into a week-long funk over what their boyfriend or girlfriend did or didn’t do for The Special Day. Come on. If your SO isn’t treating you well and making you feel valued the other 364 days out of the year, then maybe you’ve got even bigger problems than he or she not getting you a ginormous box of chocolates and a crooning greeting card.
Anyway, this set of photos depict what Courtney and Doug Hutchison did for their special day, and as you can tell, it all revolved around shared spaghetti dinners, mounting tables, and eating strawberries on small boats that D & C can’t afford to pull out of the marina.
Last, I think Courtney might be wearing a Victoria’s Secret thong with her bathing suit top. One, the black fabric’s color and texture don’t exactly match the top, and two, it looks just like a Victoria’s Secret thong. Note to Courtney, maybe? Don’t buy the expensive, over-priced bikini if you can’t afford both pieces. Sometimes there are concessions you have to make in life, and this might be one of ‘em, girl.