BITCH. Yup. A FAT BITCH. I couldn’t put that in the headline, because I’m pretty sure our advertisers would have our collective heads on a stake, and I just can’t be responsible for the skewering of Jenn and Emily’s pretty little heads, especially when they’re such nice, wonderful girls.
But truly, Kelly Osbourne called Christina Aguilera a fat bitch, and I love her for it. Not because, you know, I have anything against people of a certain body fat percentage, but because Christina Aguilera railed and railed on Kelly Osbourne for so long about being both fat and disgusting. Sometimes it’s interesting to see people take the opportunity of pointing karma out to their fellow man. It’s not exactly right, but it’s semi-entertaining nonetheless, you know?
On E!’s ‘Fashion Police,’ a conversation between Joan Rivers and Kelly Osbourne transpired, and it kind of went like this:
… After Joan Rivers, 78, said Aguilera looked “stuffed into” a Givenchy LBD at an event in Munich, Germany last month (and likened her to “Snooki’s Scandinavian cousin”), Osbourne chimed in: “Maybe she is just becoming the fat bitch she was born to be. I don’t know. She was a c**t to me. And she bought my house!”
Osbourne’s digs at 30-year-old Aguilera’s fluctuating weight didn’t end there. “She called me fat for so many f***ing years,” Osbourne continued, “so you know what? F**k you! You’re fat too.
There you have it – irony at its best, I suppose, though neither of the girls are particularly gross or fat.
But here’s the bottom line: who’d you rather – Christina or Kelly?
August 4, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah
These are recent photos of Christina Aguilera, leaving a recording studio in LA earlier in the week.
I give Christina props – she dropped the horrible red lipstick, pancake foundation, and fugly baloney curls and went with the more natural look that we all pretty much agreed flatters her probably more than anything else at this point possibly could.
Her hair still looks fried out and frizzy, but the crimps are way more stylish than the 40′s flapper type, and her face is still as round and puffy as the moon, but dude. The only thing that’s going to rectify that is PUTTING THE BOTTLE DOWN and BACKING AWAY FROM IT SLOWLY.
On the whole, looking good, girl – I’m feeling this whole sanitary look! Someone went Misikko!
June 24, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah
And in a completely unsurprising move, they performed it on the latest Voice episode. Which is kind of what I want to talk about. Is anyone actually watching this show? Seriously, I think I know one person who’s addicted to it. And I don’t even really “know” them, I just happened to hear them talking about how much they loooove it one day in passing. I mean, I don’t even see Facebook discussions about this show. I think that’s the true telling of something’s popularity these days, doesn’t it?
Do you guys (if any of you are, you know, watching it) think it’s going to be a one-and-done type thing, maybe kind of like the song that Adam and Christina performed, or do you think it’s here to stay?
June 22, 2011 at 7:30 am by Sarah
“I know what everyone was saying. And during that Grammy moment, when I nearly collapsed, I was thinking, Are you kidding me? I’ve always been really good with my heels. Even pregnant, I could perform in heels. Note to self: Never wear a train onstage. My heel got caught in my train, and if it wasn’t for Jennifer Hudson, who picked me up as I went down, I would have fallen to the floor. When it happened, it was just like, What else, God?! What else?! I threw my hands up in the air and started smiling, because what else could go wrong?”
Sure, Christina, it was the train that made you trip. And when you got arrested for being drunk in the passenger seat of a car, you were a victim. No really, that’s what she calls herself in this interview, a “victim of celebrity.” I would have pegged her for a victim of Jagerbombs and low self esteem, but perhaps that’s just me.
June 16, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily
My opinion? Despite the obvious Photoshop, this is the look that Christina needs to be going for.
What’s your verdict – do we like the more demure (and decidedly smaller-faced) version of Christina, or are we still digging on the bright red lips, platinum baloney curls, and heavy foundation?
Images courtesy of Cele|bitchy
June 14, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Sarah
Christina and her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, and a friend or a bodyguard or something I’m assuming, were photographed leaving a club earlier this weekend. Positive props, right off the bat?: I’ve gotta say, that shade of pink lipstick really flatters her boy’s complexion. It goes well with his sweaty, already-hungover pallor. Flattering. And impressive. I mean, he’s wearing more of her lipstick than she is, brava.
Incidentally, can you just imagine these two lovebirds all curled up in a dark corner of a seedy club, stumpy limbs entwined and sucking face while intermittently whispering sweet nothings into one another’s ear? I’d imagine it’d go something like this:
Matt: Oh, gurrrl, the way you nibble my lower lip.
Christina: Mmm BEEF. CHICKEN. RIBS.
Matt: I really think we’ve got something real, don’t you? I mean, I know a lot of our time is spent in the dark and under the influence of a lot of fucking booze, but I really think you just GET ME.
(More audible groaning and lip-smacking.)
Christina: NOM NOM NOM. … I’m sorry, you’re getting me what? Did you say ribs, p’raps? BABY BACK RIBS?