Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Doug Hutchison

Courtney Stodden Belongs on the Red Carpet All the Time

photo of doug hutchison and courtney stodden pictures
These photos are from the Markus + Indrani Icons book launch party which was held in Beverly Hills over the last few days. It was hosted by Carmen Electra, and proceeds to go to the Trevor Project, which is a foundation that helps prevent suicide among those in the LGBT community. Great cause, for sure, and Lady Gaga, naturally, just signed on as a sponsor of some sort, too, so there’s that.

What I want to talk about today, though, is not Lady Gaga and her business decisions—no, I want to talk about Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden and how they showed up to this thing under the misconception that it was a Halloween party, to which they decided to go as an 80′s pimp and his coked-out ho.

Isn’t this just the best thing all day long?

Hey, Your Breakfast Called, It’d Like Another Word With You

photo of courtney stodden and doug hutchison pictures
So guys, I’ve got a little story to tell you. See, yesterday morning I traveled to my home state of Pennsylvania for my obligatory every-three-year visit, and so, so much happened. Namely the fact that I spent almost entire seven hours in my vehicle carsick, at least until I crossed into the Pocono mountains, where I’m staying (more on that later), because I’m just not used to driving around in these mountains anymore. Seriously, these big old dips and bends and gullies—they were almost enough to make me pull over, and easily enough to give me the case of the belches and hiccups in an effort to keep the minimal food I’d eaten throughout the course of the day *because* of the carsickness, and that’s … well, that’s pretty gross.

That’s also kind of what happens when I look at this photo of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, because I literally haven’t been in my car for at least fourteen hours now—I’m safely tucked away in a friend’s country club vacation home, which, no joke, is f-cking haunted. I don’t know why they didn’t, you know, mention that to begin with, but I spent a good portion of last night wondering why wire hangers were rattling in closets and falling to the ground, or why the sink would turn on ever-so-slightly … so needless to say, I didn’t sleep very well last night. Which didn’t bode all that well with the sensitive condition of yesterday’s stomach, which, when exposed to Courtney Stodden’s comical boobs, Doug Hutchison’s mushroom pallor, and the kiss-mark of stanky red lipstick on Doug’s face, seriously. almost. made me lose it. altogether.

If I don’t run screaming from this vacation now, well. I’m a much, much stronger person than I’ve ever given myself credit for, and that’s a fact.

Love It or Leave It: Courtney and Doug’s Halloween Attire

A photo of Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden

This is awful. This is just terrible. Can you tell what Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison dressed up as for a Halloween party? Can you?

Courtney is a “sexy unicorn.” Doug is “King of the Unicorns.” And I am swimming in a sea of disgust and shattered dreams, because this is nothing but pure awfulness.

I just can’t even take this. A sexy unicorn, really? That would be like a “sexy Jesus” costume or a “sexy Mother Teresa” costume or a “sexy Robert Pattinson” costume. Some things in this world are just too pure and good, too deserving of respect and decorum, to be considered sexy, and to make them so is just so grossly misguided. The unicorn is one of those things. And Courtney will have to answer for what she’s done when the unicorns make themselves known. She will.

Also, if Doug Hutchison is King of the Unicorns, then I’m … I don’t know. Then I’m completely over everything, because this whole thing is a bag of lies and trouble, and I won’t have a part in it any longer.

Well, one more thing. Here’s a shot from the back:

A photo of Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden

Look at her hat, are those multiple horns?! And is she really wearing that tired old black bra with the clear straps under her corset? OVER IT.

What are you thoughts?

Images courtesy of Radar Online