Christina and her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, and a friend or a bodyguard or something I’m assuming, were photographed leaving a club earlier this weekend. Positive props, right off the bat?: I’ve gotta say, that shade of pink lipstick really flatters her boy’s complexion. It goes well with his sweaty, already-hungover pallor. Flattering. And impressive. I mean, he’s wearing more of her lipstick than she is, brava.
Incidentally, can you just imagine these two lovebirds all curled up in a dark corner of a seedy club, stumpy limbs entwined and sucking face while intermittently whispering sweet nothings into one another’s ear? I’d imagine it’d go something like this:
Matt: Oh, gurrrl, the way you nibble my lower lip.
Christina: Mmm BEEF. CHICKEN. RIBS.
Matt: I really think we’ve got something real, don’t you? I mean, I know a lot of our time is spent in the dark and under the influence of a lot of fucking booze, but I really think you just GET ME.
(More audible groaning and lip-smacking.)
Christina: NOM NOM NOM. … I’m sorry, you’re getting me what? Did you say ribs, p’raps? BABY BACK RIBS?
Ah, just when you thought X-Tina went and ate her son (What? I thought she had. It’d explain a lot of crap), she appeared in New York City holding his hand and doing her best to avoid being photographed.
With regard to the whole ‘eating her son’ thing, I’m glad to see that Max is just fine. See, sometimes puking after you gorge yourself on a delicious young child has its benefits: you can barely see the chew marks on little man’s hands, AND he’s starting to get some color back into his cheeks! Plus, BAM! Instant weight loss!
Even though girlfriend has appeared in public lately more (maybe?) sober than wasted, she’s still suffering the ill effects of someone who just won’t break up with the bottle. And if you’re wondering what ill effects I’m talking about, just open up a new tab on your browser and head to Facebook. You know Those People – the ones from high school or college that you’re almost shocked to recognize when you realize who it is through all of the facial bloat. The ones who apparently spend all of their free time congregating at their local bar, who look a lot like what Will Smith did when he had an allergic reaction in Hitch.
Woo. Anyway, Christina, I think it’s high time for you to lay off the bottle. It’s really starting to interfere with your looks, chick.
Let’s be super clear about one thing: Christina Aguilera is one hell of a crazy-ass bitch, but the girl can sing. If you think she can’t sing, then you need to get your head/ears checked immediately. You should also consider adopting some sort of small animal, because it’ll teach you how to love and open up your heart and maybe be less of a crazy person yourself.
Now that we’ve sorted that out, listen to this leaked version of her new song, “You Lost Me,” that’s so raw that you can actually hear her say at the 5:17 mark, “Awful.” Like, the girl was listening to herself singing and decided that her ad-libbing sucked and needed to be rerecorded.
Of course it’s not awful at all. In fact, I thought the song was totally beautiful and it reminds me of the stuff she was doing when she really started for find her voice back in the “Stripped” days. Here’s hoping that the rest of her new album is as beautiful as this track and that she continues to showcase her voice rather than continue on the overly-produced path that she headed down on “Bionic”, huh?
We all remember that performance that Christina Aguilera gave at the Super Bowl this year. How she ever so slightly forgot the words to the national anthem. At the time, I just chalked it up to Christina’s issues with booze, but I was wrong. No, Christina was on Ellentoday, and Celebitchy has the transcript, so let’s allow Christina to explain herself:
Ellen: I saw you sing (at the Super Bowl)
Christina: That’s right, I did sing at the Super bowl.
Ellen: I saw it and didn’t see anything. Then it was this huge thing…then I felt stupid that maybe I didn’t know the lyrics.
Christina: I had been singing that song my entire life. I was the youngest anthem singer in my hometown of Pittsburgh, PA. I sang for the “Steelers” when I was this big (as a child.)
Ellen: How old were you?
Christina: I think 7 or 8 years old. I would sing for them. I think had a moment where I was at the “Super bowl” at 30 years old. I took in the moment a little bit too much. Shoot me for appreciating the moment but here I am at the “Super bowl”…singing for a team and in front of the world. And remembering what it was like to be that young and look where I made it now. And then it was like, oh. That night I knew, I just made myself a Trivial Pursuit question…In 2011 what female singer, ya know, flubbed the lyrics. It’s just insane. But I have a really good laugh about it and you get over things. You get back up again and you just prove to yourself and to everyone you that much stronger.
I’m not super good at following Christina’s drunk talk just yet, but is she saying that she messed up the lyrics because she was having too much fun and not because she’d just shotgunned some beers with some Steelers?
What’s the Gay Walk of Fame and how is it different than the actual walk of fame? Well, the Walk of Fame spreads around Grauman’s Chinese Theater and continues for ten blocks or so in either direction and is filled with stars representing every Hollywood legend you can think of. Who receives a star is voted on by a committee, and the celebrity in question actually pays to have the star installed and maintained.
The Gay Walk of Fame is located a couple miles west of the real Walk of Fame and is on Robertson Boulevard, just off of Santa Monica… and it’s in a restaurant/gay bar known as The Abbey. You know, where all of Hollywood’s fruit flies like to go to get their mojito on.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d be pretty freakin’ excited if they gave me my very own cement slab that was built into the ground of one of my top five favorite Los Angeles gay bars, but let’s not pretend like this is an actual honor and not something The Abbey is doing to promote their establishment….
“She definitely doesn’t care — and that is a fact. You know how some people say ‘I don’t care’ and they really do? I can tell you that Christina really doesn’t care…. Like, she told me ‘I know this Bionic record is not going to be a big record because I’m gonna try and do some different things and I don’t know what’s gonna happen but this is what I wanna do…’ She knew that before she recorded one thing.”
Well, we already pretty much knew that Christina, much like the wild honey badger, doesn’t give a shit, but it’s interesting to hear that she predicted that Bionic was going to be a flop. Especially since, upon it’s release, many Lady Gaga fans couldn’t help but note how undifferent (that’s a word now) it was.