0Quotables: Channing Tatum Thinks Rooney Mara’s Real F-cking Weird

“Rooney can get this glazed over like look in her eyes that you’re like, ‘Oh, God! I hope I never see that coming my way.’ She’s the most mousy and terrifying person I’ve ever met. She’s such a little introvert. She’s also the sweetest little thing you’ve ever met.”

This is … ahem, Channing, talking about his co-star in the upcoming drama, ‘The Bitter Pill‘. Rooney plays a housewife that’s addicted to prescription medications, and has a husband (Channing) who’s about to be released from prison. Stressful times, folks. Stressful times.

With regard to Channing’s comments on Rooney, I think it’s safe to say that he’s probably in some big trouble after all this. I mean, Rooney Mara’s a movie star destroyer. Can you imagine what she’d do to the lowly Channing if she knew that he’d been talking some rambling, babbling, frightened shit about her because he was caught up in the moment and thought his remarks would be kept private? I shudder to consider it all.

This is what I want to know, though—is she mousy or is she terrifying? Is she sweet or is she scary? I’m just not quite sure where Channing’s trying to go with this, but there is one thing I’m sure about—Channing Tatum is one of the stupidest f-cking names I’ve ever heard in life. It positively screams, “CONTRIVED STAGE NAME! INSTANT MOVIE STAR—JUST ADD MUSCLES AND MUMBLING!” Seriously, can we forget about Rooney Mara for a hot second and just focus on that for a little while?

June 4, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah

0New BFF Alert: Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum

I don’t know what it is, but Jonah Hill sure has a knack for becoming the best of friends with the dudes he works with. First there was the epic tale of his undeniable romance with Brad Pitt after they worked on Moneyball together, and now there’s the brand new, exciting bromance between Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum, who did the 21 Jump Street movie together.

Seriously, it’s very exciting. It involves nudity even:

While appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live Thursday, Channing Tatum confessed that while filming in Miami, he and his 21 Jump Street costar ditched their cop threads and went for a little dip in the ocean—in their birthday suits.

“We decided to jump in the ocean—naked. It was nighttime, thank God,” Tatum shared.

And the night continued to get even more interesting…

“There’s Jerry’s Deli right on the corner and [Jonah] decides he wants to go in and all he’s got is his T-shirt and his underwear on and he’s like, ‘I’m going in to get something to eat!’ and I’m like, ‘No!’ So I stopped him and [took] him back to the car,” he added. “Now he’s nicknamed ‘Baby Jonah’ because I had to dress him like a mom. I’m like, ‘No, no. Bad Jonah. No. Butt up, butt up. OK.”

Oh, Jonah, what would Brad think? Heartbreaker!

Ok, let’s get real: a couple of weeks ago, when Jonah was getting ready to host Saturday Night Live, Sarah was crushing on him a bit, and I couldn’t have been more on board. I’ve had a crush on Jonah for years, ever since I saw Evan Almighty in theaters and absolutely loved it. I was like “yeah, this guy can be on the list.” He’s just so funny, and that’s a big, big part of what it takes to be attractive to me.

Channing Tatum, on the other hand? I don’t really get it. I mean, of course I get it, but I would definitely choose Jonah over Channing any day of the week, even after seeing The Vow. Honestly, I think it might have something to do with how thick his neck is. Is that weird?

But now that we’ve heard a beautiful little story of skinny dipping and tenderness and the true meaning of friendship, and now that I’ve given you my thoughts on these two dudes, it’s your turn …

March 19, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily

7More Information About Tori Spelling’s Husband’s Penis Than I Care To Know

Ugh. Well, this is nothing like the Channing Tatum dick-burning incident of early 2010.

This weekend, Tori Spelling’s husband, Dean McDermott Tweeted that he was suffering some complications with the catheter that he has to use after getting in a biking accident. According to his Tweets, his catheter slipped out and tore a hole in the tip of his penis. The cut wound up giving him a fever that resulted in a trip to the hospital. OK, gross.

It’s not even that it’s TMI to talk about accidents involving your private parts. Like I said, this isn’t like when Channing Tatum messed up his junk with some burning water. Because Channing Tatum is hot and the thought of him having a penis doesn’t completely offend me. Dean, on the other hand, gives me a serious case of the willies (no pun intended), and to read the play-by-play on penis injury is truly disgusting.

Tori, how can you unleash him on us?

July 6, 2010 at 3:30 pm by Molls

5Channing Tatum Tells Chelsea Handler About His Crispy Dick

The headline pretty much says it all, but in case you needed more backstory… It’s so refreshing to see a hot dude be so comfortable talking about his ween.

February 13, 2010 at 12:27 pm by Molls

9Quotables

“The only way to keep warm was by pouring a mix of boiling water and river water down your suit. We were finally done shooting for the day, and one of the crew guys asks if I want to warm up before I go. I’m like, Nah, I’m good. And then I thought, Why not?  Thing is, he’d forgotten to dilute the kettle water. So he poured scalding water down my suit. And I was trying to pull the suit away from my body to somehow get away from the boiling water, and the more I pulled the suit away, the lower the water went. It just went straight down and pretty much burned the skin off the head of my dick.”

- Channing Tatum telling Details Magazine how he burnt up his wang on the set of The Eagle of the Ninth.

January 12, 2010 at 11:20 am by Molls

9Channing Tatum’s Sexy Stripper Past!

So, I’m flipping through the news and I see a headline mentioning “Channing Tatum” and “striptease.” Because I am so obsessed lately with watching West Wing reruns (and pining for Aaron Sorkin), in my head when I read “Channing Tatum” I thought “Stockard Channing” and then I pictured the West Wing‘s First Lady grinding on a pole, Miley-style. So that was funny.

But not anywhere near as funny as the actual Channing Tatum striptease. Apparently about 10 years ago he worked for an all-male revue (with a strict no-nudity policy). This is just like anything you’d see at a standard Chippendale’s show — definitely sexy, but mostly fun and laughable and good-timey and not at all imbued with the intensity and sexuality of a female strip joint.

But ladies — don’t think you’re going to get a piece of Channing again any time soon. He married his Step Up co-star and longtime girlfriend Jenna Dewan in July.

August 11, 2009 at 11:46 pm by Evil Beet