Today's Evil Beet Gossip
David Bowie

David Bowie Is Making “Old Bump-And-Grind Stripper Music”

A photo of David Bowie

Last week, my boyfriend did this thing where he said “hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” And because I do this thing where I worry about every single thing that ever happens in my life (by the way, when I was talking to my therapist about this, do you know what she said? She said “just stop.” Seriously? And when she made me tell her about all the things I do to keep from worrying, she said “yeah, just stop.” And I was like “if I could just stop, I probably would have by now,” because come on, seriously?), I freaked out. But all he said was “you don’t seem too excited about that new Bowie album, is everything ok?” And I laughed, and the worry left my heart. And the wonder crept in.

It’s a new Bowie album, guys. David Bowie recorded new music, and he’s releasing it in March. That’s huge. I’ve loved that man for as long as I can remember, but I’ve just come to accept that I was just born in the wrong decade to be a truly gratified Bowie fan. At the tender age of 16, I started the long, hard road to acceptance. I told myself that I would never, ever, not ever, get to experience another Bowie album. I’d heard all there was to hear, and I resigned myself to that cruel fact.

What I’m saying is that I still can’t even believe this is happening. Maybe next month I’ll start being visibly excited about it. Maybe that will be the time that I start crying uncontrollably and shaving off my eyebrows as a show of dedication. But right now, I’m still in shock.

But just to pile onto this madness, we’re now learning about what’s going to be Bowie’s second single from the album. It’s a song called “Dirty Boys,” and his producer, Tony Visconti, had this to say about it:

“Dirty Boys, the second song on The Next Day, is dark and sexy … like stripper music from the 1950s. Old bump-and-grind stripper music… It wouldn’t be out of place on Young Americans.”

Oh, ok, so that’s just the best thing I’ve ever heard in my whole entire life. No big deal.

Don’t Freak Out, But David Bowie Just Released A New Song

A photo of David Bowie

Oh my god, I’m kidding. FREAK OUT, AND FREAK OUT HARD. This is the moment that we’ve been waiting for for ten whole years. David Bowie, probably one of the greatest gifts the world has ever been given, is making music again. Here’s his brand new single:

It’s called “Where Are We Now,” obviously, and it’s the first single off his new album, The Next Day. The album, if you can even believe it, is set to be released in March. It’ll be his first album in literally ten years – his last, Reality, was released in 2003.

Oh, and did you remember that today is David Bowie’s birthday? What kind of wonderful, beautiful person gives the whole entire world such an amazing gift on his own birthday? I’ll tell you what kind: the kind that is about to make my whole entire life by making new music.

Who else is excited?!

Mick Jagger and David Bowie Used to be Boyfriend and Boyfriend

photo of david bowie and mick jagger dancing in the street pictures
From the NY Daily News via Christopher Anderson’s new book, ‘Mick: The Wild Life and Mad Genius of Jagger’:

In 1973, Mick Jagger was still coy about his own sexual preferences, but Bowie made no effort to conceal the fact that both he and his wife were bisexual and often shared partners. “Mick looked at David and wondered if maybe this was the wave of the future,” said Leee Black Childers, former executive vice president of MainMan, the management firm that handled Bowie. “Mick was very conscious of doing whatever it takes to stay hot; David was the hottest thing around at the time.”

“It was the glitter era, and everybody wanted to be part of the bisexual revolution,” explained singer Chuckie Starr, who ran into Mick at a party in Beverly Hills the week that “Angie” hit number one. “Mick was no different. He was wearing rhinestones, blue eye shadow, and platform shoes.”

Angie Bowie also looked askance at the blossoming relationship between Mick and David, but for very different reasons. She thought her husband had nothing to gain from cozying up to Jagger, and that such a friendship might even cost him credibility with his hip, young fan base.

Bowie, who called Jagger Mike — never Mick — thought differently. Not only was he in awe of Mick’s ability to electrify audiences year after year, but he respected the veteran rocker’s songwriting talent and business savvy. “He thought Mick was a financial genius,” Angie said. “We all did.”

