Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charlize Theron

The Cast of Snow White and the Huntsman Reads 50 Shades of Grey

And yes, it’s the most magical thing that ever happened. And by “magical,” I mean “hilarious.” And by “hilarious,” I mean “Charlize Theron is one of the coolest ladies in the business and Kristen Stewart actually smiled and laughed in an interview.” This is the power of the sure-to-be classic tome that is 50 Shades of Grey. It’s undeniable at this point, isn’t it?

If this didn’t convince you that Kristen Stewart is perfect for the lead in the movie, then I don’t know what will. Ooh, and maybe Charlize could play Mrs. Robinson, right? She could also play all the other female roles, and Chris Hemsworth could take over all the male roles while Sam Claflin, the completely adorable guy who plays the prince, could take the role of Christian. That way, everyone could just film the movie during the promotion for Snow White and the Huntsman, and it would undoubtedly be better than any mess they’ll end up making in a studio. Wouldn’t you love to see that movie?

Charlize Theron Doesn’t Want to Hear Your Pretentious Sh-t

A photo of Charlize Theron

I always sort of forget how awesome Charlize Theron is. Isn’t that awful? I know that she’s absolutely gorgeous, and I know that she’s an incredible actress. She always gives great interviews, and she seems like a super fun lady in general, but for whatever reason, whenever I think of my favorite ladies, Charlize never comes to mind. Maybe it’s because she usually stays under the radar? I’m not sure, but I do know that I need to change my ways. This interview helped open my eyes to the extreme glory that is Charlize Theron.

From InStyle magazine via Celebitchy:

On aging: “I don’t feel like I’m aging at all. I don’t think about that stuff. Especially not at 36. I see my face and my body changing, and they’re all changes I’m OK with. Part of me understands I may not be in front of the camera forever, and maybe not just because of age, but because of me. I wouldn’t have started my own production company if I didn’t feel that way.”

Becoming a mom: “So far I’m not surprised by anything about being a mom,” she said. “It’s all pretty great, but that’s what I expected.”

On her single status: “I’m always open to a relationship, but I’m not putting those feelers out there now.”

On having adopted son Jackson: Charlize recalled a letter she’d written when she was 8-years-old. “My mother found [it]. It said, ‘Would you please take me to orphanage, so that I can go and adopt a baby?’ I always knew I would adopt – always… It was never a question that one day I would have a child.”

On what she would do if she could switch careers at her current age: “I would be an amazing butler. I’m very good at organizing a house.”

Being a single mother: “You know, I don’t think any mother aims to be a single mum. I didn’t wish for that, but it happened.”

She’s not looking for a husband: “It’s never been a fantasy of mine. Marriage has never been that important to me. I don’t know why exactly. Some might say it’s because my parents didn’t have a good marriage, but I don’t think so. I treat my relationships like marriages. The ceremony isn’t that important to me,” she adds.

She hates pretentious people: “You know what I can’t stand? I hate actors who come and quote Nietzsche. I don’t like pretentious shit. I like being around people who like to live life and understand the value of it. I need to be around people who understand we’re not curing cancer here. I like professional actors who show up, do the job and are not a pain in the ass to either myself or the crew. I don’t believe in this idea that if you’re f-cked up and Method, that’s the only way to do good work. It’s bullshit. A professional actor does their homework beforehand and they do their job. Then when it’s all said and done, they have a beer with the crew. That’s what a professional actor does.”

That’s it. When I have bestie time with Adele and Khloe Kardashian, Charlize is invited. Seriously, how fabulous is this woman?

Who Looked Better at The Snow White and the Huntsman Premiere Last Night?

A photo of Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, and Charlize Theron

Sadly, even though Chris Hemsworth is in that photo above, I want to focus mainly on Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron here. If Chris had worn a dress, maybe he could have played too. But, as it were, and as you know, the majority of male formal wear is pretty boring, so we’ll just have to appreciate him for the gorgeous creature he is and move on to the ladies’ fashion.

Here’s a shot of Kristen by herself:

A photo of Kristen Stewart

And now here’s Charlize:

A photo of Charlize Theron

I’m not sure why both of them felt the need to wear sheer black dresses, but as far as sheer black dresses go, I definitely prefer Charlize’s. It looks way more comfortable and way more classic, which are big pluses for me. Kristen’s dress, meanwhile, is just awful. It’s just a big ol’ mess that looks itchy and is covered in stupid ruffles. However, when it comes to those close-up shots showing hair and makeup, I do like Kristen’s better. Don’t ask me why, hair and makeup are far from my strong suits, but I think Kristen looks really nice here. But then again, I love Charlize’s earrings. Considering everything, I’m going to have to say that Charlize had a better look.

But what do you guys think?

Who looked better?
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I’m Still Too Excited for Snow White and the Huntsman

A photo of Charlize Theron

I don’t know if it’s just me and the movies I choose to go see, but it seems like every single time I go to the movies I see the trailer for Snow White and the Huntsman. I saw it both times I went to see The Hunger Games, and I saw it yesterday when I saw Titanic (which was amazing, by the way. We were alone in the theater, so my boyfriend and I reached up to grab Kate Winslet‘s 3D boobs, and I didn’t have to try to be quiet when I sobbed through the last hour of the movie). I’m not complaining at all, except … ok, I am complaining about one thing. I am already far too excited about this movie, and seeing the same trailer over and over again does nothing but to make the wait even more upsetting.

