I swear, Christina, if I have to tell you one more time to put on some pants, I’m going to lose my cool, I really am. I’m just trying to help you, girl, and believe you me, you’re at a point in your life where you really need all the help you can get.
Now, later we can talk about the possible alcoholism and underlying issues and all that, but for now, Christina, please … the pants. For the love of God, the pants.
October 24, 2011 at 4:30 am by Emily
It’s no secret that Christina Aguilera has been looking kind of rough these days. Something about all the booze just doesn’t flatter her that much. But in these photos where she’s not all made up – or at least not all made up for Christina – I think she looks really great!
Now if she would just put on some pants …
October 19, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Emily
Well, in some ways. They’re both immensely talented when they have their shit together, they’ve both been in the spotlight for a long time, they both get ridiculed for their fluctuating weight, and they’ve both been photographed wasted out of their minds entirely too many times. That’s why these photos of Christina reminded me of Jessica Simpson: the sad drunk face that breaks your heart right before it vomits.
The most important difference between these two ladies though? Jessica has always had some sort of charm about her, I feel. Like I’ve always felt sorry for her and hoped that she’d find her way, but Christina … I’m not wishing anything bad on her, but ugh, what an insufferable bitch.
Do you guys see the similarities here?
Images courtesy of Yeeeah
October 18, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily
Am I jumping the gun with this one? Maybe. But you let me know one other woman who fits this description, just one other woman, and I’ll take it back*.
This former A list female singer and now still a great singer, but more of a hot disheveled mess with lots of money to burn would be a more accurate description. Our singer has been partying a lot. She knows she parties and she knows she has way too much drink many nights of the week. Since her significant other is not any better about partying and can’t trust him to save her if she starts to die during the night, she has a baby monitor that she takes with her wherever she goes. One goes in her room and one goes in the room of her bodyguard. Always. She leaves them on 24 hours a day just in case she forgets to turn it on before she goes to sleep. So, the various bodyguards that have come into her life the past six months or so have heard everything from the craziest loudest fights to the craziest loudest sex, to the craziest loudest snoring from a woman that has ever been heard.
Yeah. Doesn’t that just ooze Christina? Couldn’t you just see her carrying around a little baby monitor, being all “no, you don’t understand, bodyguard, I could die. I could die. You don’t understand. Where’s my boyfriend? Where’s my drink? Waaaaaah!” Because I could. I could so hard.
Any other guesses, or do you think Christina is the obvious answer?
*I’ll never take it back.
October 11, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily
I know I don’t have a lot of good to say about Christina Aguilera, but that’s sort of because there really isn’t a lot of good to say about her (she’s got a great voice, that’s a start), but in this photo, guys, she’s looking pretty good. Not, you know, Emma Watson-good or even Eva Mendes-good, but good as in she isn’t wearing too much of a Lindsay Lohan drunkface these days, and her totally obvious laying-off-the-alcohol is working. She looks far less swollen and her eyes are starting to return to their normal color. The jaundice is almost gone!
Good for you girl, and keep up the great work.
October 6, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah
BITCH. Yup. A FAT BITCH. I couldn’t put that in the headline, because I’m pretty sure our advertisers would have our collective heads on a stake, and I just can’t be responsible for the skewering of Jenn and Emily’s pretty little heads, especially when they’re such nice, wonderful girls.
But truly, Kelly Osbourne called Christina Aguilera a fat bitch, and I love her for it. Not because, you know, I have anything against people of a certain body fat percentage, but because Christina Aguilera railed and railed on Kelly Osbourne for so long about being both fat and disgusting. Sometimes it’s interesting to see people take the opportunity of pointing karma out to their fellow man. It’s not exactly right, but it’s semi-entertaining nonetheless, you know?
On E!’s ‘Fashion Police,’ a conversation between Joan Rivers and Kelly Osbourne transpired, and it kind of went like this:
… After Joan Rivers, 78, said Aguilera looked “stuffed into” a Givenchy LBD at an event in Munich, Germany last month (and likened her to “Snooki’s Scandinavian cousin”), Osbourne chimed in: “Maybe she is just becoming the fat bitch she was born to be. I don’t know. She was a c**t to me. And she bought my house!”
Osbourne’s digs at 30-year-old Aguilera’s fluctuating weight didn’t end there. “She called me fat for so many f***ing years,” Osbourne continued, “so you know what? F**k you! You’re fat too.
There you have it – irony at its best, I suppose, though neither of the girls are particularly gross or fat.
But here’s the bottom line: who’d you rather – Christina or Kelly?