Sadly, even though Chris Hemsworthis in that photo above, I want to focus mainly on Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron here. If Chris had worn a dress, maybe he could have played too. But, as it were, and as you know, the majority of male formal wear is pretty boring, so we’ll just have to appreciate him for the gorgeous creature he is and move on to the ladies’ fashion.
Here’s a shot of Kristen by herself:
And now here’s Charlize:
I’m not sure why both of them felt the need to wear sheer black dresses, but as far as sheer black dresses go, I definitely prefer Charlize’s. It looks way more comfortable and way more classic, which are big pluses for me. Kristen’s dress, meanwhile, is just awful. It’s just a big ol’ mess that looks itchy and is covered in stupid ruffles. However, when it comes to those close-up shots showing hair and makeup, I do like Kristen’s better. Don’t ask me why, hair and makeup are far from my strong suits, but I think Kristen looks really nice here. But then again, I love Charlize’s earrings. Considering everything, I’m going to have to say that Charlize had a better look.
I don’t know if it’s just me and the movies I choose to go see, but it seems like every single time I go to the movies I see the trailer for Snow White and the Huntsman. I saw it both times I went to see The Hunger Games, and I saw it yesterday when I saw Titanic (which was amazing, by the way. We were alone in the theater, so my boyfriend and I reached up to grab Kate Winslet‘s 3D boobs, and I didn’t have to try to be quiet when I sobbed through the last hour of the movie). I’m not complaining at all, except … ok, I am complaining about one thing. I am already far too excited about this movie, and seeing the same trailer over and over again does nothing but to make the wait even more upsetting.
But listen, we’ve just got 30 days until this movie comes out. Or, if you’re like me, more like 34 or 35 days, because I don’t like dealing with crowds and I like to go to the movies during the day. We can totally make it. Unless none of you are excited about this film. Then man, don’t I feel like a dunce?
Not to be super catty or anything, but that poster right there is the first time that I ever thought that Kristen Stewart could match Charlize Theron in the beauty department. I was always like “I thought the queen wanted to kill Snow White because she’s prettier than her, not because she’s some lip-biting hipster.” And I know, I know, Kristen is a beautiful girl in her own right, but … Charlize Theron. Come on.
And here’s a bonus for us all: it’s a new spot for the movie! Check it out, and see if you can figure out what’s so incredibly awesome about it.
That’s a Florence and the Machine song, that’s the incredibly awesome part. Oh, and also Kristen Stewart gives a full out smile. This movie is magic!
Here’s a little something-something to cap your night off: Charlize Theron‘s “exclusive” “leaked sex tape” just for you!
Courtesy of Funny or Die, Charlize stars in her own spoof of a sex tape. And it’s probably one of the best celebrity sex tapes I’ve ever seen, especially when compared to Kim Kardashian‘s or Paris Hilton‘s. If you can’t watch the video, I’ll give you the blow-by-blow – no pun intended.
The video opens with Charlize telling her boyfriend that she hopes no one sees the tape, and that Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton should “move over,” because she’s into some real kinky shit. A CD is put on, featuring the chanting sounds of Gregorian monks (at least that’s what I think they are), and two men on a bed in full bondage attire are shown. Charlize speaks in a guttural grunts, and … and then it’s over. It’s funny, yeah, but it’s also kind of disturbing, and I don’t mean it in a good way.
Just … I don’t know. Just watch the video and you’ll see what I mean. I’m going to have a hard time sleeping tonight, I think.
But really, what a surprise, huh? The last I remember, Charlize Theron was talking shit about grown women wearing Hello Kitty fashion, and now she’s the mother of a little baby boy named Jackson. Crazy.
A rep for the Oscar-winning actress, 36, tells Us Weekly in a Wednesday statement:
“Charlize Theron has adopted a child. She is the proud mom of a healthy baby boy named Jackson.”
According to a source close to the single Young Adult star, little Jackson was born in the United States, and is African-American. Jackson is the first child for Theron.
“She has always wanted to be a mom,” the source tells Us. “She is glad to be able to do it on her own now and is so happy to be a mom.”
The never-married South African beauty split with actor Stuart Townsend in January 2010 after nine years together — and the breakup prompted a whole new chapter in her life.
She told the December 2011 issue of Vogue, “This is the first time [being single] in my life. From the time I was 19, I’ve been in relationships, literally gone from one to the other within a month.”
Let’s be real, the surprise here isn’t the fact that she adopted a child. I don’t know much at all about her other than that she’s really, really pretty, she’s a wonderful actress, and she seems like a good person, and I have no reason whatsoever to doubt that she’d make a great mom. No, the real surprise is that no one knew anything at all about any of this. How weird is that? A woman we’ve never met went and adopted a baby, and I’m like “hey, how come I’m the last to know?” It’s bizarre.
But I’ll stop being weirded out about being weirded out so that I can urge you all to send your very best wishes to Charlize during this new and exciting time in her life. Don’t you guys remember? BABIES.
“I liked Mavis [in Young Adult], but no, I don’t think I need to like my characters. I do think empathy is very important. It’s crucial to understand circumstance and story to grasp the role in a truthful manner. Your characters are like your children: Sometimes they make you proud, and other times, you think, Oh, really?!”
“For the first eight years of my life, I didn’t have front teeth. I was pretty sick as an infant, and antibiotics rotted them.”
“I wanted to be a ballerina, but I was too tall, and I had too many injuries. What I loved as a ballerina was telling stories, and I could also do that with acting, so I eventually moved to L.A.”
Oh, Charlize. Could I possibly adore you any more than I already do?
“I’m pretty amazed by Hello Kitty. I see so many women in their 30s walking around in Hello Kitty shit and nobody is concerned for them. It’s the one iconic teenage symbol that seems okay for women in their 30s? The world seems to not have an issue with it.”
I was going to say that she’s being really judgey here, but I actually kind of get where Charlize is coming from on this one. See, here in the South, and you other Southern people can back me up on this one or else alert me that this is a more national trend, people are really into Looney Tunes. I can’t tell you how many grown ass women I’ve seen in a Tweety Bird shirt, and I’ve honestly seen more than one person with a tattoo of that Tasmanian Devil. I don’t get it, I really, really don’t.
But what do you guys think? Does Charlize need to back off, or do you think there’s something a little off about adults obsessed with things like Hello Kitty?
Unless you’re in a screamo band. In that specific case, your blatant misuse of guyliner might make you look like Jared Leto. (But under-eye mascara will only make you look like Ray Liotta. I’m sorry, but it’s true.)
There. You’re welcome.
Also. I have only a few pet peeves, and here they are: one, men in ponytails. Two, eyeliner-under-the-eye. Three, using a suit jacket as some kind of shawl. Did Charlize not have time to put both arms all the way into the sleeves? Come on.
Yes. Yes, I like those shoes. But it is 36 degrees in New York City today, so put those cute little toes away, Theron. Lady, this is sock weather.
I will accept your apologies, Charlize, but only if they are handwritten and delivered in-person.