First, what kind of toad wears sunglasses during an interview? Yes, right, David Arquette. Second, he’s in love already and wouldn’t go back to the woman who supported him for all of these years even if she begged for the sake of their daughter? This guy’s a winner.

Incidentally, he’s “in love” with Christine McLarty, who used to date Girls Gone Wild‘s Joe Francis. Cute, huh?

Well, all’s well that ends well, I guess. David Arquette and estranged wife Courteney Cox are still friends; in the meantime, Arquette is reportedly smitten with his new girlfriend, Christina McLarty.

But WHO IS CHRISTINA MCLARTY?!?! you might be wondering. I’m glad you asked. She is a reporter for Entertainment Tonight, and she is also the ex of “Girls Gone Wild” impresario Joe Francis. Harrowingly, the couple dated for four years; last November, they wed in a lavish “civil union” ceremony. (The best man? Quincy Jones.) McLarty’s partnership lasted a matter of weeks and, just like some short-term tenant, she’d packed her bags and moved out by December 1st. Jeesh.

But McLarty’s previous romantic entanglements are neither here nor there. In the end, I’m really only rooting for David Arquette, “the nicest person Dancing with the Stars has ever cast.” Keep a cool head, Arquette.

“I asked her about Dancing With the Stars and she said, ‘Well, initially I’m thinking no. But let me go to school and talk to Ashley about it. See what she thinks.’ I was like, ‘No, Coco, you can’t tell anybody! I’m sworn to secrecy.’ Hopefully I don’t embarrass her. When I dance, I look like I’m being electrocuted. Apparently there’s no real room for that in ballroom dancing.”

- David Arquette tells a few stories about about the adventures he’s had so far involving Dancing with the Stars. He also claims that Rob Kardashian has a “great ass just like his sister.”

I’m going to go ahead and guess that David Arquette is going to be a powerful force on this season‘s Dancing with the Stars. This guy is wacky, apparently sober, and a horrible dancer by his own admission, how could he not be wonderful?

I don’t know, guys. I was never really into Dancing With the Stars, and I was even more aghast when they asked Kate Gosselin to star on it for a season, so I’m sort of torn as to how I continuously feel about the show. I know it’s not going away anytime soon, and I’ve made my peace with that, but it seems like the execs over there at ABC are trying really, really hard to lure in the under-fifty crowd by including people like Bristol Palin, Kendra Wilkinson, and the majority of the new season’s cast. Who, you’re wondering? Try these names out for size:

Nancy Grace. Just when you thought her career wouldn’t extend past the Casey Anthony trial.

Kristin Cavallari. Because she’s just been dumped by someone who wasn’t even good enough to be considered for the sportsman position on DWTS, I guess.

Ricki Lake. Why not? It’s not like she’s done anything recently except play poker or something.

Chynna Phillips. Sure hope this one doesn’t lose the weight that most contestants do. SHE CAN’T AFFORD IT.

Hope Solo. This one’s going to be fun to watch. I saw an interview after all of the women’s soccer hubbub earlier this summer where she was asked about the possibility of joining the cast, and Hope claimed that, even though she’s mad athletic and coordinated on the field, she can’t dance for crap. I like this girl, so good times.

Jump in for the rest of *the list:

(more…)

Maybe she only likes him when she’s drunk he’s drunk.

Separated couple Courteney and David were photographed last night at the Roosevelt Hotel, apparently doing something that doesn’t involve humping the other’s leg or showing the Caribbean your nipples.

In related news, Jennifer Aniston and Courteney herself are on the outs, as Aniston feels that her former BFFFFFFFFFFF is stringing estranged husband David along, having flings on the side, and has no intention of getting back together with her husband. (Sounds to me like somebody’s still stinging over their own busted-up marriage that HAPPENED SIX YEARS AGO.)

All I know is that if I were trying to hook back up with my way-hotter wife, I certainly wouldn’t be showing up in public looking like that.

About a year and a half ago I got pretty brutally dumped by this dude and over the course of two months I went from being a total sadsack that would have killed to be his girlfriend again to relishing in his every failure. One day I was reporting my his most recent disappointment (which I’d learned about via Facebook because I’m so cool) and my friend said to me, “You wont be happy until that mother fucker is dead. You won’t be happy until he’s got his shit packed in plastic bags on a Greyhound bus on his way home to his mama’s house,” and I was like, “Oh my God. That’s the truest thing you ever said.”

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that that’s what Courteney Cox is doing to David Arquette. I was pretty sure that’s what was going down here before, but after seeing her awkwardly crash his appearance on Howard Stern yesterday, I’m certain of it.

There’s no way that Courteney didn’t know that Howard would go digging into the sad shitshow that is the current state of their relationship AND the fact that everyone thinks she’s getting porked by one of her co-stars. That’s what Howard does! But instead of letting David have his lousy hour in the spotlight, she came charging into his interview and made things all uncomfortable.

I’m already going to see Scre4m tonight, Courteney! No need for promotion! We were all alive in the late ’90s/early ’00s and are quite fascinated by the three movies that came before this one. Leave that poor man alone!