Bowie and Jagger were soon spotted everywhere together without their wives: sitting ringside at the Muhammad Ali-Ken Norton bout, hanging out at the London disco Tramp, yelling and stomping their approval at a Diana Ross concert, or just cuddling up together on a hotel room coach [sic]. Neither superstar complained when one enterprising photographer snapped the two men in a moment of repose, Bowie tenderly cradling Mick’s head in his lap. Bowie also took Mick to gay films. “David,” said British TV producer Kevin Kahn, “is a born proselytizer.”

By October 1973, the Bowies were living on Oakley Street, just a stroll from Cheyne Walk. Angie had been out of town for a few days when she returned home one morning and went straight to the kitchen to make some tea. The Bowies’ maid, who had arrived about an hour earlier, approached the lady of the house with a peculiar look on her face. “Someone,” she told Angie, “is in your bed.”
Angie went upstairs to her bedroom, slowly pushed the door open, and there they were: Mick Jagger and David Bowie, naked in bed together, sleeping. Both men woke up with a start. “Oh, hello,” said Bowie, clearly taken by surprise. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Angie replied. “Do you want some coffee?”

Mick, blinking awake, remained silent. Angie returned a few minutes later with coffee and orange juice on a tray. While it was not a case of coitus interrupts, Angie “felt absolutely dead certain that they’d been screwing. It was so obvious, in fact, that I never even considered the possibility that they hadn’t been screwing.”

Angie was upset at the time, unsure if David was serious about Mick — and, if he was, how she could ever compete with him. “Even though I cared,” she said, “there wasn’t much I was going to do about it . . . Maybe,” she tried to joke later, “they were writing ‘Angie’ when I caught them in bed together.”

OK, so, before anything goes any further, can I say that I definitely could see this happening? Come on. This was the era of the New Romance. For all we know, Catherine Zeta-Jones was in on this business, too. Count on it.

Have things changed so much that people would be shocked and outraged by this kind of behavior today? When all of this kind of same-sex cozying-up was publicly going on back in the late seventies and early eighties, would people like Jane Pitt still have a platform on which to speak her opinions? Well, yeah, they would, but there’s one thing that’s certain: it feels like there’s far, far more people who are apt to accept gender-bending celebrities and same-sex famous hookups back then it would be allowed for the common person these days.

Can’t we all just take a page out of Bowie‘s book and just let whatever things are, be? He is a god, after all. Thought you knew!

Chris Packham Keeps Quoting David Bowie Lyrics in His Nature Show

You don’t know who Chris Packham is? It’s cool, neither did I until a few minutes ago. Chris Packham is a wildlife expert on this show called Springwatch that airs on BBC. He is also amazing.

Chris Packham has taken it upon himself to fit in a David Bowie song title on the show whenever possible. And sure, some of them are easy – “Changes,” “Fame,” “Heroes,” for example – but some of them require much more talent. He sees a bird with a bright orange spot on top of his head, for instance, and calls him the “Ziggy Stardust” of birds. He calls a nest of young birds “All the Young Dudes.” He even manages to spot a bird that he refers to as “Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed.”

I know it might sound a little silly here, but you have to watch it to appreciate how seamlessly he manages to work in the 49 different song titles. Because yeah, he’s mentioned 49 different songs in 12 episodes. It’s inspiring, is what it is.

How many song titles did you notice?

Jimmy Fallon Presents: David Bowie + Tim Tebow = TEBOWIE

OMG, I just about peed when I saw this video earlier today. Granted, it’s not hard to make me have to pee these days – a good laugh or cough will bring it on – so I’m sure y’all understand.

This is Jimmy Fallon ripping off David Bowie‘s “Space Oddity,” (one of my favorite Bowie songs of ALL time, and if you guys have spent any amount of time here on Evil Beet, you’ll know that we’re big Bowie fans around these here parts) and if you don’t know who Tim Tebow is for whatever reason, he’s the uber-Christian quarterback for the Denver Broncos who’s been linked to Katy Perry (as if) and who’s playing against the New England Patriots in this weekend’s playoff matchup. Here’s the relatively hilarious lyrics to go along with the song, if you can’t view the video:

Tim Tebow to Jesus Christ
Tim Tebow to Jesus Christ
Can’t win by myself but with your help I might

Tim Tebow to Jesus Christ
Commencing 4th down “Hut, hut, hike”
Snap the football and may God’s love be with me