But listen, we’ve just got 30 days until this movie comes out. Or, if you’re like me, more like 34 or 35 days, because I don’t like dealing with crowds and I like to go to the movies during the day. We can totally make it. Unless none of you are excited about this film. Then man, don’t I feel like a dunce?

To hold us (me?) over, here are some fancy character posters to look at! You can see Charlize Theron up there, and here’s Kristen Stewart:

A photo of Kristen Stewart

Not to be super catty or anything, but that poster right there is the first time that I ever thought that Kristen Stewart could match Charlize Theron in the beauty department. I was always like “I thought the queen wanted to kill Snow White because she’s prettier than her, not because she’s some lip-biting hipster.” And I know, I know, Kristen is a beautiful girl in her own right, but … Charlize Theron. Come on.

And here’s a bonus for us all: it’s a new spot for the movie! Check it out, and see if you can figure out what’s so incredibly awesome about it.

That’s a Florence and the Machine song, that’s the incredibly awesome part. Oh, and also Kristen Stewart gives a full out smile. This movie is magic!

Charlize Theron Has a Sex Tape

Here’s a little something-something to cap your night off: Charlize Theron‘s “exclusive” “leaked sex tape” just for you!

Courtesy of Funny or Die, Charlize stars in her own spoof of a sex tape. And it’s probably one of the best celebrity sex tapes I’ve ever seen, especially when compared to Kim Kardashian‘s or Paris Hilton‘s. If you can’t watch the video, I’ll give you the blow-by-blow – no pun intended.

The video opens with Charlize telling her boyfriend that she hopes no one sees the tape, and that Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton should “move over,” because she’s into some real kinky shit. A CD is put on, featuring the chanting sounds of Gregorian monks (at least that’s what I think they are), and two men on a bed in full bondage attire are shown. Charlize speaks in a guttural grunts, and … and then it’s over. It’s funny, yeah, but it’s also kind of disturbing, and I don’t mean it in a good way.

Just … I don’t know. Just watch the video and you’ll see what I mean. I’m going to have a hard time sleeping tonight, I think.

Surprise! Charlize Theron Is A Mom!

A photo of Charlize Theron

But really, what a surprise, huh? The last I remember, Charlize Theron was talking shit about grown women wearing Hello Kitty fashion, and now she’s the mother of a little baby boy named Jackson. Crazy.

From Us Weekly:

Charlize Theron is now a mom!

A rep for the Oscar-winning actress, 36, tells Us Weekly in a Wednesday statement:

“Charlize Theron has adopted a child.  She is the proud mom of a healthy baby boy named Jackson.”

According to a source close to the single Young Adult star, little Jackson was born in the United States, and is African-American. Jackson is the first child for Theron.

“She has always wanted to be a mom,” the source tells Us. “She is glad to be able to do it on her own now and is so happy to be a mom.”

The never-married South African beauty split with actor Stuart Townsend in January 2010 after nine years together — and the breakup prompted a whole new chapter in her life.

She told the December 2011 issue of Vogue, “This is the first time [being single] in my life. From the time I was 19, I’ve been in relationships, literally gone from one to the other within a month.”

Let’s be real, the surprise here isn’t the fact that she adopted a child. I don’t know much at all about her other than that she’s really, really pretty, she’s a wonderful actress, and she seems like a good person, and I have no reason whatsoever to doubt that she’d make a great mom. No, the real surprise is that no one knew anything at all about any of this. How weird is that? A woman we’ve never met went and adopted a baby, and I’m like “hey, how come I’m the last to know?” It’s bizarre.

But I’ll stop being weirded out about being weirded out so that I can urge you all to send your very best wishes to Charlize during this new and exciting time in her life. Don’t you guys remember? BABIES.

Brad Who? Charlize Rules the Cover of ‘W Magazine’

Photo: Charlize Theron on the February cover of W Magazine

Move over, Brad! W Magazine has another cover model—her name is Charlize Theron, maybe you’ve heard of her?—and she is “bringing the hotness” in ways Brad Pitt can only dream.

Both Brad and Charlize have their own separate covers for W‘s February “Movie Issue,” and if you ask me, Charlize totally wins. Seriously, how good does she look? I ask you.

W‘s Lynn Hirschberg talked to Charlize about her early career, as well as her latest flick, Young Adult. Charlize, in her own words:

“I liked Mavis [in Young Adult], but no, I don’t think I need to like my characters. I do think empathy is very important. It’s crucial to understand circumstance and story to grasp the role in a truthful manner. Your characters are like your children: Sometimes they make you proud, and other times, you think, Oh, really?!”

“For the first eight years of my life, I didn’t have front teeth. I was pretty sick as an infant, and antibiotics rotted them.”

“I wanted to be a ballerina, but I was too tall, and I had too many injuries. What I loved as a ballerina was telling stories, and I could also do that with acting, so I eventually moved to L.A.”

Oh, Charlize. Could I possibly adore you any more than I already do?