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Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen On Being A Grandpa: “My Bucket List Is A Thimble!”

charlie sheen scary movie 5

Crazy ole Charlie Sheen can now be known as Crazy ole Grandpa Charlie now that his 28 year-old daughter, Cassandra Estevez, gave birth to a baby girl (named Luna.) Sheen had Cassandra when he was 19, so you can only imagine the hell Martin Sheen gave him on that day. He probably gave him a very calm speech about how much he disappointed him and a calm speech from Martin Sheen about how much you disappointed him is a million times worse than an angry email from Charlie Sheen about how much you disappointed him.

Anyway, Charlie Sheen is not at all disappointed — he is thrilled! When asked for a comment he said,

I am a liquid form of energy right now. The dragon inside me is full of joy and the thing is, I can’t even — I can’t even control it. Or anything. There’s jubilation in all forms. I see stars — right now, I swear to God — in front of my face, and they’re dancing and they’re saying they want to hold my hand and I’m just laughing, I’m like, “F-CK YOU, STARS I’M A LIQUID DRAGON!” Wait…what was the question?

No, I’m kidding, that’s not what he said. He told TMZ,

It’s impossibly a most wondrous day. My bucket list is a thimble!

So I guess Charlie Sheen’s summer reading has been the Dr. Seuss anthology. Anyway, congrats to Cassandra Estevez, her husband, and their new baby.

Selma Blair Said Eff You To Charlie Sheen

A photo of Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen threw (yet another) temper tantrum — this one about costar Selma Blair — and it was forceful enough to get her to leave. Cruel Intentions bitch is gonnnnnnnne. Nice going, dork. From EOnline:

Selma Blair will not be returning to FX’sAnger Management after a “heated battle” with Sheen, Lionsgate has confirmed.

“We are confirming that Selma Blair will not be returning to Anger Management and we wish her the very best,” the studio said in a statement.

Sheen no longer wanted to work with Blair, who plays his onscreen therapist, after she complained about his work ethic to the show’s executives, according to our sources.

Earlier in the week, our source, who admitted things had “gotten ugly” between the two stars, said that Sheen doesn’t have the exclusive right to fire anyone, but noted that the actor “certainly can make production impossible.”

Anger Management, which is currently shooting its second season, received a 90-episode order from FX after its first season, but has experienced a decline in the ratings in its sophomore outing.

And again, I ask, WHY DOES ANYONE WORK WITH CHARLIE SHEEN? Or even TALK to him?? You WILL get burned. Because he SUCKS.

Charlie Sheen Hates Selma Blair And Wants To Give Mila Kunis $10 Million

selma blair chateau marmont  2013

Charlie Sheen is on the warpath, everyone. After (justifiably but still) flipping out over Farrah Abraham‘s antics, he’s now turning his crazy warlock ass on Selma Blair. Ms. Blair has been acting on his show, Anger Management, but now he wants her fired. And he wants alleged roller-skating super bitch Mila Kunis. From TMZ:

We’re told it all started when Selma complained to “AM” execs that Charlie was a menace to work with — claiming he’s late all the time and has a shoddy work ethic.

Problem is … the actor found out about it and was super pissed. We’re told Charlie felt Selma was out of line considering he’s the star of the show. And he specifically referenced himself learning 40 pages of lines per episode compared to her 2.

But sources close to Sheen tell us the actor did more than just complain … he told everyone HE FIRED SELMA altogether — although it’s unclear how official it was.

Charlie then made it clear to “AM” honchos … if Selma shows up to set Monday — when the show is scheduled to shoot — he’ll refuse to work.

And there’s this … we’re told Charlie now wants to extend an offer to Mila Kunis (a.k.a. Ashton Kutcher‘s GF) for a 10 episode arch … at $1 MILLION per episode.


Oh and Charlie, no way Mila Kunis is coming near your show. She is way out of your league, in celebrity guest star terms.

God I hate this dick.