This is Jesus Christ to Tim Tebow
Please leave me alone
Don’t you know my day of rest is Sunday?
And I’m sick of watching all these Broncos games

I hear that you play New England next week
Dude, you’re on your own
Brady is too good and I got better things to do

So I passed 316 yards
There’s still two games to go
If I want to make it to the Super Bowl
And show everyone on Earth how to Tebow

Tim Tebow to Jesus Christ
The Broncos won we’re still alive
Come on everyone Tebow
Come on everyone Tebow
Come on everyone Tebow
Come on everyone Tebow

I know we don’t do a whole lot of football-talking around here, but I like it, it’s something that I’m into, and I’m actually pretty pumped about this upcoming weekend. Do you want to hear my picks? No? Too bad. You’re going to, and you’re going to like it. Or at least be OK with it and forgive me for the non-celebrity-ish-related post that I craftily snuck in under the guise of the delightful Jimmy Fallon and the legendary David Bowie and the really hot Tim Tebow.

I say Saints over 49ers, Broncos over Patriots, Ravens over Texans, and Green Bay over Giants. And THEN? Next week? I say it’s going to be Saints over Green Bay for a spot in the Super Bowl, and the Broncos over the Ravens for a spot in the Super Bowl.

So. I’m sorry. Really, I am. Were you able to get through that without gagging? Or, maybe, I don’t know, you liked it. Was that the case? Because if it was, I’ll give you a chance to voice your picks. Check it out if, you know, that’s your thing, too.

Saints and 49ers?

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Broncos and Patriots?

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Green Bay and Giants?

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Ravens and Texans?

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Last question! Now how do you feel?

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Happy Birthday, David Bowie!

A photo of David Bowie

Today is a very special day for me. No, for the world. And do you know why it’s such a special, wonderful, glorious day? It’s because on this day, 65 years ago, David Bowie was born. On this day in 1947, the universe gave us the most beautiful gift we could have ever hoped to receive. And it would be a crime not to celebrate that.

It’s hard for me to describe what David Bowie means to me, because really, it’s just so much. I had some rough times growing up. I’m not talking some horrendous abuse or anything like that, thank goodness, I’m talking more like getting pushed in the dirt on the playground because of my lazy eye or hearing my parents fight over and over because they found weed in my brother’s room and they didn’t know what to do about it. But, as I’m sure some of you have been able to gather, I’m a sensitive person, and those were my issues, and they bothered me a lot. But no matter what the kids said to me at school and no matter what family issues I was having, I could always put in my trusty VHS copy of Labyrinth and have a good time.

I used to pretend that the Goblin King came to take me away, and that my backyard was the labyrinth. When I went with my mom to the grocery store, I was pretending that I was riding into the Goblin City. Then, a few years later when high school and hormones and becoming a teenager absolutely kicked my ass, when every kid called me a nerd or a bookworm or fat or gross or worthless, I had Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane to keep me company. And, you guys, they were such good company.

That’s why I like to celebrate today, at least a little. Where the country dedicates holidays to figures who were so important to the people as a whole, I like to acknowledge the people who have been so important to me as an individual. And David Bowie is definitely, definitely someone important.

Now let’s celebrate through song!

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Love It or Leave It: Kate Moss Does Bowie

A photo of Kate Moss

I consider myself to be a pretty easygoing person. I can see the bright side in almost anything, and I try not to let things that bother me affect me too much. However there are some exceptions:

1. Lea Michele is the most annoying girl in Hollywood and she always manages to get under my skin.
2. You don’t make fun of Jessica Simpson. You can tease, but it always comes from a loving place. There is no excuse for being mean to Jessica Simpson.
3. David Bowie is sacred and he is not to be touched.

Yeah, I know I can get somewhat irrational over these things, but these are issues that are close to my heart, and I think it’s ok to believe in something. And that is why this Vogue cover of Kate Moss pulling a Ziggy Stardust bugs me so much. I know she’s done it before, and I know that it’s just one photo, but it’s the principal of the thing and it bothers me and I’m hormonal and get off my back, Mom, I’ll come get my books when I get a chance!

So what do you guys think of the photo?