Oh God The Cringe Part 2: Charlie Sheen Publicly And Angrily Rejects Farrah Abraham

charlie sheen david letterman

Charlie Sheen and Farrah Abraham were sending some flirty, cinge worthy texts about meeting up (but NOT for coffee). I was hoping that the texts were real, and it turns out that they are, because Mr. Sheen found out that Ms. Abraham leaked the texts to TMZ, and he is not okay with it. With the help of an 8th grader, he wrote a very scathing letter. From TMZ:

hey, you desperate guzzler of stagnant douche agua;

I truly do not recall giving you permission to globally reveal any communication between us. congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn.

your daughter must be so proud.

please send my number to middle earth and if allowed, eagerly follow it into said abyss and slam the door behind you. the world will collectively sigh as the pungent memory of you vanishes into the pedestrian troposphere of lame-suck and zero-life.

oh and I’m sure they’ll wave the cover charge when they see your tranny-boobs and five o’clock shadow.


After reading this, I think he’s just as bad as Farrah Abraham. It’s really disappointing this didn’t work out, because they really deserve each other. Let’s use this as a learning experience:

1. Do not share text messages with TMZ.
2. Do not make Charlie Sheen angry.
3. Do not be Farrah Abraham or Charlie Sheen.

Oh God The Cringe: Texts Between Charlie Sheen and Farrah Abraham

charlie sheen machete kills carlos estevez

Charlie Sheen has a passion for getting involved with troubled young women; he’s basically the Princess Diana of our time. Farrah Abraham, determined nobody, following her “f-ck it, what else could go wrong” way of life, decided to reach out to him. For his dong, basically. She texted him suggesting they go out for a “playdate” — WITH their kids, NOT a euphemism — but way to rub it in Sheen’s face that he doesn’t have custody of his kids. She also suggested coffee, to which Sheen replied with the only thing he’s said I’ll ever agree with,

Coffee is for amateurs and grandma.

TMZ has screencaps of the texts. I can’t really read them, the cringe is too extreme. Farrah, girl, calm your texts.




I’m just going to assume these are real, for the sake of entertainment and train wreck potential.

Denise Richards Is Watching Charlie Sheen’s Kids Because She Didn’t Have a Choice

denise richards charlie sheen

Well, that’s nice. Denise Richards may be looking after Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller‘s kids while they’re both too busy snorting coke lines off of public restroom toilet seats and being colossal fuck-ups instead of being parents, but she’s really only doing it because there’s no one else and, you know, she’s got a heart.

From US Weekly:

“You just figure it out because you don’t have a choice. You have these children depending on you,” she explained to Us of how she manages. “You prioritize. I had children because I want to be a parent, and I want to be there for them.”

“I think my biggest challenge is [that] their different activities sometimes overlap,” she added, noting that she tries to attend everything. “I have a good schedule going. You just manage.”

“My situation with Charlie is that we’ve gotten along for quite some time now, and it’s so much better,” she told Us. “There are a lot of feelings and emotions there, but at the end of the day, our daughters benefit from us getting along, and [I do], too.”

“I don’t want to have an unhealthy relationship with him, something toxic with a lot of animosity. Life’s too short for that,” she continued. “We actually enjoy hanging out, and we enjoy being with the kids.”

Huh, well, I guess I’ve gotta hand it to Denise Richards – raising your own kids isn’t easy, but taking on your ex’s when you’re not even together anymore? Danger zone, girl. I wonder if Bob and Max – Mueller’s kids – are ever like, “Yo Denise, where the hell are our parents?” Probably not, but they have to wonder why they’re staying with her.

Charlie Sheen’s Ex Wife And Lindsay Lohan Meet Up In Rehab

charlie sheen lindsay lohan anger management

Charlie Sheen really knows how to bring people together. His ex wife, Brooke Mueller, was recently admitted to The Betty Ford Center. That happens to be where Lindsay Lohan is staying for her mandatory rehabbing. Coincidence?

Apparently Lohan’s already run into Mueller, and no, it wasn’t with her car. Good job, Lohan! You’re getting better already.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan could be getting support from someone who has done cocaine waaaay more than 4 or 5 times … ’cause Brooke Mueller’s in the house!

Sources familiar with cocaine tell TMZ … Brooke and Lindsay are currently staying in the hospital wing at The Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage.  In fact we’re told they’ve already run into each other and exchanged pleasantries … not drugs.

Mueller and Sheen’s children were removed from her home last week due to suspected (and now confirmed) drug abuse, which explains why Mueller is in rehab currently.

I think the most amazing thing about all of this is that Charlie Sheen isn’t in there with him. How is Charlie Sheen not in jail or in rehab right now? How does he get through everything unscathed? And not just unscathed, but celebrated?